When Meredith had taken her little up to the bedroom she and her husband had been sharing, she worried that Ava wouldn't be okay with it. Tonight was trick or treat and as Ava sat on the bed wearing a tutu and leotard, it was clear that her little ballerina wasn't like the other kids. Hunter had gone as a Ninja and Zola had been the pumpkin Meredith had wanted her to be but now they were trick or treating and Ava was lying on the bed next to Meredith. Derek had taken the kids and Meredith had decided to try and distract Ava. They had bought her a ton of candy so she wouldn't feel bad about staying inside and it seemed to work. Since she had just had another one of her treatments the day before and their little girl wasn't feeling that great. So Meredith was going to make her happy, no matter what it took. Ava wouldn't know the difference tonight. "Your nails are very pretty."
"Thanks Mommy." Ava curled up, pulling her knees to her chest.
"Will you take another sip of your juice?" Meredith asked. They hadn't been able to get Ava to eat too much since the day before.
"No."
"Please." Meredith whispered.
"My mouth hurts." Ava whispered.
"What? It does?"
"Yeah." The little girl nodded.
"Open up...let me see." Meredith looked forward.
"Okay..." Ava opened her mouth wide for Meredith.
"Oh Ava." Meredith frowned, noticing the sores in her little girl's mouth. "I have your glass of water too...do you want that?"
"No thank you."
"Fine...but soon you need to try and drink."
"Mommy?"
"Yes?"
"Does my costume look pretty?"
"It looks beautiful." Meredith smiled.
"I was going to say trick and treat...and then do a spin." Ava told her mom.
"You are the best little ballerina."
"I really wanted to go."
"I know." Meredith sighed. She and Derek had debated whether or not to let Ava go but it had been cold outside and the last thing their little girl needed was to get sick.
"And I can't be a ballerina again next year."
"Why not?"
"Cause...I have to be something else."
"Oh of course."
"Like a princess or Barbie."
"I...maybe I could dress up too." Meredith whispered. Dressing up was something she would never do but Ava being sick made her want to do anything to make her little girl smile.
"Really?" Ava's eyes lit up.
"If you want."
"Can I pick your costume?"
"You can."
"Can Daddy go too?"
"Of course." Meredith breathed, pulling Ava closer.
"Okay." Ava curled up to Meredith.
"Ava...are you alright?"
"My tummy feels sick."
"I know." Meredith whispered.
"Yuck." Ava looked up at her mom.
"Yucky." Meredith giggled.
"Yucky tummy."
"Do you need a sick bag?"
"No."
"Okay." Meredith stroked her little girl's hair. As she moved her hand off of Ava's soft blonde haired she fought her hardest not to gasp when she noticed several strands of hair come away with her fingers. She felt a loss of what to do. "Um...we should talk about...school. Are you ready to start your school work?"
"I guess." Ava shrugged her shoulders, curling back up.
"What's wrong Ava?" Meredith took a deep breath, loosening her shoulders up. She had to get more relaxed or her little girl was going to struggle even more. "Tell me."
"Its not fair I don't get to trick or treat."
"I know." Meredith sat up, leaning against the pillow before pulling Ava onto her lap. "I want you to do everything that everyone else does...I want you to go to school and trick or treat and go to the zoo but you're sick Ava and I can't make that go away."
"Why not?"
"Because you're a different kind of sick. Leukemia...it takes a lot of work to fight."
"Oh." Ava sighed.
"But I'm going to stay with you and help you...and I won't ever leave." Meredith breathed, putting her nose against Ava's hair. She just wanted to inhale the sweet smell. "You won't be alone."
"Promise?" The little girl whispered.
"Hmm...I promise."
"Okay...Love you Mommy."
"I love you so much too."
"This much." Ava held her arms as wide as she could.
"That's a lot...but guess what?" Meredith breathed, looking at the nails she had painted for Ava earlier.
"What?"
"I love you even more than that much."
"Me too."
"Oh yeah?" Meredith laughed.
"Yeah." Ava managed a small smile.
"What do you want to do? We can do anything you want right now inside the house...and while laying down."
"I don't know."
"I could put sparkles over your nail polish or we could play with your dolls...I could bring the barbies into the bed."
"Will you play Barbies with me?"
"Sure." Meredith smiled weakly. It was rare that she had the chance to play dolls with Ava and as someone who hadn't done it much as a child she always found it quite odd. "Let me grab them."
"Mommy..."
"Yes?" Meredith turned around as she climbed off of the bed.
"My tummy..."
"Oh...okay." Meredith reached for a plastic bag from the bed side table and crawled back onto the bed. "I'm here."
"Mommy." Ava cried, getting sick into the plastic bag.
"Okay...it's okay." Meredith rubbed her back, holding the bag with her other hand as her child became ill.
"No." Her little girl cried, curling up again and burying her head in the pillows.
"Ava..." Meredith breathed, leaning over.
"I don't like it."
"Me either."
"It hurts."
"I know Ava." Meredith rubbed her back.
"Can I have medicine?" Ava asked.
"Yes." Meredith walked over to the closet where they had put all of her medication on a shelf higher up where the kids couldn't reach. "I can give you something in your line."
"Okay." She sat up a little bit. waiting for Meredith come back with the medicine.
"How about...you sleep in here with Daddy and I?" Meredith asked, not wanting to admit that she was worried.
"Can I?"
"You can...but I need you to try and drink some of your water."
"Is Daddy coming home soon?" Ava asked as Meredith handing her a cup of water.
"Yes." Meredith nodded.
"I bet Zo got lots of candy."
"Probably but Zo can't eat it."
"Can I eat it?"
"Some of it." Meredith giggled. "But you told your Daddy all of the kinds of candy you liked and he bought you each kind."
"But I want more." Ava said as Meredith gave her a dose of medicine.
"Well maybe we can have some tomorrow when your belly is all better."
"Okay."
"And we can watch a princess movie."
"Cinderella?"
"Your favorite." Meredith kissed her cheek. She knew her daughter was off, that cancer was controlling a lot of what was happening and while she hated when Derek pryed into how she was feeling, Meredith would give anything to know what was going on in Ava's head.
"Can we have popcorn?"
"If your tummy is okay."
"Okay."
"Hmm...what are you thinkin'." Meredith asked quietly.
"I'm sleepy." Ava yawned.
"You can close your eyes Ava."
"Mommy?"
"Yes?" Meredith asked, reaching for the comforter to pull over Ava.
"Am I gonna be better soon?" Ava whispered.
"Oh." Meredith breathed, feeling taken back by the child's question. For the first time Meredith knew that Ava understood that she was sick. Her little girl knew that Leukemia wasn't like a cold or a flu. She knew that she was very sick and that killed Meredith inside. "We're going to do everything we can to get you better quick."
"I really don't wanna miss Halloween again."
"I know."
"Am I going to miss Christmas?" Ava sat back up again.
"I...no Ava. I won't let you miss Christmas...and Santa won't either." Meredith tried to explain without her voice cracking. "We will celebrate Christmas wherever you are."
"Kay."
"Are you worried Ava?"
"No."
"Good." Meredith smiled.
"Do I have to go to the hospital again?"
"Yes."
"Oh." Ava sighed, leaning back on the pillows.
"So that the doctors and nurses can help you get better."
"Okay." She curled up and closed her eyes.
"But I'll be with you...promise."
"I love you Mommy."
"I loved you too Ava."
"Night." Ava whispered.
"Goodnight." Meredith whispered softly as she rubbed the little girl's back. She took a deep breath, suddenly feeling like everything was a little too heavy. Ava seemed to understand that she was sick and Meredith hated that. It seemed unfair and now Meredith was left to wonder what had she done, that led Ava to get cancer.