Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter or Harry Potter related copyrights.

So dear readers I didn't promise to update when I received a certain number of reviews and coincidentally I didn't get as many reviews. Therefore I will be reinstating the review policy. I have the next chapter and part of the following chapter written so as soon as I get 20 (yes I'm upping the ante a bit!) reviews I will update! Don't forget to check out the questions at the end of the chapter; I love reading your responses!

"Lily!" roared James in terror as he ran to the open window.

"Look mate," urged Sirius as he restrained James from following Lily out the window.

James followed Sirius' finger and saw a large bird fly off into the night its dark wings silhouetted against the almost full moon.

"I knew she'd be a bird," said Sirius to himself.

"Will someone please explain what is going on?! My best friend just jumped out of a window; someone explain this now!" said Marlene angrily as she stamped her foot.

"Well, obviously, Lily is an animagus, some sort of large bird," began Sirius very slowly.

"I got that part!" snapped Marlene.

James, Sirius, and Peter's heads all swiveled to look at Remus.

Remus, staring off into the distance, quietly uttered, "Not here. Let's go upstairs."

Everyone quietly followed Remus up to the boys' dormitory where he told Alice and Marlene of his "furry little problem." They both reacted well, saying that they would have to think everything over and take it all in but they would still be friends even though they knew about his lycanthropy. Then they other Marauders informed the girls about becoming animagi; both Alice and Marlene were very impressed by their magical abilities as well as their dedication to their friend. Next came the part that James was really interested in, the part about Lily.

"So did anyone know that Lily was an animagus?" asked James.

"You didn't either?" asked Marlene. "Finally something I'm not the last to know!"

"She was better at keeping it a secret than your four with your obvious nicknames and not so subtle comments to one another than you thought no one else understood," commented Alice.

"So you figured out the animagus part but not the werewolf part?" asked Sirius. "Interesting."

"Does Lily know about all of this?" asked Marlene suddenly.

"Yes, yes, now back to Lily's secret," said James impatiently.

"Which one?" scoffed Peter.

"What do you mean?" asked James as he rounded on Peter.

"Just that she seems to have a lot of secrets that's all," said Peter. "Think about it; she always changes the subject, pretends not to listen, or doesn't answer when the conversation is about her. I'm not surprised that no one knew she was an animagus."

"But Padfoot knew," said James.

"I only guessed," Sirius contradicted him. "I wasn't sure. All I knew was that Lily avoided all conversation of animagus forms at the Quidditch game and then one full moon I smelled her in the woods. She claimed that she hadn't been there, but my nose doesn't lie. I have also read sections of her diary."

"Makes you wonder what else she's hiding," murmured Marlene.

"In her defense I have been hiding a big secret too," said Remus.

"But do you have any more secrets?" asked Alice. When Remus shook his head she continued, "I'll bet Lily has tons. I bet she doesn't even go and make Potions for Slughorn on Saturday mornings. She's probably been lying to us for years. We're so stupid!"

"No, she's just a remarkable liar," said Marlene fiercely.

"When do you think she'll come back?" James wondered as she stared out at the empty sky.

"You never know with her," said Marlene bitterly. "She can only face confrontation head-on when it's her own terms; she has trouble dealing with something forced upon her."

"She likes to think things through," said Alice. "So I assume once she's done that she'll be back."

"I can almost understand her not telling the rest of us, but you James? It doesn't make sense," said Marlene.

"It makes perfect sense to me," said James. "She only ever lets me in in bits and pieces. She's scared to let anyone in too much; she's been disappointed far too often in her life to depend on other people."

Everyone stood in silence for a few moments thinking about their absent friend.

"Does anyone know where Lily is spending her vacation? How about where she's going after graduation? Did she tell anyone what career she plans on pursuing? She didn't tell me any of these things, but she knows my answers to all of those questions," James thought aloud.

"You're right James," said Marlene. "She does know everything about me, but I don't know anything about her."

"That's more than a little exaggeration," said Sirius. "So she can ramble off a few facts about each of us, big deal. Lily just doesn't share those shallow facts about herself; that doesn't mean we don't know her. And she doesn't know any of us inside out; we're all too complex for one person to understand us completely. She's just a lot harder to fathom than most because she's been through more than any of you can imagine.

"Remus and I understand because we're just like her, just not quite as private. You guys don't understand, can't understand because you haven't been through the same kind of shit the three of us have had to deal with. You all stared at me in shock at that Quidditch game when I accurately pegged Lily as a bird because you didn't think I was capable of having such deep insight to another person's psyche, but really it wasn't insight into her personality, but a little bit of my own, the part that sympathizes with her.

"So just shut up about not knowing Lily because she does the best she can. As James pointed out, she has a problem letting people in. She's been hurt, scarred and she's afraid to let go of her carefully balanced control. When she's ready she'll tell you; so just leave her alone until then."

The occupants of the room digested what Sirius had said and then nodded slowly in assent.

"Okay," said James hesitantly. "You're right Sirius. There's no sense in worrying about her now; she can take care of herself. Let's all just go to bed; I think we all have a lot to think about."

The others agreed; the girls left and the boys prepared for bed. Soon the Marauders were all back in their old beds and filled with content, at least in that regard, they all drifted off to sleep.

Two hours later, around two in the morning, James was awoken by a familiar face. Well at least he thought the face was familiar; he couldn't really tell because he didn't have his glasses on.

"Lily?" he asked sleepily as he reached for his glasses.

"Yeah," she whispered back. "Can I ask you for a favor?"

"Anything," promised James as he sat up.

"Make love to me," requested Lily in a throaty whisper.

"What?!" asked James in shock.

"You heard me," said Lily as she pulled her shirt over her head.

James was still in shock as she climbed into his bed, on top of him, pushing him back into the pillows.

"Are you drunk?" he asked as her cold fingers wandered underneath his tee-shirt and over the planes of his chest and her mouth explored his neck.

"No," she answered swiftly before she resumed her activities.

When James failed to react to her advances, Lily lifted herself up so that she was hovering right above her boyfriend. "Come on James; I know you want this."

Groaning James quickly flipped them over so that he was on top of her. "I don't know what is wrong with you, but you need to stop because I have always been a gentleman towards you before but I don't know how much longer I can hold out when you look at me like that, and I can't bloody think straight! But Lily, we agreed that we weren't ready to have sex, and we both know that this is not how you would want your first time to go. We're still in school; this is my bed in my dormitory where my best mates are sleeping only a few meters away. I don't know what's gotten in to you, but really I'm going to give in to my hormones any minute now because you are too bloody attractive for your own good."

"I love you," said Lily softly.

"That's really not helping the situation right now," said James tensely as he tried with all his willpower to focus his thoughts on something other than the lacy bra his girlfriend was flaunting right in front of his face.

Lily slowly stroked the tense muscles of James' arms that were on either side of her head and said, "Really, you are the best boyfriend I have ever heard of; I don't deserve someone like you."

"I think we need to talk Lily," said James as he rolled over onto his back so that he and Lily were just barely touching. "And I also think you need to put a shirt on before I change my mind."

"I don't know where I threw it," said Lily as she leaned over the side of the bed trying to see where her shirt had landed.

"Here just take mine," James offered quickly. He really was going to lose control soon; it was a miracle he had lasted as long as he had.

"Fine, what do you want to talk about?" Lily asked in resignation as she rolled onto her side and leaned her head on her palm.

"How about the fact that you didn't tell anyone you're an animagus," suggested James as he leaned on his side and faced her.

Lily sighed. "You know I can't tell anyone about my special abilities."

"No," snapped James. "I know that you can't tell anyone else about your abilities and I know that you can tell me."

"I don't think you understand how dangerous it was for me to even tell you as much as I did. Dumbledore suggested that I confide in someone, but he warned me not to reveal too much. There are people out there whose sole purpose in life is to find the Guardians and take their power."

"What do you mean they can take your power?"

Lily cast several silencing charms around James' bed before she continued. "All wizards are born with magical abilities; they may be latent for several years but they exist from the conception of the baby. There are many theories about this, but the oldest one is that magic runs through the blood. This is supported by the numerous potions and rituals, both dark and light, that employ blood as an agent of magic. This was the start of the belief in "pure blood" and "dirty blood."

"So obviously magic cannot be separated from an ordinary wizard; the only way to do it would be to drain a wizard of all of his blood, which obviously means death. In contrast Guardians have normal magical abilities until birth when well… the best way to describe it is that they are infused with a second soul. It is kind of like the Hindu beliefs in reincarnation except that instead of just one person being born over and over again each time a Guardian dies their spirit lives on in the communal spirit. So when I die the next person in line will have all of my greatest achievements."

"What kind of achievements?"

"I told you this before, it's not like having the twelve uses of dragon blood memorized; it's like coming up with the twelve uses of dragon's blood. Dumbledore played a big role in the research of dragon's blood and his successor will know all that research as if he did it himself. The successor will know that there are actually fourteen uses for dragon blood, but two of the uses are too dangerous for the public to know.

"It's stuff like that, knowledge hidden from all those who can't handle it that drives the anti-Guardians, we call them the Assailants and they call themselves the Lords, to hunt us down."

"You still haven't explained how they can steal your power," James pointed out.

"I'm getting there," replied Lily. "So this spirit is not as tightly bound to the Guardians as normal magic is. It's like the difference between tying a knot and tying a bow; the knot stays no matter how hard you tug at the ends, but with a little effort the bow can be undone."

"Is it easy?"

Lily grimaced. "The power cannot be stolen; the Guardian has to willfully give it up."

"Who would give it up?"

"Someone who is being tortured until they can no longer stand it. Do you remember that day I had that really bad headache in Defense? That was because a Guardian was killed that day. It hurt me because we are all connected and when one of us dies or another is born it causes a major shift in the magical flow. Anyway, he had been discovered by the Assailants and was tortured to death because he refused to give up his power. The Assailants are merciless and totally absorbed with acquiring the power of a Guardian. A few have accomplished it in the past and it never ended well."

"Is Voldemort an Assailant?"

"No, it's a hereditary group, kind of like the Guardians except we pass on membership randomly and they progress from father to son. Voldemort's father was a muggle, so he couldn't possibly be an Assailant," Lily explained. James sighed in relief until Lily continued, "That doesn't mean that he isn't working with any. I'm also nearly positive that he has a few Guardians on his side."

"Snape," spat James.

"And Richard Gills," added Lily. "And Richard's mentor from his American boarding school Winston Reynolds. Possibly one other from Britain, and due to Reynolds' influence as a Guardian possibly several from other countries as well. Dumbledore isn't quite sure of the extent of Voldemort's association with the Guardians. However, if he is working with the Assailants then his connection with them is limited because there is no way he would have any support from Guardians if they knew he was working with Assailants. All Guardians have a hatred for the Assailants that is almost as deep and intuitive as the Guardian magic itself. So, fortunately for us it's unlikely that Voldemort will get his hands on any Guardian powers."

"What is it that you guys do again?"

"Magical energy exists in two forms. A wizard takes it in when it's in its usable form and when he uses a spell he releases it in a new form. This form can't be used by wizards, it has to be recycled back to its usable form. Guardians are able to absorb magic in its used form and convert it to the usable form. This was started at the very beginning of magic by Merlin and other great wizards around the world. They had noticed that their magical abilities were waning, and ultimately they figured out the reason and formed the Guardians. They refused to share their knowledge of how to recycle magic because they had realized that they were much more powerful with that ability and didn't want to share. And because I know you're going to ask, Guardians are much more powerful because we absorb more energy than we expend, giving us more magic to work with. More magic lets us perform more complicated spells. I shouldn't be telling you this, you really do know too much already," said Lily.

"I don't think a little bit more information will kill me," said James in jest.

"You don't understand, it could kill you. Voldemort knows that I am one of the Guardians, whether from Snape or Gills I don't know. He also knows that I'm dating you because I'm sure that he has spies in Hogwarts, or at least his follower can get information for him from their children. If he knew that you knew that I'm a Guardian it would make you even more of a target than you already are. Voldemort won't hesitate to torture and murder you for information and neither will the Assailants if they discover you. I haven't stopped regretting that I've told you anything since that day I told you."

"Why?" asked James in alarm.

"Because it's possible that I've sentenced you to your death by telling you. And I have to ask for a favor."

"What?" asked James wearily, afraid that she was going to erase his memories of anything she had told him.

"If they do find you, you can't tell them anything, even if they torture you. I hate having to ask that of you because it shouldn't be your burden to bear. If it wasn't so vitally important I wouldn't ask you to remain silent to your death," said Lily very softly as tears gathered in her eyes. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm not," said James sincerely.

"You should be; you should hate me for giving you this burden," Lily uttered emphatically.

"But I don't," said James. "I don't mind sharing this burden with you; I love you and want to know you better than I know myself."

Lily looked at him sharply, "You don't want to know me that well; I don't want to know me that well."

"Why won't you let me in Lily?" asked James in frustration. "I don't care about your flaws; I love you more because of them. I'm not going to let you down."

"I trust you James, honestly I do, but there are ugly parts of me. I don't mean that part that loves toying with men's feelings; I mean the part of me that could kill a person."

"You couldn't kill a fly," said James firmly.

"See, you don't understand!" cried Lily. "I know spells that could tear you apart atom by atom and certain parts of me would enjoy it! I can never get too angry or scared because if I let myself go I could do so much destruction without even really meaning to. That time I went up against Remus, I wasn't an animagus at the time, if I had unleashed my true potential I would have killed him and probably you and Sirius too. I'm not all good James; in fact, a huge portion of me is very very sadistic and evil."

"That is inherited evil. You don't have to let yourself be a slave to that side of you; in fact you control it extremely well."

"That doesn't mean there isn't the potential monster inside of me."

"Remus has a potential monster inside of him as well," said James as he gazed in the general direction of where he knew Remus was sleeping. "Yet, you have accepted him as a good person without question. Why can't you accept yourself that same way?"

"If you can believe it, I used to hate myself a whole lot more than I do now. It was you who made me see that I was worth being loved," whispered lily as she gazed deeply into the eyes of the man who had saved her from herself. "I don't know what I would have done if you had really given up on me."

"I tried and I couldn't do it," admitted James. "There has always been something about you I have been drawn to, like a magnet."

"I love you James, so much, and I owe you my life."

"We can call it even because I am extremely indebted to you as well. You made me grow up and I will never be able to repay you for that."

"I think we should just call it even," said Lily with a little smile.

"Okay," said James softly. "So what is your animagus form exactly? I know it's a bird…"

"Peregrin falcon," she answered with a proud smile.

"Since when?" asked James.

"February, not long after your birthday," she said. "Severus and I both finally got it. We had been working on it since last March, almost a whole year."

James felt like someone had punched him in the gut. She had been working with Snape, sharing this experience with only him, only Snape. He was the only who knew. Snape and not him.

Lily didn't miss the painful expression that had crossed James' face. "I wouldn't have told him on my own; he only knows because he was there. You don't know how many times I wanted to tell you…"

"But you didn't," he accused. "Why?"

Lily frowned as she said, "It never seemed the right time. And like I said before, I think you know too much already."

James groaned and rolled back onto his back, staring at the red canopy above his bed. Lily crawled over to him and laid her head and hands on top of his chest. She looked at him quizzically, waiting for an explanation.

"I hate it when you say that," said James. "I wouldn't ask if I didn't want to know."

"I've told you more about myself than I've told anyone else outside of my family," said Lily defensively.

"Then why does Sirius know more about you than I do," James challenged her as he sat up, jostling her.

Lily sat up too and said in confusion, "He doesn't."

"It always seems like he does."

"He and I just have a lot in common. We had a few in depth conversations when he stayed at my house over the summer, and he got some first-hand knowledge of what my home life is like. Don't be jealous."

Avoiding the jealously comment James said, "Speaking of your home, what are you doing over vacation? Sirius, Remus, and I always go to my family's house in Italy and my mum said it would be okay for you to come too if you wanted."

"I doubt I'll be able to," said Lily slowly. "I'm sure Clarice has some sort of torment planned for me every second of the holiday. But if I have a free moment you can be sure that I will be there."

"Moving on to your parents, when do I get to meet them?" he asked as he reached forward and ran his fingers through her hair.

"Why would you want to meet my parents?" asked Lily as if the question was absolutely ridiculous.

"What do you mean?" asked James who was just as confused as Lily was.

"You have already met Daisy, Benjy and the rest of my friends; they are the only ones whose opinions actually matter to me."

"I met all of those people before we started dating and Daisy yelled at me the whole time. You met my parents, why can't I meet yours?"

"I don't want you to."

"Why not?"

"I just don't," said Lily evasively.

"There has to be a reason."

"No there doesn't."

"Why won't you tell me?" persisted James.

"Because there is no reason."

"Don't lie to me Lily."

"I just don't want you to, okay?"

"No not okay. I want to know why."

"I don't want to tell you why."

"So there is a reason."

"Can we please talk about something else?"

"No," said James stubbornly.

"You aren't going to like it," mumbled Lily.

"Try me."

"I can't bring you home to meet my parents because they think that I broke up with you in January."

"You told them what?!" James asked in outrage.

"They didn't want me dating a wizard! And Clarice is still planning on marrying me off after graduation; she thinks she holds the trump card by threatening Daisy's education."

"You wouldn't introduce me to your parents even if you were allowed to would you?" asked James as he looked at his girlfriend with an uncharacteristic cold gaze.

She couldn't meet his gaze.

"That's what I thought," said James as he jerked his hand away from her. "Why is it that I always give everything I have to this relationship and you give nothing?!"

"That's not true!" exclaimed Lily.

"Isn't it? I was afraid to bring you home to meet my parents, but I did it anyways."

"Your mother invited me to your house to meet her; you avoided asking me to that party for months!"

Dumbfounded James spluttered, "But I still wanted you to come! You don't even want me there! You're probably just going to cheat on me anyways."

Although his last sentence was mumbled, Lily heard it loud and clear as if he had shouted it at her. His words stung her like knives piercing her heart.

"Well if that's the case I may as well break up with you now so that you won't have to worry about that!" snapped Lily.

James' angry face crumpled. "You're what?"

"Breaking up with you! It's over!" Lily jumped off of James' bed and fled his room, going through the window again.

"She broke up with me?" James asked the darkness in a disbelieving whisper.

A/N. Surprised?

What do you think will happen next?

What do you want to happen next?

Whose side are you on? Is James right or is Lily?