Disclaimer: The characters, much of the dialogue, and sadly, even the plot are not mine; they all belong to Eoin Colfer.

Pages: 193 – 198

Chapter 12: Reconciliation

After reaching out a hand toward the control panel and quickly keying in the commands to contact her former commander, Holly waited in the semi-darkness of the small, portable room, her heart pounding. Somehow, it didn't seem possible this was happening. Something was bound to go wrong.

However, Holly's heart nearly stopped when the light on the instrument panel suddenly flashed green, indicating her call had been received and she was now being connected. The holographic ring set in the cramped holopack ceiling above her suddenly came to life, bright light taking in her three-dimensional form and transmitting it miles below the earth's surface.

And then, so abruptly as to be almost anticlimactic, he was there, the image of none other than Commander Julius Root flickering in the vacant space before her, weathered features slightly digitized with poor reception.

"Captain Short," said the commander in that semi-hostile, thoroughly unimpressed tone he always reserved for recon's one and only female officer, "all is well in Hamburg, I trust?"

Holly should have been prepared. She knew what was going to happen, who she was going to be talking to, but she felt her breath catch in her throat all the same, and she thought she might choke.

For a moment Holly simply stood there stupidly, staring. The gray buzz cut, the glittering commander's acorns on the lapel, the blustery expression that did not allow for the least bit of flippancy or nonsense, the slight tinge of red that never seemed to quite leave his skin, the fungus cigar set like a permanent fixture between two rough fingers – every last detail was so familiar, assuring her that this was indeed her former commanding officer.

So many emotions were flowing through her unchecked, like the roar of a river, intertwining together into odd, unpredictable currents through her mind. A kind of exhilaration was beating in her temples and tingling in her fingertips. To think that right now, she was doing what was supposed to have been impossible. So much Holly had missed his welcoming scowl everyday when she walked into work, and even his daily ritual of bawling out at least one of his many underlings, often her. How much these last few months especially she'd found herself just wanting to hear his gruff voice again, but being forced to bury that silent emptiness beneath work and duty to the People.

Almost as though in a trance, Holly found herself extending her hands toward him like a sleepwalker, not aware until after the fact how much she really must look like the young girl she was physically right then, wanting nothing more than to reach out and take her beloved father's hand to welcome him home after so very long an absence.

Meanwhile, the deceased fairy in question was giving his officer a strange look. He made a noise in his throat, snapping Holly back to real life. "All is well, Captain?" he repeated, a bit uncertainly.

Of course, Commander Root was probably not inclined to throw a party in honor of the reunion. Though it was likely unusual for him to be contacted with a visual form of communication like this, overall this call was as unremarkable to him as any other of the probably multiple dozen or so officers who contacted him every day to update him on their progress, ask for instructions, file reports, etc. However, Holly didn't have any desire to enlighten him, seeing as how that could cause a paradox and plunge the world into darkness or make the universe implode or whatever.

So, as though there was an automatic switch inside her to handle situations just as these, the LEP captain suddenly rejoined with such tones as she had always had back then, clipped, formal, yet with that barest hint of confident cheekiness that the commander had never lost an opportunity to chew her out over, "Yes. Of course, Commander. All is well, for the moment."

Holly had to resist the urge to wince, because of course she knew what was going to happen on her past self's current mission. Holly would forever remember Hamburg as one of her worst screw-ups in all her time with the LEP, though perhaps in retrospect it had not been so dangerous to her overall career as her involvement in the multiple Artemis Fowl affairs.

Holly couldn't help but add, even if she doubted it would do any good, "Though it might be an idea to have Retrieval on standby."

"Nonsense," Root said, without a hint of doubt. "Your record speaks for itself. You have never needed backup before."

This was such a high compliment coming from the commander that, had the Holly of eight years ago been standing here, she had a feeling that her past self probably would have suspected this comment came more from a tendency toward stinginess of resources, not wanting to send any more of his officers out than absolutely necessary, than actual faith in his female officer.

After all, Julius had basically put her through purgatory with a completely unreasonable, monstrous workload when she had first joined the ranks as a reconnaissance captain, and she had been certain at the time he was doing it because he was hoping to get her to cop out, and so prove that a 'girlie' didn't belong in the force.

Not until years later did Commander Root let her catch a glimpse of the real truth – that he had seen her potential and talent, and had acted that way in an effort to help her be the best she could be. Far from trying to get rid of her, he had believed in her probably more than anyone else.

Holly couldn't help but smile, even though she was fully aware she wasn't exactly behaving in-character for how the Holly Short of this time was now. "Always a first time."

However, Root didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary. Instead, his gaze momentarily flickered from her face to settle on something else in front of him that the hologram didn't show, and Holly thought she saw his eyebrows raise up by a fraction.

"Are you calling me from Africa?" he asked suddenly. "What are you doing in Africa?"

Holly mentally cursed. Of course, Foaly had it rigged so that anyone using any form of communication via fairy technology would instantly have their location identified and sent directly to Police Plaza. She should have thought of that. It was only the commander's tendency to not be particularly observant unless it was obvious importance to an operation that had probably kept him from noticing it right off the bat.

To cover, Holly quickly smacked the control panel with her hand, the universal sign language gesture that meant 'This is not working properly and I'm trying to fix it.' It was not a very scientific way to diagnose a problem with a device, but it was probably good enough for her less-than-technologically-minded commander.

"No, I'm in Hamburg," she said quickly, "in the observation hide. Stupid machine."

Holly hoped this would be enough of an excuse; the commander was famous for not putting much stock in modern technology. Her little act wouldn't have worked in a million years if she'd tried it with Foaly, but luckily she wasn't trying to contact the centaur.

Holly added hurriedly while she was at it, hoping to circumvent any other questions in case the commander noticed his officer had suddenly apparently transformed into a teenager, or that one of her eyes was the wrong color, "The projectors are all wrong too. I look about ten years old on the monitor. I'm going to strangle Foaly when I get back."

Holly thought she saw the commander smirk slightly. He loved any and all insults leveled at his most annoying technical advisor. But he quickly forced his expression back to his usual frown, the customary beet color of his skin glowing at the edges of his face, as though on standby in case he found an excuse to jump down her throat about something.

"Why the hologram, Short?" he wanted to know, getting straight to the point as always, without pausing to bother much about diplomacy. "What's wrong with a plain old communicator?" He added, with just a tad bit of resentment, "Do you know how expensive it is to beam sound and vision through the earth's crust?"

Holly's gaze fell away from his for a moment. She was used to his hostility, but it wasn't making this any easier.

However, this would be her one and only chance to say it. This was Commander Root they were talking about, which meant she wasn't going to find any gradual, natural lead-ins to her topic of choice. But he had always preferred his people to cut right to the chase anyway. There was nothing he hated more than waffling – possibly one of the reasons he and a certain Mulch Diggums had never quite been able to get along.

So Holly took a second to screw up her courage, strengthened by the fact that the last thing she wanted was to miss this opportunity because of a little shyness, and then forced herself to look back up at him.

"I..." she began nervously, "I just wanted to thank you, Jul... Commander." She bit her lip, wanting almost to sigh in frustration with herself. She had barely even started and here she was, already on the verge of making a mistake; she was so emotional that it was preventing her from thinking clearly.

But apparently her commander still had not noticed anything, and replied brusquely, though with a hint of bewilderment, "Thank me, Captain? This is most irregular. I'm not sure I'm doing my job right if fairies are thanking me." He looked at Holly as though she had just confirmed a long-held fear, namely that he was not actually satisfactorily intimidating or tough enough on his subordinates already to suit the rigor of the LEP. However, Holly thought she saw something else flicker in the depths of his mud brown eyes, too.

Though somewhere in the back of her mind Holly wondered whether she might be condemning her past self and a slew of innocent, nonpartisan LEP employees to yet more grueling, strenuous conditions than they had ever known before, Holly couldn't stop the words that suddenly poured from her mouth, like water from a released plugged-up valve. "Yes, yes you are," she said, contradicting him in tones far more passionate than she had intended. "You do a fine job, more than fine. No one appreciated... appreciates you enough."

Holly had to stop herself a moment to gather her bearings. If she kept making errors like this, she might ruin things after all, despite Artemis's assurance that this was perfectly safe. He couldn't have calculated for her being so careless. But Holly was finding it so hard to concentrate, now that she was finally able to say aloud the things she had said in her head a thousand times, but had no one to which to say them.

"But I do now," Holly continued quietly. "I know what you were... are," she corrected herself quickly with a slight stutter, "trying to do for me." Holly's breathing was slow and even, yet she could feel her heart beating against her chest, pulsing with a kind of melancholy sadness.

However, she could also feel within the sadness a new, glowing warmth as well. "So thank you," she said, staring him right in the eye, knowing the words couldn't convey what she felt, but satisfied that they were the best there were, before she added with a distinct note of solemnity fused with her usual brass confidence, "and I won't let you down."

Holly didn't particularly expect her speech to go over too well with her decidedly no-nonsense, churlish former superior, but she didn't feel she really needed to receive a nice response. She had simply needed to say it. After all, all that time she had known him she had never once acknowledged what it meant to her to have him there, to be able to rely on him to take her side in many a disaster that the council was inclined to blame her for. So it was about time.

Holly was already picturing him peering at her with beady, suspicious eyes, informing her that brown-nosing wasn't going to earn her any slack, or that if she wanted brownie points she ought to work on cleaning up her work in the field.

But instead of reaming her as she expected, he didn't answer right away. The skin of his cheeks still held that usual slightly darker hue, but this time it did not look as though that it was out of anger. In fact, if Holly didn't know better, she would have thought he looked as though he was trying very hard not to look moved by her words.

Sounding almost embarrassed, Julius said, "I... 'hem... I accept your thanks, and I believe them to be heartfelt." He quickly added roughly as a means of recovery, "Although I don't expect an expensive hologram call during every mission; just the once will be fine."

Holly had to fight a smile. Nice evasive maneuver there, Commander. Though she had to admit his escape of the moment of an uncomfortable amount of sentimentality had been shockingly tactful compared to what could have been expected from his usual way of dealing with things. If only she had known to be a little nicer once in a while when she'd been living in this time for herself and seen this side of him earlier, the two of them would have gotten along so much better. But maybe it was just the curse of young adults to always think the world was out to get them.

"Understood, Commander." Holly was relieved he had not seemed to have noticed her multiple slip-ups, but then, though he was an excellent commander, he had never been known for his attention to detail.

"And be careful in Hamburg," he went on, easing back into his role of constantly bombarding his underlings with a variety of terse, often unhelpful commands in telling them what they probably already knew to do in their sleep. "Make sure to check your equipment."

"I will, Commander." And indeed, she had checked it. Unfortunately for the Holly Short of this time, that check came right before a certain annoying dwarf stole it right out of her supposedly secure locker at Tara.

"Anything else, Captain?"

Holly hesitated. It seemed this short conference was drawing to a close. However, she would have preferred to stay on the line indefinitely. The experience was like something out of a dream, a dream in which she knew that once she terminated the call, she would be losing her commander all over again. But she couldn't draw it out any longer; they both had things to do still, to live their lives and carry on with their own responsibilities.

Wordlessly, Holly extended a hand toward the image of her old friend and benefactor. "Wish me luck, Commander," she said seriously. "One officer to another."

Root frowned and made a disapproving noise at the back of his throat. However, he seemed to accept the gesture, even if privately he found it a bit silly, and his own hand moved out to meet hers.

His holographic hand, with its chipped fingernails and slightly stubby, wrinkled digits, went right through Holly's, as though already he had faded to no more than a ghost, soon to disappear completely.

"Good luck, Captain," he said. "And try to tone down that maverick streak. Someday I won't be around to help you."

"Will do, Commander," answered Holly. "Good-bye." And, before she could change her mind, Holly reached down and severed the connection.

For a moment, Holly stood silently in the darkness of the holo-booth, very abruptly completely alone.

Though her voice had remained steady to the end, Holly had not been able to stop the tears that had welled up in her eyes, though she tried to blink them back. The aching loss pounded inside her.

Yet it had not the same sense of bitter failure and regret that it had that first time, when he had looked at her with a smile and told her to be well. This time, though it brought pain, she felt a tremendous sense of peace as well. That had been a proper final separation at last; she had finally been able to tell him all the things that had weighed on her mind for so long, and now she could know that he knew how much he had meant to her. That she may have taken it for granted all that time before, but no longer.

Even if a sense of sadness had settled over her chest, it was not an oppressive kind. In fact, she felt a kind of radiant heat from it inside her, like the first pains of a healing wound. Holly had to admit, odd as it was, she was actually happy right now, just a little. She would not have traded this moment for anything – To think she had almost thrown it away out of a childish desire to rebel against doing what some manipulative human wanted her to do.

Barely paying attention to what she was doing, Holly left the tiny makeshift room and deactivated the holo-booth, leaving the case where it was as she returned to the pilot's seat.

"So, are we even?" said Artemis tentatively once she had settled herself in and taken back the control from the autopilot system.

Holly briefly felt her irritation resurface automatically at the sound of his voice. For a moment, she was tempted to return, "It's a start; ask me again after you've had a hundred more great ideas" but somehow, even Holly found that an ungracious thing to say given the circumstances, and the real edge had long been taken off her anger anyway.

All according to plan, no doubt.

Except, she realized, she needed to stop thinking like that. If she continued to spend so much thought and energy wondering if everything that came out of Artemis's mouth and every flicker of emotion that crossed his face was part of some bigger underlying scheme, she would probably go insane.

"If it makes any difference, I'm proud of you, Holly."

The memory of her commander's words from almost right before Opal Koboi was to trap and murder him struck out at her unexpectedly, and Holly found herself wondering if he would still feel the same way if he could see her now.

Holly was silent, her face somber. Even if she could no longer ask him, it didn't take a genius to figure it out. Pining after Mud Boys and sitting around going out of her way to be sulky and resentful when they were in the middle of such an important mission in terms of the wellbeing of the People? That wasn't the behavior of an LEP officer. If he could see her, he would probably be shaking his head in disappointment.

"I won't let you down." That was the promise she had made to Julius just minutes ago, the last real promise she would ever make to him. For right now, the first step to fulfilling that oath meant to start acting like an adult again, whether she physically looked or felt like one or not.

Now, she knew, was not the time to nurse a grudge, or pursue a risky, complicated inter-species relationship – not that she was planning to, though she was going to have to live with the shame of her earlier behavior back in Rathdown Park and above the Tara shuttleport for the rest of her life – or punish Artemis for what he had done. It was irksome to admit, but Artemis was acting more like an adult than she was at the moment.

"Yes, we're even," she said quietly. However, she had to add, with just a trace of defiance, "But your elf-kissing days are over."

"I see," said Artemis, his tone and face as unreadable as ever.

Holly replayed the last bit of their conversation in her mind, and found herself getting an unpleasant premonition. In her mind's eye, she could almost see the devil horns sprout from the boy's head as he thought to himself, Hmm, I wonder how much effort it would take to prove her wrong on that count. He would probably do it just to prove he could, knowing him, as though they were in some kind of twisted competition. The humans had a saying that 'Love is war,' and Artemis just loved wars, at least of strategy.

"It's not a challenge, Artemis," Holly corrected herself, trying to put every bit of finality she could muster into her tone to circumvent that particular way of thinking. "Over is over."

"I know," said Artemis simply, and Holly couldn't tell if the statement was one of resignation or relief. Or if he even had a real preference in the matter.

They were both quiet for awhile, just staring out at the wide expanse of desert before them, the view mostly blocked by the swirling sandstorm below. But now they could just make out a range of small mountains off in the distance.

Holly drifted, thoughts of her commander returning once more as she piloted the shuttle with ease through the empty sky. It was as Artemis had said; she had really done something that no one else was allowed to do, telling Julius all that had been burning inside her to say for so long. In truth, it was an unbelievably lavish, impossible gift.

Holly glanced over at Artemis sitting in the copilot's chair beside her. Strange, how this Mud Boy could seem to make the impossible possible on such a regular basis.

Holly stared silently out over the desert. The end to the barren expanse was now in sight, and soon they would be past it.

Holly felt her lips curling upward irresistibly into the slightest smile and, though her eyes remained a bit sad, she felt the barest beginnings of actual gratitude start to form in her chest again. She and Artemis had been enemies for what seemed like such a long time after their first meeting, but she knew she didn't want to be enemies now. Holly was ready for things to be okay again. Artemis had taken the first step, and now it was her job to set the tone for their subsequent relationship through her actions, not just her words.

A pool of resentment and hurt still continued to simmer deep in her consciousness, but she forced it far to the back of her mind, locking it away for later reflection.

Without looking, Holly leaned over and hit Artemis almost playfully on the arm. "Thanks, Arty," she said, and her voice was warmer than it had been in hours. The atmosphere in the cabin seemed to instantly lighten, as though the weight of her attitude toward the boy had been a physical force pressing down on them all this time.

"You are most welcome. All I did was have an idea," Artemis responded modestly.

That was true. Artemis was indeed a being composed mostly of ideas and few actions. That was why Holly was there – to be the one to act on Artemis Fowl's brilliant ideas.

It occurred to Holly that the Commander Julius Root of this time hadn't the slightest idea of what would befall him in less than two years time. He didn't yet know a mere Mud Child would challenge the fairy people and that he, Commander Root, would have an alarmingly dangerous and difficult situation on his hands. His blood pressure was going to go through the ceiling.

Strangely, even though that whole mess when she had been kidnapped had really been quite the ordeal, and since she had become involved with the boy she had been forced to endure struggle after trying struggle, Holly found herself, on behalf of Commander Root and everyone else she knew, quite looking forward to those years that in this time were still yet to come. The fairy people's first encounter with Artemis Fowl.

A/N: Yes, this chapter... turned out to be hard, lol. I ended up adding in the entire scene of Holly's conversation with Root, even though I had originally cut most of of it out. I'm still not all that sure about that decision... It seemed so odd to have it cut out as I had it before, but having the whole thing in its entirety seemed sort of a bit much too. I'll probably be able to judge better if I ever come back and read this a couple years from now, heh. (But obviously, I didn't want to wait that long to post this)

Anyway, I've been so enjoying reading all your reviews, thank you! I'd love to keep hearing more, so please tell me what you think. (:

Posted 11/16/11