Driving home from the hospital had been unbearable. Even though Ava didn't know exactly what had happened, Derek still had no words to comfort her or to explain how he was feeling. When they had gotten back home, Ava had continued to ask questions about why she couldn't go see Sammy and why she wouldn't be back but after what seemed like hours of talking, she had finally asleep. Derek tucked her in and headed out onto the front porch where Meredith was sitting in the porch swing he used to love as a kid. "She's asleep."
"Grapes and cheese."
"Hmm?"
"When Ava...When I found out Ava was a girl you went back to work and I...had the day off and I went home. I cut grapes and cheese because Hunter was sleeping and I sat on the couch, eating my grapes and cheese and talking to Ava. I knew she wouldn't talk back and I...my point is I had no idea what life would be like when I was talking to her that day. I had no idea I wouldn't be able to protect
her."
"I know." Derek breathed, sitting down on the swing next to her.
"It's weird."
"I just wish she didn't have to go through this...I wish we didn't have to go through this." Derek sighed.
"Punishment for something we did."
"I don't think so."
"I drank...I slept around..."
"It wasn't something we did."
"Ava...what happened to Sammy could just have as easily happened to Ava."
"But it didn't."
"It could have."
"I know."
"I just...Sammy's parents must be a mess." Meredith breathed.
"We should send something."
"Alex texted me and said there will be a celebration of life for Sammy next Friday. They want everyone to wear purple for her favorite color and for it to be happy not sad." Meredith explained.
"That sounds nice." Derek breathed, putting his arm around her.
"We should go." Meredith sighed.
"Hmm...we will."
"We'll need to decide if Ava is okay to go."
"I guess we'll have to see..."
"She doesn't understand."
"She kept asking why she couldn't go visit." Derek sighed.
"I hate life right now."
"Mer..."
"My child has cancer...her best friend just died of cancer...I hate life and I don't even care about saying it." Meredith groaned.
"Our daughter is alive."
"Right now she is." Meredith sniffed.
"She will be fine." Derek whispered, running his hand over her back.
"I want to go back."
"I know...but we can't."
"Derek..." Meredith breathed.
"Hmm?"
"I know you say it isn't our fault." Meredith breathed. "But I look at everything I've done and then I got you and these great kids and...it's a falling shoe or whatever."
"You're a doctor Mer...you know that these things happen...it isn't something that we did to cause it."
"Doctor me does but Mother me doesn't."
"Hmm...well father me understands."
"Mother me wonders why she's going through this and what could I have done to stop it."
"The answer is nothing." Derek whispered.
"If none of this had happened...Ava would be loving school and we..."
"We would be trying for another baby."
"I was going to say we'd be in Seattle." Meredith laughed weakly.
"That too."
"God I can't even imagine what Sammy's parents are going through." Meredith breathed, moving her hand over her chest.
"Mer..." Derek whispered, grabbing her hand.
"She...so little." Meredith bit back the tears threatening to fall down her face.
"I feel...I feel awful for her parents but we...our little girl is upstairs and she's alive."
"I know." Meredith breathed.
"We can't forget that."
"Right..."
"No matter how sad this is." Derek took a deep breath.
"I don't want to let her out of my site." Meredith breathed. "Which I thought I was already bad at but now..."
"I know."
"I don't want her to be dark and twisty." Meredith admitted, looking up at him.
"She won't be."
"Ugh..." Meredith groaned, leaning into him.
"This sucks." He whispered, putting his arms around her.
"Understatement."
"But we're gonna get through it."
"I know." She whispered.
"And we'll be stronger."
"Yeah." Meredith had felt ill all day since they had heard the news. She wouldn't know what to do if it were Ava and knowing that Ava was suffering from the same illness didn't make it any easier. "Hmm...you start work tomorrow."
"Yeah..."
"Going to miss your kids?" Meredith changed the subject, putting her hand back in his.
"I am." Derek nodded.
"What are you going to do when you're at work and I get all of the slobbery Zola wake up kisses." Meredith mimiched their baby girl.
"I will be very jealous." Derek laughed.
"I bet."
"I will expect you to send me lots of pictures."
"Kid pictures?"
"Yes."
"Okay."
"I'll miss you too."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Meredith...Derek?" Derek's mother stepped outside in her robe with Zola on her hip.
"Yeah?" Derek turned to look at his mom.
"I was folding some laundry and I heard this one getting fussy." His mother walked over, handing their baby to Derek.
"Hi Zo." Derek smiled, putting her onto his lap.
"Thank you." Meredith smiled weakly as his mother kissed her forehead and stepped inside.
"Were you being fussy Zo?"
"Da..." Zola sucked on her finger.
"What?" Derek laughed.
"Hi Zola." Meredith giggled, leaning forward to kiss her baby's cheek. She knew immediately this is what she had needed and perhaps his mother had known. Normally his Mom would rock the baby back to sleep but tonight she had brought Zola to them and it was perfect. "Hi baby girl."
"Ma!"
"What are you doin'?" Meredith kissed her again.
"Mama."
"Zola..."
"Mama." Zola giggled.
"She's getting so big...she'll be one right after Christmas."
"We'll have to have a party."
"Do you want a party Zo?"
"Ah!" Zola gasped.
"I think that was a yes." Derek laughed, kissing her head.
"I've been feeling guilty...about missing out on time with her."
"Me too. But you know...she won't remember. And she's got to spend so much time with Grandma. Isn't that right Zo?"
"Da." Zola smiled, before hiding her face in his shoulder.
"She's so happy."
"She is wide awake." Derek laughed.
"She is." Meredith scrunched her nose.
"It's supposed to be bedtime, Zo."
"Aren't you going to miss her little face?"
"Hmm...so much."
"Da!"
"I love you Zo."
"Da Da Da Da!"
"Zo Zo Zo Zo!"
"Ha ha ha!" Zola laughed.
"Zo." Meredith giggled, kissing Derek's shoulder.
"Want to go upstairs? Check in on Ava?" Derek asked.
"Sure." Meredith kissed him softly.
"Come on Zo. Let's go see your sister."
"If she doesn't go to bed right away I can bring her down here so you can lay upstairs. That way she won't wake you or Ava since you have to work tomorrow." Meredith breathed.
"Okay."
"You'll wake me up when you get up to shower tomorrow?" Meredith asked as they walked up the steps.
"You need to sleep." Derek breathed.
"Derek..."
"What?"
"Wake me up."
"Okay."
"Thank you." She giggled at the top of the steps.
"You're welcome."
"Da!"
"We're going to see Aves."
"Baby."
"Ava..." Derek whispered, opening the bedroom door.
"I dropped my baby." Ava said outloud, sitting up in the bed.
"We'll get her."
"Kay." Ava yawned.
"Here you go, Zo." Derek sat Zola down on the bed next to Ava.
"Zola." Ava smiled, leaning over to kiss her sister.
"I thought you were sleeping Miss. Ava." Meredith giggled.
"I woke up."
"Well you have to go back to sleep, you need your rest." Meredith sat on the bed, pulling Ava close to her.
"We're going to go to sleep too." Derek told her.
"With Zola." Ava yawned.
"Only if we can get her to sleep." Meredith laughed, glad that her daughter was feeling a little better.
"Can I sleep in your bed?" Ava asked.
"You can but Daddy has to get up early." Derek told her.
"Cause you gotta fix brains?" Ava asked.
"Yup."
"Kay." Ava yawned as Zola crawled up her stomach.
"You are sleepy."
"Can I go get Hunter?" Ava asked, as Meredith pulled the blankets up the bed.
"You want us all to sleep together?" Derek asked.
"Ava Hunter's asleep like you should be and he has school tomorrow so we need to let him sleep." Meredith explained.
"Fine." Ava sighed, too tired to argue.
"Do you want Mommy to take you and I'll take Zo?"
"I wanna cuddle Mommy and Zola can cuddle Daddy and um...Mommy and Daddy have to cuddle another night cause they got kids in the bed tonight." Ava explained.
"Oh okay." Derek laughed, looking at Meredith.
"Gotta put my baby in Mommy's belly so she can sleep." Ava sat up giggling.
"Ava." Meredith giggled as Ava put the baby doll on her stomach. "Stop that tickles."
"Okay Ava...i's time to go to bed. Derek laughed, picking Zola up.
"Bah Be! Bah Be!" Zola laughed.
"Time to calm down."
"Daddy we're your girls!" Ava clapped.
"Yes you are. All three of you."
"We need more girls!" Ava shouted.
"Ava...indoor voice. Hunter is sleeping."
"Bah Be!" Zola clapped.
"Bed time." Derek smiled.
"Derek do you want me to take the girls downstairs." Meredith asked.
"No. I can't leave my girls."
"Ba ba ba da!" Zo giggled as Derek placed her on his chest.
"Shh..." Derek whispered.
"Sleep time girls." Meredith rubbed Ava's back.
"To the big bed." Ava giggled.
"Come on." Meredith giggled.
"Let's go." Derek laughed, carrying Zola while Meredith took Ava to their bed. The night had quickly turned to them spending quality time with their daughters and after everything that had happened and finding out that Sammy had passed away, that was all that seemed important.