Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter or Harry Potter related copyrights.
James thrashed and fought against the strong force that was holding him down. No matter how hard he struggled, his restraints only seemed to grasp him tighter. And then, all of a sudden, he felt a cool cloth on his forehead and a calming voice drifted out of the dark sky.
"Potter, relax, settle down, it's ok, everything's fine, shhhh…, calm down, go back to sleep," said the soothing voice.
James relaxed his tense and tired muscles and just lay back. His breathing slowed and returned to normal, but the damp wash cloth did not leave his forehead. Then the cloth mopped his sweaty brow and patted the rest of his face.
How long he had been fighting the force that, in actuality, was the sheets of his bed in the hospital wing, he didn't know. But it had just been a horrible dream he supposed, just a nightmare.
At last the cool hand cloth left his face and the slight weight at the edge of the bed left, causing the old mattress to squeal. And then James opened his eyes. He was in the Hospital Wing and Lily was right next to him, eyeing him worriedly.
"Hey," she whispered into the darkness.
"Hi," he croaked back.
"Go back to sleep Potter, it's nearly three," said Lily in soft tones that James had rarely witnessed aimed at him.
"Did I wake you?" asked James, not wanting to let Lily leave him; his nightmare had really shaken him and although he wasn't on that great of terms with Lily, he didn't want to be alone. He would have nearly considered spilling his guts to Snape had he been there just then and expressed a slight concern for James' welfare.
"Yeah, but it's ok, I hadn't been sleeping well anyways."
"Me neither."
"I know," said Lily with a smile that James couldn't see in the darkness. "You were screaming pretty loudly. Do you want to talk about it?"
"Ok," said James convinced by her voice that sounded eager to help him. He sat up in bed, wincing but not making a sound so as not to seem weak in front of Lily.
Unfortunately, Lily noticed how stiff James was as he sat up; sitting up should be one fluid motion, for James, it was half a dozen disjointed movements. Lily smiled and said, "Hurts like hell doesn't it?"
"You have no idea," James breathed.
"Oh I think I do," said Lily as she turned so that she was in the moonlight and then she lifted up her pajama top so that James could see her bandages; they covered her entire torso.
"Ah," said James. That was all he was capable of at the moment as suddenly every reason why he had liked Lily Evans came flooding back to him.
"Actually it's more like an 'ouch'," said Lily quietly.
Suddenly a thought struck James. "Do you know who, umm, what, attacked you?"
Lily replied calmly, "The werewolf is a 'who'; his name is Remus Lupin; he's a good friend of mine. Perhaps you know him?"
"But he's a werewolf," said James hoping to decipher Lily's feelings about Remus' furry little problem.
"For one night he is," Lily started. "But the next morning he's just Remus again."
"But he attacked you."
"No, Remus didn't attack me, the werewolf did; I believe his name is Moony."
This threw James for a loop. "What did you say?"
"I'm not as dumb as I look Potter. Did you honestly think I wouldn't pick up on all of the clues? I patrolled with Remus for two years; I got more than a little suspicious when he bailed every full moon. Then you call him 'Moony'. I've had a suspicion he was a werewolf for a while now."
"Did you say anything to anyone?" asked James urgently.
"What do you take me for?" asked Lily. "I know what it's like to have secrets and I know how to keep them."
"What secrets do you keep?" scoffed James, not totally over hating Lily.
"There's a lot more to me than meets the eye."
"Like what?" James challenged. "I dare you; tell me one thing about you, that you swear to be true, that will surprise me."
Lily thought for a more and then said, "I ran away from home last summer."
"You what?" spluttered James. To James, running away from home was something kids did when they lived with people like the Blacks; people who could, and would kill you in your sleep without a moment's hesitation. Running away from home was not something that prissy, prefect, know-it-alls who have the world at their fingertips did.
Calmly, Lily repeated herself. "I ran away from home."
"Why?" asked James fearing that there was some type of abuse or something involved.
Lily shrugged as she lay out at the foot of James' bed. "I felt like it I guess. I had been planning it for a while; in fact if Sirius hadn't needed a place to stay this summer I would have never returned home after school ended. My mother knew it too; it's why she let him stay without any argument. She knew that I wouldn't leave as long as Sirius needed somewhere to stay."
"But why? Is your house really that horrible?"
"It's really complicated, but the short story is that I just couldn't bear to be live there for another moment. I needed to get out, do something completely wild and free. So, I did. I packed my stuff and left. I didn't even say good-bye to my parents."
"Did you go back home?"
Lily sighed in defeat. "Yes."
"Why?"
Lily turned her head over to look at James directly, "That's even more complicated than why I left. I guess I missed my sister and having a warm bed every night and knowing that I'd get three square meals everyday. It's amazing the things you take for granted."
"Where did you go?" asked James, confused.
"I lived on the streets of London and Paris and Rome and Dublin and Venice and Prague and Moscow and Copenhagen and St. Petersburg, just about any famous European city you could think of. Every day I apparated to a different city and saw the sights, and at night… well sometimes I found a roof to put over my head, and other times I didn't. Park benches really aren't all that bad."
"You slept on park benches?!"
"And in doorways… sketchy motel things… it's not all that bad in warm, dry weather, but when it rains, it just sucks."
"I can't even imagine."
"No I don't think you can, heir of the biggest fortune in Britain," teased Lily.
"Hey!" protested James. "I saw your house; you can't say a thing to me!"
"That's not my world," said Lily sadly; all lightheartedness was immediately sucked out of the seven foot area in which James and Lily were currently residing. "I think that's why I left. I just wanted to get out. I felt like I was drowning. Have you ever gotten that feeling where you just feel like you're in a cage and you've been trying to unlock it from the inside only to find that the jailor is standing right outside the bars holding the keys just outside your reach, shaking them before you and laughing?" Lily sat up as fast as she could given her condition and regarded James with an intense stare.
"A little bit sometimes," James admitted. "Not like you though, it's just some pressure. You know, from parents, friends… nothing that can't be solved with a good trip on my broomstick."
Lily pulled her knees up against her chest and stroked the bandages that covered her calves absently. "Sometimes I'm afraid that one day, I won't be able to fix it by running off around Europe for a fortnight. That one day I'll wake up and there won't be any hope for me anymore."
"No one is in charge of your destiny except you."
Lily shook her head slowly. "My mother will probably have me married off within months of graduation. I have no hope."
"I don't get it."
"My mother wants to marry me off to some rich guy to increase her own wealth and status. If I don't do what she wants, there is all possibility that she won't allow, well pay, for me to go to school. She's being holding my tuition over my head for years; I basically have to do whatever she wants."
"But school's almost over."
"I want to go to the university."
"That complicates things."
"Ummm," agreed Lily. "The only thing I can hope for right now is that whomever I become engaged to will understand and let me finish school and live as a witch."
"What about your boyfriend?"
"What about him?"
"Is he 'the one'?" asked James while thinking ironically that not long ago he wanted to be the one for Lily.
"Right now, it's looking like it."
"Waiting for another offer to come along?"
"You could say that. But, he said that me being a witch was okay with him, and he would even pay for me to go to school if my parents wouldn't, once we were engaged of course."
"That sucks."
"You could say that again."
"That sucks."
Lily laughed quietly and regarded James curiously. He just gave her a big grin in return. He decided that he liked making her laugh.
"Why don't you tell your mother to sod off and do what you want?"
"I wish. But sadly, there's this little thing called money in my way."
"And there's a little thing called scholarship to get in her way."
"Don't worry about it; I'll figure something out," said Lily as she realized that she had just spilled her inner most secrets, well some of them, to James Potter. She definitely didn't want him to think she was asking him for favors.
"Just promise me something?" asked James, not really listening to the words he was saying until they came out.
"What?"
"Wait for the better offer."
"Why? You got one for me?"
James instantly felt very hot as blood rushed to his face. "N-n-no, just… just promise me, okay? I'd hate to see you throw your life away like that."
Lily smiled to herself in the darkness. "Okay."
A brief comfortable silence came over them until Lily asked, "Weren't you telling me your dream? I'm sorry we got so side-tracked on my miserable existence."
'I'm not' thought James. "Yeah, but I don't really remember it anymore. It seems like you chased it away."
"Yeah right," Lily scoffed. "No need to be a manly man in front of me Potter. There's no one to impress here."
"What? You think I shouldn't try to impress you?"
"No, you can try. By all means, go ahead. I'll just warn you, I am far from being able to be impressed by anyone from the male gender."
"And why is that Miss Evans? Not all of us blokes are all that bad you know."
Lily raised her eyebrow at him though he couldn't see it. "Trust me, you all are."
"And what about your boyfriend?" Why do I keep bringing him up? James wondered. Little did he know that Lily was thinking the same thing.
"He doesn't impress me," replied Lily. "I just tolerate him."
"How gracious of you, your majesty."
"It's the least I can do for my loyal subjects," she joked. "So are you going to tell me your dream or not?"
"Yeah sure. Well, it started out when I was in Diagon Alley. And then suddenly I was attacked by a tiger that was purple and green. The tiger was about to jump on me when it turned into a statue, but it was a furry statue. And then there was this big gust of wind and the fur came off of the statue and blew over to me. It got in my hair and in my mouth and stuff and I started to choke.
"As I was choking the scene changed. All of a sudden I was under water. And then I was drowning. As I was drowning I saw some weird things."
"Like what?" asked Lily softly.
"Like really, just, odd things. Like flying, well swimming, pants going by my head and swarms of angry underwater bees, and there were a few clowns with balloons trying to get me to join them and go to their underwater circus."
Lily silently shook with laughter. "There were clowns?"
"Yes, underwater clowns, quite a bit more scary than just regular clowns," said James, trying to be serious.
"I can only imagine."
"Alright, so anyways, after the terrifying clowns, I was suddenly not underwater anymore. I was in this living room. Somehow I knew it was your living room, but I really don't know what your living room looks like, but it just was your living room."
"Yeah, I get what you're saying, move on."
"Ok, so I was standing in your living room and a lot of people were there. It was you, Remus, Sirius, Alice, Marlene, Peter, Julie and a bunch of other people and they were playing truth or dare?. And it was Sirius' turn. He asked Alice truth? or dare? and she wisely picked truth. He asked her some ridiculous question."
"What was it?" interrupted Lily.
"I think he asked her if she liked to wear war paint on her armpits."
"And what did she say?"
"She said no, she only liked to wear strawberry jam in her ears."
"So what happened next?" asked Lily quietly but eagerly.
James didn't answer at first. He stared off into space for a moment, reliving the next few scenes of his dream until Lily's voice brought him back, "Is this where it got bad?"
"Almost," said James softly. He cleared his throat and continued, "Well, before Alice could take her turn, Remus turned to me and asked me if I had remembered to bring the protective cucumbers."
"The what?"
"I swear to Merlin that he said 'the protective cucumbers'."
"Ok Potter, whatever you say."
"Anyways, after he asked me about the protective cucumbers, I was naturally confused. I said, 'What cucumbers?' And he then said, 'You mean that you didn't bring the protective cucumbers? We're all doomed!' Then the room got deathly quiet and everyone was looking at me. Then all of a sudden, out of the coffee table rose a person who was covered entirely by a black cloak. He stood on top of the table and then held out his hand and somehow summoned his minions. They jumped in through the windows and somersaulted across the floor. Then they stood up and the guy on top of the coffee table pointed at me. They rushed over to me and pined me against the wall, one on each side. With another wave of his hand, the cloaked guy had all of you guys standing between him and me. Without a word he killed just about all of the seventh years, except for the Slytherins of course, cause they weren't there and except for you, and Sirius," said James as the tears began to form behind his eyes. The faces of his friends when they died before his very eyes were so vivid and clear. It had all seemed so real, and with the reports that were flowing into the newspaper every other day, it could be. James, as Head Boy, had already had to comfort a handful of students when they received the horrible letters that told them of a relative's death.
Lily waited patiently for James to continue his story. Finally, he drew in a deep, calming breath, and went on, "So, then the man in black said to me, which do you choose?' He pointed to the two of you. I told him that I couldn't choose between you two, that I chose you both. So then he replied, 'Well then you choose them both for death!' And just as you were falling to the ground; your parents walked in with the Minister of Magic. For some reason they couldn't see the people in black and they thought that I had killed you all. Twenty aurors swarmed the room just as the man in black and his cronies just disappeared into thin air. The surrounded me and carted me off. And then that was where I woke up."
"It was just a dream James, it wasn't real," said Lily quietly.
"I know, but it seemed really real. I had to watch everyone die right in front of my face."
"Just because you forgot to bring the cucumbers," said Lily.
"Yup those darn cucumbers, I never liked them anyways!" said James loudly.
"Shhh…" warned Lily. "Sirius and Remus are sleeping right across from us."
"How are they?" asked James, lowering his voice back down to a whisper.
"Remus is pretty beat up and he feels terrible about everything that happened, but over the course of like four hours, he and Sirius made up.
"Sirius was pretty badly bruised by the Whomping Willow, but he's doing better now and should be released tomorrow afternoon, well I guess that it's actually this afternoon now.
"Remus, I believe, is scheduled to be let free around dinner time tonight."
"And me?" wondered James.
"Madame Pomfrey will probably keep you for another day since you took so long to wake up."
"What do you mean?"
"We've all been in here for more than a day already, today will be the second or third... Wait, let me think about this. This meeting with Dumbledore was on Wednesday… the full moon was Thursday… I woke up yesterday afternoon which was Friday and today is Saturday. Got it."
"You mean I have been out of it for an entire day?" asked James.
"That is exactly what I mean."
"Any other news?"
"Yeah," said Lily. "All four of us have to miss the Hogsmeade trip today and you have a pile of chocolate and 'get well soon' cards at the end of your bed."
"Really?" he asked straining to see if said pile was visible.
"Yeah, and just about every single girl, your entire Quidditch team, and Peter have been in here asking for you constantly. Professor McGonagall is going crazy, I'm told, because of all the girls that are faking injuries and illnesses just to get to the hospital wing to see you, Sirius and Remus."
James smirked to himself, "What's the current story going around about the nature of our injuries?"
"Well fortunately, only a couple of people were actually looking out of any of the windows of the school, and they were rounded up and their memories were modified. So they are now spreading the rumor that they saw a great beast come down out of the sky. Then it stood on the lawn and started to howl or sing or something. Apparently Remus and I were attracted to this music, so we just had to run through the halls. And by the 'Marauder magic' you and Sirius realized what had happened, chased after us and broke the spell we were under while Peter ran to get Dumbledore."
"Well, the running to Dumbledore and the Marauder Magic parts were right," said James happily.
Lily didn't respond for a while. Then she said, "So, illegal animagi?"
James internally winced; he could just feel a lecture coming on. "Yeah."
"Since when?"
"Fifth year."
"Impressive," said Lily curtly.
"We did it to help Remus."
"That's really thoughtful of you guys."
"It was the only way we could think of to help, besides giving him chocolate after the full moon."
Lily wasn't showing any emotion through her voice and James didn't have his glasses on, so even if he could see through the darkness, he wouldn't be able to read her facial features for any hints either. "What if you get bitten?"
Lily actually sounded worried and that surprised James. What he didn't realize was how close she had gotten to being bitten herself.
"We'd never get bitten," boasted James. "We've been animagi for a while now and we're pretty good at it, and besides werewolves don't attack animals, just humans."
"The eight inch long gashes on your side say otherwise," said Lily angrily. "It's amazing that the three of you haven't been torn to shreds by now."
"Usually Remus is pretty manageable with us around, but he goes crazy when he smells humans, so this was our first ever occasion of serious injuries."
"What do you consider serious?"
"Eight inch long gashes," replied James light-heartedly.
"The four of you are all mad," pronounced Lily. "Yet, it's really brave and kind of you guys to stay with Remus. I can't imagine how hard this all is on him."
"He never wanted us to try," said James. "He was afraid something like this would happen."
"He feels terrible," stated Lily as she glanced over to where Remus lay sound asleep in his hospital bed.
"Have you talked to him?"
"Yeah, he has apologized like fifty times now," exaggerated Lily.
"Did he tell you that it would be ok with him if you shunned him for the rest of your life because you found out that he was a werewolf?"
"Yes, and of course I told him that he was being absolutely ridiculous and that I wouldn't ever dream of treating him any differently because I had found out about his…" Lily struggled to find a word to accurately describe the terror that Remus went through during the full moons.
"Furry little problem," supplied James with a toothy grin.
"Furry little problem?"
"That's right," responded James.
"The best you could come up with was furry little problem?"
"Give me a break, I was twelve."
"You've known about this for five years?"
"Actually, Sirius, Peter and I put our heads together and figured it out. Then we confronted Remus about our suspicions and he cracked under pressure."
"So not once during these five years have you been able to provide a more suitable name for this occurrence?"
James shrugged. "What can I say? The name stuck."
Lily laughed softly but then asked a serious question. "So who actually knows about this?"
"Well Dumbledore, the teachers, Pete, Sirius and I…" James' voice trailed off. "And now you."
"Yes," said Lily quietly. "And now me."
Lily's gaze wandered over to where Remus was moaning and tossing in his sleep. She felt so badly for him; she just wanted to hug him and tell him that it was all just a nightmare; he didn't just almost murder or maim three of his only friends; he wasn't a werewolf; it had all been just one bad dream. Unfortunately, Remus' trauma was not as easily solved as James'.
Just then a clock rang out the hour. It was four in the morning. Lily snapped out of her sad reverie and turned back to James.
"We had better get back to bed," she said. "If Madame Pomfrey finds out that I didn't wake her up to fuss all over you as soon as you woke up, she would have a fit."
"You're right," James replied. "Good night Lily, and… and thanks."
"Any time Potter, pleasant dreams," said Lily as she got up from the bed and stiffly walked back over to her own bed across the cold stone floor.
After a few minutes of sheet rustling, comforter adjusting, pillow fluffing and rolling over, James and Lily finally each found their comfort spots and eventually drifted off to sleep.