Under the tree

Running from Guilt

"Congratulations, you are pregnant," the doctor said.

I kept repeating the words over and over in my head….pregnant. Inside of me a little life is growing. That happiness I should have felt was overshadowed by fear and guilt. Fear that I didn't deserve to be a mother. Heck I couldn't even remember my own mother, but she couldn't have been all that great. Kankuro plays with puppets, wears my makeup, and I swear I caught him wearing my clothes when I was younger, Gaara for a long time was ran by his damn demon, and pretty threatened to kill me on a daily basis, and was a constant thorn in my side for years, plus she married my power hungry father, so she couldn't have been right in the brain. It's amazing that any of us are sane. But even though I was afraid, the fear I felt couldn't even compare to the guilt from the past month and the guilt of the decisions I was making regarding my future.

I realized early on after I had returned to the village that I was no better than Sakura the pink headed bitch. I left the man I loved because of irrational fears, and those fears were still running my life now. After a month, I haven't heard a word from him, and I knew I have broken him. I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve my semi-happy ending with this baby. After what I did I don't blame he for not wanting anything to do with me. With these thoughts running my head through my head, I made my way to Gaara's office. I had to speak to him. When I arrived he was sitting behind his desk, stacks of paper towered over him as he read the documents only stopping to take the time to sign them.

"Gaara, sorry to disturb you but I would like to have a word with you, it's urgent," I said to him.

He looked up from his paperwork and his cold eyes turned to me. Behind them I saw the anger lurking in his pupils, and the hate he had for me for hurting his first and best friend. I could only imagine how much Shukaku wanted to kill me right now. As he spoke the coldness of his voice sent shivers down my spine and I had a flash back on how things used to me when he was a cold blooded killer.

"What is it you want Temari," he said to me. "Haven't you done enough, everyday I'm waiting to hear whether or not Konoha will declare war on us for your foolish betrayal of their village hero? Lady Tsunade has already sent me a message saying if she could she would beat you till you were nothing but food for the earth. The only thing stopping her is the fact that you are my sister, but truth be told me and Shukaku are struggling not to kill you ourselves. So I ask again what you want."

With each word out of his mouth my guilt intensified and my resolve to move forward with my plan intensified. If the Hokage wanted to kill me, then I knew there wasn't a chance for me and Naruto to get back together. I had destroyed that future. I have made my bed, now it's time for me to sleep in it. After a few tense moments to finally gather my thoughts, I spoke the words that would change my future.

"Gaara, I know I fucked up, and nothing will ever make up for my mistake of leaving Naruto like I did. I love him with all my heart, but I don't deserve him, I'm no better than the pink cheater. I'm weak; I let my fears run me, and now it's time I pay the price. I need you to transfer me to one of our outpost villages on the outskirts of the desert. I don't deserve to be here when anyone from Konoha could come anytime. I'm a disgrace to our village and they shouldn't be tainted with my presence."

Gaara eyes soften as he took in my features. Tears were streaming down my face, and I was breathing in shallow breaths as sobs shook my body.

"Temari there is still a chance, tell Naruto how you feel, I'm sure he would understand, you aren't a disgrace, you made a mistake, but you have a chance to atone for it. Look at me for example, I used to kill people for pleasure, and look where I am today, all will be forgiven just talk to him," he said to me.

I shook my head, I heard the words, and my brain believed him, but my heart whispered other things. It's telling me I'm unworthy and that I was too late.

"Please Gaara, please grant me this transfer. Transfer me to Huna city. It is a prosperous little village on the border of Suna. It's three days away, I need to leave here, I'm a disgrace, please," I begged him.

Shukaku: Her scent is different it is mixed with Naruto and his damn Fox, but I don't know what it means.

"Temari, what aren't you telling me, Shukaku says your scent has changed, but he can't figure out why. What's wrong," he asked me as he looked into my eyes for a clue to his questions.

"Please brother, if you have truly changed and if you truly love me at all, you will grant me this one wish and transfer me, please," I begged him again.

He looked at me with intense eyes. We stared at each other for only a matter of minutes, but it felt like hours. Finally he spoke,

"Temari, I don't know what you are hiding or what is going through your mind, but I'll grant you your request. I don't agree with what you are doing, but I can see you are in pain, and maybe a transfer will help you recover. Your transfer is effective immediately you can leave whenever you want, I only ask that you continue to do missions and return in 3 years, when we host the Chunin exams. I would like for you to be a proctor."

I nodded my head as he filled out the proper paperwork and handed them to me, but I had one last thing to request of him.

"Gaara, also can you seal this and tell no one, not even Kankuro, where I am. If I am to recover I need complete solitude, even you can't visit me. Please and swear it on our family honor."

He looked at me for a few seconds and said,

"I Gaara, swear on my late ancestors honor that I will tell no one, or visit you in Huna."

I nodded my head and made my way to the door. I was half way out of the office when I heard him say, "Temari, my order stands you will return here in 3 years and face your past, until then may the spirits be with you sister."

I quickly made my way to my room and packed everything I needed in sealing scrolls. After a few hours everything was packed only thing left was a desk and a chair. After a few seconds of thought I sat down and wrote four letters. When I finished them I hailed two messenger hawks and had them deliver them, while the other two I left in the living room of my family home.

Kankuro was on a mission, and Gaara was still at the office, as I made my way to the village gates I truly felt alone with no one to see me off. Then I put my hand to my flat tummy and realized that I won't be alone in a few months. I would have a baby to take care of. When I was 5 miles away I looked back to see the sun setting on my home village, after saying a silent goodbye, I continued my journey to Huna.

AN: I'm not feeling the love, people are reading this story but no one is reviewing, come it only takes 2 minutes to write a quick review it will make me feel better. Chapter 17 is written out, just have to type it, and about to write chapter 18. I'm at a crossroad for this story there are two ways I can take it, I can either make Naruto wait 3 years on figure out a way for him to get around Gaara's promise and see Temari sooner. Leave your feedback in reviews and the path I picked will be revealed in either chapter 19 or 20.