It's Better to Have Loved and Lost

by An Aspiring Author

AU Marauder Era Times are dark and growing darker, but the antics and drama of Lily, James and friends provide a beam of light and hope. Join them on their journey through Hogwarts 7th yr and beyond as they learn about what it is to love laugh and lose

56. A Lot Can Happen in Six Months Part 2

Disclaimer: I do not own any Harry Potter or Harry Potter related copyrights. I retain the copyrights to all original material.

- - - July - - -

"Lily, you've got to tell him," Frank told her sternly as the pair sat with the rest of the Order waiting for the meeting to start. "I talked to Albus at the last meeting and he said I could tell Alice; I finally told her last week and it felt amazing."

Lily glanced at Frank dryly and then resumed looking straight ahead. "The way I heard it from Alice, she was absolutely horrified and she cried half the night imagining you in so much danger. I understand your desire to tell her, but did you really have to give her all the details?"

"I just want to shake you right now!" said Frank with exasperation.

"What seems to be the problem?" as Gideon Prewett as he and his brother sat down next to Lily.

"Well you remember James Potter from school? He must have been a first or second year when you graduated. Anyway, he is conspicuously absent from the Order because Lily here refuses to let Dumbledore invite him in and actually won't tell him about it at all," said Frank more calmly. "And I have been trying to get her to see reason and tell him for the last few months. I finally told my girlfriend and it went fine."

"Lily," said Fabian Prewett slowly. "I know what it's like to keep a secret from someone that you love. Gideon and I both decided long ago that we weren't going to tell our sister Molly about any of this."

"Thank you!" gasped Lily. "See Frank, I'm not as crazy as you think for keeping it a secret from James."

"That wasn't the point Fabian was trying to make," said Gideon gently. "There's a big difference between keeping a secret from your sister or family member and your significant other. Frank is right; you should tell him. I don't regret telling Dorcas and getting her involved. Sure we have both had some close calls, but for the most part I, or someone I trust, has been there to protect her. In fact, it's easier to have her here because she knows more about what is going on in the world and so can make better informed decisions and automatically has greater protection because she has all these people here looking out for her."

"Point blank- you're being an immature ninny," said Fabian with a joking element to his words.

"I know it's hard, but it's worth it," said Frank. "And beyond that, as I have said a thousand times before, the Order could use someone like him."

"Ok, ok, I'll think about it," said Lily stubbornly. She was not used to having three people against her point of view and the experience left her very flustered.

Luckily for Lily, Dumbledore strode into the room at that moment and all opportunities for Frank and the Prewett brothers to continue to harangue her were ended.

"Good evening friends," said Dumbledore happily. "I am pleased to announce that we have some happy news to be shared tonight, but first as usual, does anyone have any recommendations for new members?"

Frank took a deep breath and raised his hand. "Alice Green," he uttered firmly.

Dumbledore nodded as Minerva McGonagall, the secretary of the order, wrote down the name.

"Anyone else?" asked Dumbledore, his gaze specifically focused on Lily. She had asked him for a year, and now her time was up.

Lily sighed as she heard his voice in her head. She raised her hand and said, "James Potter, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black, and what the hell, Marlene McKinnon."

"Thank you," said Dumbledore softly. "Any other people whom I should check into and extend an invitation to?"

A couple other names were suggested, but all Lily could hear was her heart pounding and blood rushing through her ears. After doing a few short centering exercises which Dumbledore had taught her, she was able to compartmentalize her fear and anxiety and focus on the rest of the meeting.

After the meeting Lily remained seated long after everyone had risen to mingle and leave. Dumbledore sat down next to his protégé and calmly asked, "As I have told you many times Lily, the greatest hurdle in mastering your fear is naming it. What is it that you are so afraid of?"

Lily sighed deeply and turned to her mentor with tears sparkling in the corners of her eyes. "What if he dies?"

"Someday he will die, probably long before you," said Dumbledore sagely. "An exceptionally long life is part of the burden you bear my dear."

"I know that," snapped Lily. "But that could be ages away; I could have decades with him, a century even."

"Then look at it this way; if we don't win this war, Voldemort surely will and exactly how long do you think a Potter would last under that regime? There would be no place for him to hide and he would die a long, slow, horrific and shameful death. Not even you could save him from that."

After a long pause Lily admitted, "I hadn't thought of it that way."

"Which is why one should always seek the counsel of another. Point of view is a valuable tool of which one should have many. I look forward to seeing the rest of your friends at our next meeting; I have already thoroughly researched them and so will be sending out owls in the next few days so I suggest that you speak to Mr. Potter before then," he concluded.

Lily nodded and stood up. "I'll tell him tonight, before I lose my nerve. Oh and Albus?"

"Yes Lily?"

"I've known that the day James would join us was coming for a long time, and during this time I've been thinking that we should have some sort of initiation training and exercises, practical stuff to keep everyone alive. I've spoken briefly to Alastor about it and he is willing to lead the program. I also think I could count on support from Frank, Gideon, Fabian, and Dorcas if not a few others, Hestia maybe. They don't teach nearly enough in a year at the Auror Academy to make me feel comfortable putting my friends in the field."

"I think that's a fine idea; hash out the details by next week and send me a report. Then we can convene a sub-committee and have a meeting within a fortnight."

"Thank you," said Lily simply as she and her former headmaster went their separate ways.

Shortly thereafter Lily appeared in the doorway of James's bedroom, her heart beating swiftly and her cheeks flushed.

"What is it?" James wanted to know. He had been reclining on his bed reading the newest issue of one of his Quidditch magazines, but Lily's clearly agitated state instantly had him on high alert and he sat up straight.

"There's something I need to tell you. It's a secret I've kept since before we were dating," said Lily as she slowly approached him. "The day I turned seventeen I swore an oath to a secret organization led by Dumbledore to defeat Voldemort. As a Hogwarts student there was little I could do, but I was able to pass on information about students and their families such as which side they seemed to favor, and who was friendly with whom.

"When I went away to the Institute it was my assignment to attract some international attention and seek help. Many were uninterested in Britain's problem and some didn't even see it as a major issue, but Vicky, naturally, was very interested, joined the order officially and has continued my mission at the Institute.

"Since returning in January I have been working on small scale reconnaissance missions with Frank as my partner as well as a larger operation that I can't talk about. I have also participated in a few team assignments such as guarding Hogsmeade during Hogwarts trips and ambushing small Death Eater gatherings. However, the Death Eaters are getting more and more active and obvious, so the Order is getting more aggressive with its efforts, especially as the Ministry fails to respond adequately. Long story short, we need more people to help combat the Death Eaters and Dumbledore will be sending you an invitation shortly," she finished quickly as she finally sat down on the bed across from him.

James just looked at Lily for a long time as he sank back against his headboard.

"How could you keep something like this from me all this time?" he finally wondered aloud.

"I didn't want you to worry," Lily told him.

"No, I don't think that that's it," mused James. "You didn't want me to try to stop you."

"You could not have stopped me."

"I know that," said James sharply. "But I just can't rationalize why you would keep something this big from me otherwise. Really, how can you explain this to me?"

Lily sighed and decided to go straight to the ugly truth. "I didn't want you to become involved. I knew that as soon as I told you about it you would want to join and there would be nothing I could do to stop you. It's dangerous; I have seen and heard about bad things happening to many good people. At first people just disappeared, but now body parts are being delivered to their families by black owls. I was scared for you and couldn't bear to lose you."

James groaned in frustration. "I don't even know what to do with you right now! We're getting married for Merlin's sake! I thought you were over this selfish nonsense. You need to trust me with everything, not just the stuff that you feel like sharing. This is it, from now on, no more secrets, ever. This is your last opportunity to get it all out."

Lily took his words and stern expression very seriously. She stared back at James as she mulled over his message. "Ok. First of all I want to say that there will always be things I cannot tell you due to my status as a Guardian and now my place within the Order; this concept isn't new to you. You need to trust me to share what I can when I can.

"What I can share with you is this: Marlene is pregnant and I went with her to St. Mungo's that day of Frank's graduation party for a pregnancy test, not for potion poisoning like she made Alice and I tell everyone. Every time I have told you that I was visiting Benjy over the last few months, I was really on Order business, either at a meeting or on a mission. And you know your favorite boxers with the snitches on them that you thought you lost eight or nine months ago? Yeah I borrowed them before you went to the auror academy and I have just neglected to return them."

"Somehow I am most upset by you stealing my favorite lucky most comfortable boxers!" laughed James.

Lily smiled and knew that everything was going to be ok. Well, it would be ok after she put James and her friends through the most stringent preparatory program she could come up with anyways.

- - - August - - -

"First on the agenda tonight," said Dumbledore smoothly. "I would like to extend a sincere welcome to our newest members who have each sworn the same solemn oath as all of you. For the benefit of all, I would like everyone to please take a moment to introduce themselves. Minerva, perhaps you would like to begin?"

Professor McGonagall introduced herself to a room mostly filled by her former students, and the rest of the room followed in an orderly manner. Dumbledore then asked for the names of any prospective members. Only silence met his question so he continued.

"Excellent," concluded Dumbledore. "Next I would like Alastor to report on the latest project of the Offensive Team."

"Alright," growled Alastor as he stood up to address the room. "My team has crafted a training curriculum for all recruits who have been in the Order for less than a year. There will be a lesson hosted by a member or two of the Order after each meeting. All sessions are mandatory if you ever want to see field time. After you have completed all six sessions then you will be tested and if you pass you will be granted the ability to go on team missions. Solo and partner missions will be accessible to you after the training committee decides that you are ready and you pass a surprise test. Lastly tonight's session will be taught by myself and Evans and the topic is constant vigilance and personal defense. That is all."

"Thank you Alastor; I look forward to the results of the efforts of you and your team. Next, I would like Dorcas to report on Ministry Affairs."

"Thanks Albus," said Dorcas cheerfully. "For those of you who don't know I work in the Department of Mysteries and just recently finished my training as an Unspeakable. Therefore I have a lot of access within the Ministry and my presence in odd places at odd times is less conspicuous than most.

"What I can report tonight is that there have been some highly suspicious meetings within the Department of Games and Sports between one particular employee and various suspected Death Eaters. Also several time sensitive interdepartmental messages have gone missing this week and were all found by a custodian late last night in a rubbish bin. These events are probably unrelated and could both possibly be harmless but I will keep tabs on both incidents and report back when next we meet."

"Very good Dorcas," said Albus calmly. "Is there anyone who can better infiltrate the Department of Games and Sports and try to identify the nature of the meetings of which Dorcas has spoken?"

The room was silent for a few heartbeats, but then Marlene broke the quiet, and although her voice was a bit quiet and squeaky at first, her bravery was evident. "My ex-boyfriend works in that department," she paused as she rubbed her still flat stomach. "And I have a pretty good excuse for poking around and visiting often."

"Thank you Marlene, take a few moments at the end of this meeting and coordinate with Dorcas. Next on the agenda is an update on Covert Operations from Frank, who is speaking in place of the Hestia Jones who could not be with us this evening."

"We're making progress in infiltrating a circle of suspected minor Death Eaters who frequently meet in a backroom at the Leaky Cauldron. Both Henry and Fabian are accepted to the point were they are allowed to sit with the group, but talk has not ever turned toward any darker activities, though recently they expressed their negative opinions towards muggles and muggleborns after drinking significantly.

"Gideon has reported that his routine stake-outs of the Lestrange residence have yielded no results. In fact it is assumed that protective enchantments similar to those used on the Black house have been put in place, preventing outsiders from seeing any movements. We are unsure if this is a result of the stake-outs or unrelated. Hestia has requested one more month of surveillance with a new direction: to see if there are any holes in the charms, if anyone slips up. If nothing has been found at the end of the month, we will terminate the project. Nothing substantial to report on the surveillance of the other suspected death eater homes and meeting places.

"Hestia is looking for two or three volunteers to aid the Hogwarts professors during Hogsmeade weekends this fall. It was noted at the end of last year that certain groups of students appeared to disappear during the trip and then reappear just as the trip ended. We were unable to ascertain the exact number and identity of students, the location of their meetings, and if there were any adults present. These will all be goals for the fall. If you would like to volunteer for this case please let me know after the meeting.

"Finally, Hestia would like to once more emphasize the need for immaculate disguises and well-constructed back stories. If you have any questions please do not hesitate Hestia or myself."

"Thank you Frank," said Dumbledore. "I would like to reiterate Hestia's point; you have to erase all distinguishing features (at which point he cast a knowing look at Lily) and become a different person. Do not become the same person every time, as long as that is something you can handle. As always, don't overstretch your limitations, and everyone should take advantage of Alastor's trainings no matter your experience. Now does anyone else have anything they would like to report? Protective Services?"

"Nothing much to report tonight Albus," replied Amelia Bones. "Two more families have been added to our list of possible targets, one family has been upgraded to known target, and three families have agree to go into hiding and have been removed from our service. By the grace of Merlin we haven't lost any of our people this month."

"Thank you Amelia, the work that you and your teammates do is bearing wonderful fruit, well done. If no one else has anything to add," with this he paused and surveyed the room. "I believe our meeting has concluded. Please follow the usual protocols as you leave. We can ill-afford having to find another new meeting place."

"You all look so overwhelmed," said Lily as she approached her friends.

"That was a lot to take in," said Marlene defensively.

"I know," said Lily soothingly. "Which is why Alastor and I have developed an orientation of sorts for you."

"Speak of the devil and he shall appear," growled Moody as he appeared seemingly out of nowhere. "Evans tells me that some of you are training to be aurors. I want to make it clear right off the bat that this won't be like this because reality isn't anything like what they teach you in that bloody "school", so don't think you don't have to pay attention or that I'm wasting your time. Now Evans, I've weakened the anti-apparition wards for exactly three minutes; think you can get everyone to the training grounds in that time?"

Lily sized up the group and then brightly boasted, "With two and a half minutes to spare." She grabbed James and Sirius and was gone with a pop. Seconds later she re-appeared and took Remus by the arm and grabbed Alice's hand and was gone again. Lastly she returned for Marlene. She hugged Marlene tightly and concentrated more than the others, for apparition was more complicated with a pregnant woman, never mind side-along apparition. Lastly she returned, grabbed Peter's sweaty hand and nodded to Alastor.

Training was long and arduous. The new recruits were pushed to their wits' end in a part of the Forbidden Forest unfamiliar to even the four Marauders. Bruises abounded and a few broken bones needed to be set by Lily, who had brushed up on such procedures for the occasion.

"That was the worst hour of my life," Alice moaned to Frank as the shabby group limped into the Three Broomsticks. Knowing what Lily had planned, Frank had agreed to wait for the group with a round of warm butterbeers.

"It was three actually," said Frank trying not to laugh at his girlfriend's pitiable state.

"We were out there for three hours?" barked Sirius. "I am going to kill Lily, sorry Prongs, but it just has to happen."

"That's fine," mumbled James as he rested his forehead against the table.

"Hey at least you'll be prepared for anything real life has to throw at you," said Frank cheerily.

"If you make one more cheery comment I'm going to strangle you with your own intestines right where you sit," snapped Marlene.

"I'm sooo tired," whined Peter.

"See that's more like it," said Marlene. "Everyone should sound as horrible as I feel."

"Some of those spells were just incredible," said Remus breaking the silence. "I've never seen anything like it. Like the one where Lily shadow-cloned herself? And when Moody moved with lightning speed?"

"How about when they both disappeared? Those disillusionment charms were remarkable," added Alice.

"Some of the stuff they expected us to do though… that can't be real," scoffed Sirius. "Like I doubt any Death Eater has ever climbed a tree."

"Oh really Black?" barked Moody as he sneaked behind the unassuming young man. "Tell that to the missing chunk of my arm," he growled.

Sirius paled and was silent. Moody continued, "Do the rest of you have anything to say? That's what I thought. I'll see all of you next time; we have work to do before any of you are ready to go into the real world. Remember, constant vigilance."

Moody then proceeded to the bar and ordered himself a double firewhiskey. Once the group saw that it seemed as if he was just going to moodily sit by himself at the bar and wasn't going to approach them again, they relaxed and began talking of lighter topics. A short while later, Lily entered the pub, waved to her friends and then took a seat next to Moody at the bar. The pair leaned in close to each other and began whispering furiously. James soon noticed the odd behavior of his fiancée and fell silent as he observed her. One by one the rest of the group fell silent until Frank finally caught on to what everyone was staring at.

"Oh them? Moody and Lily are always like that, don't mind them. So back to the Chudley Cannons, I really think they have a chance this year…" said Frank.

James still had a strange feeling about Lily and Moody being so secretive. It just seemed so odd that she was so comfortable around him; not even his father seemed that comfortable talking to Moody and they had worked together for decades. What could she want to talk to the second most senior, and arguably the best, auror in the department for? Nothing came to mind, and he decided at the moment to find out what she was talking to Moody about.

- - September - -

"Do you have to go?" asked Remus softly with a roguish grin at the end for effect.

"Yes," said Vicky hesitantly as she paused in gathering up her strewn clothes and looked back at him. She was such a sucker for that smile.

"I think you should come back to bed and cuddle with me," he told her as he rolled onto his side and propped his head up on his hand, fully showing off his lean, yet muscular chest. If there was an upside to being a werewolf it would be that it was great exercise.

"Remus," whined Vicky.

"What?" he whined back, with a wide smile because he could tell he was winning.

"Aren't your parents going to be home soon?"

Remus sighed dejectedly. "Probably, my dad gets out of work in twenty minutes or so and I'm surprised that my mum isn't home, grocery shopping doesn't usually take her this long."

"Maybe she's being nice and giving us some privacy," suggested Vicky lightly as she saw worry starting to weigh down her boyfriend's brow. "I've been here everyday of the last two weeks, I think she can guess what we've been up to."

"Hmmm," mused Remus. "I don't know how I feel about my mum knowing that we have been up here 'procreating like rabbits' as I believe Sirius said yesterday when I declined his invitation to play Quidditch."

"Well I know how I feel about it," said Vicky as she finally got around to getting dressed. "I feel awkward. It's hard to look at her when I know what I've been doing with her baby boy."

Remus just hummed in response, apparently deep in thought.

"What's on your mind?"

Remus slowly came out of his reverie and stated, "It has been quite inconvenient to have to work around my parents' schedules and you're right it is a bit awkward to be around them now."

"Ok…"

"And, it is quite tedious to only get to see you for two weeks every three months," he added, speaking more quickly now.

"I agree," said Vicky, still unsure of where this train of thought would take them.

"And I have saved practically every knut I've made since I started working last summer, so I would probably have enough…"

"Enough for what?"

Remus stared at Vicky intently and said, "What would you say if I moved to the area around the Institute? I don't have much keeping me here; all my friends are busy, my job is pointless and tedious, and I'm ready to move away from my parents."

Vicky was shocked; she stared at Remus mouth open and trousers in hand for a full thirty seconds. "Wow."

"Wow what?" asked Remus nervously as he sat up.

"Wow, that would be awesome," she finally uttered. "I can't believe that you would move that far for me!"

"I hope you've figured out by now that I would do just about anything for you," said Remus sweetly as he pulled her close to him and kissed her softly. "I love you."

"I love you too and I'm so glad that you gave me another chance," said Vicky joyfully. "You make me so happy."

"You make me unbelievably happy as well," he replied.

"Still, this is a big step for us, are you sure we're ready?"

Remus stared down into Vicky's warm brown eyes for several seconds before he confidently answered, "Yes. I have never been more certain about anything in my life. It is time that I moved on in my life and I would like that to include you."

There were not any more words appropriate for the occasion. Vicky merely melted into Remus's embrace and enjoyed his absentminded fingers mess up her short blonde hair, his soft breath tickling the back of her neck.

- - - October - - -

"Marly," said Alice softly as she sat down across from her friend at the Leaky Cauldron on a dreary Sunday morning. "I'm going to cut straight to the chase. Lily told me that you haven't told your parents about the baby yet. You promised me that you would weeks ago! It's been five months since you found out."

"I know what I said," snapped Marlene irritably. "But I've changed my mind and I'm not going to tell them after all."

Alice huffed at this new information. "But you're really starting to show now! They're going to figure it out soon enough and won't that be worse than if you just admit it to them?"

"They aren't going to find out," said Marlene smugly. "I'm going to ask to stay with the Potters just like everyone else sometime this month and just not visit home again until after the baby is born and my body looks normal again."

"Well I'm glad that you finally decided to keep him or her," sighed Alice.

Marlene looked to be on the verge of tears. "Well it's not the kid's fault their mom is an idiot," she sniffed.

Accustomed to Marlene being emotional while not pregnant, Alice had some experience in this area and she knew that the number one rule was not to let Marlene get on the pity train because once she boarded, it was almost impossible to derail her.

"You are not an idiot," Alice told her firmly. "You are a smart, capable independent woman who is already a good mother to her baby. You have gone to every Healer's appointment and have been taking your prenatal potions. And you have plenty of friends to support you all along the way. I heard that James agreed to go to birthing classes with you, and that Sirius already has come up with some names for the baby."

Marlene cackled. "Sirius must have told you that because he hasn't come up with any actual names yet. Can you believe that he suggested that I name the baby after him, even if it's a girl?"

"I think that's sweet," said Alice dreamily. "It shows that he cares."

"Mmm…" said Marlene noncommittally. "If only he had cared more last Christmas I wouldn't be in this mess."

"As I recall Marly," said Alice snippily. "You initiated that particular scenario and left him afterward."

"Yeah, but he could've chased after me," whined Marlene.

Alice sighed. "You knew that wouldn't happen, or at least you should have because you dated him for months! You knew things would never work between the two of you really."

"You're right of course," mumbled Marlene. "I just had to know what it would be like to sleep with him… I just wish he were the father because at least he would stick around like a real man."

"Well he's not the father and he's still sticking around you, at least there's that."

"True, that will be more than my brothers will do when they find out that I'm pregnant."

"You're what?" bellowed a male voice. One of Marlene's brothers had been passing through the Leaky Cauldron when he had spotted his sister and was in the process of sneaking up behind her to give her a fright when he overheard her fateful sentence.

Marlene froze as her brother roughly pulled her chair around so that she was facing him.

"What have you done? You've ruined this family! You're coming home with me this instant!" and with that he dragged his baby sister to one of the fireplaces and flooed home, leaving a startled Alice and fortunately only a few curious patrons of the Leaky Cauldron.

A few hours later, Marlene appeared at the front door of the Potter home. Expecting her, Mrs. Potter answered the door before a house elf even had the chance to.

"Hello Marlene," said Mrs. Potter coldly as she eyed Marlene's abdomen, which, true to Alice's observation, was obviously larger than normal even under roomy robes.

"Hi Mrs. Potter," began Marlene nervously as she fidgeted. "I have a favor to ask… may I come in?"

"No you may not come in; I know the favor you would like to ask and the answer is no, you cannot live here. I'm sorry."

Marlene gaped at the woman she had known since birth and said nothing until the door began to close in her face. "But- but- but, you take everyone in! Lily, Sirius, my god even that bitch Vicky! Why won't you take me?" she shrieked.

"Your mother already flooed and requested that I not. And I agree with her; I can't abide your type under my roof. In my day, women in your condition were sent away and never heard from again; you should consider yourself lucky that your parents are not doing that. They are a bit soft if you ask me."

"This is a different age!" cried Marlene as the tears began to roll down her cheeks. "It doesn't have to be that way now."

"Maybe you're right and it doesn't have to be," said Marilyn sternly. "But in this house it is that way. Good-bye."

Marlene continued to stand on the doorstep long after the door had closed. She didn't know what to do. By this time of night James, Sirius and Alice had all returned back to the Auror Academy and Remus and Lily were apartment hunting near the Institute and wouldn't be back for another day. Ultimately she settled on heading to the Leaky Cauldron and renting a room for the night, hoping that tomorrow would hold better circumstances.

- - November - -

"So Lily dear," began Mrs. Potter as she approached her future daughter-in-law.

Lily put down her lesson plans and looked up. "What do you need?"

"Well I was just wondering if you had picked a date yet."

"A date for what?"

"Your wedding silly," laughed Marilyn nervously. "You've been engaged for almost a year now and people are starting to talk… I was hoping that we could sort everything out by announcing the date at the Christmas party next month."

Lily composed her features as she had been taught, but she really wanted to grimace. "Well… James and I haven't talked about it much, but we were both thinking of having a nice long engagement… and probably not getting married until after he graduates from the Auror Academy."

"My goodness! That still another year and a half away!" gasped Marilyn.

"Yes it is," said Lily smoothly.

"There is nothing wrong with that," said Marilyn uncertainly. "But I do think you should reconsider. I'm not exactly clear what the muggle customs that you grew up with are, but wizards generally get married as young as you and James are if that is what you're worried about."

"Age wasn't exactly our concern. I'll talk to James about it but he was pretty adamant about not getting married until after he graduated," said Lily, obviously looking for an escape.

"Don't worry dear," said Mrs. Potter easily. "I'll talk to him when he gets home on Friday. I'm glad that we had this chat."

As Mrs. Potter left as abruptly as she had arrived, Lily was left with the distinct impression that she did, in fact, have something to worry about.

Only minutes after James arrived home from the Auror Academy Mrs. Potter had whisked him away to talk to him, long before Lily was able to warn him in any detail. An hour or so later, James found Lily in her bedroom reading.

"So," he began as he rested his long and lean body against the door frame and tangled his hand in his hair. "Mum says we have to get married soon."

Lily sighed. "I know, she talked to me about it too."

"Did she tell you how soon?" he questioned as he moved into the room shutting the door behind him.

"Not exactly," groaned Lily. "How soon?"

"Well she is envisioning a summer wedding for us and by summer she means the first week of June, as in six months from now. She says she has all the plans in place, she just needs the go ahead from us."

"And you couldn't talk her into the following June?"

"No, because apparently we have been engaged long enough and people are starting-"

"To talk," finished Lily. "I know. Do you want to get married in June?"

"I'm still against the idea of being married to you but not living with you because I'll still be in school."

"Well I'm glad that we're still on the same page then, but what do we do about your mum?"

James and Lily sat in silence for a few moments pondering the million galleon question.

"You could go get your tea leaves read and come back saying that they told you that if you got married next year you would be widowed within three months," suggested James jokingly.

"Does your mum believe in that stuff?"

"I don't really know… it might be worth a shot though."

"Or we could just tell her that we don't want to get married yet," suggested Lily.

James sighed deeply. "She's right though… people are going to expect us to get married soon."

"I would think that will be the last thing that people talk about with the way things are going," said Lily starting to get angry.

"I know, I know," said James hastily. "It's just the way things work."

Lily sighed. "I'm well aware."

"We need to come up with something to tell my mum and everyone else. We should announce the date for the June after this coming June with a reason why we're postponing our wedding for so long."

"How about the actual reason?"

"How well did that go over with my mum?" James asked her rhetorically. "Are there any muggle customs we could use to explain the long engagement?"

"I don't think citing muggle customs would be a good idea," said Lily softly. "You remember how well the engagement announcement went over…"

James recalled the influx of hate mail and jeers at both the auror academy and in public vividly in the weeks after the publication of the announcement in the Daily Prophet.

"Yeah, I told my mum that was a bad idea but she's just so excited about the whole thing…"

"James," said Lily very seriously. "The more I think about it the more I think that the big fancy wedding she is planning is a bad idea and I think advertising it is an even worse idea. I think we're just going to draw a lot of attention to ourselves and provoke some very angry people."

"Don't worry about anything," said James soothingly, with confident undertones. "Nothing came out of those owls, they were just empty threats from empty nonsensical people. We can't let that sort of stuff prevent us from having the most amazing wedding, the wedding you have always dreamed of."

Lily sighed deeply and was silent for a while. "I still have a bad feeling about all of this. To appease your mother I think we should announce that we are getting married in the summer after next and leave it at that citing that we have security concerns and that more details will be included in the invitations. As weird as it sounds, I think our wedding details should be on a need-to-know basis. Think about it, the Malfoys, the Dolohovs, the Lestranges, and I don't even know who else are invited to the Christmas party. And I know that they don't all usually attend, but if they thought details of our wedding would be released, I would guess that they would come. Do you really want all of them to know exactly when and where a pure-blood and a muggle born are going to be married? That's just foolish."

"So we just don't invite anyone we suspect of being a death eater this year. We'll run the list by Dumbledore and my mother will understand that. She will not understand not being able to go through all of the usual motions of a Potter wedding," said James defensively, implying that he would also not understand the alterations in procedure.

"You had to have known that things wouldn't be, couldn't be… normal in marrying me. You aren't going to change your mind are you?" she asked, putting all of her cards on the table. James shook his head and let her continue. "Just think about what I have said. Regardless, we have to be firm with your mother in telling her we want to wait another year. I think that you had better tell her. Good luck!"

"I'll need it," mumbled James feeling very despondent. He didn't want to crush his mother's happiness and he also didn't want to give up the wedding that he had dreamed of having with Lily. He knew she had some valid points but he was convinced that he could figure out a way to keep them both safe. Between the Order and the Aurors, surely nothing bad could happen to them.

- - - December - - -

"What happened?" bellowed James to no one in particular as he ran into the chaotic lobby of St. Mungo's. It had been over two hours after the attack and still there were victims rushing in and assaulting the front desk where a frazzled witch struggled to find somewhere to put them and someone to treat them.

James figured out that no one in the lobby was paying even a modicum of attention to him. They were all absorbed in their own pain and the confusion enveloping them, so James wandered into the hallway. His senses were overwhelmed in a moment and then numbed. Having run out of space forty minutes ago, rusty and outdated beds were dragged out of storage and thrust into the hallways. James was walking in a valley with mountains of suffering on either side. Healers were doing the best they could but there just weren't enough wands to go around.

Finding only enough strength to move his legs and scan the hallways, looking for and fearing to find faces he recognized, James continued to wander through the hospital. Yet at the same time, to see that face would be a relief for he knew that he was here and James knew he would have to see him eventually and the longer the delay the more horrific the injury became in James's mind.

"James?" The clear, yet wavering voice, broke through the screams and yells, the clangs, bangs and shouted spells and pierced James's consciousness.

"Mum?" called James as he spun around, looking for the origin of the voice.

"Here James," she responded as she was suddenly in is field of vision, putting a stabilizing hand on each of his shoulders.

"Where is he?" James demanded to know.

"Just a few doors down. There's a healer in there with him now; he asked me to leave," she finished with a sob, as one hand sprang from James's body to cover her mouth.

"How bad is it?"

"I'm not really sure. Your father has been through a lot over the years; he'll pull through this," she said, suddenly distant as her eyes became misty.

Sirius nearly plowed into the pair as he arrived in the scene.

"What happened? How bad is it? Where is he? I'm so sorry; I just heard! And they wouldn't let me out of class like they would James because I'm not technically family… I had to go straight to the director… at least he understood." Words tumbled out of Sirius's mouth like his gasps of breath.

Just then a healer exited the room Mrs. Potter had indicated earlier. He approached the small family with a heavy expression.

"I'm sorry," he began as he looked somewhere past them. "There is just so much damage… the resources he would need could help so many more… You can be with him now."

"You can't just give up!" shouted James as the healer's message dawned on him. "Don't you know who that is? It's Christopher Potter! He's an auror and a hero! You can't just give up…"

"Believe me sir, I know who he is. My father is an auror too and your dad saved my dad's life today. My dad brought him in here. I am truly very sorry that there is nothing more that I can do," the healer said firmly and gravely. "You probably only have a couple of days left with him. We'll make him as comfortable as we can."

James just nodded, the healer's burden having slipped onto his shoulders for a brief moment. As the Healer walked away, James grabbed his mother's shaking hand and turned to his best friend. "Find Lily, she is working here," he said simply.

Sirius didn't even take the time to nod as he started down the hallway, alternating between shouting for Lily and asking patients and hospital personnel if they had seen her.

"Dad," gasped James as he entered the room and saw his sick father. He remembered multiple times when he was little, various aurors coming to his home and delivering the news that his father had been injured. His mother would tell the house elves to watch him and she would go to St. Mungo's. That had been terrible, but was nothing like this. People say that the imagining of something bad is worse than actually seeing it, than facing the reality. But as James looked at the broken man in the bed before him, he disagreed. As a child when he thought about his dad being hurt, he imagined his father as still being the stern, imposing figure he was on a daily basis, just with a cut or a bruise, or maybe if he was feeling impudent he was imagine his dad had a misplaced limb or green and purple polka dot skin. This was not that.

Christopher Potter lay perfectly still under the thin blanket that Marilyn couldn't help but adjust and smooth out every three minutes. His skin was sweaty and gray and his breathing consisted of slow and ragged breathing. His eyes were closed and his glasses were gently folded and resting nearby on the bedside table.

"Dad?" repeated James a bit louder as he approached.

Christopher's eyes sprang open and at first his gaze was unfocused, scanning the room, but soon he was able to center in on his son. He didn't speak, nor did he try to, but James knew that he had his father's attention.

James didn't know what to do with that attention. What do you say to a man who is dying before your eyes? James settled for silence and took up a post standing behind his mother. Christopher looked at his wife and son for a moment more and then closed his eyes again.

Time was irrelevant in that room. Outside there were still patients screaming and hassled healers running about, but inside that room there was nothing but the consistent breathing of the famous and decorated Auror Christopher Potter. Sometime later, Lily breached the bubble and entered their sanctuary.

She looked frazzled. James had seen Lily frazzled less than a dozen times, and this event perhaps being the worst; he was instantly reminded that outside this hospital room was chaos, that others were suffering too.

"Can I talk to you for a minute James?" asked Lily as she struggled to tie her hair back and out of her face.

"Sure," he said hesitantly as he looked to his parents. Christopher made no motion of acknowledgment and Marilyn nodded absently.

Lily led James into the hallway, which was now slightly less noisy and congested and tiredly said, "What do you expect me to do?"

"Huh?" responded James intelligently.

"Sirius found me and told me that you think I can save your father's life!" she cried.

"Well yeah," said James bluntly. "You're brilliant and you were studying healing when you were in school; that counts for something right?"

"Something, yeah! But I was only there for four months; I studied healing for four months! I had another year of learning to do. I'm not a healer James."

"But remember that time you healed Sirius? We were still at Hogwarts and you could do that," James argued, desperation settling around his heart like an icy vice.

"That was relatively simple, and Madame Pomfrey had already showed me that whole process! Do you even know what is wrong with your dad?" asked Lily, the stress evident in her voice.

James paused, his mouth open but no words came out. Finally he admitted, "No, I don't know. His healer just said there was nothing more that he could do, that he only had a couple of days left."

Lily held up Mr. Potter's chart and shook it with exasperation. "He has Auror's Syndrome; no one knows why it happens and there's no way to tell when or if a person will get it. All that is known is that the body can only handle so many curses and hexes, that eventually there's just… a… a breaking point and the body just starts to break down. And once that process starts… well no one knows how to reverse it. I'm sorry."

"You have to do something! You must know something!"

"That's all I know; I told you all that I know and I just learned it with some research. I can do some more reading but there's not much to find. Now I would love to stay here with you through this, but your dad is going to be ok for a while. I need to help to save the people who need it now. Victims just stopped coming in thirty minutes ago and we ran out of most potions two hours ago. I have to go."

"But I need you."

"They need me. You have your mom and Sirius."

"Where is Sirius?"

"He's trying to find some food or tea for you and your mum. He should be back soon. I love you and will be back when I can."

Lily handed the chart to James and then walked briskly down the hall, leaving him feeling numb and confused. James returned to his father's room and took a seat. At some point Sirius returned with food. Hours passed. Sirius escorted Mrs. Potter home. James remained. Christopher woke up and requested a glass of waer; he was asleep by the time James returned with it. More hours. Frank brought by some food on his way to visit another injured auror. James slept a little. The sun set. A healer came by and woke his father up to take a few potions to keep him sedated and "comfortable". James stood up and took a short walk down the now quite hallway to stretch his legs. He returned to his post and more hours passed. The sun rose and Mrs. Potter returned. She begged James to go home; he refused. And then Lily entered the room.

She was ragged. Her hair was greasy and knotted, haphazardly thrown up and out of her face. It seemed as if there wasn't any blood left in her face because her skin was nearly translucent. Her eyes were unnaturally bright and also very bloodshot.

"I did it," she gasped. "James, I figured out a way to help your dad."

James immediately leapt up from his chair, knocking it over in the process and startling his mother. "What?"

"It's an experimental treatment that has been going on in Sweden for a few months. I just finished talking to the researcher and he agreed to let your dad be in his trial. He looked over your dad's chart and says that even though your dad's case is advanced, he may be able to give him six to eight good months. Not days, James, months!" exclaimed Lily. "The researcher will be here in the morning to talk everything over with you both."

Mrs. Potter's eyes watered up as she thanked Lily, "My dear child, how could I ever thank you enough for this…" She lost her voice as she glanced over at her sedated husband. "Please excuse me."

James just simply smiled at his bride to be. "I think it is time for you to sleep now. I'll tell you all about how amazing you are in the morning."

Lily nodded and walked the few steps to close the space between her and James. She slumped into his arms and the world went wonderfully quiet and dark.

A/N. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Here are a few questions as usual; I'd love to hear from you!

What was your favorite/least favorite month in this chapter? Why?

What do you think about Lily's friends joining the Order?

Did you like the portrayal of the Order?

What do you think about the response of Marlene's family to the news of her pregnancy? What do you think about the Potters' reaction?

What do you think about Remus moving to be closer to Vicky?

What do you think about Lily and James's wedding and Mrs. Potter's request?

What would you like to see next? What would you hate to see happen next?