Title: Uprising 3/8
Fandom: Rizzoli and Isles
Pairing: Jane Rizzoli/Maura Isles
Spoilers: No...not really
Rating: R to NC-17
Disclaimer: I don't own them. I'm just playing around with them for a while.
Summary: Jane and Maura have come to a crossroads concerning their relationship. Maura decides to push things along her own way.
Also, if you are interested in reading my published work check out Forever Mine at L-Book ePublisher. Please let me know what you think. Show me some love and always leave feedback.
Jane brought her car to an abrupt stop outside her childhood home. She leaned forward pillowing her head on the steering wheel.
It hurt to breathe.
It hurt to think.
Jane release a cry of sheer unadulterated frustration, and in a burst of violence, clenched hands beat vehemently against the steering wheel until they throbbed.
It matched the agony inside perfectly.
Her vision blurred as the alcohol consumed polluted her system but did not quell her internal battle. She pushed shaking hands through her hair and groaned as she caught whiff of a scent that was now familiar.
Her hands, her clothes, and her skin smelled of Maura.
Jane whimpered as memories flooded her.
The level of pain shocked her. She had craved men as well as other women, but it had always been easy to swallow her feelings.
With Maura it was different.
The depth of her need scared her. The swirling emotions surrounded it terrified her. The fear of being found out and shunned by her co workers, her family stopped her cold. It was a battle that was ripping her to shreds. Maura was right. I am a fuckin' coward.
Her own apartment, her sanctuary had become tight and foreign as if it did not fit anymore. Maura was everywhere, and tonight that knowledge overwhelmed her.
Jane pushed the car door open and stumbled out. This home was safe full of old comforts, warmth and love without the confusion.
She peered down at her ring of keys looking for the correct one in the dim light of the porch. They swam before her eyes. Jane's hands fumbled over them as she began to shove one after the other into the keyhole.
Seeing movement in the peripheral, Jane waved as her mother peeked from behind the curtain. The door opened and Jane promptly tripped over the door jab, tumbling into the house with her feet barely under her.
"I put too much garlic in the sauce tonight. Was getting something to settle my stomach." Angela Rizzoli leaned toward her daughter, sniffing the air. "Are you drunk? Is that why you're tripping all over the place?" Her tone was incredulous.
"Apparently not drunk enough." Jane mumbled.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean? You better hope your father doesn't see you like this. Not to mention driving that way!"
Jane cringed as her mother crossed her arms over her chest and stared through squinted eyes. It was an expression she knew well from her teenage years. Answers were expected or there would be hell to pay. "I-I don't know what it means, Ma. Can I just crash on the couch tonight? You can make pancakes in the morning. I just didn't want to be alone," Jane finished softly. Her gaze fell to the floor.
"Janie? Look at me. What's goin' on?" Angela reached out to touch her daughter.
Jane flinched. "Nothing, Ma."
Her mother was having none of it. "I said look at me, Janie."
Reluctantly, Jane looked up. There was no way the hide the pain, the desperation, and the regret. The warmth and expected empathy in eyes so like her own was Jane's undoing. A heart wrenching sob escaped her, and once it started she could not stop.
"Oh, baby. You're scaring me. Everything'll be all right just let it out."
Jane shook her head as her mother embraced her. "No…no nothing is right. Everything is wrong."
"Is Maura okay? Or what about your partner—"
Jane laughed through the tears, but it held no humor.
"Didja date do something to you?" Her mother's tone was protective, concerned.
"I-I love my job, Ma," Jane hiccuped. "I love you guys. I-I don't want to do anything to disappoint anybody. I work so…damned hard. It shouldn't matter… none of it should matter, but it does. You know? I feel so empty."
"Aww, sweetie. You're date was an asshole. Wasn't he?"
Jane was surrounded by the smell of lavender and cooking things. She buried her face in her mother's neck wanting to get lost in simpler time. Her thoughts churned. I could tell her right now…but I bet she never calls me Janie again. In answer to the question, Jane nodded.
"You'll find the man you deserve, baby and you won't remember nights like this."
Jane nodded again, and cried harder. She would remember this always as the night she lost a friendship, her anchor that kept her grounded during the most horrible times in her life. Just the thought alone left her weightless and spinning. Hoyt would be dancing in his cell if he knew.
"Shhh, you make yourself comfortable. I'll go get some blankets and a pillow, or I could try to move some things out of your old room—"
"No…s'okay."
Jane watched as her mother peered around the room. "Where's your dog?"
"Neighbor watches her when I work late."
"Oh, you shoulda just taken her to Maura's… before you started drinking that is."
"Yeah, Maura's." Jane whispered the name as if it were pain itself. There's a lot I should've given her. Jane wiped at her eyes with the heel of her hands. The tears were an indulgence that had not improved anything at all. Deep down, she knew nothing would.
Jane took off her shoes and curled up on the couch.
Korsak sat a coffee on Jane's desk. She could feel his eyes boring into her. She glanced up quickly, catching him in the act. "What?" She barked.
"You look like shit that's what."
Any other time her lips would have quirked to some semblance of a grin. Not this time. "Your desk is over there." Jane pointed in the vicinity. "I suggest you go use it. You're crowding mine."
Korsak chuckled. "Attitude's shitty too. What's been with you the past few days?"
Had it only been a few days? It seemed like a year. "Thanks for the coffee." Jane made sure her voice held a note of finality.
Korsak sat on the edge of her desk. "Mmm hm. You wanna talk about it?"
"Noo, what I want you to do is go to your own desk!" Jane's voice rose with each word. She knew by now the others were starring but could not work up the energy to care.
For a few seconds, an eyebrow hike was her only response. "That was supposed to scare me, huh?"
Jane sighed. "It was supposed to do something."
He laughed outright. "You know me better than that, Rizzoli. Now, I'm sure Maura can fix your shitty look—"
"I don't need anything from Maura!" Jane exclaimed in a panic.
Korsak looked over her head toward the entryway. That and the sound of retreating heels told her all she needed to know. Somehow she had not heard the woman in question coming but she sure heard her going.
"Fuck."
"Hmm, you two fighting? I don't think I've ever seen that look on her face before."
Jane wanted a blow by blow description of said look but didn't dare ask. "You have to be speaking to each other to fight."
"Ah, ouch." Korsak's gaze was dripping with sympathy.
Sympathy was the last thing she needed. She had cornered the market for herself.
"Just leave it alone Korsak and let me have my shitty day." Jane's tone was pleading. I don't think anything else could go wrong.
The next morning Jane could feel Frost's eyes on her as they walked down the long hallway leading to the morgue. She was tired of the stares and the questions. Jane was well aware that she looked like a putrid bucket of fuck. Still, self consciously she glanced down at her jeans and smoothed imaginary lines out of the burgundy shirt. When the moment passed, Jane muttered. "You got something you want to ask me?"
Frost shrugged. "Yeah, was wondering what was up with you and Dr. Isles? It's like twenty degrees colder when we go down there now."
"Everything's fine." Jane had told the lie so many times that she could almost start to believe it.
He shook his head, "Nah, I don't think so. You guys are all business… and you look like ten day old crap."
"I told you…everything is just peachy." Jane gave him the fakest smile she could muster.
Frost rolled his eyes. "Fine be that way. I know we're not the best of friends, but I can tell when something's wrong."
Jane began to grind her teeth in irritation. "You're right…we're not friends."
"Whatever Jane. Some of us don't scare that easy, but keep going this way and you won't have any friends at all."
Jane increased her pace. He was right, but if she moved fast enough maybe she could outrun it. She pushed the doors leading to the morgue open and came to a complete stop.
She felt every ounce of blood drain from her face.
"Get out of the way, Rizzoli!" Frost stepped around her. "Oh."
Oh indeed.
Something maybe everything left inside Jane shattered at the sight. She wanted to run. She wanted to hide, but there was nowhere to go except for inside herself. Like a voyeur at a train wreck, Jane could not take her eyes away.
Maura was kissing another woman outside her office door. She was tall with shockingly red hair. Their embrace seemed to last an eternity before it ended, and to add poison to Jane's already decimated system, Maura smiled radiantly at the redhead.
Choosing that moment to look up, their gazes caught. Unable to hold it, Jane looked away quickly. The couple started moving toward them. Maura paused in front of them while the redhead made her way out the door, leaving them with a stunning smile as greeting.
"Sorry about that. I didn't mean—" Maura said breathlessly.
Frost held up his hand. "Don't apologize to me. I don't need coffee now."
"You probably won't want lunch either after you see this." Maura stated, choosing to bring them back to the professional realm.
Refusing to even acknowledge Maura any further, Jane said nothing. Inside she trembled as a thousand hot knives slid slowly into every nerve ending. She felt Maura's eyes on her, assessing and analyzing and wondered what she actually saw- the stoic detective or an utter mess of a woman.
There was a nudge at her side. Jane looked down at Frost with unseeing eyes.
"Uh, okay what have you got?" Frost asked.
'Jane?"
She could hear the concern the caring in Maura's voice. Bile rose in her throat. That could be me she was kissing.
"Jane are you okay?" The tone was more urgent now.
Jane snapped out of her stupor to see Maura reaching out to touch her. She wasn't ready to let anyone see her fall apart. In order to prevent it, Jane spoke at last. "I'm…fine."
"Oh, um okay let's get started then." Maura said.
Numb.
It was the only word she could think of to describe it. Jane was aware of the things around her: the sound of their footsteps, Frost humming an unfamiliar song, and the sound of distant voices.
Maura had moved on.
Jane had no idea she was that forgettable. The need she had felt from Maura had been an entity in itself. So was the pain I put her through. However, something did not make sense. If Maura had found somebody else, somebody better why is she still giving me the cold shoulder?
"I don't think I've ever seen anything like that. I mean, I know what eviscerate means, but I never thought I would see it." Frost said.
With one train of thought derailed, another one formed. "That didn't bother you?" Jane asked. Her voice sounded rusty, unused.
"Ah, she speaks. I'm assuming you mean Dr. Isles kissing that other woman?"
"Yeah, that." Just restating it caused Jane's heart to contract painfully.
"Hell no. It was a lot more fun than watching Wright kiss his boyfriend goodbye in the mornings."
" Wright's gay? You don't have a problem with that?" Jane asked.
"Uh no. He tried to get me to go to a drag show once. Couldn't do it though. I may be comfortable with his sexuality but I don't want anyone questioning mine." Frost adjusted his tie then smoothed down the lapels of his jacket.
"What do the older guys like Korsak say about it?"
Frost's expression was skeptical, "How did you not know about this in the first place?"
Jane shrugged. "I don't get in anybody's business and they don't get in mine."
"Uh huh. Well, far as I know they hazed him a little bit for a while, but he's saved more than one life on the squad. Not a big deal about it now."
A little stirring of hope, swirled inside her. "Must not been that bad. He didn't leave."
"Oh, I'm sure they said some nasty things, but it was probably no worse then they've said to you about your being a woman." Frost paused. "Not that any of that is a good thing."
"Nothing I haven't heard before."
Frost was quiet for several seconds. "Are we bonding? Because I thought you said you weren't my friend."
Jane felt a glimmer of a smile ghost past her lips. "Fuck you, Frost."
He swatted her on the back. "No thanks, but it was nice of you to offer."
A chuckle escaped her. "Don't even think about getting me to sign an IOU." The banter was a small piece of normalcy that she desperately needed. For a few seconds, there was no pain, no regret, and she could breathe again.