I guess the both of us were pretty much exhausted because when we woke up, the sun was just starting to rise.

I glanced over Sam's shoulder and found the amazing view.

"Come on," I told him, rolling out of bed with his hand in mine.

I stood at the window watching the sun rise as warm arms cuddled around my waist.

"Beautiful," Sam said looking down at me.

"Very smooth," I laughed with a blush as I looked back up at him. I gave him a good morning kiss and turned back to the sun. We stood there for a while, just taking in the moment. It felt good to feel at peace.

Sam snuggled into my neck and I smiled. I raked my hand through his hair and took in a deep breath.

The day began as the alarm clock went off. Both Sam and I internally groaned as we looked at the beeping time.

"You should go get ready for work," I told him, trying to ignore the rhythmic beeping.

He sighed and pulled me close, "I have never dreaded work so much in my life."

I let out a laugh and kissed him. Our kisses became a little more than just kisses as we moved to the bed.

"Sam, you need to go home and get changed," I panted as I cupped his head closer to my neck.

He let out a grunt of some sort but continued his actions. My eyes fluttered closed and I wanted him to be inside me so bad.

He has work Bella… the voice in my head echoed. Pulling together some self-control, I pushed him up by the shoulders.

"Sam, you need to go get ready for work. First day back- you shouldn't be late."

Disappointment covered his face and I kissed him briefly on the lips.

"Go on. You have to go home and change."

Sighing, he got up from on top of me and pulled me up with him.

"I love you," he said before kissing me again.

I let out a small moan and pulled away, "I love you too, now go." I laughed as he started to bow his head and kiss my neck.

He smiled at me and then wrapped me in a kiss one last time before heading downstairs and out the door.

I took a moment to catch my breath while the smile on my face seemed to stick. Pulling up my hair in a ponytail, I grabbed my toiletries and was off for a quick shower.

Today was the day I was cleaning the house and getting Charlie's stuff in boxes. The boys offered numerous times but I knew it was something I had to do. It was probably the best day to do it since Sam had work and everyone else had patrol (that was not centered around me).

After showering, I got dressed and brushed my hair.

The butterflies in my stomach grew as I looked down the hall and saw my father's room. The door was shut and it seemed a bit eerie. When I was ready, I walked down the hall and stood in front of the brown bedroom door. The put in my stomach seemed to swallow the butterflies' whole, as I suddenly felt sick. I put my hand on the doorknob and turned it slowly.

My nose was hit with his aroma and it brought tears to my eyes. The reminder of his absence was heart breaking and I moved to sit on the floor. Having the pack around really made me forget how hard it was to lose him. I could barely get passed the doorway. How was I going to do this?

I sat there with tears in my eyes and down my face. Everything in here was him-The bed, the clothes, the wall color... Everything in here made me sick.

The phone rang but I felt so numb I didn't even bother reaching it.

With time, I pulled myself together and stood up. I walked over to his bed and pictured him sleeping there- snoring loudly. Letting out a small laugh, I wiped away some falling tears and went to his closet.

Breaking down again I sat down and leaned against the doorway. I thought I was ready. I thought I could do this, but I cant.

I sat there drowning myself in my thoughts. Tears continued to stream down my cheeks as I buried myself in guilt. He wouldn't be dead if it wasn't for me. I should have been stronger. I should have thought everything out more. I should have…

A hand on my shoulder made me jump and I quickly put a shield around me. When I found it was only Jake with sad sorrow eyes, I quickly put down my protection and dove into his arms. I sobbed in his shoulder and let the guilt consume me as he rubbed my back.

I knew deep in my mind that no matter what anyone was to say- his death was on me. My own father's death was my fault and nothing would change that.

"Its okay Bells," Jake whispered as he held me.

I felt him scoop me up a while later in his arms and carry me downstairs. My heart clenched a bit as I heard him shut Charlie's bedroom door- did he know how long it took for me to open that door?

We sat on the couch together till I ran out of tears and started to calm down.

"What were you doin' Bells? Why didn't you wait for one of us?" Jake asked, brushing some hair away from my face.

I couldn't find my voice. Instead I just shook my head and buried my head into his shoulder.

"We are here for you Bells. You don't have to do this alone."

I wanted to tell him how much I needed to- how much of this was my fault, but I couldn't. My voice had run away and not come back and I was tired. Extremely tired.

He seemed to notice because me kissed me and wrapped a blanket on top of us.

"Go to sleep, I will be here when you wake up," he told me.

Nodding, my eyes started to close and I was asleep before he could count to 3.

When I woke up again, Jake was no longer sitting there with me in his lap. Instead, I was curled up on the couch with a pillow under my head and a blanket wrapped around me. My face felt tight and I knew it was from all those salty tears dried to my face. Wiping my eyes a bit, I slowly sat up front the couch and wondered where that man could be.

"Yea Le, she's doing better," I heard Jakes voice say softly.

"I don't know- probably trying to pack up his stuff. I found her bawling in Charlie's room."

"I know," he responded after a while.

"I'm staying here until Sam gets back."

"Yea, Embry has my shift." He told his girlfriend.

I stopped listening after that. I still felt numb. It was like my mind just turned off my thoughts. I sat on the couch just staring straight ahead. I had that sickening feeling of loss and worry. I didn't know where to go from here.

The phone was set back on its cradle and the noise made me jump.

"Hey, your up," Jake said coming to check on me.

"Yea," I rasped out. Clearing my throat, I continued to sit there staring into my lap.

Sighing, he came to sit next to me and wrapped an arm around me.

"You okay?" he asked.

I nodded and leaned into his shoulder.

"Thanks for being here."

"Anytime," he whispered, kissing my head.

We stayed like that for a while until I sighed and moved my head to glance up at him.

"It was Sam that called you wasn't it? He felt it."

Jake hesitantly nodded, "He couldn't leave work but knew something was wrong so he had me come check it out."

I swallowed and felt a bit nervous, "what did he say after that?"

Jake shrugged, "he said he would be home as soon as possible and that to take care of you."

"You and I both know he asked and said more than that." I called out on Jake.

My best friend sighed and shrugged again, "Why does it matter Bells? He just wants to make sure you were okay."

"Jake, come on," I told him.

"When I told him where I found you and that you were crying, he understood. He was a bit confused and maybe a bit upset you didn't wait for any of us, but his main priority was to make sure you were taken care of. I promised him to stay here till he got home so that's what im going to do."

I accepted the answer and sat there.

"Did he tell you about the training?" I asked looking up at him.

He nodded, "the pack knows. Some don't agree with what you are doing but as Sam said, it's your choice. You are right when you say it is your fight- but you need to realize, you are apart of us, so it is our fight too. Either way the pack stands behind you."

"Even with the Cullen's also in the fight?"

Jake nodded, "even with the Cullen's. Since your peace keeper and all it makes it so much easier being around them. That constant thought of them being a threat subsides and it's just something that's there. Our minds don't always have to acknowledge it."

I nodded and thought about everything he was saying.

"Do you think I am doing the right thing?" I asked him.

I knew Jake would give me a truthful answer, yet at the same time I was afraid of what he was going to say.

"I think you are right in letting us and the Cullen's' fight. And I think that you do have a right to fight. But I don't think that you really understand what this means. Going to war- if we lose you Bella…it will tear us apart."

I stayed quiet and thought about the possibility that that would happen. Its true, I couldn't say it wasn't. There was a small possibility of me not winning the war or coming back (but I wasn't going to tell them that). But the thought of tearing the pack apart made me sick.

"You're stronger than you all know. You depend on me for such silly things. Soon, I think you will start to realize that you don't just need me to keep it all together- you all can do just fine."

Jake visibly sighed and we both knew this fight wasn't going to get anywhere. We both had our opinions.

Breaking the silence, I leaned forward and ran my hands through my hair till it seemed good enough to tie into a ponytail.

"How long was I out for?"

"Few hours," he said watching me.

"What time is it now?" I asked.

"3."

Nodding, I thought about everything. Sam would be home by 5, which would give me some time to pack Charlie's stuff. I knew the boys had bought boxes before the funeral so I could try again…

"What are you going to do?" Jake asked as I stood up.

"Finish what I started," I told him with a breath.

He got up with me and gave me this look, "Bella…"

"Jake," I said cutting him off, "I need to do this- alone."

He looked very unhappy.

"I know you want to be there with me, but this is just something I got to do. You are going to be right downstairs so if I have another hysterical breakdown you can come get me and I will wait for Sam" I bargained.

He gave me this look that I didn't really know how to interpret.

"Let me do this," I somewhat pleaded. Slowly he nodded and wrapped me in a hug. Hugging him back, I let myself smile a bit before walking back upstairs.

The second time around wasn't as bad. I felt more prepared than I did before yet I still stood at the bedroom door for a few minutes before opening it.

My nostrils flared at the scent of Charlie again, but this time I held back my tears. Shutting the door behind me, I took in a deep breath.

So far so good.

I walked back over to his closet and stood in the doorway. All of his clothes were hung up and no longer waiting to be picked and touched. I could imagine him walking in the closet picking out something to wear.

I walked in, grabbing a shirt of his and put it up to my nose. It was Charlie. I played with the fabric between my fingers and around my hands. My mind flashed to all those little times I hugged him and came in contact with his clothes.

It was funny how I would never think of these things if he were here. I didn't know I was crying till tears fell down from my face and on his shirt. I let out a bit of a laugh. I was just so used to the feeling I didn't even realize it.

With time, I began packing up his things. Most of the pre-boxed boxes were sitting in his room ready to be packed.

It was weird putting his things away. I felt apart of me want to just leave everything how it was. Maybe he would come back. It was foolish thinking that way but I didn't want to let go. Tucking away his favorite tee and flannel off to the side, I made sure it would be in safekeeping.

I was practically done with the closet when I saw his dirty laundry. I lost it a bit there. The tears kept falling and falling and the hole in my heart opened just a bit wider. It hurt to think he would never have any more laundry for me to do; or even the thought of him no longer wearing all of these clothes.

It was when I was stacking all of the boxes near the middle of the room to label that Sam quietly walked in the door.

"Hey," he said softly, staring directly at me.

I dropped everything and walked straight over to him.

"Hey," I sighed, snuggling in his chest as I wrapped my arms around his waist. I breathed in his scent, letting the tension in my body relax. Something about Sam made me feel so…whole.

"How was work?" I asked after a while.

"Long." He said as we pulled away. His lips met mine for a kiss and I felt the heaviness in my heart lessen, "I missed you," he muttered as our foreheads touched, letting my arms snake around up to his neck.

"I missed you too."

I let my eyes close and I felt him turn his head to kiss me again.

"You okay?' he asked after a few minutes of silence.

I nodded and pulled away a bit, "yea, I just needed to get some of my dad's stuff cleaned up."

He accepted the answer but I could tell he wanted to push me further.

"Do you need help?" he asked.

I turned back to the room and shook my head, "no, I think im done for the day."

"You sure?" he asked.

I nodded and entwined his hand with mine, "yea, lets get out of here."

With one last glance, I said my farewells and shut the door.

"Did Jake leave?" I asked Sam as we got to the stairs.

He nodded and kissed our hands, "yea, he had to get back."

We got downstairs and I felt that weirdness again. I think Sam must have sensed it because he hugged me close to him.

"How about we order a pizza for dinner?" he asked me.

"Can we do a movie too?"

"Sounds perfect," he smiled kissing my forehead.

I smiled up at him and stood on my tiptoes to give him a kiss.

"Go pick out a movie- I'm going to order the pizza and change real quick," he told me with one last squeeze to my hand.

I nodded and walked off to the family room. Deciding on an action movie (Resident Evil), I popped it into the DVD player and went to sit on the couch.

My feet came to a halt as I saw my dad's chair. It was sad to think he would no longer sit there.

Slowly I walked up to it and touched it oh so carefully. My hand ran along the velvety fabric and my fingers shook. I felt eyes on me. Looking up I found Sam staring at me.

I pushed the guilty and sad thoughts away and brought Sam to the couch.

We watched the movie till the pizza came. After Sam paid, we brought the box over and set it on the table.

"Can we talk about what happened today?" Sam asked as I came back from the kitchen with paper plates and napkins.

I felt a bit stunned at his question. It took me off guard.

"What do you mean?" I asked coming to sit next to him.

"I mean the fact that you went in Charlie's room today and not picking up the phone. And what about this sadness and guiltiness you are feeling? Are we going to talk about this at all?"

I sat there unable to form words in my head.

"I get that you needed to…get closure. And if the first step of that was to clean out his room, I don't mind, but Bella…why didn't you tell me? Or wait for me?"

Before he could go further with this lecture, I cut in, "I shouldn't have to tell you all my every move. I should be able to do what I need or want to do when I feel like it. I shouldn't have to look for everyone's approval all of the time. And as for waiting for you…this is something I need to do for myself. He was my father Sam. He was my dad and I need to deal with it by myself. I didn't want you to help or anyone else for that matter."

"But Bella…you're…" he took a deep breath, "you're killing yourself."

His face contorted in pain as he said that. "I can feel bits of what you are feeling Bells, and all of that hurt, and sadness and guilt- you cant keep that bottled up baby."

I shut my eyes to stop the tears but one fell out anyways. Sam pulled me on his lap and wiped away the tear.

Opening my eyes, I bit my lip. The pain in my heart came back and it was almost painful to breathe.

Sam's lips crashed against mine and the ache slowly faded away.

Licking my lips, I played with his shirt and looked at my hands, " I cant- I cant get over him. I can't get over the feeling of his absence or the ache in my heart. Just the thought of him makes me want to curl up in pain. I feel like im living some nightmare that I can't wake up from." I turned my head and tried to blink away the tears, "and what hurts the most is that I did this. And I can't stop thinking and wondering that maybe things would be different if I didn't come here. It just- it hurts to know I was responsible for this. And even when you tell me it's not my fault, Sam, I know it is. I played a part in his death. " I took in a shaky breath, "I keep telling myself that this will get easier- I just need more time to deal with it all- and sometimes it works. Sometimes I really believe it. But times like this afternoon, I could barely get it together. I couldn't think or breathe or feel- I was just numb. I feel like I lost apart of me and I cant get that part back." A tear rolled down my cheek and Sam caught it with my thumb. I glanced back down at my hands resting on his chest.

"I'm trying so hard to work through the guilt and pain but it's just so hard. It's so exhausting and so…so painful. Im tired and im angry. I feel like I should fight yet and at the same time, I can barely keep it together. I want to bring Charlie's death to justice yet im so afraid I wont be able to do it. I cant- I cant breathe anymore," I admitted.

Sam cupped my face and waited till my eyes met his, "Listen to me. We are going to get you through this together. I don't care what we have to do or who we have to go through- you are going to get through this. I know you feel like you have to do this alone but Bells, you don't. I am right here for you. I'm going to help you get past this baby, you just have to confide in me."

Finding his eyes true to his words, I slowly nodded. He pulled me in for a kiss and then tugged back to kiss my tears away. As I moved to get us some pizza, he leaned his head over and rested it on my shoulder, "You don't have to act around me Bells," he kissed my cheek.

I flashed him a small smile and took in his words. Handing him his pizza I snuggled up beside him and resumed the movie again. It was towards the end of the movie that I started to nod off. Picking me up in his arms, he carried me upstairs and into my room. He waited patiently for me as I got ready for bed and then snuggled with me as I fell asleep.

"Love you Sam," I mumbled.

"I love you too," he whispered, kissing my nose as I fell asleep.