Disclaimer: Not my character! I obviously don't own this, otherwise Caskett would already be in place and running strong!

A/N: I find that this is an absolute possibility the way that the show is going right now. At least the first bit, anyhow. Hopefully not though because I would be ubberly depressed it this does happen. Hints of suicide in it! If you are upset by that subject, DON'T READ IT! You have been warned.

Two years, three months, and nineteen days since the shooting.

One year, four months, and twelve days since he learned her secret.

One year, four months, and eleven days since he stopped caring for her.

One year, four months, and seven days since he started dating Melissa.

One year, three months, and fourteen days since he left her at the precinct.

Six months and eight days since the invitations arrived for the boys.

Six months and eight days since she stopped caring.

Kate sat in her apartment, her back up against the wall and a newspaper spread out in front of her. Richard Castle's smiling face looked tauntingly at her, reminding her of her mistake. His wedding was in a month and according to the papers, Melissa was definitely his "third time's a charm". Tears slid down Kate's face as she stared upon the face of the only man she had ever truly loved.

Kate had stopped caring. She never ate at the precinct or would go out with Lanie and the boys. She rarely ate at home. Sleeping was pretty much out the door because she only dreamed of him and his last words to her.

"I'm done Kate; Melissa wants me to stop pretending to be a cop and so does Mother and Alexis. I think it's time to move on. Good-bye, Detective."

His words haunted her, constantly buzzing around in her head. Her mind wasn't in her work and even Gates had threatened firing her if she didn't pick it up. Kate couldn't bring herself to care.

'The one time I decide a man is worth leaving my mother's case behind for, he goes and leaves me broken, worse than before.' She thought, thinking bitterly about herself. How could she have been so stupid? To think he would wait for her, listen to her reasoning for lying? She was an idiot for letting the best thing in her life slip from her.

She hasn't been to work in a week. Maybe that is why her phone won't stop ringing. It stopped not long ago, she already knew what she would find. She had no job now after being AWOL for a week. Lanie had tried her best to help her friend out, only to give up not long before the invitations arrived. Ryan and Esposito tried to be there for her, in a way only brothers could, but even they became distant. She hadn't spoken to her father in a while, either. She reckons she should call him and tell him she loves him. At least before she makes the leap.

Two hours after her heartfelt confession to her father, Kate found herself in the middle of the woods, her gun in her hands. She felt her calm heartbeat slow even further in her chest; the pain pills she took not long after arriving were beginning to take effect.

Her father asked what was wrong but she told him nothing, just that she missed him. She knew he didn't believe her. Everything she had done wrong spurred her into leaving a note in her apartment and hightailing it out of the city. Out of place causing her pain. The ache in her chest increased the further she drove away from the city, leaving her breathless.

She thought of the individual letters she wrote to everyone, including Rick. She hated herself pure and simple. 'Maybe this will help. The world will be a happier place without people like me.' Kate raised her skeletal-like hand and placed the gun at her temple. Her finger twitching on the trigger as her world went black.

A lone shot echoed through the empty forest.

Lanie approached the loft door, an envelope clutched tightly in her hand. She could still feel the tears prickling at her eyes as she thought of Kate and what she was about to do. She had never had to do this before. Raising a fist, she knocked on the door with more confidence than she felt. Footsteps approached the door and it quickly opened to reveal a leggy blonde wearing heels and a party dress. The end of it coming to rest just below her ass.

"Can I help you?" She asked, distain filling her voice as she recognized Lanie. Lanie felt rage begin to boil in her blood. This woman was the reason she was having to do this.

"As a matter of fact, Ye-" She was cut off by a male voice cutting through the air.

"Who is it sweetheart?" Rick asked, approaching his door. When he saw Lanie standing there, his eyes turned from playful to cold in an instant. "Doctor Parish." He greeted coolly.

Lanie met his glare with one of her own, her voice turning to steel in an instant. Shoving the envelope into his chest, Lanie angrily growled at him, "This is your fault." With that, she turned and walked off, not staying to see everything go down. She had done what Kate had asked her to do and she was done. Done with Richard Castle and his bull.

Rick was surprised to see Lanie walk off without another word. Nothing hurtful, nothing resembling a threat… He shut the door quickly and gazed down at what she had shoved at him. Swirled lettering had his name on the front, letterings he remembered as being Kate's. He was tempted to throw it out, to burn it, but something held him back.

'What did she mean by "This is your fault"?' He thought. Melissa watched his face change to one of concern and pale slightly. She knew it was from that woman he used to work with, the brunette cop. She had to get him off of thinking about her so she approached Rick with a seductive smile and swing of her hips.

"Ricky," She stressed her pet name for him, her hand sliding down the front of his shirt, lightly tugging at his buttons, "Let's get something to eat. I'm very hungry."

He pushed her off of him and moved into the lounge, plopping down in his chair and crossing his legs. He didn't want to be disturbed by Melissa right now. She still didn't understand that when he was writing, you left him alone. Otherwise, the nice lifestyle he was giving her would disappear.

Melissa sulked away from him, finally getting the idea.

Rick slowly opened the envelope and felt a sense of dread appear in his stomach. It was the same fear he held for her every time they walked into a gun fight. As he reached to pull the paper out, something fell into his palm instead. Holding the object up, his breath caught in his throat. It was her mother's ring, the gold chain still attached to it. Terror ripped through his body as he frantically reached inside the envelope for the paper that came with it. He unfolded the parchment with care and quickly took note of its state. She had taken the time to hand write the letter, tear marks wrinkling the paper and smudging some of the words. He looked at the beginning and started reading.

Castle,

God, I don't even know where to start but I guess I should start from why you are getting this. If you are reading this and haven't chucked it in the fire, it means I finally moved on in the only way I could without you. I know that I hurt you. I had planned on telling you but that isn't fair. I should have told you I remembered from the start but I was a coward.

That's all I have ever been.

At the time I was scared, still with Josh, dealing with the loss of Montgomery… I just couldn't handle it. No, that isn't fair. I could handle it but I was a coward and was scared you only said you loved me because you thought I was dying. When I realized you had meant it, I was too wrapped up in the lie to tell you without hurting you.

That's all I seem capable of doing.

After our first case back together, I went back to my therapist. I wanted to heal, to be better for you, Rick, because I was a mess. I didn't deserve someone so caring and gentle and kind. You aren't worthy of someone broken like me. I left my mother's case alone, vowing not to touch it again. I did it for you and for the possibility of an 'us'.

I shouldn't burden you with this. You don't deserve it. You have a mother, child, and soon to be wife to take care of. I just wanted you to know that I did love you back then. I STILL love you. Even after everything that has happened and what I've done.

I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive a dead woman. If not, I understand. I deserve all of your hate.

Just remember I love you.

Always,

Kate

By the time that he was done reading, tears had gathered in his eyes. They trailed down his face and onto the paper and mixed with the marks made by her own.

He felt like a fool. He had made a huge mistake and hadn't thought about why she did what she did. All he thought about was his own hurt pride and his need to move on as quickly as possible. Everything started to sink in with what she had said. She had been scared; she was with Josh, Montgomery, going back to therapy. She had even left her mother's case so that she could heal. To be better for him.

A flare of long repressed love for Kate arose in his chest. He still loved her and now he knows that she loves him. She loves him. She actually loves him and even loved him back the-.

Wait.

Some of her last words rang into his mind.

"I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive a dead woman." He whispered, his eyes ghosting over the line over and over and over. No. She couldn't be dead. She was Beckett and could move on. She was the queen of ignoring all those emotions. A sudden urge to find her sent him hurtling from his chair and into his room. He went straight past Melissa, who was wearing sexy lingerie and lying on his bed, waiting for him. Her hair was done and make-up was piled heavily onto her face, an attempt to be more of a seductress was evident in her body language. He eyed her disgusted.

"Put some clothes on, that isn't attractive when you have to force it." He strode over to her and grabbed her hand, quickly removing the engagement ring that adorned it. "Get you stuff and leave before I get back. It's over between us."

Melissa stood up angrily, stomping her foot like a petulant child. "It's because of that bitch isn't it? Did she ask for her fuck-buddy to come back because she was lonely?" She slapped Rick hard across the face. "She can't have you back because you are mine now!" She grabbed the collar of his shirt and yanked him in for a crushing kiss, one that he pulled away from and removed her hand s from his body.

"I am not yours. I will never be yours." He growled moving away from her and towards the door of his room, "If you don't have your things out of here soon and you gone within the next day, I can have you arrested for harassment. My lawyer is really good about spinning tales to fit what I want. Leave your key by the door on your way out."

He moved through his office and out into the lounge again, stopping long enough to pick up Kate's letter and chain. He needed to find her.

Rick's first stop had been the precinct and upon discovering that Kate's desk had been removed from the floor, he rushed into the Captain's office. Gates was startled by the mystery novelist moving through her doors but was even more startled when she discovered the chain he was holding.

She recognized it to be Beckett's and felt her heart clench at what was to come.

"Tell me it isn't true!" He demanded his voice holding a pleading tone, "Tell me that she isn't dead!"

Gates looked down at her desk and capped her pen, she knew it was going to be a hard discussion.

"Mr. Castle, please take a seat." She indicated to the chairs in front of her. He reluctantly took one and sat forward, his hands clutching at the only things he has of her.

"It is true that Detective Beckett is gone. Her body was found in the woods, burnt beyond recognition but we were able to identify her with her medical records and dental records."

Rick let out a chocked moan and leaned back, "Was she working on a case? Where was her partner?"

"No case was being worked. I actually had to fire her not long before this occurred. She wasn't focused on her work and her health was declining rapidly. She was literally a walking skeleton. She looked sick and was weak. Then she didn't show up for work for a week, three weeks ago and that was the last piece. I had to let her go."

"Tell me about how you found her, please…."

"She was found in the woods about two hours from the city. Her body was burned beyond recognition. Her service piece was next to her and we identified that the body had a bullet through the skull as well has pain medication prescribed to her in her stomach. Or what was left of her stomach."

Gates watched as emotions played across the writers face, "We kept this out of the papers, Mr. Castle. She wouldn't have wanted the spotlight to be on her when you are getting married soon. Go back to your fiancé, she would want you to be happy."

"I ended it. She wasn't what I was looking for." With that, Rick got up and left, stopping only to say a thank you to Gates as he shut the door.

Rick walked across the cemetery, dressed nicely with flowers in his hands. He could feel the sun beating down on his face, the wind shifting to wrap around him as he moved. He began to count rows and head stones halfway through the cemetery, looking for the right one.

As he approached the grave, Rick noticed three people standing in front of one. A woman with brunette hair and dark clothes was embracing an aging man with grey hair and the third member of the group stood to the side, talking on his phone. Rick quickly counted the headstone and realized that they were standing directly in front of Kate's grave and her Mother's.

The two people let go of the embrace and Rick was shocked to see Jim Beckett standing there with his arms around the woman, tears streaming down his face with a smile of joy firmly set. Rick for the life of him couldn't recognize the woman his dead-partner's father was with.

She was of average height, abnormally skinny, pale, sick looking, and brunette. Her style of clothing made Rick's heart rate increase, only to have it quadruple when Jim met his eye.

Jim was surprised and said something to the woman he was embracing. Rick noticed the woman straighten her back and nod to him before she turned around to look at Rick as well.

Rick felt his heart stop.

There stood Kate Beckett, in all her glory, looking at him with a sad smile upon her face. He took a tentative step towards her, his eyes never leaving hers. One step turned into two, which turned into three. Soon, both people were running at the other, arms wrapping around the other's body as they finally closed the distance. The flowers dropped from Rick's hand as he buried his nose into her hair. The scent of cherries wafted up to him, making tears sting at his eyes.

They both stepped away from the other but their arms anchored the other to them.

"Kate…"

"Rick, I am so sorry. Please forgive me! I never wanted to do this." Kate whispered her eyes glistening with tears, "The FBI contacted me and told me that they were close. They almost had the Dragon but they needed me to be dead. They had everything planned but the role had to be done convincingly. Hence my fake suicide. I didn't realize that you would find out."

Rick watched in fascination as pain spread through Kate's body, "Kate, I got your letter. I wouldn't have known if Lanie hadn't gone and shoved it in my face."

"I forgot that I had asked her to deliver my note to you if I died." She whispered. She laid her head onto his chest, just above his heart. "I mean everything in that letter though, don't doubt that."

"I wasn't. I feel like such a jerk for not listening to you. I can't believe I didn't when I was doing the same thing to you. It wasn't until Melissa saw my murder board that I sent it to the FBI."

Kate ripped herself from his arms and stumbled back, "God, I'm sorry! I completely forgot about Melissa. She wouldn't like you hugging me or me even looking at you!" Her eyes looked down at the grass.

Rick moved towards her again, "Don't worry about her. She is gone. I left her when I realized that I still loved you. Right after I read your letter. I noticed all the things wrong with our relationship and decided I wasn't all in. It's over between us."

Kate looked up at Rick with wide eyes, her pale complexion giving her an ethereal look in the light of the sun, "Really?"

"Yeah." He whispered, "And I would do it again in a heartbeat." He leaned down and brushed his lips lightly across hers.

She groaned at the contact and her eyes fluttered shut. Opening them again, Kate looked him directly in the eye and firmly said, "I love you, Richard Alexander Rodgers. I love you for who you are, not what you mean. I could care less about your money, as long as I have you to drag me out of any dark hole I throw myself down."

A full blown grin spread across Rick's face as she continued to speak. Once she was done, he pulled her into a soul searing kiss. The kiss left them breathless once they pulled apart.

"I love you, too, Kate. I never stopped."

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