Derek was still having trouble comprehending that the next day, his daughter was going to begin chemotherapy. He was going to have to sit in the hospital and watch as they pumped poison into her little body and make her feel sicker than she had ever felt in order to get the cancer out of her body. He knew it was necessary and there was no other choice but he wasn't fully prepared to watch her
go through that.
Meredith had been tiring herself out doing everything that she could to keep everything as normal as possible in the house and Derek could see that it was taking his toll on her and now, the fact that the chemo was going to start the next day was wearing them all down.
"They're all asleep...all three of them." Derek came back into the kitchen where his Mom was sitting at a table in the kitchen flipping through a magazine. He had just gotten home from taking Hunter to school and when he had gone upstairs, Meredith was asleep on their bed with Ava and Zola on either side of her.
"Well all three of them look exhausted." Mrs. Shepherd replied.
"They do." Derek sighed, running a hand through his hair.
"Coffee?" His mother stood.
"Sure."
"Ava has gotten a lot of rest today."
"Arizona said the more she sleeps the better."
"Well then she's doing what she can."
"Yeah."
"What's on your mind?" She knew her son was a million miles away in his mind and all she could do was listen.
"I just can't believe this is all happening...all of our plans..." He breathed.
"Tell God your plans and God laughs...but only because he has a plan of his own for you."
"We were trying for another baby."
"It's not too late...when all of this passes."
"I don't know..." Derek sighed, shaking his head.
"Ava is going to be okay." She signed, rubbing his back.
"It's not fair."
"It doesn't appear that way."
"It's just..."
"What?"
"I would give anything to be able to do this for her...but there isn't a single thing that I can do." He breathed as his mom placed a mug of hot coffee in front of him and sat back down with her own cup.
"I think we all would."
"She was supposed to be okay...she just had a virus..."
"Derek...you are here for the best care and because all of the people that love and care for you are here. You're going to get through it and so is Ava."
"I'm trying really hard to believe that."
"She will be okay." His mother took of a sip of her coffee. "I feel it in my heart."
"She's five...she's supposed to be running around outside playing...riding bikes and scraping her knees...And instead she's getting ready for chemo."
"I wish I had all the answers and I do know that we have to have faith but...this Derek is the first time I don't know exactly what to say." His mother breathed. "I can just do what I do best...and be here."
"I know." Derek took a breath.
"And we're going to get her through this...and she's going to be one strong little girl...and I'll say it even on the toughest day. I'll say it until I am blue in the face but I'm not giving my grandbaby up without a fight."
"We um...we have a lot to figure out."
"What is on the list?"
"Schedules...who's going to be here and who's going to stay at the hospital..."
"Well tomorrow you and Meredith need to be with her. Mark has already said he and Lexie will take Hunter to his first day. I will keep Zola and you will be home before Hunter gets home so I feel like you or Meredith should make sure to pick him up."
"There's a chance Ava will have to be in the hospital overnight...if that happens...can you pick him up?" Derek asked.
"Of course."
"I hope we don't have to stay...they'll be plenty of other times that we'll have to be there for days."
"Well it depends on how she feels."
"Hunter asked me the other day if she was going to die..." Derek looked at his mom.
"Oh wow."
"I...I couldn't lie and tell him no." He whispered.
"Derek..."
"She has cancer...and she's...I have to believe she's going to be fine but..." Derek trailed off.
"You tell him that no matter what she will be taken care of."
"She'll be okay."
"She will."
"It's a lot to comprehend." He sighed.
"You know your father is going to watch over her."
"Hmm."
"And someone will always be around." His mother sat back down after going to get the creamer.
"Thank you Mom."
"And I have to say despite the rough circumstances I adore my grandchildren and love having them close."
"They like being here."
"I enjoyed taking Zola to the grocery with me...she managed to wrap every man in the meat department around her finger with that gorgeous smile." His mother laughed, holding the warm mug firmly in her hand.
"We're going to have to be careful when she gets older." Derek laughed weakly.
"You truly will." She laughed.
"Who knows if we'll have another one now."
"Have you talked to Meredith about this?"
"She has enough on her mind already."
"Well she still has several years before she will be considered even possibly too old to have children. You two were trying so maybe she will appreciate a conversation on the status of that." His mother explained.
"She's trying to take on everything by herself...I don't think adding one more thing to the mix is a good idea."
"I don't think you should resume trying right away but what about a year or two down the road when Ava is fully recovered?" She asked. Carolyn Shepherd knew when she was prying but there were times where she was right to do so.
"I don't know, Mom."
"I'm just saying it can't hurt to have a discussion on where that idea stands."
"I...I don't know."
"Maybe tomorrow after Ava's chemotherapy I can watch her and Zola while you and Meredith take a walk...get some air."
"That would be nice."
"Just because you need a moment to yourselves and I know you won't leave Ava to go out to dinner." His mother suggested. "Although you are more than welcome to do so."
"Thank you...but no."
"And I will put on some chicken soup and make fresh rolls when you leave tomorrow morning."
"Okay." Derek nodded. "Thank you."
"I read its best to try and make sure she eats no matter what."
"We'll see how that goes. It's hard enough right now."
"Well each trip to the grocery store I get anything I can think of because whatever she wants...she gets."
"I don't care what she eats as long as she eats." Derek sighed.
"Honey rolls seem to be her favorite."
"And fish sticks."
"Her favorite food." The older woman laughed as she got up to hug her son.
"Thank you for everything, Mom." Derek breathed.
"Don't thank me...it's what mothers are for."
"I guess that's why Meredith feels like she has to do everything."
"It is."
"I just wish she wouldn't try to take everything on herself." Derek looked down at his coffee mug.
"It's a hard thing for her to do as Meredith let alone as Ava's mother."
"She's completely worn herself out and the chemo hasn't even started..."
"It's going to be very hard on everyone."
"I just...if she's like this now...what's going to happen in a few weeks when we're at the hospital every day?"
"You will take care of each other...and I'll take care the both of you."
"I don't know what we would do without all of your help. "
"You would manage just fine."
"I'm not so sure about that."
"I am."
"I should go upstairs and see how they're doing...and I could use a nap myself." Derek smiled weakly.
"Go rest up son."
"Thanks." He sighed, hugging his mother.
"Now I thnk I hear Zola..."
"That's my cue."
"It is." The older woman laughed, patting her son on the back. "Bring her down here in a bit...I want to kiss those cheeks."
"I will." Derek laughed weakly, leaving the kitchen. The amount of time until Ava's chemo was getting closer and closer with each minute and with each minute Derek was feeling even worse about it. His daughter was five. She wasn't supposed to know what cancer or chemotherapy was. But she did, or she was going to and they were going to have to get through it, luckily with the help and support of his mom and the rest of their family.
And when I feel alone
And I think I can't go on
I hear him sayin' Son you'll be alright
Everything's gonna be alright