Disclaimer: The characters, much of the dialogue, and sadly, even the plot are not mine; they all belong to Eoin Colfer.
Pages: 190 – 193
Chapter 11: Kindness for Kindness's Sake
When the ship finally reached the desert landscape of Africa, the heat was too much even for the ship's considerable insulation to fully block out. Mulch soon began to feel nauseous, liking neither heights, nor heat, and before long he couldn't take it anymore. The dwarf disappeared through the door of the shuttle's bathroom adjacent to the cockpit, slamming and locking it behind him, leaving Holly and Artemis alone again for the first time since he had left them outside the Tara shuttleport.
A maelstrom of tiny sand particles was blowing around some ways below the ship, the storm not unlike a reflection of Holly's own churning, violent emotions just below the surface.
Holly adjusted the ship's course, then set the mining craft on autopilot and turned to face Artemis, who looked like he was only just barely recovering from her wild piloting. Good.
"You're sure about the rendezvous point?" she asked, making it clear that the only time she wanted to speak to him and vice versa was when it was something absolutely necessary for the success of the mission.
"Not sure, Holly," responded Artemis, his own doubt accidentally creeping into his tone. Apparently, he was about as confident in his own memory at the moment as Holly was.
He went on quickly as though to make up for the lapse, attempting to sound completely self-assured as usual, "But I clearly remember making the exchange at the souk in Fez. At the very least it is a place to start. If Kronski and my younger self do not show up, then we proceed to the Extinctionist's compound."
Far from fooled, Holly pursed her lips. She had to admit, she found Artemis's uncertainty disturbing, and ordinarily she would have tried to come back with a bit of encouragement of some kind to get him back to his usual, arrogant self. However, naturally that was out of the question right now; she did not think she had ever felt less like comforting him in her life.
"Hmm. This scheme is not up to your usual standards and our time is running out," Holly said coolly, without a hint of hesitancy at letting such an almost brutally tactless thing pass her lips. "We don't have a couple of days to play around with. Time is the enemy."
"Yes," sighed Artemis, and suddenly looked rather tired again. "Time is the crux of this entire misadventure."
This was beginning to stray into the realm of casual conversation and Holly did not consider it strictly relevant to their mission, so she put an end to it by taking out something to eat from the tiny refrigerator that Mulch had not yet managed to raid and went back to the ship's controls. She hoped her non-verbal message of 'Don't talk to me' was loud enough.
Though she didn't turn to look, she thought she felt Artemis's eyes linger on her a moment before he turned away.
Holly resisted at first, then, frowning to herself, sneaked a peek back at where he sat, though her hard glare didn't relax in the slightest.
Artemis had his nose pressed against the clear glass of the porthole, looking as though the brewing sandstorm below reflected his mood as well hers, though in a more melancholy sort of way. He looked so much less dignified than usual like that, so less powerful.
Artemis blinked and suddenly sat up a bit straighter. He got quickly to his feet, and Holly, startled, whipped her head back around toward the front windshield, her hands automatically moving to the controls, despite the fact that the shuttle was still on autopilot.
Holly heard him turn and stride from the cockpit, back toward the cargo hold area. Or at least, that seemed to be the direction he had taken as near as she could tell without actually turning around to look.
Holly focused hard on the ship's readouts. It wasn't as though she cared what he did particularly. Let the human do as he liked; she wasn't going to stop him.
Holly heard Artemis return a minute later, but she still refused to turn around to look at him, pointedly ignoring his existence. However, Artemis paid no heed and came right up next to her pilot chair anyway. He stood there silently for almost a minute, and when Holly still did not acknowledge him, he cleared his throat and said gingerly, "Holly?"
Holly didn't react at first, but, reminding herself she needed to work with him for the sake of this mission, reluctantly turned partway around without lifting her eyes. She saw that the Mud Boy was clutching something in his bony fingers.
"A holopack?" she sneered, unable to help herself. Her voice still had a tinge of the bland monotone about it, though with a pronounced mocking quality now, as she continued before he had a chance to answer, "Really, Mud Boy, is that the best you can come up with? Maybe it never occurred to you, but we would need a fairy to contact with another holographic system to match it." She smiled, almost nastily. "And if I remember right, Foaly said not to contact him before we left, in case you've forgotten."
Holly had turned back to the ship's instruments before she went on airily, "While I'm sure it wouldn't bother you in the slightest to trample all over measures someone else has taken to ensure his own safety, it's not as though he would help us anyway. It was pure dumb luck with Mulch; there aren't any other fairies with enough gumption or trust to lend any support, Foaly included. Or were you thinking of blackmailing him?"
Artemis rode out Holly's invective speech patiently by simply continuing to stand there, holding the object. "Not Foaly," he said when she had finished. "This does not concern the mission."
Holly didn't react, but she had to admit she was curious despite herself. Something that didn't have to do with the mission – Artemis must really be straining himself. "Oh, is that right?" she said dryly, eyes still trained on the readouts in front of her.
"Yes," he said, his tone almost earnest now, even nervous. "I had... I have an idea."
"You've had a lot of ideas lately," said Holly without the slightest bit of warmth, though Artemis might have considered it an improvement as she was actually talking to him freely now. "But I don't know how many of them have been very good ones."
Holly noticed Artemis's knuckles whiten as his fingers tightened slightly around the holopack, but he didn't respond right away.
Holly couldn't help it. She finally lifted her gaze to look at him in the face, though she did so slowly and resentfully, like an art critic being forced to look at her least favorite painting.
"Holly," Artemis began, holding her flinty gaze steadily. The only evidence of his nerves was the way his fingers continued to tighten convulsively around the edges of the suitcase-like object. "Hasn't – Has it not occurred to you – "
He stopped, gathering himself, then started again, voice official and formal as someone making a business proposal. "I doubt you've forgotten, Holly, but Commander Julius Root is still alive in this time. I was simply thinking – if you so desired – it should be possible for you to contact him and say a few words to him using this." He drew the holopack up a few inches higher. "I know you were never after all allowed a proper farewell in our own time; this is your chance."
Whatever Holly had been expecting him to say, it hadn't been that.
Holly's obdurate expression flickered. She could not hide the look of shock that passed across her face, but she spun quickly around to hide from the boy the way her mutinous eyes teared up and her lips twisted in pain, hating the idea of this human of all people seeing her guard fall apart so easily. But the mention of her old commander had been so unexpected, she couldn't help but lose her composure at least a bit.
Holly was silent for a moment, trying to get a grip on herself, and Artemis seemed to realize this because he didn't interrupt.
When Holly finally did speak, she tried to keep her tone the cool monotone she had been using with him up to this point, but she had to keep her face turned away. "Of course I couldn't," she said abruptly. "What a suggestion to make." She added in the most superior tone she could manage, "Really, I thought you were a genius, Mud Boy – I would be interfering too much if I went and did something irresponsible like that. The repercussions could be unimaginable."
Artemis, apparently ignoring the 'interfering' jab, shook his head, opening his mouth to speak, but Holly cut him off, on a roll now. "Oh sure," she said sarcastically, "why don't I just phone him up right now, 'Oh hey, how's it going, Julius? I'm your subordinate from the future, and I just wanted to say hi, since you're going to be dead in a few years.' What sort of moron do you think I am?" Though Artemis could not see her expression, she hoped her tone was harsh enough to get the point across.
"Of course you wouldn't have to explain any of that," Artemis said, almost gently. "In fact, I have thought it through, and I am fairly certain it would be a relatively safe venture. I wouldn't even bring it up otherwise."
"Huh," said Holly, in stark disbelief. "Like you were 'fairly certain' about your plan at Rathdown Park, and 'fairly certain' about what we were going to do back in your study at Fowl Manor. That's reassuring."
Artemis's hands were still clasped around the holopack as though it were a life preserver, but his voice came out steady and even despite her tone as he explained, "The Captain Short of this time is, I take it, at the moment busy with an assigned mission here aboveground. In other words, there is no chance that she would make an appearance over in Haven in the commander's office at an inopportune moment. Additionally, she is also currently lying in wait, so she is not occupied with any particular task, making it certainly possible for her, that is to say, you, to be contacting the commander at this time from the surface."
Holly still did not turn to look at him.
"Also I imagine, though I can't say I know the particulars of what you might wish to say given this situation, there is most likely little chance that the Commander would ever repeat having had such a conversation with you, being as he is, as I'm sure you already know." Artemis smiled a bit ruefully. "Consequently, the likelihood of the Holly Short of this time ever hearing anything about it are slim to none. Even if something was mentioned, she would in all probability dismiss it, inclined to believe the commander was mistaken or possibly dreaming. Whereas he would think you only meant to avoid any image of attempting to raise your position through flattery by your denial you ever said any such thing... possibly, depending on what it is you want him to know. In any case, as far as I can see, there is very little risk involved."
Holly didn't answer, and Artemis said softly, "You will never have another opportunity like this one, Holly. This is your chance to tell the commander anything you were not able to say to him before."
This time, Holly's refusal to reply was not out of petulance; she simply did not know what to say. Her head was reeling. Was he right? She couldn't find any immediate flaws in his reasoning, but it seemed too convenient. She should not even allow herself to consider the possibility. And even if he was telling the truth, considering this was Artemis Fowl, there was probably a catch.
It took Holly a whole minute to get a hold of her voice, to stop it from shaking as she spoke. "What do you want?" she asked very quietly, though her tone still held the earlier flatness about it. "Why are you bothering to act like you would even care about that?"
Artemis did not answer right away. He seemed to be considering his reply very carefully. "Honestly?" he asked finally.
"Honesty, now that would be an interesting strategy," she said. Holly could feel just a bit of her bite coming back.
Artemis was still holding the holopack. Holly could feel his gaze on the back of her head as he settled himself awkwardly in the too-small copilot's chair. He said slowly, "I do feel terrible, Holly, you have to believe me. I did what I had to do. And I would do it again – "
Holly stiffened.
" – but I still... I still can't help but want to do something for you. To make up for it, if just by a fraction."
Another moment of silence passed, before Holly said coldly, "And you honestly think that by getting me a conference with – with Julius – that will make up for it. This and that have nothing to do with each other, Mud Boy. So what if I did get to talk to – to Julius. That's not really atonement for you."
Holly kept her back to him. Despite her abrasive words, she could feel herself on the verge of crying. Because she knew, despite her intense desire to refuse to allow her hopes to rise even by a little, a part of her was already irresistibly thrilling to the idea. She desperately didn't want the boy to pick up on it, but inwardly she could already see herself standing before the commander, all the things that she had thought she would have to keep sealed up in her chest forever pouring out at last. How much she appreciated him. That she was aware of how much he had done for her... But no, she wouldn't. She couldn't. It would burn in her mouth forever to be granted it by this boy, in exchange for such a compromise. Julius wouldn't give in if he were here.
"Well, I'm not interested," Holly said quietly, though with the same unreachable quality in her voice, the same iciness. "So just put it back."
Her eyes still fixed determinedly on the floor of the cockpit next to the ship's readouts, Holly waited to hear the sound of his footsteps trudging back to the storage rails in the back.
Indeed, after a moment, Artemis said, "Very well. You are right, that was a possible response that occurred to me."
Holly felt a sudden flare of anger return at his tone. "Well, good for you," she said with vitriol, turning around just enough to give him a savage stare with one cold hazel eye. "Apparently you aren't losing your touch after all, Mud Boy. You're still able to predict how people will react to things. You tell me I started a plague, I feel guilty enough to follow you here. You tell me I can talk to someone I – to my old dead commander in exchange for forgiving you, I don't bite. Astounding."
Artemis's face didn't change. He remained there, unmoving for a long time, before, slowly, he rose smoothly to his feet. He turned away without a word, heading back through the cockpit, but after barely a second, she heard him stop again. Perhaps it was part of his strategy, hanging back a moment to give her a chance to change her mind.
Holly tried to think of something truly awful to say then. Something so acrimonious, so unfeeling, that he would have no choice but to just give up and go put the stupid pack back where he'd found it.
Holly had known the boy for so long, she should have had no trouble thinking of something. But the only things that came immediately to mind had to do with his parents, with his own guilt surrounding his mother's illness, and as mad as she was at him, her anger hadn't quite reached the point where she could be that cruel.
Holly turned back to the instruments, squaring her shoulders obstinately, waiting for him to leave.
However, even after a few seconds had passed, the sound of Artemis's footsteps still did not continue, and she soon heard a collection of metallic clinks and clicking behind her, like the sound of an insect's pincers.
Curiosity got the better of her and she turned partway around again to try to surreptitiously see what the human was up to now.
Holly supposed she shouldn't have been surprised to find him kneeling near the back of the cockpit, messing with the controls on the holopack. She supposed she should have realized that one of the reasons the Mud Boy hardly ever lost was that he was stubborn to a fault.
Artemis's hands stopped moving a moment. He stood up and took a few steps back as the top of the device came open, the case's inner workings exposed. Then the object finished folding out of its own accord, and a moment later inflated upward, growing taller and taller until it had created its own tiny room, though it was still so small it would probably be more accurate to think of it more like a shallow closet, or one of those portable shower units Mud Men sometimes used.
"What are you doing now?" Holly muttered, turning most of her back to him again, though she still watched out of the corner of her eye. "I said no deal."
Artemis ignored her. "It appears fairly straight forward," he said, "so I doubt you'll have a problem. The controls are simple enough that it will be no concern even if you have never used one before."
"Do you make a habit of that, Mud Boy? Not listening when people are talking to you?" Holly eyed him as though he were the flattened, mud-covered worm stuck to the bottom of her shoe. "You always think you're going to get your way simply by forcing everyone else to go along. But I told you. I. Am. Not. Interested. Do us all a favor, and put that away already before I come over there and do it myself."
"Hm," said Artemis, raising a thin eyebrow. "The holopack is already here. Do you imagine I'm going to tackle you to stop you from using it if you don't agree to my terms?"
Holly blinked once in confusion, but made certain her face retained its mask-like quality, not wanting him to see it. "So?"
"So," said Artemis patiently, "you don't have to forgive me to speak to Commander Root. I think this is an opportunity you would regret missing if you didn't seize it now. You want to speak to the commander, don't you Holly?"
Holly's face didn't change, but inwardly her stomach felt like it was twisting in knots. She wanted to snarl at the human not to talk about her commander, to not so much as mention him, because she knew he was right. She did want to speak to Julius – so much it hurt. But she still felt like she was being manipulated, and she hated it.
"Before, I didn't mean to propose a deal exactly," Artemis continued. "It was simply an idea. It doesn't have to be about what I did, or this mission. This is a chance most don't have, and I see no sense in your missing it."
Holly hesitated. Her relentless attack of attrition was being thwarted right before her eyes, just as easily as that. He was trapping her, using her feelings toward her lost commander to herd her emotions in the direction he wanted them to go, and even though she could see it, she still knew he was going to prevail anyway. Like a moderately experienced chess player going up against a master, the only thing her knowledge gave her was the ability to see just how she was going to lose.
"You really do always get your way, don't you?" she said quietly after a moment, not looking at him. She directed her hard glare at the far wall instead, a kind of admission of defeat.
Artemis suddenly let out a short, mirthless laugh. Holly glanced at him, but his gaze was no longer focused in her direction. "Me," he said, lips curled in a kind of bitter smile, "always get what I want. Hardly." His eyes fell again on the expanded holopack still sitting next to where he stood, and his expression relaxed into a more contemplative one. "Although – " he began, then stopped. He frowned slightly, and after a second more of thought, he said, "Hm. Well, that is strange. I'm having difficulty formulating the appropriate phrasing to properly convey my meaning."
Holly's irritated expression became more pronounced, mainly with the effort not to let her mouth so much as twitch in a smile. Honestly, sometimes remarkable intellectual capacity strayed into the realm of the utterly ludicrous. She didn't doubt that in this particular Mud Boy's world, realizing he was having even the slightest bit of trouble turning his thoughts into coherent sentences probably constituted a national event.
But for once, Holly did not cut in with a mean and/or snide comment. She was curious about what he would say this time, even if she was determined not to let it show.
Artemis must have taken Holly's silence as consent to continue, because he began again slowly, haltingly. "I am only too aware that there is nothing I can say – or do – that will in any way undo what has been done. Your hostility is more than warranted, and I don't mean to imply that I can earn back anything particularly meaningful so cheaply as this – I mean cheaply as in very little effort on my part, of course, not that it would not be important to you – "
Artemis stopped. He seemed to realize he was rambling and he shook his head slightly, then continued, "But in any case, I do not know whether you will ever actually feel any desire at all to so much as tolerate me again, let alone restore our former relationship as friends to even a marginal extent. That is out of my control." He gave a slight chuckle then too, unconsciously sliding a hand over his black hair and brushing back a section from his face, leaving his hazel eye momentarily un-obscured. However, he looked more weary than amused. "There would seem to be many things out of my control recently, as you have probably noticed."
Artemis turned to look at Holly with tired eyes, and this time she could not help but hold the gaze. His face was so unusually sincere, even ardent, as he said softly, "Please believe me, Holly, I would indeed still want you to go ahead with this call, now that the opportunity is presented. For your own sake, regardless of all else. I don't want you to have any regrets because of my actions."
Holly's face remained unresponsive, and once Artemis had finished speaking, his eyes slid from hers, as though he had found the effort of looking her in the eye almost intolerable. The silence lengthened and she thought she noticed the boy shift ever so slightly with discomfort.
How strange it was to see him agitated, even a little, she thought. But she had to admit it was partially thanks to this awkwardness that made it impossible for even Holly to invent a way to doubt the sincerity behind the boy's words. She knew from experience that the Mud Boy always appeared most uneasy and out of his element when trying to express his real emotions. He was so much more believable and eloquent when he was lying.
Holly realized that it was quickly growing exhausting, this constant suspicion that everything Artemis did and said was all carefully controlled to achieve a certain result. Especially when she knew she did not really believe even Artemis capable of that level of acting and manipulation.
Finally, Holly blinked and looked away from his pale face and the tenseness in his brow, turning her back to him again to stare unseeingly at the ship's readouts.
The truth was, Holly thought she knew what Artemis was trying to say, even if he did not understand it himself, or was too self-conscious to communicate it in a more straightforward manner.
Artemis had said he felt bad about what he had done, that it made him want to do something kind for her to 'make up.' What he had not actually said, but seemed apparent from reading between the lines, was that that desire did not come primarily from a decision to try to earn her forgiveness, or alleviate his own sense of guilt. No, instead she would call it an inclination to do a kindness for kindness's sake: a sentiment she would not have expected from Artemis Fowl.
Holly wondered vaguely if the boy himself would distinguish a difference between the those two things. The way that the first of easing his own conscience or gaining her pardon were, when one boiled it down to its essentials, merely Artemis operating in his own self-interest as usual, while the second was a rare act of real concern on behalf of the party he had injured. Did he consciously recognize that these things arose from differing mentalities, or did anything related to doing something considerate for someone else involve a concept simply too alien to the ruthless teenage mastermind for him to grasp?
Holly stood up slowly, without looking at the tall human youth behind her.
And yet, she thought, he was such a difficult person to forgive.
Holly walked around the pilot's chair to where the holo-unit had been set up, and she felt a pair of mismatched eyes follow her progress. She stood before the unit's closed curtain, staring at the machine, which she noticed was pretty beat-up and worn, now that she got a look at it. A little like the two of them, if truth be known.
"You're right," she said briskly, a certain coolness still hanging about her tone. "I don't need your permission to use the equipment. So I think I will see him."
"I'm glad," responded Artemis, in a tone that sounded as though he had not expected anything different.
Holly felt a vague flicker of irritation again, but in the next moment she was beyond caring about the boy's convoluted stratagems and games for controlling her moods. Instead, new thoughts seemed to consume her, invading her senses and mercifully pushing the Mud Boy almost completely from her mind.
It was only just beginning to feel real, she realized. If this worked, in just a few seconds, she would actually be talking to Commander Root once again, for the first time in years. For the first time since – since –
Holly saw her hand was shaking where she had reached up to pull the curtain aside.
She stopped, staring at her own coffee-brown knuckles. Then, an instant later, she had closed the trembling hand into a tight, determined fist. Taking a deep breath, she drew back the curtain and stepped inside.
A/N: Ha, a fast update, wouldn't you say? Except I know I really shouldn't be doing this when I need to get to work on my homework instead... oh well. It will get done eventually. And this is way more important anyway, right? (;
Anyway, I loved reading all the reviews last chapter, thank you all so much! Hope to hear from you. (:
Posted 11/8/11