A/N: What follows should, in no way, be taken seriously. At all. These are just three little things I scrawled out in a notebook while I was on one of my infamous "mini-cations" to some God-forsaken Civil War battlefield because that's what the baby brother likes doing on the weekends. More "Deleted Scenes" from "Drinking Games". Little snippets that I couldn't work into the story. Generally hilarious and just nonsensical. :D
Arhani Daforcena: It's fine, dear. I can understand your reluctance, seeing as how you're out of your element.
PhonyPrincess: Pft. I want a picture like that too. XD Would they both refuse the dress? Probably. I don't think that would stop Kira from trying (and probably drunkenly) to push Simon into wearing one. XD
TheBleeding: I listen to whatever's catchy for the moment, haha. I'm familiar with military slang, I was just unsure by the "my" part before the grunts, haha. You'll have to forgive me for running slow. It appears that, as of late, my two favorite foods are Red Bull and Excedrin. Thanks Insomnia! XP
xGhostxStealth: Haha. I love portraying Ghost as a total bad ass, because, as far as I'm concerned, he is! I'm glad you liked it so much. That chapter was so much fun to write. You don't even know. XD I practice Time Crisis on a regular basis, but I don't think I'll be able to compare. He does that shit for a living now. XD
GranBoy: Sometimes, if something particularly inspires me and I manage to find enough down-time to build up steam and get it running, then the chapters just write themselves and the updates come faster like that. Ghost's Revenge was like that. It just flowed so nicely... And I don't mind you calling some of my chapters "smutty", because that's what they are. It takes more than that to offend me, love. You've got nothing to worry about.
Reeserella: It's so awesome you thought the chapter was awesome! XD :heart:
iTestedGarrussReach: Haha. I think we all want that picture. I know I do. Hell yes I do... Anyway! I don't think I'll ever quit writing. It's my sanity. XD Where do I come up with these things? Hm. Honestly? I have no bloody idea. Things just come and go, like flashes, mental images, half-formed pictures, a line that flickers at the back of my mind in the voice of a character, a personal experience, the way the light catches in a piece of broken glass, a single line in a song, the clicking sound my brother's butterfly knife makes, the way my hand bruises when I fail (epically) with my brother's new (heavier) butterfly knife... Everywhere. Nowhere. I'm not sure. No magical faerie dust here, haha.
xStealthxSniperx: I generally dislike people knowing just how intelligent I am. They tend to expect more, and I don't like working harder than absolutely necessary, so... haha. I know what you mean about word choice. I'm the worst at wanting to use a word, but having no bloody idea what the hell I'm on about and completely unable to think of a possible synonym. XD And I don't think Soap is gonna mind Ghost taking control every now and then, now that he knows what it's like. ;)
ameij: Pfft. Riley is like, pure sexy. I don't think it'd be difficult for him to make someone scream his name. XD I kind of like seeing how I can force the "standard dynamic" into changing. Sadistic? Maybe. Rewarding? Fuck yes. XD Thank you for the praise, love.
FuriousPanda: Lol. I'm glad you found it as hot to read as I found it to write. :) I was a bit worried about giving myself one just writing that chapter. XD
TASK FORCE VERSUS THE BHUT JOLOKIA
"Hey Kira, you got any hot sauce? This fucking salsa is weak." Royce griped.
"You wouldn't know hot if it bit you in the ass." Ghost muttered.
"I bet I could eat anything you could, and then some." Royce challenged. The Lieutenant raised his eyebrow and regarded the man closely for a moment.
"You're on. Kira, what've you got?" He asked.
"Woot!" Kira yelled. She ran into the kitchen and returned with a canvas bag that emanated a rather foreboding clinking sound.
"All you bitches who want in, sit down. Alastair be a love and bring both gallons of milk and all the bread in the kitchen." Kira requested.
Alastair returned with his arms full of the supplies. Kira reached into the bag and pulled out a small glass jar. There were familiar long green peppers inside.
"Jalapeno? That's the best you got? That shit is so weak." Royce said smugly.
"Jalapeno is the warm-up round. Now who's in?"
Everyone but Roach and Alastair volunteered. Roach couldn't handle anything spicier than mild salsa, and Alastair had a "delicate digestive system" that was "easily disturbed" by spicy foods. Kira handed out the jalapeno peppers and they were eaten with relatively no difficulty. The only one showing any early signs of discomfort was Soap. Kira smiled. Her brother could handle hot foods, but not quite in the same capacity she could.
They waited five minutes before the next jar was selected.
"Serrano pepper. Jalapenos max out at around 8,000 Scovilles. Serranos max out at 23,000. But I'd put these somewhere closer to 18,000." Kira shrugged. As if it were a consolation...
John was disqualified from their chili pepper contest within the first two minutes of the Serrano challenge, giving in to the painful burn and reaching for a slice of bread and the nearest jug of milk.
"One down boys. You startin' to feel hot yet?" Kira smirked.
Five more minutes passed and a jar of larger, pale yellow peppers was pulled.
"Tabasco peppers. These fuckers range between 30,000 and 50,000 on the Scoville scale."
The smell of the peppers alone was enough to make Gary's eyes water, and he wasn't even directly involved in their suicidal challenge. There were a few watery eyes, mainly Archer's, but it seemed everyone passed the five minute test. They were allowed to rinse their mouths out with milk, because Kira seemed to think the build-up of chili oil on their tongues might put them at a distinct disadvantage as the game continued. Though how this was considered "a game" was beyond Roach.
"Next on the list: Manzano peppers. 30,000 to 100,000 Scovilles. I'd rank these somewhere on the upper scale. I don't buy weak shit." She sneered at Brandon.
Archer was eliminated the first minute. He decided that was plenty for him. Only Kira, Royce and Ghost remained in the competition.
"No more little shit. We're skipping the next few peppers. This little bastard is the Caribbean Red Habanero, a hell of a lot more spicy than its friendly cousin, the standard habanero. No fewer than 300,000 Scovilles. Happy munching, boys." Kira grinned.
No one cringed. They didn't break out in a sweat, they didn't show any serious signs of discomfort. Only Royce showed slight signs of maybe finding it a touch spicy towards the end of their five minutes.
"Alright. Two glasses of milk and four slices of bread per person. No more bullshit." Kira snapped. She'd been convinced her only competition in this insane series of pepper eating would be Simon, but it seemed Royce wasn't half as bad at holding his own as he initially appeared.
"What've you got in mind?" Ghost asked, almost eagerly.
"Bhut Jolokia." Kira said solemnly. The peppers in the jar were relatively small and a brilliant shade of red.
"The Butt What?" Royce asked.
"Bhut Jolokia, Naga Jolokia, Ghost Pepper. The baddest motherfucking pepper God accidentally created. Rated at well over one million Scovilles. Hottest pepper on the planet, kid. This one gets worse over time, not better. We gotta hold it for twenty minutes." She smirked.
There as a moment's hesitation before they shrugged it off and bit into the fresh peppers.
"Gotta eat the whole thing." Kira sing-songed.
They crunched their way through the peppers and waited. Kira's face began to grow pink and she hiccuped with a grimace. Royce would've laughed, but it felt like he'd rested a small sun on the tip of his tongue. Even Ghost was breathing through his mouth in what appeared to be an attempt to cool the burn.
"Motherfucker." Brandon groaned.
"You done already? It's only been two minutes." Kira cringed.
"Fuck you." Royce moaned.
Ghost licked his lips, but seemed to decide that didn't help their burning any and lounged against the side of the couch as if there were nothing wrong. Kira closed her eyes and took a deep breath before another hiccup overcame her.
"Jesus fucking hiccup!" She yelled angrily.
By the ten minute mark, all three of them were sweating. Brandon was rocking back and forth and whispering what sounded like a prayer for his stomach to not spontaneously combust, Kira seemed generally pissed off that her body had the audacity to develop the hiccups, and Simon was breathing slowly through his mouth while occasionally muttering curses under his breath.
"Oh, sweet Jesus. It's like a pain parade with no end!" Royce whined.
"Just wait until you get a mouthful of milk. Don't help none but psychologically." Ghost sighed.
"They should just call this thing Satan Fruit." Brandon hissed. It was obvious the heat was beginning to really get to him.
"Quit bitchin'!" Kira ordered. Her normally scary persona was rather ruined when she hiccuped again, a higher-pitched, girlish sound, followed by a string of creative and colorful curses.
When Alastair called time, Royce was the first to grab a gallon of milk and begin drinking. Simon reached for a slice of bread and Kira grabbed the remaining jug of milk.
"Okay, panel. Based on reactions, we need a winner." Kira said as she wiped at her face and took another drink of milk.
"It doesn't fucking help!" Brandon shrieked. He grabbed a slice of bread and stuffed the entire thing in his mouth.
"Survey says, Brandon loses." Archer rolled his eyes.
"Ghost won." Roach said.
"Yep." Stray agreed.
"Ghost." Royce nodded before drinking more milk
"You can't win forever." Kira growled. She glared at Simon and took another bite of her bread. Ghost just laughed.
"Why wouldn't Ghost be able to handle the Ghost Pepper?" Roach muttered. Ghost wasn't the only one to laugh at that.
BAR ON THE MAINLAND:
"Six, corner pocket." Gary murmured. He leaned down towards the billiard table and lined up his shot, the tip of his tongue protruding from the corner of his mouth. He brought the cue-stick forward quickly and there was a sharp clicking as the billiard balls collided with one another and the six ball went spinning into the corner pocket.
"Uh-huh. Yeah. I'm good." Roach grinned. He took the pint of beer from Stray's hands and took a sip.
"Get your own!" The sniper snapped.
Gary stuck his tongue out and lined up his next shot, claiming it would be the seven in the side pocket. Royce sat at a high-top table with a pool cue held loosely in his hands, watching his comrade clear the table with surprisingly little effort.
"I'm going to the bathroom. Don't disappear with anyone while I'm gone." Alastair kissed Kira's cheek quickly and made his way to the back of the bar.
"Trouble, seven o'clock." Simon murmured.
"Don't get involved, boys. I haven't had a good fight in ages." Kira said quietly. The "trouble" was an intoxicated man staggering and weaving towards Kira, having seen she was now sitting at the table by herself. There was a giddy chuckle that spread through the Task Force members. If Kira couldn't scare him off, John would step up, followed by Simon, Alex, Gary, Brandon, Eric... It would be one hell of an all-out brawl.
"Hey there. Is this seat empty." He gestured with his beer bottle towards Alastair's vacant chair.
"Yeah. But if you take it, this one will be too." She smiled.
"Oh, a foreign girl. And she's feisty like an Aries. Are you an Aries?" He asked.
"Nope."
"What's your sign then? Taurus?"
"I always have a hard time remembering if it's 'Stop' or 'Do Not Enter'. One of those two."
"You got a sense of humor too. I can appreciate that. I can also appreciate those tits of yours." He slurred.
"Wow. Okay, um, do me a favor. Go back to the little Hobbit hole you crawled from and stay there." Kira ordered.
"Come on, baby. I'm not Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock." He winked.
"Christ alive... Get away from me. Touch me and I swear I'll break your hands." She growled.
"Give it a chance." He insisted. He put a hand on her leg and something snapped. She slapped his hand away with her left hand, and punched him in the face with her right. She dropped from the bar stool she'd been sitting on and readied herself to hit him again.
"Wow. You hit hard." The man proceeded to pass out and there was an awkward pause before the bartender started muttering curses. He called a cab company and told them "Too-Drunk Tommy" needed a lift home again and drug the offender away. Rather than kick them out for starting a fight, the bartender bought them a round of drinks to thank them for making Tommy think twice before starting trouble in the bar again.
"She's officially as scary as the Captain." Gary nodded.
"Worse. You'd expect the Captain to hit that hard. She doesn't look like she could fight off a cold." Stray pointed out.
"Hm. Yeah. Point taken. Now you gonna take your shot or what?" Roach asked.
TRUE HORROR:
"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God." Kira tore trough her bag, pulled out a small book and screeched something unintelligible. She dialed a number on her phone and within a few minutes, a cab was waiting outside the beach house.
"Alastair, why did my sister just drive off the island, in a panic, by herself, and looking like she was dying?" John asked calmly.
"I don't know, man. I don't!" He whimpered.
Shortly after the cab had left, John and Simon had very politely knocked on the door and sat him down at the kitchen table. John was sitting next to him, and Simon was blocking his only escape route.
"No idea at all why she ran to the car saying 'Oh my God' over and over again and looked ready to cry?" Soap continued conversationally.
"I don't fucking know, man. She looked at her watch his morning and just started hyperventilating. I don't know what's wrong with her. Don't you think I'd tell you if I knew? I mean, you're scary as fuck, man." Alastair admitted.
John and Simon shared a silent glance and Ghost shrugged. He pulled a cellphone from his pocket and dialed Kira. He enabled the speakerphone function and held the phone out so it could be heard by everyone.
"What, Simon?" She demanded.
"What's wrong?" He asked as gently as he could.
"I don't have time for this shite, Riley. You'll know when everyone else does." She snapped.
"Kira, talk to me." John tried.
"Get me the fuck off speakerphone! No, I got one better. Hang up the goddamn phone. I'll call you in half an hour."
There was a click and the line fell dead.
"Something isn't right with her." Simon murmured.
"See? No one knows what's up with her." Alastair said quickly.
"You aren't off the hook yet." Soap snapped. Alastair shrank back into his seat and waited nervously.
Simon flashed his lover a series of complex hand gestures and John just shook his head. Alastair hated their sign language more than he hated their silent conversations.
The sound of Ghost's phone ringing was one of the most comforting sounds any of them had ever heard.
"I'm on my way back with tequila and details," was all Kira said before she hung up.
"So what was the big deal?" John demanded as Kira sang to herself and poured several shots.
"Old Faithful's running a bit behind and I thought I might've signed myself up for G-rated maxes by getting myself PG in an NC-17 scenario. Turns out things are just slow this time of year, but it's nothing to worry about." She smiled and downed a shot.
"What the hell does that mean?" Alastair demanded.
"Her period's late, thought you got her pregnant, but it's a false alarm." Simon translated.
"Oh. OH! That explains why she freaked out when she looked at the calendar!" Alastair suddenly seemed proud of himself. John and Simon were significantly less amused.
"You mean to tell me she didn't freak out until she saw the date and you didn't think to mention it?" John growled.
"Um... Oops?" Alastair offered.
John and Simon were not amused.
General Disclaimer: This chapter should be regarded as little more than the nonsensical excerpts from the mind of a sleepless (though not tireless) writer. These left-overs were simply unable to be worked into the main chapters for various reasons, mostly due to their strange/over-silly nature. Captain Jonathan "Soap" MacTavish, Lieutenant Simon "Ghost" Riley, Sergeant Gary "Roach" Sanderson, Royce and Archer do not belong to me, but to Infinity Ward and their affiliates. Sergeant Alexander "Stray" Kennedy, Alastair Scott Craft and Kira Jane MacTavish are my creations. If you are interested in utilizing them for whatever reason, feel free to send me a Personal Message or an Email, and expect a response within 24-48 hours.
TL;DR: If you recognize them from the game, they ain't mine. If you wanna borrow what is mine, PM me, we'll talk.