Hey guys! I just wanted to say thank you for the feedback and story alerts! I really hope you guys are liking this. I'm having a ball writing it! ^_^ The Kames fluff and crap is coming veeery soon, so stay tuned! Enjoy.

It had been a tough day, to say the least. Gustavo had forced them all into a cramped room with Mr. X to learn new choreography. For hours. Although James appreciated the physical activity, he was exhausted. To say the least, he hadn't had much to eat that day: an apple and a couple of crackers. But doing that wasn't enough. It was never enough.

Now that it was nearing the end of the day, James was starting to lose his cool. Gustavo had started telling them about a new song they would be singing. From what he was hearing, James hated it.

"It's called 'Princess'." Gustavo told them. "It's about a spoiled, controlling girlfriend that you just can't bear to get rid of because you love her so much." The larger-than-life producer flailed around to emphasize what he was saying. James rolled his eyes.

"Umm, I don't want to cause trouble here, but why do all our songs have to be about girls?" Kendall asked. Gustavo whirled around and pointed at him.

"Dog: quiet! I've stopped using the word 'girl' in song titles. That's going to have to be enough!"

"I kind of agree with Kendall," James spoke up. "There's more to our lives than girls." At that, everybody gasped and stared at him like he was growing a third eye.

"James..." Logan said, incredulous. "Did you really just say that?"

"Yeah, I did," he snapped. "I know sometimes I act like girls are all that matters, but..." But that's just what it was. An act.

"Okay, so that settles it," Gustavo interrupted. "We're singing 'Princess'."

James tossed his hands up, defeated and clearly pissed off, and left the room. Kendall looked at Logan, then Carlos, then Logan again.

"What just happened?" Logan asked.

"Who cares?" Gustavo boomed. "We'll worry about him later! The rest of you: Vocals. Now."

"No!" Kendall stepped forward. Gustavo's eyes widened and his face turned absolutely crimson. Before Kendall could lose his ambition, he continued. "I have to go see if James is okay."

"You can talk to him when we're finished," Gustavo said measuredly through gritted teeth.

"But it's really not like him to lose his cool. Something's got to be wrong." Carlos and Logan glanced at each other. Kendall kind of had a point. But truthfully, he was the only one brave enough to say anything.

Gustavo pounded both fists on the equipment in front of him and stood up abruptly. He began pacing around the room. Kelly sighed and grabbed the microphone, speaking into it, "Kendall, I know you're just being a good friend. But we're under a lot of pressure right now. Griffin wants this song done in three days. It won't take too long, okay?"

Kendall thought about it for a moment and finally nodded. "Okay. Let's hurry up and finish, then."

A couple of hours later, Logan, Kendall, and Carlos returned to apartment 2J. They were all just as exhausted and miffed as James had been earlier, completely worn out from the hours of nonstop practice.

Although Kendall was in an absolutely horrible mood, all he could think about was James' outburst earlier. It bothered him so much. But it also got him thinking: why did singing specifically about girls bother James so much? And what the hell had he meant when he said that girls weren't the only things that mattered to him? All Kendall knew was that he had to go talk to his friend right away. Obviously something was really wrong.

Kendall made his way down the hall and went to turn the knob on the door to James' and his room. He sighed in defeat when he realized that the door was locked.

"Open up, buddy. I want to talk to you," he said firmly, with a light knock on the door.

"I really don't want to talk," came James' muffled reply.

"Come on, please? Something's obviously wrong and I just want to help."

There was a slight shuffling noise and for a moment Kendall thought that James was going to open the door. His heart sank when the room fell silent again. Kendall hated that James didn't want to open up to him about this. He had always thought that they told each other everything. But maybe James had always been holding back. He definitely had been lately.

"Fine," Kendall sighed, giving up. "Yell if you need anything." He didn't mean to sound so pissed off, but frankly, he was pissed off. James and his pride.

About an hour later, James sighed and heaved himself up from where he was laying on his bed. The room had faded into darkness as he laid there thinking, daydreaming. Looking at the clock, James realized how long he'd actually been in his room. He finally decided that he'd had enough downtime after the band's session with Mr. X that day. He made his way into the kitchen to see Kendal, Logan, and Carlos sitting around the dinner table eating Chinese takeout.

"Dude, you have to try these egg rolls. They're seriously the best egg rolls I've ever had," Kendall advised James.

The brunette glanced around the room in an attempt to avoid eye contact with Kendall. "I'm not hungry," he said quietly. Kendall sat there dumbfounded as James pulled a box of tea out of the cupboard.

"You like live on green tea," Kendall snapped, rolling his eyes. James ignored the comment and continued milling around the kitchen. Kendall spoke up again, "Seriously, why won't you eat?"

"I'm honestly just not hungry," James shrugged.

"Okay," Kendall gave in grudgingly, still not completely convinced. James sighed and propped himself up against the counter.

He was definitely glad that Kendall cared enough to have noticed how little he was eating lately. No matter how fucked up it was, James couldn't ignore his crush on the guy. He was basically perfect. Kendall always kept his cool, no matter what. And when everybody else fell apart, he pulled them all back together.

But thinking about his crush just made James feel even more depressed. He felt unworthy of even thinking these things about Kendall, much less hoping that he had any sort of chance.

The harsh sound of the microwave beeping brought James back to reality. He opened the door and grabbed the mug of hot water, dropping a tea bag in and grabbing a seat at the table with the guys. James regretted it as soon as he sat down. The smell of the Chinese food was so tempting. And it got worse when Kendall slid the heaping carton of orange chicken toward James. Kendall knew all of his friend's weaknesses.

"Eat," he said firmly, watching James' every move. The brunette gulped visibly and stared down at the carton. He was so hungry that it hurt. He knew how much he'd regret it if he ate, but this time, he just couldn't stop himself. James picked up a fork that was on the table and began shoveling the orange chicken into his mouth. Soon he was grabbing at other cartons on the table, Carlos and Logan laughing the whole time.

"Look at him go!" Carlos cheered.

"Damn, he's almost as good as you!" Logan poked his friend in the side.

Carlos winked. "Almost."

But Kendall didn't laugh. He didn't smile. He was shocked. James had already eaten more in the past few minutes than Kendall had seen him eat in the past few months. A sickening thought came to him, but he shoved it to the back of his mind. He'd heard about something like this before. Having strange eating habits. Losing large amounts of weight in a short period of time. Eating unusually large amounts of food, and quickly. Kendall didn't want to admit to himself that it was even a possibility for his best friend to have an eating disorder.

Soon James began to slow down, before eventually dropping his fork and chugging the green tea that he'd forgotten about.

"James, dude," Carlos wiggled his eyebrows. "I've got to say; that was impressive." James forced a smile and quickly excused himself, mumbling something about wanting to change into sweats.

He walked as quickly as he could to the bathroom, desperately hoping he wasn't being too obvious. When he was finally in the bathroom, he shut and locked the door. James sank against the wall and allowed himself to slide to the ground. He hugged his knees to his chest and began to cry.

It had happened again. He just couldn't take the pain anymore. He had been absolutely starving, and he had known that that time, green tea alone just wasn't going to cut it.

Now here he was, sobbing so violently that he was practically gasping for breath. It was back: the overwhelming urge, the one that came every time James lost control and binged. He stood up uneasily and headed toward the sink. It was a few moments before the pretty boy looked in the mirror. An intense panic began consuming his thoughts and soon his heart was racing and he broke out in a cold sweat. What if he had gotten even fatter? He didn't think he could take it if he had. James decided that he'd better just suck it up and take a quick look. Like ripping off a band-aid. Squeezing his eyes shut, he pulled his shirt up over his stomach.

Finally, James opened his eyes. The once perfectly pink-tinged cheeks went ghostly white. James had never hated his reflection in the mirror quite as much as he did right then. With an eerie emptiness in his eyes, jaw set in determination, he made a swift movement toward the toilet and knelt in front of it. With absolutely no hesitation, perfectly groomed fingers were jammed down a throat already raw from uncountable similar occurances. Tears pricked the corners of James' eyes and soon all the color had rushed back into his face. Veins protruded from his neck as he heaved the contents of his stomach into the toilet in front of him.

Suddenly, there was a sharp rap on the door that made James freeze like a deer in the headlights. He was slightly relieved when he remembered that the door was locked. But still. It was incredibly likely that whoever had knocked on the door had heard. James didn't say a word; he just sat frozen, gripping onto the sides of the toilet for dear life. The knock came again.

"What," James answered sharply. There was a long pause and finally an answer came.

"James." It was Kendall. James cursed under his breath. Of everybody in their apartment that it could have been, it had the be the one that would, without a doubt, say something about what he had heard.

When there was no reply, Kendall spoke up again. "Let me in, okay?" His tone was curt and it clearly wasn't a question, but an order. But there was a sort of softness in his voice that made James feel slightly better about knowing that he had to open the door. With an enormous sigh, he pushed himself to his feet and hastily wiped away the tears that had strayed down his cheeks. He unlocked the door and opened it a crack. Kendall was staring expectantly, one eyebrow raised. James couldn't bring himself to make eye contact. He realized with horror that he hadn't flushed the toilet, and his eyes widened to the size of dinner plates.

"Can you please go away?" James whispered, feeling tears coming and willing them away with everything he had.

"James," Kendall said desperately. He took a step forward. "Please don't push me away. Tell me what's going on. Please." A few tears silently ran down James' cheek and he nodded slowly.

"Give me a second," he whispered. After shutting the door, he flushed the toilet and rinsed his mouth out. "Okay," James said when he opened the door. Kendall had a gentle, concerned expression on his face that made James relax a little bit. He followed his best friend into their bedroom and watched as he shut the door behind them. Kendall sat down on his bed.

"Come sit with me?" he asked softly. James obeyed, sinking down next to his friend. Kendall immediately placed a hand on the back of James' neck and ran his fingers through his hair. James shivered. They sat there in silence for a few minutes, Kendall never taking his attention off of James. He continued playing with his friend's hair and intertwined their fingers with his other hand, James' tears falling silently.

"You ready to talk?" Kendall pressed gently.

"Well," James whispered. He paused to let his sobs calm a bit. "I have a problem. Obviously. I mean... you heard everything, didn't you?" He met Kendall's gentle gaze. Kendall nodded slowly and drew the brunette closer. A sob wretched through James and he gasped out, "I hate myself so much," squeezing Kendall's hand painfully hard.

Kendall's eyes widened and he murmured a slur of, "No, no, James," pulling him into his lap. He had never thought of himself as being very sensitive or comforting, and he was surprising himself with how gentle he was being. James was hiccuping and gasping and Kendall held him even tighter. He could feel James' hot tears against his neck and it broke his heart. How could James see himself as anything but perfect? He was gorgeous. Everything about him.

"Kendall," James said quietly. The blond pulled back a bit to look his friend in the eyes.

"Yes?"

"I'm so fucked up..." James shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut, a few tears leaking out anyway.

"You're not," Kendall said right away. "Don't ever think that. You know how common it is for people to have... a problem like that." He didn't know why, but he just couldn't bring himself to say the word bulimia. Maybe it would have just made it all seem too real. He would have much preferred telling himself that James was okay, and that he didn't have a single problem.

James shook his head quickly. "No, not because of that. I mean, yeah, that definitely adds to it. But..." he stopped. "You're going to fucking hate me if I tell you. You'll never want to talk to me again, and I can't blame you for that. Because I'm such a fucking freak." James wasn't crying anymore. His tears were replaced by a seriousness that scared Kendall. His face was eerily deadpan.

"I swear on my life," Kendall said slowly and evenly, "that nothing could ever make me stop being your friend. And I am absolutely positive that whatever secret you have isn't as weird as you think it is."

"I'm gay," James said, gaze fixed straight ahead, staring at nothing. Kendall's eyes widened and he glanced down at James, his heart speeding up to what he was sure was a detrimentally fast pace. He suddenly got the urge to kiss James, feel those famous abs, run his hands up his thighs; to touch him. He took in a slow breath through his nose and took in James' sweet scent: the fresh, laundered essence James always had when his Cuda Man Spray wore off, or on the rare occasion that he didn't use it.

Kendall was shaken out of his thoughts when James sighed loudly and pulled away from him. "Told you I'm fucked up," he concluded, standing up.

"N-No, don't go!" Kendall said in a haste, his eyes widening, and he quickly wrapped his arms around James and pulled him back down... accidentally pulling his crush directly onto his lap.

"Oh, wow, I'm sorry..." he mumbled. He pulled his arms off of James so that he could leave, but James didn't get up. Instead he took Kendall's arms and draped them back around himself, leaning his head back onto Kendall's shoulder. James quickly recovered from his sudden wave of solemnity and was back to feeling extremely self-conscious and vulnerable.

Realizing he'd been given a second chance, Kendall spoke up quickly. "That's not fucked up. At all. You'd be surprised how many people are actually gay, but just don't have the balls to admit it to anyone. Or to themselves, for that matter. Please don't hate yourself, okay? You're so beautiful..."

James had to admit, Kendall's comment made him feel quite a bit better. At least he knew that his best friend wasn't going anywhere, even after hearing such taboo and shocking things. He smiled as he remembered a quote he had once heard, "A best friend is someone who knows all about you, and likes you anyways." James definitely felt more at peace. "Thank you," he said quietly.

Kendall answered, "Of course," voice just as soft as his friend's had been. His heart was still racing and he was absolutely at war with himself. Kendall wanted more than anything to tell James exactly how he felt, hold him and tell him that everything would be okay. That he would make it okay. He'd protect James and catch him every time he fell. But he knew that this wasn't exactly the right time. Although it would probably relieve James to hear that he definitely wasn't the only one who wasn't into girls, bombarding him with a confession like that would just add to James' stress and give him one more thing to think about, to worry about. So Kendall decided to hold off on confessing his feelings for James for now.

The two of them sat huddled together for a while. James had made himself comfortable and tucked his head into the crook of Kendall's neck, occasionally feeling the blonde's hair tickle his forehead. His eyes were getting heavy and when Kendall felt that James was practically limp in his arms, he slowly and tenderly scooted back on the bed and laid the gorgeous brunette boy down. James cracked an eye open to see what was going on and Kendall whispered a soft, "Shh, you can sleep. It's okay." James slowly allowed himself to sink into the pillow and shut his eyes.

Kendall sat next to his friend on the bed and lovingly rubbed his back, getting up to leave as quietly as he could as soon as he knew that James was asleep.

For the next few days, Kendall and James were inseperable. Carlos and Logan quickly noticed and decided to go through with their idea to ask about what was going on between the two. It was decided that becase of Logan's more serious nature and his therapist-like ability to make people feel comfortable, he, rather than Carlos, would confront Kendall.

Logan stuck his head into Kendall's and James' room and gently knocked on the open door. James was cuddled up to Kendall, fast asleep. The blond looked toward the door and smiled at Logan, pausing his gentle stroking of James' hair.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Logan asked. Kendall nodded and carefully removed himself from under James. He followed Logan out the door and into the living room. They sat down on the couch and Kendall snuck a questioning look at the his friend.

What's up?" the confused blond asked. Logan took a deep breath, hoping to God that he had chosen the right way to approach this.

"Carlos and I are worried about James," he began. Kendall furrowed his brows.

"Why?" he asked slowly.

"Kendall, come on. He's lost so much weight. And he's just not himself anymore. We can't just avoid this."

The blond nodded after a while. Logan paused, staring intently at the boy in front of him, who was blatantly avoiding eye contact.

"Has he said anything to you?" he asked gently. "I mean, you guys have gotten pretty close lately. You're together all the he's opened up to you about something, or you've opened up to him..."

That was what made Kendall freeze. "Okay, Logan, you can stop bullshitting now. Will you please just cut to the chase?" The brunette felt his cheeks flush a bit at getting caught. But he still had a chance to get at least some information out of his friend.

"Do you have feelings for James?" he asked softly, trying his best not to sound too accusing.

Kendall visibly deflated. He chewed at his bottom lip and stayed silent for a while, but was grateful that Logan was being patient with him.

Finally, the blond opened his mouth and said slowly and measuredly, "Please don't tell anyone."

Even though Logan had predicted that there was something going on between the two, he still felt a bit shocked that it had just been confirmed. "I won't," he smiled at Kendall. "But I really think you should tell him."

"He's way too good for me," the blond said right away, shaking his head furiously. "He doesn't need me. Or want me, for that matter."

"I would be willing to bet that he does." Logan stood up, not wanting to put Kendall through any more of this excruciating little chat. "See you, man," he gave a short wave and headed for Carlos' room.

Kendall didn't get much sleep that night. He couldn't stop thinking about what Logan had said to him. Maybe confessing his feelings to James wasn't such a shot in the dark. Afterall, he had admitted to being gay.