Chapter #51: Let Go

"Never made it as a wise man, I could not count it as a poor man's stealing
and this is how you remind me
this is how you remind me
this is how you remind me
of what I really am
this is how you remind me of what I really am
It is not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story,
this time I have been mistaken for handing you a heart worth breaking
and I've been wrong, I've been down into the bottom of every bottom"

~How You Remind Me by Nickelback

1574, March 20th

(Spain, Madrid)

Palacio Real de Aranjuez:

Philip was disappointed with the lack of progress. "The King of Navarre advances his claim to the French throne, if Charles IX, if it is true that he is as sick as he claims, then his claim to the French throne is stronger. This is the time to move now grandfather. Claim the French throne for ourselves through Diana."

"I have no wish of making her a puppet like her grandmother intended to." And besides, Philip wanted to add, she had no desire of marrying.

"Does it matter?" Ligo banged his fists on the table. "The time to strike is now. The Medicis fight the French, the French fight each other ..."

But Philip said in a loud "No!" Ligo pushed back against his chair. "I will not risk putting Spain in another war for this madness. However" he added, "if the French King proves to be mortally ill, his brother Henry would succeed him and reputed to being his mother's favorite he is likely to be weak and easily controlled"

"Easily deposed" Ligo said more blunt.

Philip grinned, pleased with Ligo's intelligence. "Exactly" He looked to his secretary, Mateo Vazquez, and told him to go and summon his stepdaughter.

Diana came and greeted him and Ligo and sat in a chair next to him.

"What is going on?" She asked cutting straight to the chase like other members of the Hapsburg line. Her close relation with her stepfather made her consider herself more Hapsburg than Tudor . "Why summon me with so much haste? Your secretary father did not give me a clear definition except the usual stuttering"

They looked up to Mateo whose gaze had dropped. Diana giggled.

"Diana do not be so harsh with our servants, it is not very prudent of you" Philip chided lightly but kept his playful smile. He dismissed him. "I have summoned you because I have discussed with Henry IV's envoys, now wait, let me finish; I have discussed and your mother agrees that it is time for you to join in holy matrimony with the King. You will be Queen of Navarre and maybe if the tide turns to our favor, one day Queen of France. Isn't that something you want?"

"I want time with my family." Philip rolled his eyes. "I mean it father, I do not know this man. First it was the Duke of Savoy now it is this man. I do not want to marry."

"Diana please don't contradict me on this, you will marry and that is the end of the discussion." Diana cross legged and with her arms against her chest groaned. "What I will say next will hopefully lighten your mood."

Please pray tell.

"Your mother wants you before you leave to spend as much time as you both can with Ligo." Diana's eyebrows rose.

"Really?"

"Really. Your mother and I spend as much time as we can but she really misses you and these last years you have spent trying to accommodate Catalina, she feels you two have grown apart. Talk to her, even bring Catalina with you. I know she enjoys Juan and Juana's company and I would never have it be otherwise but her closeness is not doing them any favors. Spend some time with her, with your brother and sister, play with them, help them in their lessons."

"I will grandfather" She understood the situation and she vowed to make the most of the remainder of her days in Spain with her mother.

Annie enjoyed the attention her daughter was bringing but she did not want to let go of Juan and Juana. Philip, Ligo, and Diana considered it a disservice but what did they know? When they had children they would understand. A mother's bond was unbreakable.

"Mother you have to let them grow, look at Juan, he can't barely walk for himself without you supervising his every move and he is nearly twelve mother!" Diana said but her complaints went unheard. Her mother was stubborn to the boot. She was not going to let him go. She clung to him like a mother bear.

"He has everything he needs with me, don't you dear?" Juan nodded imitating his mother's smile and looked to Diana whom his expression turned serious revealing his true feelings.

Diana could not longer stand for this and walked to her brother. "Juan do you want to stay here?" The poor helpless boy looked from his mother to his sister. Afraid his answer would displease either one he chose to remain silent. Diana sighed. "Mother the boy does not want to be with you and I can't blame you. My father, my real father, chided you many times for keeping me close. Let him run, smell the fresh air. He is getting sicker, look at his face he wants you to stop hugging him."

Annie refused to.

"Will you just look at him Your Majesty!" Annie shot up from her chair, Juan nearly falling from her lap but thanks to his twin sister standing next to them he kept his balance. Diana never called her mother by formal titles when they were in private except when she was angry and she was very angry right now.

She didn't want to believe her father that her mother was growing too dependent on her children but clearly she had and this would stop now.

"How did you call me Diana Tudor?"

"I called you by your title."

"You never spoken to me like that before. All of you think I have grown mad but none of you know what it is to have children. I can't let him out of my sight Annie. He grows weaker every time I do."

"That is because you made him dependent on you. He is afraid if he is away from you he will die."

"He will. His condition has not gotten better and you know it" Annie said in a hushed voice knowing Juan was still in the room. She looked to her chief lady in waiting, Pippa. Pippa nodded and took Juan and his sister.
Annie sobbed and hugged herself. "They it is his natural color" Annie said referring to his skin "A mother knows better. He was not born that way but he was so little. And he has lived so long. He is my little lion, my Hapsburg lion but your father thinks that I should not get too attached."

Diana wrapped her arms around her mother.

"Diana I don't want to loose him. Philip is used to loosing those around him, I don't have your father's strength, either of your fathers." Diana was surprised to see her mother so broke. She was a force of nature. Juan's sickness had not only debilitated him but her as well.

She pulled her mother away and stared at her with that long, hard stare that she once remembered from her real father, Edward Tudor. "Listen to me mother, you can't afford to spend the rest of your days in mourning for an event that may never be. We do not know the future. If Juan's destiny to die that is God's will. You can't lock yourself away from the world anymore. You must be strong for all of us. Please" She begged, her voice loosing its firmness. "You can't waver in your faith anymore, you did once. You told me when my grandmother pushed you off the stairs, you had Eustace Chapuys to bring you back. You don't have him now but you have me, my father and million others here in Spain that love and worship you."

Annie nodded, her eyes downcast. Diana lifted her chin, "Mother" she said and made her face her directly "I mean it."

Annie closed her eyes and when she opened them it was as if the woman lamenting over her son had disappeared and in its stead was Annie, the warrior, the Queen. The woman Diana remembered from her childhood who had stood at the head of armies when Charles V and his Imperial troops tried to invade while her father was off fighting the French in Calais.

She nodded and said in a powerful, convincing voice "I will." She kissed her daughter's cheeks and called on to Pippa to bring her children, she turned to Diana again. "Thank you"

"It is nothing. What are you going to do?"

Annie gave a mischievous grin "You will see" It is all she said.

Juan and Juana came and bowed to their mother. Annie waved their hand dismissively at them. "No more bowing, no more clinging or kissing my robes children. From this on I want you to play, be children, spend time with other children."

"You don't want us to spend time with you then Lady Mother?" Juan asked, his eyes down as his mother always instructed him to.

"Have we displeased you?" His sister asked, her eyes down as well.

"No" Annie said with a small laugh. On impulse she took a step forward but then receded, her reason coming back just in time. "You have done more than what any child should have done for their mother. But it is time to set your service for me aside and live your lives children. Play, make mistakes, take chances, run around, scream ... be a child. Come on and kiss your mummy and promise me you will and no more lady mother"

"Yes ... mother" They said in unison and kissed their mother goodbye.

"You think they will turn out alright?" Diana asked, a little concerned herself as she watched them go.

"I think they will turn out just fine and that is because they had a wise sister to guide their mother" Annie said kindly looking to her oldest daughter, her little huntress.