Derek hadn't felt this normal since the day before Ava's diagnosis. And to say it was a good feeling was an understatement. Ava's last chemotherapy had ended a few days ago and now the only thing to do was wait for her final test results. But in the meantime, they had decided it was a good time to begin looking for a home in New York. Their house in Seattle was already on the market so all they had to do was pack the rest of their things up that were left and bring them to New York. The hardest part would be finding a house that he and Meredith completely agreed on.

"This one is nice." Derek clicked on the image of a house on the computer as Meredith sat next to him.

"Ew." Meredith scrunched her nose. "Look at those front steps...Zola is going to fall right down those."

"How many have you turned down so far?" He laughed, going back to the list of homes.

"We need at least five bedrooms."

"Six."

"We need four rooms for our family and a guest room."

"And another room." Derek looked up at Meredith.

"Are we doing the whole baby thing again?"

"I don't know. Are we?"

"We don't know where Ava stands yet."

"I'd rather have the room in case..."

"I...we can do that."

"And if we don't have another baby, it can be a playroom for the girls or a place for Hunter to do school work..."

"But everything aside...no cancer...do we want another baby still?" Meredith asked.

"I do."

"Okay..." She smiled.

"Do you?"

"I do."

"Okay then."

"Okay." She giggled.

"Six bedrooms." Derek smiled.

"Six." Meredith leaned forward, scrolling down on the computer.

"What about that one?" Derek pointed.

"That's nice." Meredith breathed as she looked at the images on the website. "You don't think the master bedroom is too small?"

"It's a little small.

"I...these houses are a little small...older too."

"So none of these."

"Right." Meredith moved to sit on his lap.

"Maybe we should leave this to a realtor." Derek suggested.

"We don't need a realtor."

"Hmm..." He scrolled through the pictures before stopping and clicking on one.

"What about that one?"

"I like this one."

"I like the front porch and it says it was built last year." Meredith read.

"Master suite." Derek grinned.

"I...okay we would have to paint the walls but I love that room."

"Can you imagine having Christmas's in that living room?" Derek pointed to the picture of the living room with the huge fireplace.

"Our kids are going to love that room."

"The yard is huge..."

"We would need a fence."

"That's easy enough."

"I like the kids rooms..."

"They will love them." Derek smiled, flipping through the pictures.

"Yeah."

"What do you think?"

"Can't hurt to email the realtor and set up an appointment to look." Meredith kissed his cheek.

'Okay." He smiled, kissing her back.

"I...if I tell you something you won't judge me or laugh or look at me like I'm a normal mom or something?"

"I promise."

"I'm scared that if we get happy and relaxed...we'll go into the tests next week and find that the treatment didn't work and that the cancer cells became active." Meredith whispered.

"I'm scared of that too." Derek took Meredith's hand. "But if that happens...we'll handle it. We've gotten this far."

"She's thrown up every day since this round of chemo started.:"

"Arizona said that was normal."

"It could mean there is cancer in her stomach." Meredith breathed.

"Do you want to wait...on the house?" Derek asked, rubbing her back.

"Let's wait on the trying to get pregnant...she wants the house and it might be good."

"Okay."

"When we're settled and she's in remission...we can look at the other thing...the baby thing."

"Okay." Derek smiled, kissing her cheek.

"Besides what if Ava doesn't want another baby around?"

"I doubt that given how much she talks about." Derek chuckled.

"I just want to get her into remission."

"I know."

"I miss her blonde hair."

"It'll be back."

"You know...Arizona sat me down at her last treatment." Meredith explained. "The day you had that surgery with that older man. She wanted to talk to me about her future."

"And?" Derek asked.

"The chemo can cause delays with Ava and she isnt' showing any signs of delay but she thinks the homeschooling will be good for Ava...for at least another year while we build up her immune system." Meredith explained. "It's a suggestion but she could go to school."

"Hmm...I think we should ask Ava."

"Derek what if she get sick...what if she relapses..."

"You're freaking out."

"I'm not."

"You are a little bit."

"Sorry..." Meredith took a deep breath.

"It's okay." He kissed her cheek.

"But despite everything...she's a happy girl."

"She is...thanks to you."

"And you." She smiled, kissing him softly before closing the computer.

"You're an amazing mother." Derek breathed, kissing her back.

"Come on." Meredith stood.

"Where are we going?"

"Adult nap time." She giggled, her nose scrunching as she leaned back on the bed. "I'm tired."

""What do you mean by adult nap time?" Derek smirked.

"No sex...because...well that's not important but our hands are free to wander..."

"I see." He laughed, climbing onto the bed.

"I love the kids but I have to say...the whole quiet time is rare." She laughed.

"You say that now but you'll miss them when they're all in school."

"Who would have thought Meredith Grey would home school her child for a few months and like it?"

"I believed in you." He whispered, kissing her cheek.

"And now I don't want to share her."

"You have to."

"I can tutor her between surgeries."

"Have you thought about going back to work?" Derek asked, running his fingers though her long hair.

"Honestly?"

"Honestly."

"No."

"Hmm."

"I don't know what that means."

"Whatever makes you happy."

"I don't know what I want."

"You have time to figure it out." Derek whispered.

"But if I was pregnant sooner than later." Meredith grinned. "Then maybe I would stay and home schooll her next year and go back to work in the hospital some how."

"This is why I fell in love with you." Derek laughed.

"I don't want her to get sick within the two year fram and kids have germs."

"Relax." He breathed. "Here...sit in front of me."

"I just..."

"Shh."

"Fine." Meredith sighed, sitting in front of him.

"Just relax." Derek breathed, putting his hands on her shoulders.

"What if she's at school and her teacher don't notice symptoms that we would?"

"I can't answer that."

"I know it's January and we have time until next school year but I just...if we want to have another baby and wait with the whole remission thing...that puts me out of work for a while...I don't want her to get sick."

"I don't either. But that's out of our control, Mer. We can't keep her in the house for her whole life because we're scared."

"And I thought in bed last night what if we got pregnant within the next six months then we could home school her next year and have the baby but then I thought, what if she relapses and then I'm this selfish mom neglecting her sick child and her new baby?" Meredith rambled.

"Meredith." Derek chuckled.

"And I'm not getting any younger and we were trying for a while before we adopted Zola and what if we can't even conceive again? What if Ava and Hunter were lucky tries?"

"Stop."

"What?"

"You're freaking out again."

"No...these are legitimate concerns." Meredith argued.

"But we don't have any control over it." Derek whispered, rubbing her shoulders. "It's life."

"But the baby thing...we've put the conversation off since she got sick but it keeps coming up."

"And the only way to tell if we can have one is to try."

"When do we try?"

"Whenever you want."

"It's what we want...and we have to think about what is best for our other three kids."

"Do you want to have another baby?" Derek asked.

"I do...I thought the feeling would have gone away by now...with the whole cancer thing..."

"But?"

"I'm some screwed up Mom who wants to have another baby."

"If you're some screwed up mom then I'm some screwed up dad."

"You want a baby?"

"I do. I really do."

"Really?" She smiled.

"Really."

"If my Mom were alive she would shoot me dead."

"It's not about your Mom. It's about you."

"Is this...will it be okay for the kids?"

"I think so."

"And we're going to go on as if everything is okay? Not put the kids lives on hold..."

"I don't think we have a choice." Derek told her.

"And if her tests come back clean?"

"Then we have a healthy, happy family."

"And we start trying."

"Okay."

"More baby smell."

"I love that smell."

"And my body will be all...pregnant." She giggled.

"I love that too." Derek smiled.

"I love you." She whispered.

"I love you."

"So..." She smirked, kissing him softly.

"What?"

"I'm loving you."

"Oh...okay." Derek grinned, kissing her back.

"So let me love you."

"Okay."

"Will you still love me when I'm fat and ugly after baby number four?"

"Not going to happen but yes."

"Okay good." Meredith breathed, resting her head on Derek's chest.

"Hmm...you know...we're kind of lame old married people now." Derek chuckled.

"Only because we haven't had sex since before this round of chemo started."

"Well...we can fix that." He rolled on top of her.

"Ohh..." She giggled.

"Not so boring anymore." Derek laughed, moving his lips to her neck. They hadn't been this happy and this relaxed since before Ava got sick and even though Meredith still worried and ramble, that was the way she had always been and the way he knew she would always be and it was one of the reasons that made him love her so much. They were comforted knowing that both of their daughters were safely sleeping in their own beds while their son was at school and that soon they would be preparing for another baby that would completely their family.