When the blond woke up the next day, James' bed was empty. He laughed to himself and shook his head, struck by how crazy he was about James. Looking at the clock, Kendall realized just how late he'd slept in. It was almost 11:00. He climbed out of bed and pulled open the blinds of the enormous windows in the bedroom. There was a perfect view of the pool from Kendall's and James' room, and just as Kendall suspected, Carlos and Logan were lounging by the pool. He laughed to himself when he saw Katie, who appeared to be having some sort of argument with Mr. Bitters.
But where was James? He hadn't slept in and he wasn't with Logan and Carlos. Kendall didn't quite know why, but he knew that something was wrong. He could feel it. The terrified boy bolted out of his room and into the hallway, where he stopped abruptly.
"James!" Kendall shouted. He stood silently for a moment and listened intently for any stirring in the apartment.
And then he heard it. Muffled coughing, wheezing. Gagging.
Kendall wasn't aware he could move as fast as he did after that. But before he could blink an eye, he had darted toward the bathroom, absolutely positive now that James was in there.
He tried the doorknob, and it came as no surprise when he heard the devastating click, indicating that the door was locked.
"James!" he yelled again. Kendall was trying as hard as he could to keep his composure. But he panicked when he heard more violent wretching, followed by a thump, indicating that something had just hit the floor.
"James!" he cried. "Open the fucking door, please!"
"Kendall," he heard a strained voice.
"Please tell me you're okay," he answered, wringing his hands at his sides. "Please."
"I need help," James said. Kendll brought a hand to his mouth, horrified. But he knew that if he wanted to help James and get him to safety fast, he had to calm down.
"Okay. O-Okay, Jamie, can you unlock the door? Unlock the door for me, Jamie."
"I can't stand up."
"Crawl. Use all your strength, please. I have to get in there so I can help you." Kendall bit his lip and stepped back from the door. He was desperately trying to get his breathing under control. There was a long silence on the other side of the door, and Kendall was about to urge James again to try to get to the door, when he heard the click of the door unlocking. The blond grabbed the doorknob and yanked the door open, his eyes widening in shock at what he saw.
James was curled up against the bathroom counter, eyes glazed and half-lidded, with blood dribbling down his chin. The trickle of crimson continued down his neck and the stain on his white wife-beater was consistently spreading.
In a milli-second, Kendall was knelt down by James' side and pulling the half-conscious boy into his lap. "Don't fall asleep on me, okay?" he said into James' ear. "Stay awake. Tell me what happened."
The brunette blinked up at his friend. "Blood came up this time," he whispered, so quietly that Kendall barely heard him.
"When you were throwing up?" he asked softly, nuzzling his face against James' cheek. The pretty boy (although not at his prettiest) sniffled a bit and then nodded. Suddenly becoming acutely aware that James definitely needed medical attention, Kendall's eyes widened. He jumped to his feet instantly and James whined at the sudden movement.
"Where are you going?" the panicked brunette asked.
"To call an ambulance, before you pass out!" Kenall yelled back from down the hall. James, suddenly full of energy, leaped off the floor and bolted into the kitchen, where Kendall had picked up the phone. It was quickly knocked out of Kendall's hand as he was pushed against the wall.
"What the fuck?" he growled. He4 tried to tug away from the grip James had on him, but the injured boy was surprisingly strong.
"You cannot call an ambulance," James pleaded. "Do you even realize what'll happen to Big Time Rush if everyone finds out that James Diamond has a fucking eating disorder?"
"What's more important: your recovery, your life-" Kendall said with fire in his eyes, "or the band?"
"I think we both know the answer to that." James' voice was dangerously low. The words sent chills down the blond's spine.
"Do you really believe that? That you're not important?" Kendall's gaze softened a bit and he reached up a hand to cup his friend's cheek.
"Yes," James whispered, eyes downcast. His bruising grip on the shoulders in front of him was released, and Kendall took this as his cue to pull the brunette into a protective hug. He bent down a little and slipped an arm under James' legs before carrying him to the couch and gently setting him down.
Kendall had taken no more than two steps toward the kitchen when James cried out, "What are you doing?"
"I'm not calling an ambulance, don't worry," the blond sighed, thoroughly frustrated. "I'm just going to call a health hotline or something. I need to know how to deal with a... situation like this." He walked back toward his friend, who he still looked uneasy and a little scared. "Don't worry, okay?" he said, taking James' hands in his. "Please trust me."
The brunette nodded and watched as Kendall slowly walked into the kitchen and found a phone book. He hastily flipped through the pages until he finally found what he was looking for, picking up the phone and punching in a number. The room was completely silent save for the muffled sound of ringing on the other end of the phone. Suddenly Kendall's eyes lit up and James deflated a bit. Somebody had obviously answered.
"Yeah, hi. Someone close to me had a mishap." The blond glanced over to the couch, then took the phone into the next room and out of earshot of James. He was gone with the phone for a good ten minutes, the sick boy watching in horror as his friend walked back through the kitchen and toward the bathroom. He hadn't flushed and Kendall was obviously aware of this as he shut the door carefully behind him and locked it. James decided not to protest this time. Making a scene would only make things worse.
He waited quietly until he heard the soft voice on the other side of the bathroom door stop. The toilet was flushed and Kendall emerged after a little while, holding the phone and smiling half-heartedly at his friend. He put the phone back in the charger in the kitchen and wet a hand towel with warm water, also getting James a glass of water.
Kendall handed his friend the glass of water and reached for the hem of his stained wife-beater to slip it over his head. He began gently wiping the blood off of James' jaw and neck. "Drink the water, okay? You need to keep hydrated," Kendall instructed. James nodded and watched as his friend headed down to hall toward their bedroom. James, confused and a little lightheaded, took a few sips of the water before setting it on the end table. Soon the blond returned holding a few blankets and a pillow.
"Lay down," he said softly. When James didn't move, just stared straighty ahead, Kendall put both hands on his shoulders and gently laid him down. He tossed a couple of blankets over James and wedged a pillow under his head. For once in his life, the pretty boy wasn't worried about his hair getting messed up. It scared Kendall.
"Scooch over." The blond squeezed onto the couch next to James and snuggled under the blankets with him. "Okay, so they told me some stuff about why you threw up blood." James nodded and Kendall continued, "If the blood that you're throwing up is bright red, then you probably just scratched your throat somehow, or maybe you have a tear in your esophagus. Basically, it's not caused by internal bleeding. But if the blood's dark and tastes really metallic, you could have an ulcer. Or something else seriously wrong with you."
"Mine wasn't that dark," the brunette said, his voice small and strained.
"I know, I went and checked. Thank fucking God, James," Kendall breathed. James swallowed hard and hesitated, hating himself for burdening his best friend with something like this. He finally settled on turning to face Kendall and giving him a small peck on the cheek, something James had always wanted to do. Kendall felt his cheeks burning and his heart sped up.
The kiss gave both boys a surge of excitement and soon the brunette realized how hot his cheeks were, an obvious indication that he was blushing furiously. He quickly turned back around on the couch with his back to Kendall.
He let out a squeak when he felt Kendall's chest press against his back, a long arm wrapping around his waist. James didn't quite know what to do, or what Kendall was doing, for that matter. He stiffened up a bit and the boy who was hugging him laughed quietly.
"I'm big spoon," Kendall said playfully. "You be little spoon."
"Like, spooning?" James asked, his voice barely audible. He had a terrible case of butterflies.
"Yeah." Kendall scooted even closer, if possible, and James was paralyzed. He could feel every inch of Kendall's front against him and it felt absolutely amazing. "If you ever feel like you have to... throw up, come talk to me about it," Kendall said. "Like, if you forget how beautiful you are. I'd be happy to remind you." The brunette could feel Kendall's lips against his ear as he talked and he shivered. James turned his head to look at his friend.
"Thank you," James said softly. The two laid in silence for a while, each basking in the intimacy of just being close to one another.
"James?" the blonde whispered after a little while, his voice trembling slightly.
"Yeah?" James tensed up.
"Look at me." Kendall gently coaxed his friend to turn around in his arms. James shifted around until he was comfortable and then locked gazes with a pair of wide green eyes. Kendall's breath hitched a bit and he was struck by the sheer beauty of the boy in front of him. He knew that what he was about to do was probably a bad idea. He knew that this wasn't the best time to do anything risky, considering the fragile situation. But with James looking at him like that, with those huge, expectant, sad hazel eyes, Kendall couldn't stop himself.
"Can I kiss you?" he whispered. James' brows furrowed slightly and his lip trembled.
"You seriously want to?" He stared at the shirt that the boy in front of him was wearing, not wanting to look in his eyes. Why would Kendall want to kiss him? It didn't make any sense to James and frankly, it scared him a little bit. But as worried and tormented James was, he was hoping to God that Kendall would say that yes, he did want to kiss him. That he had liked him all along and wanted James as much as he wanted Kendall.
"Well, yeah... I really do," Kendall choked out, terrified by what he just did. James hadn't acted too thrilled about his proposal. When the brunette remained silent and continued avoiding eye contact, Kendall nodded slowly. "Okay. I'm sorry."
"Please kiss me," James said quickly. Kendall blinked at him a few times. He brought a hand up to his friend's beautiful face, caressing his cheek lightly. Kendall had kissed lots of girls before, but this was different. If he was being completely honest, he hadn't liked any of those girls, and frankly, hadn't wanted to kiss them.
But he did like James, more than he'd ever liked anyone before. Kendall slowly and cautiously leaned toward James' face until their foreheads were touching. The pretty boy let out a shuddering sigh and then laughed a little at his nerves. Kendall decided that it was the cutest thing he'd ever seen, James all flustered like this, especially because of his amazing ability to remain cool and collected in every situation.
"I'm going to kiss you now," the blonde informed James with a nervous smile. James nodded and leaned in a tiny bit, wanting Kendall to take control of this. After all, it was his idea.
Before he lost his nerve, Kendall closed the distance between them and connected their lips. His hand went to the back of James' head and he deepened the kiss almost right away. He had never felt such electricity, such a spark from kissing before. Kendall couldn't believe how much he wanted James. It seemed like he just couldn't get enough of him.
But Kendall knew that he should probably go easy on the kissing; afterall, this was completely new to both of them. And James was in such a fragile state already. He pulled away and stared into the sparkling hazel eyes.
"Wow," James breathed, content and happy. But then his smile faltered a bit. "Fuck, I probably tasted like puke... Kendall, you didn't have to do that for me. I mean, I guess I was probably being really obvious about liking you. But I'll be okay. I promise. You don't have to do that just to make me feel better."
"James," Kendall said sternly, holding his friend's chin in his hand. "I really, really wanted to. And... you don't know how much it means to me, hearing you say that you like me. I-I like you too. I have for... fuck, I don't know. Months!"
"Why... didn't you say anything?" James whispered.
"I guess I was scared."
"What do you ever have to be afraid of?" The brunette rolled his eyes. Kendall gave a sad smile.
"You'd be surprised."
The two snuggled for a while longer before Kendall helped James get dressed and ready for the day. He agreed not to tell the guys about James' problem, against his good judgment. Both of them were just kind of hoping that things would work themselves out.
Kendall was woken the next morning by the sound of James shouting from somewhere in the apartment, "Kendaaaaall!"
The blond growled and rolled over, staying silent for a few more moments until his friend started yelled, "Come here!"
"What's wrong?" Kendall roared. No answer. He laid his head back on his pillow right before it started up again.
"Kend-ah-hall!" James whined.
The boy currently being summoned threw the covers off of himself and marched into the living room, saying through gritted teeth, "Yed?"
James was laying on the couch and clutching his stomach with Carlos by his side desperately trying to comfort him.
"I don't know what's wrong!" Carlos told Kendall, his eyes wide. "He won't tell me."
"I want Kendall," James said quietly, burying his face in a couch cushion. The tan boy patted his friend on the back, rubbing a bit and standing up.
"He's all yours, man," he told Kendall.
The blond's gaze softened a bit as he sat down beside the whining lump on the couch. As annoying as it was, his whining was pretty fucking adorable.
"What's wrong, buddy?"
"My belly hurts," James complained, his voice muffled by the couch cushion.
"It's probably because you haven't eaten in months," Kendall sighed.
"I've eaten."
"Hardly anything," he pressed. "Want me to make you some breakfast? Toast or something?"
"I'm not hungry." James peeked up at his crush.
"You obviously are, if your stomach hurts so much," Kendall said softly. "Oh, how are you feeling with... well, you know. Any more blood?" The brunette shook his head slowly.
"Blood?" came Logan's voice. Both boy's jumped. "Is... everything okay?"
"Yep," tall blond and eyebrows said quickly. "James and I were wrestling yesterday and there was a little accident. But everything's fine now."
"Uh...huh," Logan replied slowly, seeming very skeptical. "What was with all the yelling earlier?"
"You sure are full of questions today, aren't you?" Kendall raised an eyebrow.
Logan shrugged. "I just care."
"Eveything okay now?" Carlos joined the conversation, clapping a hand on Kendall's shoulder.
"We're good," he smiled. "I'm gonna get James some toast." Kendall stood up and headed for the kitchen.
"Gustavo's going to slaughter me!" Logan groaned, face-palming dramatically.
"Why?" James piped in from where he was curled up on the couch.
"Logan's tone-deaf!" Carlos laughed, receiving a shove from Logan.
"I'm not tone deaf," he insisted as he glared daggers at Carlos. "I've just never had to sing this low before. And you know how Gustavo always threatens to get rid of one of us. Or all of us... we're not that replaceable, are we?"
"Of course not," Kendall answered as he emerged from the kitchen with a plate of dry toast. He handed it to James, saying softly, "Eat."
James took the plate and set it on his chest. He didn't like to think about it, but Logan was right. And if he wanted to avoid death threats from Gustavo today, he knew he had to just suck it up and sing, despite his still-sore throat. James picked up a piece of toast.
"You guys? I really don't feel like getting up today!" he formed his friends. His crush laughed gently and rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, because I really wanted to get out of bed when I woke up to you yelling from in here."
"You're stupid!" James shot back, both boys biting back grins.
"We should probably get going now," Logan told them as he glanced at his watch. "We're supposed to be at the studio in less than ten minutes."
"Let's go!" Kendall clapped his hands together and grabbed one of his hoodies off the back of a kitchen chair from where he'd tossed it the day before.
James groaned and pushed himself up from the couch. "No beauty sleep and no time to make myself pretty? Don't look at me, I'm not decent!"
"You look how you always look, James," Logan scoffed. The brunette let out his signature horrified yelp.
"I always look this horrible?" he demanded. Kendall put an arm around him.
"You look great," he said softly. "Really." James smiled shyly and a rosy tint spread across his cheeks. Logan raised his eyebrows at Carlos, because really: the two couldn't be more obvious.
The second that the four arrived at the studio, Gustavo forced them into the small sound booth. There were extra lyric sheets for 'Princess' resting on a music stand in the corner and James grabbed one for backup.
The song opened with Kendall singing breathily into the microphone, his lips grazing against it. At this point of the song every verse would contradict the one before it: "Release me from your grasp, but baby, pull me right back. You're way too much and I can't get enough."
Hearing Kendall's voice shift into falsetto, seeing him so lost in the song, so in the zone... it sent chills up James' spine. He stared blatantly at the blond, eyes wide and pupils slightly dilated.
He was shaken out of his dazed state when the sound of Gustavo yelling blared through his set of headphones. James cringed and threw them from his head.
"Um, you mind telling me what the hell that was for?" the angry brunette's voice got louder with every word.
"Pay attention!" Gustavo growled. "You just missed your que, and I shouldn't have to keep going back and starting this over for you!"
James visibly wilted and hung his head. "Sorry. It won't happen again." Gustavo stared him down as he put his headphones back on and got ready to sing. Kendall watched as his friend fidgeted, waiting for the music to start. James didn't need to be singled out like this; Kendall wasn't sure if the brunette could handle it.
James took a shaky breath and began with, "Green-eyed, gluttonous. Narcissistic, envious." He tried to subtly clear his throat. "I want to make you my princess." And at the end of the verse, his voice cracked and his hand shot up to cover his mouth.
"What was that?" Gustavo roared.
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't-"
"I can't stand this kid!" he whirled around in his chair and turned off the microphone, ranting to Kelly. She rolled her eyes and pretended to listen. Even though the sound was off, the four guys could make out a few things: "No talent", "hockey head", and "useless." Kendall's brows furrowed in rage when he saw the hurt on James' face.
"How fucking dare..." he was mumbling, racing to the door and yanking it open. The three other boys watched as Kendall turned red in the face yelling something they couldn't understand. He flailed his arms around and then pointed a finger right into Gustavo's chest. Their enormous producer actually looked intimidated and Kelly was standing behind him, arms crossed over her chest. Gustavo turned to her and appeared to be asking her for help, but she shook her head and gestured to Kendall. She walked over to stand next to the blond and both of them stared down Gustavo.
James smiled sadly as Carlos and Logan high-fived each other and laughed at the scene Kendall was creating. After a few moments Kelly turned on the microphone and spoke into it, "I think we're going to cut practice short for today, guys. You can go."
The three guys looked at each other uneasily and then finally loaded into the soundbooth where they were pushed into the hallway by Kelly.