Reviews would be nice.

Another thing: If you guys didn't know, an Emetic is a liquid you get at a drug store that induces vomit, like in the case of a child swallowing poison.

Over the next few weeks, Kendall built James up every chance he got. At first James dismissed it completely, appreciating his boyfriend's effort but not believing a word of it. But when Kendall continued to consistently call James beautiful and hold him and stay by his side, he began to believe.

James' eating had improved quite a bit too. He'd only thrown up 3 times in 2 weeks and the guys were all really proud and supportive. Kendall hid the scale to keep James from obsessing about his weight, and it seemed to be working. James had gained a bit of weight and was starting to get his glow back.

Until one day when James was finishing a bowl of cereal in the kitchen and Carlos greeted him with a big grin on his face. "James! You look so healthy!"

"Umm..." he said, the color draining from his face.

"I'm so happy you've gained weight, you look so much healthier." Carlos patted James on the back. James dropped the spoon he'd been holding, an obnoxious, hollow clang sound ringing through the room.

In seconds James was in the bathroom on his knees, leaning over the toilet. The guys had followed through on getting the lock taken off the bathroom door, so James could only hope that nobody would walk in.

He wasn't so lucky.

"James," Kendall cried, having heard right away, and rushed into the bathroom. He knelt next to his friend, who had a deer-in-the-headlights look on his face, and gently pulled him away from the toilet. Kendall immediately cradled him and whispered soothing words into his hair.

"I hate myself, I hate myself..." James said over and over again.

"No, baby, you're beautiful," Kendall contradicted forcefully. He squeezed James harder and began rocking him. "You have to come to me, okay? You have to come tell me. I want to help you. You're beautiful, baby, everything about you. Inside and out. Please believe me. Please."

James sat in Kendall's arms silently. He wanted to believe it so badly, but when he looked in the mirror, he just couldn't. "I'm gonna go for a walk." James stood up and started to leave.

"You're not going anywhere." Kendall followed and wrapped protective arms around his boyfriend, hugging him from behind.

"Please leave me alone," James said quietly as he detached himself from Kendall's grasp.

"I'm not letting you leave my sight. You're dangerous to yourself right now." Kendall looked really upset and worried and James felt guilty. But not guilty enough to stop himself from throwing up. He wished there was a way that he could throw up without looking like he was doing it on purpose. But... maybe there was.

James sat with Kendall for a few hours, allowing his boyfriend to believe that he was being distracted and calming down. James was an amazing actor. When Kendall finally relaxed and decided that James wasn't dangerous to himself anymore, the brunette ceased the opportunity and left the apartment. He jumped in the car and headed straight for the nearest CVS Pharmacy.

The bell on the door rang loudly through the store as James entered. He cautiously eyed the other shoppers, who glanced up but immediately became absorbed again in whatever they were doing. He hurried toward the drug isle, skimming past the Pepto and Advil and searching desperately.

"Need help finding anything?" a deep male voice startled James out of his thoughts and he turned abruptly toward the man. The clerk was young, a guy of maybe twenty years old with golden hair and muscles. He was hot, anybody would have realized that.

"I-I need an Emetic," James stuttered, becoming even more embarrassed than he already had been because of the gorgeous clerk standing in front of him. He felt a pang of pain in his chest, the feeling of unworthiness flooding over him.

"You in a hurry? If there's an emergency, I can call poison control," the guy offered.

"No," James said loudly and a little too quickly. "I just... m-my little brother... keeps... getting into the medicine cabinet. Just being cautious."

"Okay," the man said, friendly smile on his face in an attempt to ease James' nerves. He knelt next to a shelf and scanned the bottles of medication. Selecting one and pulling it out, he handed it to James. "This look about right?"

James took the bottle and carefully read the label: Enduces vomiting. Call poison control immediately if toxic chemicals are ingested and take as instructed by paramedics. "Yeah, this is good."

"Okay, you ready to check out?" the clerk asked as he stood up and faced James, deliberately holding eye contact. The guy's eyes were a deep brown, endearing and flirty. James thought of a certain set of green eyes, shining with life, and wasn't phased by the clerk's good looks anymore.

"Yup." He followed him up to the register and pulled out his wallet.

"Can I see your ID?" the clerk asked. James nodded and handed over his driver's license, watching as the blond's eyes immediately widened. "James Diamond. I thought I knew you from somewhere. Your band rocks, man!"

"Thanks." James gave a small smile.

"You're a little more shy in person than I thought you'd be."

James blushed and the guy added, "It's not a bad thing, sometimes shy is cute." He winked. James stood silently as he waited to pay, and eventually pulled out the money and handed it to the guy. "I'm Matthew, by the way," he said as he handed James his change and the bottle of meds. "If you ever want to, you know, go for a coffee or something..." He scribbled his number on the back of James' recept and handed it over. James nodded and offered a tight smile.

He must have sat in his car after that for a solid half hour, give or take, reading the info on the bottle of the Emetic over and over. He couldn't believe how smart he was to think of this. It would totally just look like he had the stomach flu. Finally, James shoved the Emetic and receipt deep in the pocket of his jeans and drove as fast as he could back to the Palmwoods.

"James!" Kendall yelled as he ran into the TV room. "What did we just talk about?" James was laying on the couch, red in the face, a bowl on the ground next to him. Kendall had hurried over at the sound of vomiting.

"He's sick, Kendall," Carlos said. He was sitting next to James on the couch with the groaning brunette's feet in his lap. "It's not what you think, really." Kendall's face softened and he rushed to James' side.

"Are you okay?" he asked, stroking his boyfriend's cheek gently. James groaned in response and scrunched his body up into the fetal position. Without warning he leaned forward and heaved, and Kendall was quick to pick up the bowl and hold it in front of him. When he was finished Kendall wiped his James' with the bottom of his own shirt. "Want me to take you to our room?" he asked gently.

"I can't move, it'll make me dizzy," James whined. "Just sit with me."

"Okay. I'll be right back." Kendall hurried around the apartment and then joined James again with a heavy blanket and a glass of water. He covered James with the blanket and handed him the glass of water. "Rinse and spit," Kendall told James, holding the bowl in front of him again. The brunette did as he was told and then rolled over, his back facing Kendall. He groaned quietly and Kendall frowned. He turned to Logan and Carlos. "When did he start throwing up?"

"Well, ever since I woke up. At like 9:00. But I don't know how long before that he started," Carlos answered.

"How long, babe?" Kendall asked James, who groaned in response. "James."

"I don't know," he said quietly. Kendall took a seat on the couch next to James and stroked his back gently. "Can I cuddle with you?" he asked quietly, and his boyfriend nodded.

There was no getting around it: James felt so guilty that it was agonizing. He hated how sweet Kendall was being because he was completely lying to the guy who had to be the most amazing boyfriend in the entire world. But again, to James, that was exactly why he had to keep up the purging. Kendall deserved the perfect guy, somebody beautiful. And how the fuck could James be beautiful if he was fat?

Instead of welcoming Kendall's touch, James shyed away from it. Somehow he began wishing that he hadn't taken so much of the Emetic. He'd practically overdosed on it, and he couldn't deny that he was scared. But not scared enough to stop. It's not like throwing up could kill him... right?

James slowly relaxed into Kendall and started drifting off to sleep, since he had woken up around two in the morning to take the Emetic privately and then had been awake for the rest of the night. He was absolutely exhausted and was out cold in almost no time at all.

"Logan, Carlos?" Kendall asked quietly, "Can you guys come over here?" Both of them headed over to Kendall and James and plopped down on the ground next to the couch.

"Weird, huh?" Carlos said with a gesture toward James. "Do you think something's seriously wrong with him?"

Well..." Logan started, voice somber. "I read up on this a little bit, and sometimes when a person induces vomiting so much... their body's automatic response to food becomes bringing it back up. Like, without even trying to throw up." Both boys' eyes widened and Kendall stood abruptly, James groaning softly but remaining asleep.

"I'm calling an ambulance," Kendall said with more determination in his voice than his two friends had ever heard.

"Kendall," Logan objected, grabbing his arm.

"What!" the blond boomed. James rolled over and sat up abruptly.

"What's going on?" he croaked, voice still raspy from vomit and sleep. Kendall pulled away from Logan roughly and marched toward the kitchen.

"I'm ending this shit once and for all. Finally doing the right thing," came his answer.

"Kendall!" James squeaked, jumping up from the couch and half-running, half-stumbling into the kitchen where Kendall had already snatched up the phone from the charger. "Kendall!"

"What, James!" Kendall whirled around. His nostrils flared and his face was beet red and James stumbled backward a bit. "You wanna make me keep this a secret even longer? Until you're dead? Fuck no, James."

"Kendall, you don't understand, it's... it's probably just a stomach bug..."

"You know what Logan just told me?" Kendall began, stepping closer and getting in James' face. "When a bulimic throws up enough times their body starts bringing back up everything they eat." James' face went white. He realized that he had two choices: tell the truth and completely destroy his and Kendall's relationship, or get sent to the hospital and be stuck in some bed with an IV, only to be sent to some fucking home after. But Kendall's words also made him think. Could that be true? It was scary to think about, but James reassured himself by remembering that he was too fat to even be close to getting sick from his disorder. Only skinny people can die from malnutrition.

James swallowed hard. "I'm fine," he said, voice trembling. A vein was pulsing in Kendall's neck and he looked like he was about to start yelling again, so Logan interjected.

"Kendall." He grabbed his friend by the shoulders and pulled him back a bit. "Come on. Let's wait a couple days. We don't know anything for sure yet." Kendall gave Logan a once-over before his facial expression softened and he took a step toward James, who cowered slightly.

"It's okay, Jamie. Come here." James sank into Kendall's awaiting arms. "I'm just so worried about you."

"You don't have to worry." James nuzzled him. "I'll be okay. I'm getting better. You know I'm getting better." Kendall nodded distractedly.

"I hope so."

"Fuck, Kendall," James gasped, revelling in the feeling of Kendall sucking and biting at his collarbone. Kendall let out a low laugh against James' lips.

"Yes?" he teased. James moaned and reached for the hem of his own shirt. "No, James." Kendall grabbed his hands to stop him.

"What?"

"Let's not do this, okay?" Kendall's heart sank when he saw the hurt look in James' eyes. "Baby, you're sick right now. This isn't really the time for that, you know?"

"But, I mean, we haven't for a while..." James murmured, starting on the buttons on Kendall's flannel shirt.

"James," Kendall warned. "No." James' eyes glazed over as they searched Kendall's face.

"Okay," he whispered. James crawled off of his bed, Kendall still situated there, and stood. He tugged off the tee-shirt he was wearing and headed toward the bathroom. Kendall sat silently, listening as James started the shower. James was extremely fragile right now and the last thing Kendall wanted to do was make him even more insecure by rejecting him. But at the same time, James' fragile state was exactly why the two shouldn't be fooling around.

Kendall growled in frustration and buried his face in a pillow and was instantly overwhelmed with James' scent on the fabric. He felt a pang of something in his chest, not quite sure what it was. But he instantly needed James, craved the feel of his long fingers on his skin, needed to taste him.

In the bathroom, James had started the shower and tossed his shirt on the floor. He stared in the mirror. The emetic had really worked. James had lost all the weight he had gained back and more. But was he still that ugly that Kendall would turn down sex with him? He must have been, because seriously, what guy ever turned down sex?

James remembered what was in his pocket right before he tugged off his jeans: the jeans he wore when he bought the puke meds. He pulled the receipt out of his pocket and stared at Matthew's phone number. Would Matthew ever turn down sex with James? He seemed to be really into him. James sighed. Kendall was the only guy he could ever want. He had to be good enough for Kendall. There was no way James could ever handle it if he wasn't. He pulled his jeans off and hastily shoved the receipt half-into one of the pockets, and then let the jeans fall to the floor. James stepped into the now steamy shower.

Kendall got up from his seat on the bed and headed to the bathroom. He opened the door and watched James' tan figure behind the blurred glass shower door, sighing shakily.

(just so you know, this scene will be continued in the next chapter. chyeah.)