This was the day Sollux Captor attempted to eat chicken nuggets.
He distinctly remembered cutting Eridan off after two beers that night after the funeral. He hadn't wanted to push anything and disrupt Eridan's already rather rocky road to recovery.
But two beers seemed to be all the man really needed.
Soon they were all gathered in the living room, occupying the couch and a beanbag chair that Gamzee had dragged out of the closet in his room. The entire house now smelled of garlic and tomatoes and the heady fragrance of some of Gamzee's nicer weed. The kind that could set Sollux's head to spinning with barely two hits. He leaned back against the couch as he stared with lidded eyes at the bong in the middle of the coffee table. In one hand was his fourth beer while his other arm was wrapped around Eridan.
His head was pleasantly fuzzy, so perhaps it was for that reason that he didn't mind how the man had curled against him, his head resting on his chest. If Sollux turned his face just right, he could smell a note of vanilla mingled in the cocktail of scents curling through the air around him. He found his mind tracing foggy footsteps toward a notion packed tightly away in the corner of his skull reserved exclusively for stupid thoughts, continuing to pick up one in particular.
Put your face in his hair.
And then his mind would set the thought down and stumble its way back into normalcy and Sollux would take another swig of beer. But then that hint of vanilla would float back into his nostrils and his brain would go sashaying back into the stupid corner.
Put your face in his hair.
Luckily, Karkat, who was sitting next to Eridan on the couch, decided it was time for everyone else to shut up.
"I have an important fucking announcement to make," he bellowed, slamming his beer on the coffee table. "So ready your cochleas for the massive load of information I am about to drop directly into your ears."
He was drunk. Karkat always got exponentially louder with each beer, and he was practically red in the face now, his voice making Sollux's fuzzy head thrum. It was a warm, tickly feeling, however, and Sollux couldn't help but react with a smile as Karkat leaned back against the couch and folded his arms across his chest.
"I just want you all to know that yesterday, after years of beating at the monumental fucking rock of obtuseness that is John Egbert's skull, I have come to possess the seven digit number that holds the key to unlocking his pants."
He held up his phone.
Gamzee gave out one of his huge, honking laughs from where he sat sharing the beanbag chair with Tavros, clapping his hands together. "That is some wicked motherfuckin' business you got yourself up to there, bro."
"Yes, it was very fucking business like. I moistened the pen nib with my supple tongue and signed the fuck off on exclusive rights to John's dick, okay?"
Sollux, still grinning from the sheer volume of Karkat's voice, felt movement against his chest as Eridan stirred. The man turned to look at Karkat. Sollux couldn't see his face, but his voice sounded heavy and slurred.
"What the fuck Kar, you can't lock up fuckin' pants that doesn't make any sense."
Karkat's face turned an even darker shade of red, though whether it was from anger or embarrassment, Sollux couldn't say.
"It makes perfect sense, shitass. The area of his crotchular region was off limits to me before. And now it is rapidly opening up. Like a fucking day lily under the first finger of dawn's gentle caress. I am that finger, Eridan. And John is the fucking flower. And fuck you because this makes perfect sense and I don't want to hear a goddamned word out of your mouth again because I'm drunk and happy and you are ruining both of those things."
He turned away from Eridan in a huff and continued. "Anyway, we're going out to see some shitty-ass movie called Dinner for whatever the fuck, I don't even care. The point is that it's a fucking date, and I am soon going to be locked into this tighter than a fat guy in the booth of an all-you-can-eat buffet. Then you can all witness for yourselves the romantic mastery with which I was fucking born to woo. I will maybe even lower one of my godly thumbs down to wipe the drool from your chins as you all stare in awe at the serendipitous bond I will proceed to forge from the lump of coal that is Egbert's asinine being."
"Can I eat up at one of those motherfuckin' buffets? Sounds like a wicked bitchtits time," Gamzee laughed. Tavros was smiling next to him. The boy had been toast after just one hit from his boyfriend's bong.
Sollux found himself staring at the glass pipe again. He hadn't had any of Gamzee's weed in ages. His mind tottered after that vein of thought, following it down a rope of speculation in which Sollux found himself wondering how many hits he could still handle. He found his ruminations cut short, however, by a tug on his shirt.
"Hey, Sol?"
Sollux blinked and looked down. Eridan had lifted his head just enough to meet the other man's gaze, and his eyes glittered oddly in the warm light of the room. "Would you consider takin' me home?"
Sollux felt something squeeze in his chest and he sat up a bit, trying to blink some of the haze from his eyes. "Are you not feeling so hot?"
"I'm just fuckin' fallin' asleep on you is all and you're kinda bony and uncomfortable, no offense." He patted Sollux's hip.
Sollux suddenly felt very warm for no reason. He chose to blame the beer. "All right, let's go. KK, I'm gonna take Eridan home."
"All right, but you're going to miss the best part of my epic saga documenting the courting rituals I undertook in order to secure a date with Egbert. It's going to be good, Sollux. You're going to want to take notes."
"Sure," Sollux replied, getting to his feet and helping Eridan up as well. The man swayed dangerously, and Sollux grabbed him and pulled him close. It was with one of Eridan's arms around his shoulder that he walked with the man out of the house and back across the street.
Night had fallen sometime between the drinking and eating, and dew was already starting to cling to the grass. By the time Sollux had staggered up to Eridan's porch, both of them having more than a bit of trouble finding the step up to it with their feet, the cuffs of his jeans were soaked. He scuffed them irritably against the rug as he entered the house, Eridan wandering out of his grasp and into the bathroom. Sollux lifted a leg and picked a few blades of grass from the bottom of his pants, nearly toppling over in the process. He then raised his head and blinked blearily in the direction of Eridan's bathroom. He walked down the hallway toward it, sliding his fingers against the wall as he went.
"Hey," he said, leaning his head into the tiny room. "You okay in there?"
Eridan had his face pressed into a damp washcloth. He pulled it away, sniffing and nodding. Sollux frowned. "Is something wrong?"
He shook his head. "If you mean like in a physical sense then I can say that I sorta feel like maybe the floor's slidin' out underneath me and that my chest is really warm." He dropped the washcloth into the sink and stared at it for a while, blinking slowly.
Sollux felt his stomach twist and he put a hand on Eridan's upper arm, squeezing harder than he needed to, trying to urge the man into a more sober frame of mind. "Is it serious? Something to do with your heart at all? Should I call FF or something?"
"No, it's nothing to do with that." He looked sad. He patted Sollux's hand and the man uncurled his fingers from Eridan's arm, watching as the man teetered out of the bathroom and to his bedroom. Sollux followed him, watching Eridan crawl into bed without so much as removing his flipflops. Sighing, Sollux climbed up next to him as Eridan dropped face first into his pillows.
"Idiot…" Sollux muttered as he yanked the sandals unceremoniously from Eridan's feet and tossed them to the floor. He was just about to stand when he felt a hand at his wrist. He looked down and saw Eridan peering up at him with one eye, the other still buried in the purple fluff of his pillow.
"Are you gonna leave?" he asked.
"That's the plan. I'm sort of drunk right now, and I don't need to be passing out on other people's furniture like a jackass. So I'm just gonna go back and probably hack some shitter's account on the Minecraft forums because I haven't done that in ages and this bastard fucking deserves it."
The corner of Eridan's mouth that Sollux could see quirked up in a smile. "Sol is the hammer a fuckin' justice on the black vortex a cyberspace that is the internet."
"Yes," Sollux replied with the distant air of an archaic storyteller. "And I must take up arms against the hordes of jackasses all shrieking various oaths to their own correctness. Because only one person can be right on the internet and it is me. I am that person."
Eridan pulled his face out of his pillow and curled on his side, pressing up next to Sollux until his face was beside the man's hip and his knees were pressed up to Sollux's calves. He curled his fingers around the hem of Sollux's stained black T-shirt and smiled again.
"You're a fuckin' idiot is what you are," he mumbled, still smiling even though his eyes were closed.
Sollux felt his brain seem to slosh in his skull like it had suddenly been dumped in bathwater. He swayed a bit, staring down at the curled figure beside him. Watching the way the thin shoulders rose and fell as Eridan breathed. He slowly, carefully, ducked down again. And there was that vanilla scent, hidden just beneath the layers of cologne. It must have been his shampoo. It must have been.
Put your face in his hair.
He bent closer, his heart suddenly feeling very large in his chest. Larger than it should have been. Large enough to fill up his esophagus and beat at the back of his tongue. He slowly raised one hand and placed it on Eridan's head, just above his ear. He let his thumb brush over the brown hair. It was stiff with gel, but the little tuft at his temple was soft like down. He ran his thumb over it again, and Eridan let out a tiny shuddering sigh, his fingers tightening around Sollux's shirt.
It was so easy to block out the protesting voices in his head. He knew what they were saying. Registered what it was. But the hazy warmth enveloping his entire body and the bead of light blooming in his stomach served as a barrier. And he found himself bending down. Closer, until that vanilla scent had filled up his entire skull and underneath his palm he could feel Eridan trembling.
And then he kissed Eridan's temple. And he could taste the salty warmth of the man's skin and the way his downy hair clung to Sollux's lips as he pulled away and in that moment there was no lie. No guilt. No fear. There was just warmth and an ache in his chest and the smell of vanilla and cologne.
As he lifted his head, Eridan turned to look at him. His eyes were glittering, but whether it was a cause of the alcohol or the embarrassment, Sollux didn't know. What he did know—what he was keenly aware of—was Eridan as the man lifted his arm and wrapped it around Sollux's waist.
"You don't have to leave if you don't want." His voice was no more than a hoarse whisper.
Sollux felt his entire body ache with a desperate longing. One that had been unlocked by warmth and vanilla and Corona and now reared inside him like some eldritch creature, spitting fire into the marrow of every bone. And though the distant protests grew louder, he shifted down on the bed, lying next to Eridan and putting a hand on the small of the man's back, drawing him in close. Eridan responded in kind, shifting one leg between Sollux's and wrapping his arms around the man's waist before burying his face in Sollux's chest. Sollux grit his teeth, hoping that the impeding leg would not press too high, his head pulsing sluggishly with the liquid warmth of booze and the scent of Eridan's shampoo.
It was too much. He broke and complied with the idiot thought in his head.
He put his face in Eridan's hair.
And it was coarse from the gel but it smelled so good. As he held Eridan tighter to his body, the man made a muffled remark into his chest.
"You reek a something awful Sol, did you even shower today?"
Sollux glowered down at the brown hair beneath his lips. "I was distracted, okay?"
"You're fuckin' gross is what you are."
Sollux yanked on Eridan's ear and the man yelped before burying his face back in Sollux's chest, shaking with silent laughter that he must have thought he was doing a very good job of keeping discreet. Sollux's lips curved up again and he closed his eyes, settling his lips back in Eridan's hair, drinking in that scent, feeling the warmth of him wrapped up around his entire body…
And then it was morning. The sunlight blazed through his eyelids, which felt crusted and dry. He pried them apart, jerking up as his good eye took in the foreign purple and cream walls, his tongue thick and sticky in his mouth. He scraped it over his teeth, swallowing and blinking as he looked around, trying to form a solid recollection of what had happened last night.
He looked down to see Eridan still curled on his side next to him, one arm still draped over his waist. The summer sun pouring in through the slats in Eridan's blinds had heated the room to an unbearable temperature, leaving Sollux with his T-shirt clinging to his sweaty back. He ran a hand over his face, which was a grimy, oily mess, before pulling himself from the bed and making his way to Eridan's bathroom.
He had been in it a few times before when he'd come over to paint, but never while Eridan had been living in the house. And yet things were just as tidy as they had been before the man had come home, aside from the washcloth he had left in the sink the night before. Sollux squeezed it out and bunched it next to the tap before ducking his head down and sticking it under the faucet. He exhaled sharply at the cold water, but soon his eye was working properly again and his head had shaken off the last of the night's haze.
He stood, looking at his dripping face in the mirror.
And there, with no barrier of warmth or alcohol or vanilla shampoo to shield him, the voices came rushing back. Like an approaching avalanche he could hear their distant echo as they came barreling toward him. He backed away from the mirror, trying to focus on finding a towel. As he pressed his face into one, the voices caught up with him, and he was overcome. Shrieks of panic. Of denial. A needling in his gut telling him that this wasn't real. Wasn't right. And suddenly all he wanted to do was fall to his knees on the tile and wish that none of it had ever happened.
"Are you okay in there?"
He took his face out of the towel. Eridan's voice. He quickly scrubbed his hair dry before opening the bathroom door. Eridan gazed up at him, his blue eyes wide. "You don't have a hangover or something do you?"
"I wish." He found the words tumbling out before he could stop them.
Eridan's response was not the indignant fury he expected. Instead, he merely looked confused. "You wish?"
Sollux sucked in a breath and held it for a moment, running a hand over his face before he finally exhaled. "We were both kind of drunk last night."
Eridan raised one eyebrow. "Were we?"
"I said kind of. Obviously not smashed, but my head didn't cook this nice headache up out of nowhere." He adjusted Eridan's towel on the towel rack. Being in such a tidy space made him feel slightly self-conscious about the state in which he left everything.
Eridan put his eyebrow back down. "Uh-huh. Well, whatever Sol. You stickin' around for breakfast? I got, like, about twelve different kinds a cereal. All real good stuff too, with fiber and shit, like you look like the type a guy who doesn't get a lot of fiber."
He turned and began striding off toward the kitchen. Sollux was just about to ask what a guy that didn't get a lot of fiber actually looked like when he swallowed the question back, following in silence instead. He stood in the entrance of the kitchen as Eridan pulled open his pantry and leaned back to survey its contents. After a moment he dug inside and pulled out a yellow box. He shook it in front of Sollux.
"What do you think? Cheerios."
Sollux frowned. He watched as Eridan's hand snaked up the side of the box and his finger slowly crept over to the red heart-shaped bowl that the cereal was contained in on the front image.
"Clinically proven to reduce your cholesterol, Sol. Like, in fuckin' labs and shit." A small smile cracked over his face. He then patted his chest. "It is in a heart-shaped bowl and everything, look at this. Don't let anyone ever tell you I never look after myself, I got the fuckin' heart healthiest cereal money can buy. Fuckin' Cheerios. Clinically proven."
He set the box down on the counter and grabbed two bowls from an overhead cabinet before setting those down as well. Sollux shifted his weight from foot to foot as he listened to the clatter of cereal being poured. He approached and quickly tugged the second bowl out of Eridan's reach before the man could put any cereal inside it. Eridan looked up at Sollux, clutching the box and looking rather tired.
"You're not stayin' for Cheerios?"
Sollux stared at the empty bowl he'd hooked his index finger around. "I don't think I should."
Eridan sighed, closing the box and stuffing it back in his pantry. He then made his way to the fridge and pulled out a gallon of milk. He looked up at Sollux after he finished pouring some onto his cereal. "So are you gonna go?"
Sollux swallowed the hard lump that had risen in his throat enough to force out a "Yeah," before he unhooked his finger from the empty bowl and approached the door, putting one hand against it as he stuffed on his shoes.
Just as he was about to leave, Eridan spoke up. "Are you thinkin' about maybe hoppin' on Minecraft later?"
Sollux turned back to him, his eyebrows lifted in surprise. He searched the man's face for some hint of sarcasm or malice, but couldn't find any to speak of. He looked away, rubbing the side of his face as if it might help him stimulate his now thoroughly aching brain.
"Uh, sure, I guess," he said at last. When wasn't he up for Minecraft?
Eridan nodded. "All right. Well, tell Tav I said hi or whatever. I'm just gonna be keepin' mostly to myself today. Maybe break out the guitar or something if I get bored a playin' fuckin' Pokemon. But I'll probably be dickin' around in Alternia later tonight."
He grabbed a spoon and then carried his cereal to the table where he sat and began to eat. Sollux stared at him for a moment before he felt something seem to ease up inside him. As if a huge anvil had been lifted from his chest. He gave a little smile and nodded. "Yeah, well, I never moved your hive, shitbrain. So you get to deal with Creepers cuddling up to you at night."
"Get outta here," Eridan snapped, flinging a Cheerio at him.
Sollux ducked it and smirked before backing out the door. "Have sweet Minecraft dreams little troll Eridan," he said before he shut it. He may or may not have heard another Cheerio hitting the wood.
After that it was as if none of it had ever happened.
As if Eridan had never been in the hospital. As if Sollux had never kissed him. As if they had never gone nearly two weeks without speaking. As if they had never cuddled together in a tipsy stupor.
Eridan came on Minecraft every night and together they began to make an assortment of hives to cover the landscape. During one of the several conversations they would hold on trollian culture while engaging in more menial building activities, they somehow got it in their heads to give the trolls a caste system based on blood color. Not even Sollux could be sure later where or who the notion had come from, but he knew that it was because of Eridan's demands that the highest caste had what he called "tyrian purple." Which had launched them both into an argument over colors after Sollux called it "pink" in passing once he'd been linked to the particular hue's Wikipedia page.
It was a stark contrast to the nights he had spent staring at the computer and waiting for the Minecraft board to update, scrolling through Reddit with no real fervor or purpose.
It made him yearn for the sun to set each day, and for their game to recommence.
"So I'm officially through with bed rest tomorrow," Eridan announced as they started up their session one day.
"Nice. Gonna go rock the park with your sweet acoustic beats?" He snickered into his headset as they worked on the large red space ark that was to be the main vehicle of the High Empress herself.
"I'm gettin' a lot better at this shit, Sol, like you would be surprised. I've put a lot a time and effort into improvin' and I'd say I'm just about at a level where I could be considered really fuckin' impressive, okay?" His purple-cloaked troll hopped over to the other side of the scaffolding they'd put in place to create the wings of the ship. "But for your information, no, I've got plans on holdin' off for a little while before I make my official musical debut."
Sollux smirked. "All right, so there are those plans. What about the plans for tomorrow?"
"The plans are that Fef is gonna come and check on me and then I got some shit to do by myself downtown. I got other plans, but they are strictly confidential and not for your delicate ears, Sol."
"Delicate ears my ass," Sollux retorted as he tapped his keyboard, swiftly putting a few windows in the side of the candy red ship. "Does that mean I'm not allowed to come along?"
"Absolutely fuckin' not is what it means, yeah. You probably wouldn't want to anyway, I was just gonna go pay a visit to the Core and also get some new clothes because I was lookin' in my drawers the other day and basically lamentin' the fuckin' textile drought that is my wardrobe right now."
"Wow, yeah, sounds pretty shitty. But with the appropriate amount of meditating under the shower and walking over some of GZ's burning incense sticks, I'm pretty sure I will be able to steel myself for the trial of going clothes shopping with you." He tried to keep the biting smirk in his voice, but he found his stomach clenching as he spoke. They hadn't been out alone together for any length of time since their disastrous outing at the pool. And things were much different now.
Weren't they?
"You don't have to bother yourself with comin', I'll be fine. I've been feelin' better than I have in ages if you want to know the truth, and I'm thinkin' that this latest surgery might have actually done its fuckin' job for a change." His voice was light. Flippant.
Sollux felt his heart squeeze. "So I'm not on the invite list, is that it?"
"No, sorry. No angry basement dwellin' types allowed on my first day in the sun since my brutal incarceration inside my own home. Would ruin the fuckin' mood."
Sollux felt as if something heavy had settled over his head, pushing him into the floor. It wasn't as though he could have really expected a different response. All they did was play Minecraft together, after all. He nudged his character around, slapping some blocks in place.
"Technically it's going to be at least your third day in the sun," he said at last, before he forgot to reply entirely. "Because you made an awful fucking habit of cheating while doing your time."
"Whatever, Sol, I was just gently bendin' the rules so as to not go fuckin' nuts cooped up in this hellhole. I am just really lookin' forward to drinkin' a nice cup a tea and chillin' out in the café for a while tomorrow."
Sollux could hear the wistful air in his voice and swore the bastard hopped even higher than usual as he sent his character to the top of the ark. It made the weight on his shoulders increase. "Sounds great."
"It will be."
Sollux tapped at his keyboard for a few more seconds before pinching the bridge of his nose. "We should probably call it a night, then. Don't want to keep you up too late when you have all these awesome activities planned for tomorrow."
"That is a real fuckin' decent thing a you to do, Sol, and not remotely troll-like at all, you are a fuckin' disgrace to this made up bullshit species we've got goin' on here. But thanks, I owe you for steppin' in for me like this and puttin' yourself at risk a bein' culled."
"Oh, I never said I was going to risk my neck for you, ED. First sign of the culling drones and I will spill every last bean I've got inside me about your lax construction efforts." Sollux couldn't help but grin.
"Fuckin' asshole."
"Good night, jackass."
He pushed himself away from his desk then, rubbing at his eyes.
He needed food.
He picked his way across his laundry-littered floor before emerging from his darkened room and into the hallway outside. It wasn't exceedingly late yet, so he could still hear music coming from Gamzee's room and the sound of Will Smith's voice echoing from Karkat's. He trudged down the hall, preparing to yank some chicken nuggets out of the freezer to stick in the microwave.
That plan immediately went to shit, however, as he came into the kitchen and found Tavros at the table with a plate smeared with ketchup and a face full of crumbs, an empty bag sitting next to the sink.
"No goddammit motherfucking shit," Sollux burst out as he tore the bag from the counter, staring down at the logo and the image of the deliciously golden-brown chicken nuggets beneath.
Tavros looked mortified.
"I'm, sorry, I didn't know they were, yours, or really anyone's, I just came out here because I was, hungry and Gamzee fell asleep trying to listen to me, um, teach him how to play DnD." He looked around himself, as if there might be a spare chicken nugget he had dropped somewhere for Sollux to eat.
Sollux sighed and set the empty bag back down. "Don't sweat it, it's not that big of a deal. Sorry for flipping out like that."
"Oh, it's no problem, really," Tavros smiled. He then got up from his place at the table, picking up his plate. As he reached out to set it beside the sink, Sollux noticed a red band dangling from his wrist.
He felt something snag in his stomach.
"Is that," he began as Tavros withdrew his arm and looked up, "Rufio's collar? Are you wearing his collar?"
"Oh, you mean this?" He held up his arm and stared at the red strap around his wrist. Complete with a buckle and a name plate. His expression all at once grew both fond and sad. "Yeah, that's what, this is."
Sollux felt like he was staring down at those fucking cat pancakes all over again. His stomach lurched and he was suddenly not so hungry anymore.
"Isn't that kind of fucked up? Wearing your dead cat's collar as a bracelet?"
Tavros looked genuinely confused. He peered at his wrist again, frowning as if trying to puzzle out an honest answer. At last he returned his gaze to Sollux. "I'm not exactly, sure, which parts about it are, um, unacceptable. I washed it, so, there aren't any substances on it that might be bad, so to speak."
"I guess I'm glad you washed it, but still… That's…sort of morbid, isn't it?" Sollux tried to avoid looking at it.
Tavros' forehead scrunched in further bemusement. "I'm not sure what's so, morbid, about it."
"Because it's your dead cat's collar and you're fucking wearing it," Sollux seethed, gesturing toward it violently. "I'm not so sure what else there is to say on the subject. I mean, doesn't it bother you?"
Tavros flinched at Sollux's sudden outburst, but recovered quickly enough. "No, it doesn't, actually. It helps me to, remember, and think of him whenever I want to, and also sometimes when I need to but, maybe don't really realize it."
Sollux stared at the boy, who looked back at him with such an open and honest expression that Sollux couldn't help be feel like he was shrinking into the tile beneath his feet. His voice was much smaller as he asked, "But…he was wearing that when he died. That doesn't…depress you?"
"Oh, well, yes, it does, sometimes," he lifted his wrist and gave it a somber gaze. "But I guess, maybe, I want to remember the sad things and the happy things, also, rather than just, forgetting all of it." He twisted the collar around on his wrist so he could see the name plate. "Rufio was, really great, for me. He was my pet and, also my friend, but I also don't think I would be who I am right now, or in the situation that I currently find myself, without him. He's the reason I met Gamzee, after all. So that's why I, like to keep him close, this way."
He dropped his wrist and smiled at Sollux. But his grin flickered as he took in the other's expression.
Sollux was standing in the middle of the kitchen, trembling, his eyes hot and glistening. He stuck out his hand, trying to keep his voice even as he whispered, "Can I see it?"
"Oh, uh, sure." Tavros put his wrist in the man's bony hand. Sollux ran his thumb over the name plate, tracing the letter's of Rufio's name. He flipped it over. On the back, however, instead of contact information, was a message written in tiny font.
This guy is going to teach you how to fly. Go for it Peter!
He swallowed and looked up at Tavros. "This…really means a lot to you, doesn't it?"
Tavros nodded. "Yeah, it does."
Sollux withdrew his hand, shaking. He put a hand to his useless right eye, feeling the darkness surround it but being unable to see it. Yet he could still feel the tear leak from it and slide down his cheek.
"I've been such a fucking idiot," he whispered.
Tavros looked worried to the point of trepidation. "I don't, really know, what you're referring to, but, I wouldn't, necessarily, put it like that."
"No." Sollux took a step back, swiping up the tear that had fallen as he pulled his hand away from his face. "No, that is exactly how I would put it. Fuck. Fucking dammit."
He ran both hands through his hair and turned, cursing all the way out of the kitchen and back to his room.