People are born alone in this world and people will also die alone.
I don't know what made my mind think of this and I don't know where the thought was from. Maybe I read it in a book once or overheard someone saying it. Either way it popped into my mind regardless. I had never really thought of dying; honestly it never even crossed my mind until now. Self-mutilation and drugs have, but never dying.
Dying sounded pretty good to me now. No more pain, no more acting, and no more forced smiles upon my face. Dying sounded more and more like a relief now instead of something being terrifying.
The world that I live in is twisted; resembling more of a masquerade ball than a church dance. It was filled with people wearing masks and dresses, fake giggling and voices, and twirling and dancing that you could tell which was fake and real. I was no exception either. For a long time I had stayed outside those doors that lead into the masquerade, wearing a pretty dress and a mask in hand that I wasn't sure I needed. Why did I need to wear a mask when it was better to be myself?
A bronzed hair, golden eyed prince approached me in a fancy tux wearing a mask like the rest of them. He held out his hand to me and asked me to accompany him on a date. I was mesmerized by this beautiful man and started to put the mask on when he stopped me and told me that I didn't need it.
He took me by the hand and led me through the doors. I was feeling more and more unsure of myself and I kept tripping as we made our way to the dance floor. He would chuckle and hold me close, preventing me from falling flat on my face.
He was distracting me from dancing and held my gaze as he talked. I could see his smooth face and the tenderness in his eyes. He would tell me I'm beautiful and that he loves me as we continued to dance. We held each other close, whispering sweet nothings to each other, and telling each other about ourselves. We would laugh and giggle as we twirled round and round. Soon his family came along and danced with me too. One of his sisters would glare at me, while the other wouldn't shut up about shopping. One of his brothers would tease and make fun of me and I reciprocated in kind, the other kept his distance and looked away from me. His father and mother were both very kind.
They all wore a mask to this ball too I realized. Soon I wanted to fit in and wear that same mask, but they all stopped me when they saw me lifting my mask. I looked around and notice that some people we not wearing their masks, most couples and others single. I reunited with him and we continued to dance. He told me about his dark secret and I told that I still love him. He smiled and we continued to dance while taking breaks on the side while we rested.
We never stopped dancing even when people tried to break us apart. His blond brother that refused to look at me grew anxious and soon broke us apart for a moment. When we came together again, he grew more distant and vague. His mask was growing longer as was his families'. Where his mask once just covered his eyes, it now covered his whole face. He refused to look at me as time went on and he grew skittish too. Our dance was once a fiery tango with our bodies pressed together, now it is a gentle sway of our bodies with our arms stretched out as far as they can go.
Suddenly he stopped and glared. Cruel words spewed from his mouth and he left with his family, leaving me standing in the middle of the dance floor with the people wearing masks of all kinds. I slowly raised my hands and put the long forgotten mask on.
People that knew me because of my mask less face now don't recognize me. I stare at the happy people who remove their masks and talk freely with their lovers. I was soon thrown out the back with my broken mask in place, bleeding from multiple injuries, alone once again.
I was still somewhat clueless to how I got here; bleeding profusely from wounds I couldn't see. I couldn't feel anything below my waist and I was pretty sure an arm can't bend that way. I took a shaky breath in and held it when pain struck me hard. I slowly exhaled when the pain became bearable once again and soon it turned to numbness.
All I remember of how I got here was that my friend Jake found me in our meadow. He confessed his feelings to me and I had refused. He got mad and started to shake violently until fur sprouted from his body. Where he once stood was a giant wolf. The wolf snapped its jaws around my right side and shook me hard like a chew toy. I screamed for dear life until I felt something snap in my lower back when he threw me towards the ground. I laid there gasping for air as the anger slowly left his eyes only to be replaced with horror and disgust. Blood dripped from his gaping muzzle until he ran away into the forest, leaving me to die.
That is when the thought entered my head. Every person is born alone in the world, except for multiples, but even then they can feel loneliness. In the end, you will also die alone, leaving everything behind. The time starts ticking as soon as you are conceived and Death watches over you until he decides it is time for you to join him.
My heart started to ache as I remembered who I was leaving behind. I was leaving my parents and somewhat friends, and I was leaving my second family. Sure they ran out on me, but I still love them.
My breathing was becoming harder and I could feel my heart start to skip. I'm sure my blood is staining the earth, creating new life somewhere. I started to imagine my love, my soul mate as I lay here. I move my head away from the sky and look towards the surrounding forest. I can see my angel walk towards me with sorrow in his golden eyes. Black circles were more pronounced under his eyes and his pale skin was shimmering in the glimpses of light. I knew where I was going my angel didn't believe in. My angel's wings were clipped a long time ago and since then he didn't believe in heaven.
My vision was going black and my eyes were closing as I realized something. Maybe people are not born alone and their other half is being born at the same time. Even if the other half is older, maybe they are feeling more alive than they were before and they have that longing in them that they need to find something or someone. Then I guess people don't die alone either if their other half also dies along with them. This was a thought that needed more time to think upon, but I didn't have that time.
I felt a cool touch trail along my cheek before it cupped my chin before my breathing started to falter until it completely stopped. My heart was trying to keep going until it gave into the pressure of no oxygen and finally skittered and stopped once and for all.
I picked myself up from the ground and removed my broken mask as I realized that I was going to another party where you don't need a mask to fit in, all you need is a pretty white dress and wings to fly in the new style of dance.
I was going to enter the doors until a burning happened in my being and I was being sent back down to the masked masquerade.