Are you seeing how fast I updating this? I just couldn't resist though, you guys will see why when you read this chapter. So start reading. RIGHT NOW.

Oh, and thank you guys so much for the reviews! They really mean so much. Keep them coming ;)

Cont. from Ch. 11..

"Okay. I'm right down the hall, you give me a call if you need me." Carlos smiled and James tried his best to smile back. Carlos left the room and James stared at the bowl of mac and cheese, knowing that he had to eat.

He let out a quivering sigh and finally started eating. One spoonful at a time, James kept telling himself. Even he could admit that this was getting ridiculous. This disorder, this... this thing had completely overtaken his life. It was affecting his career, his hobbies, his friendships, and most of all, his relationship with Kendall. The most important person in his life. Plus, for some bizarre, unknown reason Kendall loved him for who he was and was more than okay with the way James looked. Well, had loved him.

James wanted his life back. And the first step was to make himself do the impossible: eat without purging.

Each spoonful added to the anxiety James felt. This was extremely new to him. Eating without planning on throwing up afterward. But he had a new motivation and drive to beat this.

After an extremely difficult battle with the bowl and spoon, James was finished. He sat wide-eyed for a few moments and desperately tried to calm his nerves. He had to do this. This was for his own good. He had a sick feeling in his stomach and figured that it was just anxiety. However, when James stood to put the bowl in the dishwasher his nausea became dizzying and he had a sheen of cold sweat across his forehead. James rushed to the bathroom and with absolutely no assistance from a toothbrush or even a finger, James heaved the contents of his stomach into the toilet. Automatically.

James clutched the toilet bowl and spit a few times, then slowly leaned back against the wall. What the fuck had just happened to him? James had wanted to keep the food down. He didn't induce this.

A chill ran down his spine and a horrible sinking feeling settled in the pit of James' stomach when he remembered what Kendall had told him not even two weeks before: When a bulimic throws up enough times their body starts bringing back up everything they eat.

There was no fucking way this was happening. James' breathing became labored and he was panicking. How was he going to ask for help? Who would he even ask? The guys would freak out. And maybe they wouldn't even want to help them this time, after everything that had happened. Plus, maybe Kendall had told them about the Emetic. James couldn't tell the guys, that was a chance he didn't have the strength to take.

Well, CVS had gotten him into this mess. It was going to get him out of it, dammit. There had to be something for this, with all the aisles of medication there.

The next twenty minutes were a blur of car keys, traffic lights and road rage. After nearly getting in a car accident, twice, James was at the CVS.

Just like the time he'd gone in the get the Emetic, a little bell rang, but it didn't sound quite as loud to him this time. He walked as fast as he could to the aisle where Matthew the cashier had found the Emetic for him and began scouring the shelves. Pepto? No, that was just for heartburn and shit. There were medications to help calm the stomach, but nothing that seemed like it would do anything for James' problem.

"Need help again?"

James practically jumped out of his skin and whirled around to find Matthew standing behind him. "H-Hi." He stood up, eyes still huge and hands shaking. Matthew frowned and took a step closer.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I..." James felt tears brimming in his eyes and couldn't handle the shame of breaking down in front of somebody. He turned abruptly and started to walk away when a gentle hand took hold of his wrist.

"Hey, James, what's wrong? I want to help." James turned back around slowly, meeting Matthew's eyes.

"I don't know who to turn to," James whispered. A few tears spilled down his cheeks and he quickly wiped them away with the back of his hand. Matthew seemed to be thinking for a moment and then he bounded toward the register. James was shocked and more than a little hurt at having been left abruptly. But then he heard Matthew tell some middle-aged balding guy who was working the register that he had been informed of a family emergency and had to leave. He went to one of the registers and clocked out quickly. Matthew gazed in James' direction and gave James a sneaky smile and a nod before leaving through the automatic doors. James took this as his cue to follow.

"Are you sure it was okay to leave work?" James asked as he joined Matthew outside. The blond cashier was already taking off his regulation red vest and heading toward his car.

"Positive. Hop in, okay?"

James was a bit wary of just "hopping in" a car with some handsome CVS Pharmacy worker that he didn't even know, but he really needed someone and desperate times called for desperate measures, right?

James slipped into the passenger seat of Matthew's car and awkwardly placed his hands in his lap. Not too short after Matthew was sitting down in the driver's seat and shutting the door. Matthew gazed at James in understanding and took his hand. "Tell me what's wrong?"

"I fucked up, I..." James shook his head. "I lied to Kendall and fucked everything up and I just love him so much. What do I do?"

"I don't want to pry. You don't have to tell me exactly what happened. But I know that love doesn't just stop." Matthew stroked James' hand a bit and then pulled away to put the car in drive.

"Wait, my car's still here. And where are we going?" James sounded a bit paranoid and Matthew smiled gently.

"We'll come back for it. I just want to take you to get a smoothie, we can talk more. And maybe make you feel a little better. That okay?"

James nodded and Matthew slowly pulled out of the parking lot. The drive was quiet but James was glad that Matthew wasn't making pointless small talk just for the purpose of it. He kind of liked the quiet. Also, Matthew smelled like peppermint and 'Cuda. That was definitely a plus.

Matthew pulled into the parking lot of a little smoothie shack James and the guys went to a lot and although it reminded him of Kendall, it was likely that he and Matthew would be talking about the fight with Kendall anyways. They stepped inside and Matthew led James up to the counter. A peppy girl appeared and asked to take their order.

"What flavor?" Matthew asked.

"Strawberry banana," James said timidly, and Matthew smiled and ordered two, paying for both of them.

They stepped outside with their smoothies and sat down at a little table.

"So. What happened between the two of you?"

"I have a problem. I don't want to go in depth because talking about it is really fucking scary and embarrassing, but just know that it's not good. And it's hurting my friends too because they obviously care about me. Especially Kendall. I keep hurting him and I swear I don't mean to, he's absolutely everything to me..." James' voice broke. He was shocked at how much he had said and was a little worried about any of this getting out.

But Matthew nodded understandingly and said, "There's no way Kendall doesn't know how lucky he is to have you. I don't know him, but you really love him a lot so he's gotta be amazing, right?" He smiled.

"He's not lucky to have me. He is amazing though, so amazing..."

"Have you guys talked about it at all?" Matthew asked, finally taking a sip of his smoothie. James followed suit, forgetting what had happened earlier after he had eaten.

"He won't talk to me. I don't blame him. But I wish he would just give me a chance to explain myself, you know? He won't answer my calls. And he's been gone for a week."

"Where'd he go?"

"I don't know, but I'm terrified that he'll find somebody else. Somebody that won't piss him off and break his heart over and over like I've been doing." James sniffled and bit his tongue to keep from breaking down.

"Obviously he cares a lot if he was that upset. Right?" Matthew said, and maybe he had a point.

"I think he still loves me. I really hope." James was already practically finished with the smoothie, and became horrified when a sick, nauseous feeling set in the pit of his stomach. Fuck, was he going to throw up again?

"Are you okay?" Matthew asked. "You look a little sick. Want me to take you home?"

"I don't know..." James' head was swimming and before he knew it, he was heaving the contents of his stomach onto the pavement beside the table.

"James!" Matthew jumped out of his seat and caught James just as he blacked out and slipped from the chair.

A few days after talking to Logan, Kendall was still staying in the dingy little motel room. However, he was going to the Starbucks everyday to get a little pick-me-up and stay sane.

At the moment he was sipping his just coffee at a table in the corner and mindlessly reading TIME magazine. As much as he wished they could, the articles didn't distract him from thinking about James. He loved James so much, but sometimes love just wasn't enough. Kendall had never felt so torn in his life. He was positive that he couldn't live without James, but at the same time, how could he continue to live with him?

Kendall broke from his thoughts when he heard a startling conversation going on between two teenage girls sitting near him.

"Did you hear what happened to James Diamond from BTR?" A dark-haired girl asked her pudgy friend, who gasped and leaned closer.

"No, what?"

"Well apparently he has a really bad eating disorder... like, terrible. And yesterday he had to go to the emergency room because he, like, passed out and was throwing up and shit."

"Oh my God, that's horrible!" The pudgy girl cried and Kendall was on the edge of his seat, gripping his coffee so had that it began spilling over the edges. But he couldn't feel the burn of the scalding hot coffee. He couldn't focus on anything but the conversation.

"Yeah. I don't know what's gonna happen to him, but I guess this is really serious. I'm worried that there's a chance he could die, you know? Because not everyone knows this, but bulimia can kill people."

Kendall stood up so fast that the chair fell and he spilled his coffee all over himself. He was out the door and turning on his phone to call the guys, the girl's words "bulimia can kill people" running through his mind over and over. He got into the car and started driving, not even knowing where he was going, and dialed Logan's number. Logan picked up on the first ring and immediately starting talking a mile a minute.

"Kendall, we've been trying to get ahold of you since yesterday. Come to St. Vincent right now. As fast as you can fucking get here."

"I'm on my way right now. Fuck. How the fuck did this happen? How did I let this happen?" Kendall was driving so reckless that drivers were honking at him left and right, but that didn't matter. Nothing mattered but getting to the hospital and seeing James.