This was the day they held Rufio's funeral.
After getting Eridan home, Sollux retreated immediately back to his room. Every other area of the house felt infected to him. It was deathly quiet. Even when Karkat came home with another three boxes of boneless wings from Toppers, he hunched low over the table as he ate, the usual loud smacking of his lips completely silenced. Even Tavros only sat on the sofa, still clutching the tiny red collar, his shoulders shaking at intervals. But he never spoke. Not even to Gamzee as the man went to his room, and brought out the unfinished cat castle.
It was a towering wooden structure that was almost half as high as Gamzee and resembled a boxy jungle gym. Some sections had already been covered with carpet. That was the first thing to go. Gamzee ripped it off the wood, completely silent, and then began methodically prying nails from each board.
It was the only sound in the house. The creak of nails. The sound of metal against wood. The slap of boards as they were stacked together. And then shuffling. The clatter of used nails being spread on the glass of the coffee table. And the pounding of a hammer.
Sollux put on the biggest set of noise-canceling headphones he had. He then downloaded as much new electronica and dubstep as he could find, and let it pound in his ears until his teeth rattled in his skull. He stared at his computer screen as the beats hammered through him, scrolling through the Minecraft forums without really looking at anything.
Sometimes, as he gazed into that blue light with the sound of shuffling boards and darting feet punctuating the toxic silence just outside his headset, he would feel the room shift around him. As if he had been transported to a completely different place without his knowledge. A place where the walls had been brown instead of white. Where a suitcase full of stained skirts sat just outside the locked door. A place where he had stared at the same blue-white screen. Listened to the same music. Where the cramp of grief in his gut had clawed its way up into his chest, digging its icy claws into his heart. Making sweat drip down his temples. Making his lips form small, silent prayers as the footsteps shuffled around the house. As bags were zipped and unzipped. As boxes were packed. Making him grip his mouse and plead silently, his tongue dry and stale, as a knock sounded at the door.
He jerked suddenly, his mouse tumbling from his hand and clattering over the edge of the desk, where it hung, dangling by its cord and spinning lethargically. He watched it, his eyes wide.
And then it came again. Just at the edge of his music. The distant rap of knuckles against wood.
He pulled off his headphones and let them hang around his neck. He leaned back in the kitchen chair he still used for his desk, staring at his door. When he opened his mouth to speak, his voice was gravelly.
"Who's there?"
"It's me. Open up."
Karkat. Sollux pulled off his headset and ran a hand through his hair to calm himself down as he stood and made his way to the door. He cracked it just enough to see Karkat's angry brown eyes peering through at him.
"Funeral's tomorrow. I'm just letting you know because apparently it requires a sort of formal fucking invite. I would've asked him if he wanted me to draw it up on some nice stationary or something, but, you know…" The fervor in his voice seemed to die and he deflated, as if someone had squeezed the anger right out of him. "He's pretty worked up about the whole situation, so I figured it would be better to just keep my mouth shut for a change and spend my nuggets of refined wit on places actually dealing in that currency. Like your dumb ass."
Sollux listened to him without really taking any of it in. He took a step away from the door. "I'm not going."
Karkat gripped a clump of his hair in his fist, his face twisted in a grimace. "Please do not fucking tell me this is going to be an issue again. It was just the cat. You didn't even like it. You literally have zero emotional stock placed into this relationship company whose prices just took a flaming nosedive into the x-axis."
Sollux could feel his limbs begin to shake. "I can't."
Karkat released his hair. "Well then you can be the one to go tell Gamzee, shitlord." He slammed Sollux's door shut for him and Sollux could hear his angry footsteps as the boy made his way back down the hall.
Sollux put his forehead against the door, staring down at the carpet.
The confrontation with Gamzee came when he finally made his way out of his room at close to 2 am, his bladder nearly bursting. After relieving himself as silently as he could, he opened the door and crept back out into the hall.
"Hey best motherfuckin' friend."
The twin pinpricks reflecting the dim light from the kitchen were all that alerted Sollux to Gamzee's presence in the living room. As his good eye adjusted in the darkness, he saw that Gamzee was sitting on the floor beside a raised wooden platform. It had two levels, one only about a foot off the ground, the other, directly behind it, about three. The lanky man gripped a hammer loosely in his fist, and Sollux could see the way the corners of his lips were turned down with exhaustion and grief.
It looked so wrong on Gamzee. As if someone had turned his face upside down.
"You getting your motherfuckin' empty on?" he asked. His voice sounded tired.
"If you mean did I just piss, then yeah," Sollux said. His voice sounded harsh and loud in the thick black quiet of the house around them.
"Sometimes we all gotta do that. Just fuckin' let the universe suck all the juice up that was in your veins and filling up in your belly and just let it drain you dry til there's nothing left. And then it's just you and a couple pieces of wood and a question. But that's okay, because it's just a thing that happens so you can all make space for what other sorts of miracles the universe has to be offering."
Sollux could feel his stomach shrinking. He nodded, but stepped back, attempting to make a quiet retreat. Gamzee's deadened gaze sharpened as Sollux moved, and his next question was a bit louder.
"You coming to the motherfuckin' celebration tomorrow?"
Sollux froze. He felt as if his insides had been replaced with ice. "I don't know…"
"You don't have to get yourself up and to be going if it bums a brother out," Gamzee continued, his voice drifting away from Sollux once again. "Rufio was a good bro to all of us and taught us a lot of things even if we weren't all up to be getting our motherfuckin' understand on of what things he had to say since he was a cat. So I can get how a motherfucker could let it drag him down what kind of surprise it was to have the earth all motherfuckin' snatching back up on our little bro's soul. But the universe only knows how to up and deal its business in surprises, and souls don't know nothing but how to float upwards. So letting all that stuff in your chest that up and gets to be feeling like soda bubbles sink earthwards is just the opposite thing of what's natural."
He fell silent. Together they faced each other in the darkness, Sollux gazing down at Gamzee as the man looked at the hammer in his lap. He then lifted his shaggy head and gave a raspy little chuckle.
"I know it's hard for a brother to be getting his understand on of what all up and makes its way outwards of my mouth, but I'm just saying that we should make it happy. Ain't no reason to be motherfuckin' dragging our feet when all that happened was that the earth got back a little piece of its own light. We gotta be affixing tiny motherfuckin' wings to the heels of our shoes and get up to be steppin' around like we can barely keep ourselves on the ground. So all I'm trying to do is extend to you an invitation to this mirthful fuckin' celebration."
He smiled at Sollux then, and for the first time that day, a bead of warmth seemed to bloom in the chill of the house. Gamzee's eyes were lidded as usual, and the easy way his lips pulled back was just so familiar that Sollux couldn't help but give a small grin in return.
"See? That's the motherfuckin' way of it, bro. We could all use a wicked motherfuckin' set of incisors like yours to be helping to lift our little bro's soul skywards." He smiled wider.
Sollux's expression flickered. He looked away.
"Our good bro Eridan should get his attend on too. I ain't never seen that motherfucker get up to much smiling, but I know he'd probably let his lips all curve up like a watermelon rind if he ever got to be seeing what sort of celebration I've got put together for us."
Sollux felt as if Gamzee had twisted a knife in his gut. He turned back to the man, feeling his neck and ears get hot with anger. Or shame. He couldn't tell which.
"Eridan's on bed rest. He's not supposed to be up."
Gamzee looked crestfallen. "All right, I feel you. Well, maybe I'll go over and tell him to all be sending some positive energy our way."
Sollux shifted his weight uneasily. "I should go to bed."
"Yeah, we should all get to painting some wicked motherfuckin' dreams, I think." He stood then, setting his hammer gently on the coffee table. "I'll see you in the morning, best bro." He smiled and ambled past Sollux and into the bathroom. Sollux stayed where he was for a moment, focusing on trying to push his writhing intestines back into place. He swallowed, the distant hiss of water coming from the bathroom as the shower was turned on.
He retreated back to his room before the sound could disappear.
The next morning was as hot and sunny as every previous day in August had been. Sollux peered up at the sky through the slats in his blinds, trying to find any stray wisps of white against the vast blue canvas. He didn't.
The house was filled with the buttery smell of baking. As he made his way out of his room, a pair of fresh clothes slung over his forearm, the scents intensified to the point that his stomach clenched and uttered a desperate cry. He put his free hand against it, wincing. As he paused, he saw Karkat making his way out of his room. His phone was clutched tightly in his hand, a toothbrush sticking from his foamy mouth.
Sollux blinked. Normally the boy would notice his presence at the end of the hall, but Karkat seemed completely absorbed. He wandered into the bathroom without lifting his eyes from his phone's screen, proceeding to spit noisily over the sink.
Sighing, Sollux made his way out into the kitchen, still holding his clothes in one arm. The sound of batter sizzling softly on a griddle greeted his ears, and he saw Gamzee standing over the stove, wrapped in an apron and smiling brightly. He turned to look as Sollux entered, spinning his spatula around his fingers.
"I got one order of pancakes coming your motherfuckin' way my brother," he said, giving Sollux a wink. Sollux felt a bit like retreating back out of the kitchen, but the glorious smells of butter and chocolate held him in place. He let his eyes drift to the kitchen table where Tavros was hunched over his own set of pancakes, eating quietly. He must have felt Sollux's gaze, because the boy suddenly looked up at him.
Sollux tore his eyes away before he had a chance to register the expression on Tavros' face.
It was about then that he found a plate being shoved into his hands. He stared down at the steaming pancake. It was chocolate, and two pats of butter sat melting swiftly beside each other like eyes, a dollop of whipped cream with a strawberry perched on top serving as a nose. Two triangular segments of pancake had been placed on the edge of the main circle to represent ears.
There was no doubt what the pictographic pancake was meant to represent.
Sollux suddenly found his appetite dissolving in his guts. He looked up to Gamzee in muted horror as the man gave him a pat on the head.
"Gotta eat it before the eyes get all runny looking," he informed Sollux before turning back to the stove. "And I got plenty more waiting to get themselves off this hot griddle, so go get your motherfuckin' chow on, my friend."
Sollux sank into a chair, looking in abject horror at the cat pancake staring up at him. He knew Gamzee was rather oblivious to notions of what most would consider normal realms of rational thought, but this went beyond mere silliness. He could almost feel himself turning green as the cat's yellow butter eyes began to run down its face.
"Aren't they, great?"
Sollux started, tearing his eyes away from the steaming abomination before him and letting his gaze finally settle on Tavros. The boy was looking back at him, the corners of his lips sporting tiny globs of whipped cream. They were also turned up in a grin. Half his pancake had already been devoured, an ear and an eye still gazing forlornly up from a pool of syrup. Tavros pointed to Sollux's plate.
"The nose was my idea. Not, giving it a nose, necessarily, but just using a strawberry, for a nose, I mean." He retracted his arm then, gazing at Sollux with a smile as if awaiting a reply.
What the fuck did he want him to say?
They had just pancaked Tavros' dead cat.
What the fuck was wrong with them?
"Maybe you can up and give one to our good bro Eridan," Gamzee said. "I'm sure he'd be glad to get his motherfuckin' enjoy on of these wicked fuckin' creations of jubilee." He twirled his spatula again before slapping another steaming pancake down on a plate and beginning to give it two butter eyes.
Sollux felt like he was going to puke. He stood up from the table so fast that his chair nearly toppled over behind him, grabbing the plate from under Gamzee's hands.
"Ah, wait, man," Gamzee replied with dismay. "I ain't even got his little nose on there. And that's the best motherfuckin' part."
"Jesus FUCK," Sollux shouted, gripping his hair tightly in one hand. He felt as if there were a wire wrapped around his stomach, and that each second standing in that kitchen with those two crazy bastards and their meal of dead pancake cats, the wire wound tighter, cutting into him, sending electric panic bleeding into his veins.
The only reaction Gamzee had to Sollux's outburst, however, was to beam and squirt a mound of whipped cream onto the center of the pancake in Sollux's hand. He then perched a strawberry half delicately on top.
"There. I don't know how that couldn't make any motherfucker smile." He gazed fondly at his handiwork before giving Sollux an affectionate pat on the shoulder. "All right little bro, you go and deliver this steaming plate of memorial goodness to our best motherfuckin' neighbor friend and just watch his face all light up with the colors of happiness."
Sollux was pretty sure Eridan's face was going to turn colors, but they wouldn't be anything close to what he would ever define as happy. Without another word, he flung his clothes on the kitchen counter and sped out of the house, the plate clutched tightly in his hand.
It felt so good to be outside and away from all the suffocating air of his own residence that for a moment he forgot that he had a pancake with butter eyes in his hands. He sucked in a breath, trying to shade it fruitlessly from the hot summer sun with his hand before darting across the street and racing up to Eridan's porch.
He stood at the front door, his stomach suddenly tight. He probably should have eaten before coming. But the thought of consuming one of the cat pancakes sent his insides spinning into acrobatic pirouettes of revulsion. He shook the thought away, trying not to let the smell of the food in his hand waft into his nostrils. He raised his finger to jab at the doorbell when he frowned at his own unending stupidity. The stupid fucker was on bed rest.
So he twisted the handle of the door instead and pushed his way inside. The house seemed eerily warm and quiet. Sunlight filtered through the shades, most of which had been drawn, casting the entirety of the dwelling into the muted golden hues of sunset. He took a few steps inside, glancing about. He then heard a shuffling from the bathroom and suddenly the door opened in a cloud of steam.
Eridan stepped out, his hair damp and plastered to his forehead, his skin still slicked with water. He was clutching a towel to his chest, but that was the full extent of anything resembling an article of clothing within ten feet of the man's pale, slender body.
Their eyes met.
Their reactions were instant.
Eridan yanked his towel down, wrapping it briskly about his waist as he cursed with wild abandon. Sollux was deaf to all of it though. His ears burning, he lifted the plate in front of him like a shield, crying out the only thing that made sense to him at the time.
"Dick pancake!"
Eridan paused mid-expletive, his eyes perfectly round discs in his head. The chocolate pancake slowly slid from the plate and thudded to the floor.
Eridan looked down. Then he looked back up.
"You just got a pancake all over my carpet."
Sollux continued to hold out the plate. He looked down as well.
"Yeah."
Eridan looked down at it. "Why did you have a pancake, Sol?"
"Brought it here for you."
"Oh… Well, that was needlessly thoughtful a you."
"GZ made it."
"Yeah, I was sorta figurin'. But you came to deliver it or something?"
"Yeah."
"And now it's on my floor."
"That's where it is."
"…Right. Well, I'm just gonna go put some clothes on then."
"Uh-huh."
Eridan began to back down the hallway. Sollux continued to hold his plate out in front of him as if the man were clutching a grenade launcher as opposed to a towel. Eridan reached behind himself to open the door of his room before stepping inside and shutting it behind him with a soft snap.
Sollux could only stand frozen in place, his ears feeling as if they had both been stuck in a microwave. He stared at the door, his face screwed up with nauseous mortification. He then let his eyes drift back down to the pancake.
The cat face peered back up at him like some kind of grotesque Picasso portrait. He felt his lips twist with disgust. And then his legs were carrying him toward the kitchen. He grabbed a rag that was by the sink and ran it under warm water for a minute before returning to the pancake. He picked up the pieces and set them back on the plate before trying to scrub the butter and whipped cream from the carpet. He found his mind drifting precariously close to the juncture of Eridan's thighs as he worked. And each time it did he would scrub even harder, trying in vain to erase the thought from his memory. Why hadn't he just rung the fucking doorbell?
He leaned back and stared at the wet spots he had left on the floor. Hopefully it would be good enough. He stood and threw the towel into the sink, coming back to collect the plate with the pancake bits so he could dispose of them properly. As he squatted down to retrieve it, the door to Eridan's room opened once again. Sollux froze, his gaze locked on the plate of pancake clutched in his hand as Eridan approached.
"You didn't have to do that," he remarked.
Sollux looked up at him. Eridan stood before him in a tight purple t-shirt and jeans that hugged his slender legs. His hair was slicked back away from his face as per the norm, restoring the air of douchebaggery that seemed to hover around him as thickly as the cologne Sollux could smell coming off him in waves.
Sollux gripped the plate tighter. Those fucking pants though. His ears were still like mini furnaces attached to the sides of his head, and the way the faded denim clung to the pair of hips he'd seen exposed not moments before did nothing to help. He had to wonder if Eridan was purposefully trying to make things more awkward with his choice of dress. It sent more blood rushing to his head and Sollux found himself fighting off a humiliated rage over the whole concept of skinny jeans and whichever bastard had thought it had been a good idea. He picked up the plate and stood. "I thought it was the least I could do."
"No, I mean, you literally did not have to do that because it looks like you just used water and now that's gonna leave a huge fuckin' grease stain in my carpet, the likes a which I will never be able to remove."
That set the old irritation blazing heartily in Sollux's gut once again, thoughts of wet naked skin all but burned away. He glared at the young man, who had placed a hand on his hip.
"I don't get why you're getting yourself all gussied up to begin with," he snapped. "Aren't you supposed to be on bed rest?"
Eridan's disdainful expression flickered. He let the hand on his hip fall and he shrugged. "I just like fixin' myself up, is all. Takes some a the dullness out a the day and keeps me from feelin' like complete shit. So you can stop actin' all defensive like you gotta stop me from skippin' out a the house again because I got no plans on doin' that." He then lowered his brows and regarded Sollux closely. "But why the fuck did you come over here to give me pancakes, seems like an uncharacteristically laborious task a you to undertake."
Sollux heard the bite plain on his words and was about to make an equally scathing reply when he thought of his house again. His house and the suffocating black air within it that coated his lungs with every breath. He sagged as he set the plate on Eridan's kitchen counter, staring at the butter smears that had once been yellow eyes.
"I guess I just wanted to get out of there for a while."
Eridan's brows slid back up on his face, and his expression seemed to soften. "Is it because a the cat?"
Sollux grimaced at the pancake, shoving it away. "Gamzee's putting together some fucking funeral service or whatever. He's just drawing the whole process out when I wish he'd let it fucking drop. The cat's fucking dead. Building altars and making stupid cat pancakes isn't going to help."
Eridan's expression was muted. He stared at one of the many rings adorning his fingers, rubbing the purple gem on the top of the largest one. "So are you just not gonna make an appearance or what?"
Sollux ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "No, I have to go. It's fucking GZ, okay? You can't say no to that guy. It's impossible."
"All right. Well then, I'm comin' too."
Sollux took his hand out of his hair, turning his incredulous gaze to Eridan. "What?"
Eridan shrugged. His movements were nonchalant, but his face had turned the color of sour milk. "I've just never been to one before, I guess. I'm sorta fixin' to see what all the fuss is about."
Sollux's jaw set. "You're supposed to be in bed."
"Your house is about forty steps away from mine," Eridan rebuked. "So unless Gam's plannin' on holdin' the thing in a different state or is gonna have all attendees participate in a round a fuckin' jumpin' jacks then I think I should be able to manage."
"I'm not going to let you jeopardize your health," Sollux snapped.
"Then put me in a fuckin' wheelbarrow and roll me over there if that's what'll soothe your achin' conscience," Eridan seethed, his blue eyes livid in his pale face. "But I'm goin' to that cat's fuckin' funeral, you seepin' sack a fleshpus."
Sollux's jaw sagged for a moment in shock at the level of heat in Eridan's voice.
And then his own tone rose to match it.
"You want to know what all the fuss is about?" he snarled. "I'll tell you. I'll tell you exactly what you'll be missing out on. It's going to be the four of us standing around this shitty wooden box and watching Tavros cry and doing a whole ten-ton shitload of nothing until we've decided that the cat is finally dead enough to drag our sorry asses back inside. That's all funerals are. A bunch of assholes standing around and crying in front of each other and getting worked up over something they can't do a damn fucking thing about anymore."
Once he finished he was heaving. As if the force of expelling the words had sapped him of every ounce of oxygen. He felt sweat beading in his fisted palms as he glared at Eridan. The man's eyebrows had risen in shock at Sollux's sudden outburst, but as the lanky man stood trembling and sweating before him, his face settled into a look of sour disdain.
"All right. So that's what it is. You're still goin'. And so am I."
Sollux exhaled sharply through his nose, forcing his hands to relax. He straightened and grabbed the plate of ruined pancakes. "You know what? Fine. I'm done giving two shits about you, you stubborn, pompous cock."
He shook the contents of his plate out savagely over Eridan's garbage can before stalking through the front door. He didn't bother to close it behind him. He could hear Eridan scuffling around to slide on a pair of flipflops. The slap of the sandals against the concrete then followed him down the driveway and across the road. He never once bothered to look back.
Eridan Ampora was a stupid fuck.
He was a stupid fuck who was going to get himself killed.
Sollux was practically beside himself by the time they returned to his house. He stormed through the front door and went straight for the kitchen, slamming the dirtied plate down on the counter beside the sink. Gamzee was up to his elbows in soap suds, and blinked curiously at Sollux. He then lifted his eyes a bit, and an easy smile spread over his face.
"Hey best motherfuckin' neighbor," he greeted, waving a soapy hand before taking Sollux's dish to wash. Tavros was drying plates beside him, and he gave a little wave as well. Sollux wheeled around to find Eridan standing in the kitchen's entrance, his sandals still on and one lock of hair curled over his forehead. Apparently he hadn't gelled it as meticulously as usual. The fact that he even noticed this only proved to piss Sollux off further. He turned to Gamzee again.
"I'll be in my room until you're ready to start this sorry dead cat clusterfuck."
And with that he was off, stalking down the hallway and barricading himself in his room. As he stood facing the door, he could hear Eridan's muffled voice and Gamzee's amiable reply. It just made him want to grab the shitty kitchen chair at his desk and slam it against a wall.
He hated that fucking chair.
Sollux read through about half the new topics on the Minecraft forum and was just about to dig into his PMs when a knock came at the door. He sighed heavily and stood, opening it to find Karkat standing on the other side, his phone clutched loosely in his hand. He used his other hand to jerk a thumb over his shoulder, his expression sour as usual.
"Gamzee says he's just about got the whole fucking soiree set up, so I've been recruited to rally the troops." He then turned without another word and made his way back down the hallway and around the corner, his phone back under his nose and his fingers tapping at the buttons.
Sollux gave his computer a final glance and briefly considered going back to finish up looking through his PMs. But he never did. Instead he found himself shuffling down the hall and out the door.
It was later in the afternoon, and the sun was already beginning to make their shadows slant across the grass. Sollux made his way to the backyard. Besides the old rusted burning barrel that Sollux had never quite determined the exact legality of, there sat the wooden altar that Gamzee had made from the cat castle. It had been set up behind a freshly dug hole, the dirt-coated shovel balanced across Gamzee's shoulders. The tall man watched as Tavros squatted down beside him and placed a tiny box into the pit.
Sollux felt his bones shudder inside him. He approached silently to join Eridan and Karkat, who were both gathered around the hole as well. Eridan was holding a plate of brownies and looking like the color of warmed mayonnaise. Beside him, Karkat stood with two sticks of incense in one hand and the small ceramic dishes for holding them in the other. His phone had been so hastily stuffed in his pocket that he had tucked his sweatshirt in along with it.
After Tavros stood back from the tiny hole, wiping his hands on his pants, Sollux could finally get a full view of the altar. The top level had been decorated with dandelions. On its face had been drawn the visage of a cat not dissimilar to the one Sollux had found staring up at him during breakfast. Below that, the lower level of the altar was empty. Gamzee came forward to collect first the incense from Karkat, placing one dish on each end of the lower level and setting an incense stick burning in both. He then placed Eridan's plate of brownies between them before standing and striding around to the opposite side of the pit so that they could all stand comfortably around it.
"All right, I just want to thank you motherfuckers for making yourselves present at this celebration. I'm pretty sure everyone's up and got his understand on of why we're here, but just in case you don't, I'll tell you that it's because a good bro up and got it inside himself to be going back to the place he came from. And we're gonna all feel a pretty big hole where he was once sitting in our lives but that's no reason not to see him off like it's proper to be doing. So if anyone has any parting words for our little buddy Rufio then maybe you could get your mouthparts mobile and send your voice in a sort of upwards direction so that he might be getting his little kittens ears on to listen."
Sollux stood with his hands in his pockets, swallowing hard. All he could do besides stare straight down into the pit with its tiny wooden box was look into the eyes of the men standing around him. All of which were downcast and somber. He tried to keep his mouth in a firm line as his stomach attempted to turn itself inside out. The dizzying pungency of the incense did nothing to help.
After what seemed like ages, Tavros cleared his throat and looked up. His chin trembled as he spoke.
"I just, hope Rufio doesn't, hate me, maybe, for letting him get out like I did. I just want him, to know that, he was a really great friend to me and that, also, most of my scars have healed, so, I didn't mind that he, was so energetic, with his claws, like he was. Also, that I was, planning on telling all the other cats I might get, about him. That way they can know how great he was and also about how he was, my very first pet."
He looked to Gamzee, as if unsure of whether this served as an adequate eulogy for his friend. Gamzee gave him an approving nod, however, and Tavros seemed to deflate with relief, a tiny smile tugging at his lips.
"Okay. Now it's my turn. Rufio, you were a real choice bro and we shared lots of moments together even if we weren't all up and to be agreeing upon which sorts a things made tasty snacks. So I hope you like the compromise I all up and baked for you which has chocolate and cat food sitting hand in crumby hand all sharing and harmonizing with each other in one tasty square. I don't know how any motherfucker could say no to that."
He smiled and looked to Karkat. The boy rolled his eyes before folding his arms. "Rufio. You were a big pain in the ass and you bit me a lot and I could never go to the bathroom if you were sitting by the door because you would always try and ambush me like I couldn't fucking see you. I'd always operated under the assumption that cats were good at stalking their prey, but if you ever caught one mouse I will literally bend down and eat one of those cat food brownies that Gamzee made." He sighed as he finished, dropping his arms. "But as irritating and unnecessarily violent as you were, it sucks a fat steaming pile of goat dung that you're gone. And I hope you find some kind of solace in whatever sort of thing comes after this 'living' shit."
Sollux felt his insides twist. He was next. But his tongue felt glued to the roof of his mouth. All he could do was stare down at that tiny box and breathe in the thick scent of incense and feel the sweltering afternoon sun against the back of his neck. But all eyes were on him. And so, with a wrench of his intestines that made it feel as though something had definitely ruptured, he pried his jaws apart and spoke.
"I'm sorry you're dead, Rufio. Shit sucks."
That was all he could manage. He then looked to Eridan before anyone could object to his shitty speech. The man started, as if his turn had snuck up on him. Sollux could see his adam's apple bob as he swallowed, shaking his hands out and wiping them against his horrid tight pants. He grew an even more sour color as he spoke.
"Okay. Rufio. So. It was really unexpected. Your whole dyin' thing. Like, you were a pretty normal cat and you did pretty normal cat things even if you were kinda violent like Kar was sayin'. But that was just an unfortunate part a your personality so we'll overlook it for the sake a this bein' a thing about you in which mostly nice things are said for your benefit. Even though you can't really hear them." He laughed suddenly. A short, sharp burst of sound that carried no mirth. He put a fist to his mouth and swallowed again before continuing. "So you just died before you got to experience a lot more cat things and maybe just get better at doin' cat things in general, I mean who's really in a position to gauge your potential when you never had enough time to really find out what it was for yourself. So I'm just sayin' that I think you could've done a lot of things and that maybe you would've done them if you'd have known how short your time was. But I guess it's too late for that now, so you can just get on with bein' dead and I won't trouble you about doin' livin'-type activities anymore."
He fell silent then, twisting the rings on his fingers and staring back down at the ground. Gamzee looked them all over and beamed before he held up his shovel. "All right, that sounds like we put a motherfuckin' cap on this wicked shindig. So long little Rufio bro."
It didn't take long to cover the hole and pack it with dirt. But by that time the sun had sunk low in the sky, painting the lawn olive and the back of the house gold. It was then that Gamzee finally propped the shovel up on his shoulder and waved them all back into the house, smiling serenely.
"Come on. Shit's not over yet. We gotta send our brother off right."
Sollux felt like falling face first into the grass and never getting up. When would this burning train wreck stop skidding uselessly along the tracks and finally take a long fall off a bridge and into a deep ravine? He stumped along beside Karkat as he followed Gamzee back into the house.
Sending Rufio off right, however, seemed to entail eating lots of spaghetti from the nearby Italian restaurant.
The entire house was filled with the warm scent of garlic bread mingled with tomato sauce. It sent a sharp reminder to Sollux's stomach that he hadn't eaten once that day, and the organ responded by giving an appropriately angry growl. Sollux winced, quickening his pace as they all made their way into the kitchen. The table was covered in stacked tins of steaming food and styrofoam boxes of salad. Gamzee passed them all out before opening the refrigerator and withdrawing several bottles of beer. They clinked together merrily as he set them down on the table.
Karkat snatched one up and stared at it. "Sweet fucking breath of a breastfed infant, Gamzee. Is this fucking Corona?"
"Yeah, man," Gamzee smiled and nodded as he passed out a tin to each of them. Sollux held his like it was a bar of gold, feeling the delicious heat seeping into his cold fingers. His brief moment of adoration cost him a spot at the table as Karkat sat down immediately to tear the lid off his spaghetti and dive into it. He looked uneasily at the remaining two chairs. Tavros was already pulling one out to sit down, but as he met Sollux's eyes, he pushed it back in again.
"Oh, uh, do you want, to sit here?" he asked, clutching a box of garlic bread.
Sollux sighed. "It's fine. I'll just sit at the coffee table or something." He grabbed a beer and a fork before heading to the living room and sitting on the couch. He was already hunched over his tin of spaghetti and thoroughly caked in marinara sauce by the time Eridan appeared beside him.
"Do you care if I sit here too? I figure Gam and Tav are kinda like a unit now and I didn't want to be responsible for upsettin' whatever kinda fucked up symbiosis they've got goin' on between the two a them."
Sollux never even looked up. He simply slid over and allowed space for Eridan to sit down. He felt the couch shift beneath him as the man settled into place at his side. After a moment of silence that was punctuated only by the occasional scrape of Sollux's fork against the bottom of his tin, the lanky man looked up.
Eridan was huddled over his own spaghetti, twirling it around on his fork. He looked as though he had hardly touched any of it.
Sollux frowned. "Not organic enough for you?"
Eridan glanced at him before looking back to his spaghetti. "No, it's fine. I guess I've just got a lot a weighin' on my mind."
"Oh yeah?" Sollux began shoveling more food into his mouth. After swallowing, he looked to Eridan again. "Was it what you were expecting?"
"Sorta. I mean, I've seen funerals on movies and shit before. This was a little different but the basic sentiment was still there."
"Uh-huh." Sollux could feel the topic turning the chewed spaghetti in his gut to lead. He tried to eat faster, wanting to finish his food before his appetite vanished completely.
"I don't want that."
The remark was unexpected. For that reason, Sollux found himself looking up from his meal and at the man sitting beside him. Eridan had put down his fork, both hands clasped tightly in his lap, his body hunched low over his knees. His eyes were wide and his face was so white it seemed to possess its own glow.
"I don't want that," he repeated. "All that bullshit where everyone just says a bunch a nice shit outta some kinda fucked up respect for someone that can't even listen to them anymore. I don't want that. I don't want people spoutin' a bunch a fake bullshit over my corpse."
Sollux stared back at his noodles. The tomato sauce suddenly looked incorrigibly and sickeningly red. He pushed the half-finished tin away before sitting back against the couch with his beer.
"Yeah."
Eridan continued to tremble beside him, his hands clasped together. At last Sollux held out his beer and set it gently on Eridan's shoulder. The man flinched from the sudden cold, but then he looked to the bottle curiously before letting his gaze flicker to Sollux. Sollux gave a little nod, holding it under Eridan's nose instead.
"You're not on your blood thinners anymore, right?" he asked.
Eridan shook his head.
Sollux gave the bottle a wiggle.
Eridan took it hesitantly, his rings clinking against the glass. He then put it to his lips and tossed his head back, nearly draining half the bottle in one swallow. He grimaced as he pulled it from his mouth, handing it back to Sollux.
"I'll never get used to that shit," he gasped.
"No, not if you drink it like that," Sollux replied before taking another swig himself. He then handed it back to Eridan, watching the man as he threw his head back again, his eyes squeezed shut against the bitter flavor.
"You shouldn't think about it so much."
Eridan cracked one eye open at him as he swallowed. "What?"
Sollux took the beer bottle back and stared at the label. "Dying."
Eridan wiped a hand over his mouth. "I don't. To be honest, I think I've been tryin' to ignore it for way too long."
Sollux drained the rest of the bottle. "It's not like ignoring it or not is going to change the ultimate outcome."
"I know. And that's exactly the fuckin' point. That bullshit doesn't give a piss-rottin' fuck what you do. It doesn't stop for anybody. Not even a fuckin' cat that barely got started livin'."
Sollux set the bottle down on the table with a loud thunk. "I think you should just shut up and eat your spaghetti."
Eridan stared at Sollux for a moment. But the man never returned his gaze. And so he finally took up his fork and lifted a bundle of noodles to his mouth.