Chapter 6

I Trust You With My Tears

Lucy stared at her laptop screen wearily as she read her amazon shopping list back to herself. She was officially out of her first trimester and making some daring moves to buy a few baby items. Among them was a bassinet, a receiving blanket and a few newborn outfits. Since it was still a few weeks too early to find out the sex of the baby, she'd picked neutral colors. She also had a few other things in her cart that she was waiting until later in her pregnancy to order. Of all of the things she'd picked so far, she was most excited to order the buggy. She'd always wanted one for her dolls growing up, and she had no qualms about getting one or her unborn child.

"Ian, will you come look at this," she said as she turned to look behind her chair. About ten feet, Ian was dozing on the couch under a light blanket. They had gone hiking earlier in the morning, and Ian had gotten a bout of hay fever. He'd taken antihistamine when they had gotten back to their new apartment, but it had tired him out so he'd been resting while she shopped.

He got up off the couch and walked over to her, leaning over the chair to look at the computer screen. "What am I looking at." "Do you think this is okay?" She asked, referring to the fact that she was making baby purchases.

Ian shook his head, confused. "The color, or…what?" Lucy chuckled and shook her head, remembering that sometimes she had to be slow with him and spell things out.

"Do you think its okay to be buying these right now," she spoke in a slow manner, almost teasing. Ian stuck his tongue out at her and then looked back to the computer screen and nodded.

"I don't see why it should be a problem. It's not like you're ordering an entire catalogue of things." Lucy smiled and tilted her head up and kissed him quickly on the lips before looking back at the screen and clicking on the yellow button to start the final stages of her order. Once she had everything keyed in, she sent it through and then pulled down the lid to her laptop. She stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her lips against Ian's. He kissed her back and tousled his fingers into her hair, pressing his body flush up against hers. They parted a moment later and Lucy made an odd face.

"What?" Ian asked.

"Starting to get a bit of a bump, I think," she murmured as she pulled away from him. She looked down at her still generally flat stomach and lifted her t-shirt up. There was just the slightest hint of a curve on her stomach. As she stared at the pale skin, it amazed her that it had been almost four months since she and Ian had changed their whole relationship. It seemed like only yesterday she was insisting to seven thousand people on a Ustream that the only reason they kissed so passionately on set was because they wanted their kisses to look real.

"Where's your head at, Lucygoose?" He asked.

Lucy shrugged, letting her shirt drop as she looked back up at him. She gave a small smile. "Just thinking about how much has changed. I never thought this would happen."

"That I'd knock you up or that we'd end up together?" Ian asked. He grabbed her hand and walked back over to the couch, her following closely behind. She sat down next to him and swung her legs up into his lap.

"I don't know. All of it, maybe?" She said honestly. "I was so set on not wanting to be that couple that meets on the set of a new show, falls in love, and screws everything up when the relationship falls apart. I knew that we had really amazing chemistry and that we were really great friends but I didn't want to lose that. I didn't want to risk losing you." "So you would've rather we'd stayed just shy of perfect?" Ian asked.

Lucy shook her head. "Not after we slept together. I told you my feelings changed after that, but sometimes…" He reached out and tilted her chin up to look at him. "Sometimes what?" Tears brimmed Lucy's eyes as she looked at him. "Sometimes I hated you because no matter who I was dating, I was always getting hate. And then I'd see fans saying you deserved the best and deserved to be happy, and it hurt. I still get hate messages now, except now they say that I don't deserve you."

Ian cupped his hands under her legs and pulled her closer to him and rested his hand on her knee. "That is NOT true. People judge what they can only see from the outside, but that doesn't mean they know anything. Just because you post things on twitter doesn't mean those people know you. Words on a screen can't tell people how generous you are, or selfless, or loving. If people are really so unfair that they'll judge you when they don't know you, then shame on them. You are beautiful, and giving, and smart, you are the best that there is for me. The fans want to say I deserve the best? Then fine. Chris was right about one thing. You are the best."

Lucy's bottom lip trembled and several tears fell down her face as she managed a small smile. Ian leaned forward and kissed her, rubbing his hands up and down her back.

-
I've got a reason now to bury this alive
Another little white lie
-

Lucy squeezed his hand lightly as they walked into Holly's home. They had been invited on Friday to have dinner with her and her kids on Sunday. She could hear chatter from the kitchen as she pushed the door open and walked inside.

A boy came charging across the hallway and squealed at her, laughing. "Lucy! Ian!"

Lucy chuckled, leaning down to hug the younger boy. A moment later, he grabbed her free hand and led her down the hall to the spacious kitchen in Holly's home. She'd only been there twice before, but she always respected how Holly kept her house so clean and how good of a mom she was.

Holly looked up as they came through the doorway and smiled at them. "Goose! Boy Wonder! You're here!"

Lucy and Ian both waved as they walked into the room. Along with Holly, Chad was also there, as well as Holly's best friend, Shannen.

Holly settled a bowl on the table and then wiped her hands off on her jeans while Lucy and Ian removed their coats and settled them over chairs at the table. Holly turned to Shannen.

"This is Lucy, my pretend daughter," she said with a laugh. "and Ian… her inappropriate on-screen boyfriend."

Shannen chuckled as she shook hands with both Lucy and Ian. "It's good to meet you finally. I hear so much about the both of you." "Only good things I hope," Lucy giggled.

Ian shook his head, laughing. "Not possible. I'm convinced she's got a grenade stowed away somewhere with my name on it."

Holly turned to Shannen. "See what I mean? He's impossible to work with! Such a diva. Rookie has no clue what he's gotten himself into."

Shannen simply laughed at them. They all settled down at the table a few minutes later, and Holly got all three of her boys settled at the table as well. She filled plates for each of them before sitting down between Chad and Shannen. Conversation ensued through the meal, and by the end of the night, Holly and Lucy were the only ones left at the table, while Ian was in the sitting room playing with the boys to keep them entertained.

"How're you two doing in the new apartment?" Holly asked as he settled a cup of tea in front of Lucy.

Lucy shrugged. "We're okay. Oh! I ordered a couple of onesies today. They're so cute!"

Holly chuckled. "It's always fun when you first get to do that."

It was quiet for a few moments as Lucy played with the tea bag in her cup and Holly added cream and sugar into her coffee. She took a drink from it.

"How's Boy Wonder handling all of it?" Lucy looked across the dining room through the doorway into the sitting room. She chuckled as Finley jumped on Ian and he feigned a look of pain before pinning the boy to the ground and tickling him.

"Good, I think." Lucy said. "He hasn't said anything about feeling otherwise bothered by all of it. I think he wanted all of this more than I did in the beginning though," she said.

Holly nodded. She laughed as her youngest son jumped on Ian's back and wrapped his arms tightly around Ian's neck. Ian pulled him over his shoulders and tossed him gently onto the couch before tickling him as well.

"He's going to be a great father," she commented. "I don't think my boys have laughed that much with another man since their dad and I split up." Lucy smiled sympathetically at Holly. "Are you okay? I mean without him here to help?" Holly nodded. "We're good. They still get to see their dad. I think they just miss having a man here who gives them the attention they want. Finley misses him the most."

Lucy looked back over at Ian and silently considered herself lucky that he was desperately in love with her.

"Am I distracting your drooling abilities?" Holly teased a moment later.

Lucy blushed, turning back to look at her. "Sorry."

Holly shrugged and shook her head. "Who am I to stop you two from being enthralled with each other? Off-screen, I mean." Lucy giggled. She reached into her purse to find her chapstick and rustled things around for a few moments before finally managing to find it. She brushed it over her lips and then dropped it back into her purse, only to be distracted a moment later when music began to emit from Ian's phone at the other end of the table.

"Don't put your lips to my mouth

And tell me you can't stay

Don't slip your hand under my shirt

And tell me it's okay

Don't say it doesn't matter

Cause it's gonna matter to me

I can't be alone with you've

Got me out on the edge every time you call

And I know it would kill me if I fall

I can't be alone with you…"

Lucy raised her eyebrows curiously as she reached across the table and picked up the phone. At the same time, Holly stood and walked into the sitting room, telling her boys it was time to get ready for bed.

Ian walked into the kitchen as Lucy pulled her phone out of her purse. It was just beginning to go to voicemail for Ian's phone when she pushed the red button to end the call.

"Nice ring tone," she teased.

Ian shrugged, tucking it into his jeans. "It's been the ring tone I've had for you for a while. Still reminds me of you, so I never changed it." He sat down in the chair next to her.

"It feels a little insulting," she replied.

Ian shook his head, draping his arm around her chair. "It's not intended as an insult. Granted at the time that I chose it for you, it was because I had very strong feelings for you, and I knew if I told you and you shot me down that it would hurt."

By the look on her face, he could tell that he wasn't actually helping the situation. He exhaled a sigh and grabbed her left hand in his.

"Look. I was in love with you for a long time. But you were with someone else, and even though you felt differently after we had sex, your attitude didn't outwardly change. I knew if we went there again that I was risking getting hurt even worse. It never meant I didn't love you, though. The difference is now it's just as hard to be around you, but that has more to do with the fact that I don't want to keep my hands off of you."

Lucy let out a breath like she might laugh at Ian's last comment, but her frown was still present on her face.

Ian picked up his phone off the table and pushed a few buttons on the screen. "I was saving this for a different occasion, but do you want to know what I was going to change it to?"

Lucy looked up at his phone and then dared a glance up at him. He pushed a button on the screen.

"Now you're my whole life

Now you're my whole world

And I just can't believe

The way I feel about you, girl

Like a river meets the sea

Stronger than it's ever been

We've come so far since that day

And I thought I loved you then…"

"Do I even need to explain to you why that song makes me think of you?" He asked.

Lucy shook her head, looking up at him with tears glinting in the light, in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm stupidly emotional. I know I'm being ridiculous."

Ian kissed her forehead. "I don't care. But now you've got me curious as to what you've got for me as a ring tone."

Lucy picked up her phone and pushed several buttons on it before she found the audio file and began to play it.

"Every long lost dream

Led me to where you are

Others who broke my heart

They were like northern stars

Pointing me on my way

Into your loving arms

This much, I know, is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you …"

Holly walked back into the dining room and disrupted their conversation. "That's all sweet and cute, but you've both got the same one from me."

Lucy and Ian both looked up at her curiously.

"Oh, okay," she replied, pulling her cell phone from her pocket. She pushed a few buttons and then chuckled as the song began to play.

"I'm Elmo, and I know it

I'm Elmo and I know it

Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, yeah…"

Lucy and Ian fell into a fit of laughter as Holly snapped a photo of them with her phone. A moment later, their phones chimed, and they both looked up at her curiously. Lucy grabbed her phone off the table and brought the screen up. Holly's twitter opened up.

H_Combs

He's enjoying this too much.

ianmharding lucyyhale

/9s03dc

Lucy tapped the photo link, and a picture of she and Ian popped up. Her forehead was pressed against his jaw and they were both laughing. Ian had his arm wrapped around her

"You want to talk about him enjoying it too much?" Lucy said with a laugh. "The fans are nuts! Every time there's a new photo, they're on it like vultures on a dead carcass."

Holly chuckled. "Your fans adore you. I'd say that's a good thing."

Lucy scratched the side of her head nervously, chuckling. "The Halers are great, and the Lucian shippers are pretty great too, but there are some vengeful people out there who have made very cruel comments."

Holly shook her head, sitting down back in her seat at the head of the table. She placed her hand over Lucy's. "You're an amazing person, Goose, and so is Rookie. If they can't see that, then screw 'em and their vicious words. They're not worth your time."

"I just don't understand why they think they have a right to judge my life," Lucy murmured. "They're not living it."

Holly let out a soft laugh at herself. "You know, this is going to sound very motherly, but in your case it's likely very true. They're probably jealous of you. Before this relationship, you had a best friend who was willing to bend over backwards for you. Now you've got him as your boyfriend, and anyone who knows you knows this relationship is the happiest you both have been in almost three years. If you've got to question why someone would be jealous of that, then I'm just a little bit worried."

-
You're the only one who ever stuck around for me
When I was losing faith in what I thought I could be
-

Lucy stared at her phone as Ian moved around the bed, putting clean laundry into the dresser.

"We should talk about how we're going to go public with this," she said. "We've got maybe a month before your daughter starts taking more space for rent."

Ian smiled up at her at the mention that they were having a girl. "Have you given the situation any thoughts?"

Lucy shrugged. "I know it's really daunting and blatant, but I thought maybe we'd just take to twitter and confirm it ourselves. It's not like the rumours haven't been out there since Chris' comments back at the end of March."

Ian sat down on the side of the bed. "Well, why don't we go with the idea that we pick a day, make it known that we have an announcement, and then make it at some point."

Lucy nodded nervously. "There's just one thing."

"What's that?" Ian asked.

"Our coworkers?" She said. "I mean sure, Holly and Chad know, and all of the executives, but I'm quite sure that if we don't tell the girls and at least Tyler before we go public, they're going to be pissed.""So how do you want to go about it?" Ian asked.

Lucy shrugged. "I guess I could call the girls tomorrow and find out of they want to get lunch." She raised her eyebrows as she looked back at the screen on her phone. "In other news, we're the top two trends on twitter."

"Seriously?" Ian asked, surprised.

Lucy nodded. "Lucian ustream is one, and the other is," she giggled. "Ian says Lucy is the best."

Ian chuckled. "That's what I get for tweeting that."

Lucy eyed him curiously and then went to her 'following' page and clicked on his profile. It came up a moment later.

claireleahy
(at)ianmharding opinion of
Ms. Hale today?

ianmharding
(at)claireleahy (at)lucyyhale the
very best everything

"Aww," she cooed cheerfully. She settled her phone on the bed an wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her lips to his. "That was sweet."

Ian shrugged. "Just attempting to be the perfect boyfriend.""No attempt needed," she replied. "You already are."

-
Life keeps telling me I need to go
But what if I wanna stay
-

Lucy brushed a hand through her hair as she stared at the menu in front of her. Ashley was seated next to her, and Shay was across the table from her, but they were still waiting for Troian to show up. She was incredibly nervous about telling them about the baby, but they were already questioning her to tell them.

"C'mon," Ashley badgered lightly. "We'll act surprised when Troi comes."Lucy giggled nervously, shaking her head. "You'll just have to wait."They sat in silence for a few more minutes as Lucy looked over her menu. She settled on deciding to order a fruit platter. She kept her attention on it though, refusing to pay any mind to anything else until Troian finally walked into the café and sat down in the final open chair on her right.

"Sorry," she murmured as she sat down. "Patrick and I over slept, and then I got a call from CBS. They want me to do a three episode arc this summer on NCIS."

"That's great," the three girls replied in unison. They congratulated her for a moment before quieting again. Troian studied her menu for a few moments before looking up at Lucy.

"So what are we here for?" She asked.

Lucy picked up her glass of water and took several gulps from it. When most of it was gone, she finally set it back on the table. She folded her hands over her closed menu nervously. "I wanted to tell you guys something, because Ian and I are going to be going public with it soon."

The three girls murmured back perplexed 'okay's', waiting for her to continue. Lucy took several deep breaths before speaking again.

"Ian and I are pregnant," she said finally.

She sat timidly for a few moments, waiting for whatever was to come from her cast mates. After a few minutes, Ashley was the first to speak.

"Pregnant as in newly pregnant, right?"Lucy shook her head, biting on her bottom lip. "We've known for about a month and a half."

"Why are we just finding out now?" Shay asked.

Lucy rubbed her thumbs over themselves nervously. "We didn't want it getting out before we were ready. We're still not-"

"We're not just anyone," Ashley replied. "I thought we were closer than that."

Lucy pressed her lips together. Her hormones were starting to get the best of her and tears filled her eyes. "We are. But- I…"

She shook her head. Her bottom lip began to tremble.

"Be fair," Troian chimed in, looking between Shay and Ashley. "It's not as if Patrick and I jumped on the bandwagon to tell the entire world the minute we got engaged. We put it off for a while."

Lucy looked over at Troian and mouthed a small thank you. She looked back at Ashley and Shay. A stray tear fell down her cheek. She wiped it away, frustrated. "It wasn't planned. We hooked up, and things happened. I was planning on telling you guys, I just didn't know how, and I didn't want you to find out because it was on the cover of People magazine. It was bad enough when they put that article in about Ian and I with Chris and his twitter soapbox."

"So what're you going to do?" Ashley asked. "I mean does ABC Family know? Marlene?"Lucy nodded slowly. "They're working the show around it. I think Aria's finally going to get some damage in the second half of the season." She exhaled a sigh. "I don't want you guys upset with Ian and me. We just wanted you to know. I promise we won't be secretive from now on."Troian chimed in before either of the other two girls could say anything. "We're happy to know, and we're here for you for anything you need. No matter what."

Lucy smiled at her. An awkward silence passed over them until she finally cleared her throat loudly. "So what's everyone else having for breakfast?"