This was the day that Eridan Ampora died.
Sollux woke to the hiss of the shower. His eyes fluttered open and he caught sight of the living room window across from him, which looked like it had been painted over with pitch. As he blinked the sleepy haze away, however, he registered the tiny white flakes drifting down on the other side of the glass.
Why was it so cold and early? He groaned, pulling the blanket over his head and turning toward the back of the couch, blocking out the nonexistent light.
He could only be irritable for so long though. Today marked the last day at work for the both of them until after the holidays. And though he wasn't bouncing on his toes to use the time to perpetuate awkwardness in California, he did have the prospect of two weeks' worth of sleeping in to look forward to.
Unfortunately it was still one day off, and so it was not yet a luxury he had access to. Technically speaking, he really had no business being awake so early, but Eridan was never exactly careful about keeping quiet as he went about his morning routine. Just thinking about all the times he'd crawled around on the bed to dig clothes out of the sheets or turned on music while doing his hair was enough to make vexation spread through Sollux's chest.
But it was an odd vexation. One that made him feel warm. He pulled the blankets closer, burying his face in them and letting himself get dizzy on the smell of vanilla. He grinned so stupidly that he was glad to be half smothered in bedding.
After getting that bout of fuzziness out of his system, he stretched and sat up, shivering as the blankets fell off him, leaving him exposed to the waist. Gathering one of the blankets about his shoulders, he shuffled to the bedroom and rummaged in the dark for some clothes. Once he grabbed what felt like a T-shirt and sweatpants, he pulled them on, letting his makeshift mantle crumple to the floor. He then shuffled back out to the kitchen and turned on the light.
The next few minutes were spent being blind and cursing photons for their very existence.
Once that was over, he began rummaging through the cupboards, pulling out mixing bowls and a large frying pan.
It wasn't often that Sollux lent his culinary skills to the household. Mostly because on the one hand they could hardly be called skills and on the other he often preferred filling his time whipping up codes rather than meals.
Still, sometimes an overwhelming sentimentality gripped him by the heartstrings. And he still couldn't shake the image of Eridan smiling down at his sloppy snow angel, cheeks rosy and lashes damp with snowflakes.
He had to pause in pouring out a few cups of flour just to rub at his chest and get absurdly warm despite the fact that he was standing in the middle of a frostbitten kitchen.
The hiss of water in the bathroom eventually stopped and there was a click as the door opened. Sollux looked up as he heard the damp pat of feet against linoleum. He found Eridan standing at his shoulder in nothing but a towel, peering down into his mixing bowl.
"Pancakes?" he asked, glancing up. His blue eyes looked hesitant.
"Hopefully," Sollux replied.
They both took a moment of silence to reflect on the last batch of "hopefully" pancakes that Sollux had made. Each of them turned a bit green.
"Well, that's fuckin' ambitious a you," Eridan responded before reaching over Sollux's shoulder to open the cereal cabinet.
Sollux knocked his arm away. "Don't be a jackass. At least try them first."
"You burned the fuck out a the last ones. I need real sustenance if I'm gonna get through a full day a servin' coffee to an endless line of assholes."
"Just finish getting ready," Sollux snapped. He was trying to be a boyfriend and dammit, Eridan was going to let him.
"Fine," came the bleak reply before Eridan slumped out of the kitchen and back down the hall toward the bedroom.
Sollux returned to studying the recipe with the air of a linguist deciphering some dead tongue. The result ended in a decision that the answer was definitely to start with flour and holy fuck it came out fast so okay maybe he would compensate for that minor spill with just a half a cup more instead of a whole one and shit shit shit fucking flour everywhere what the fuck was he supposed to put in now, milk?
He carried on in this fashion until the kitchen looked like more of a frosted winter wonderland than the yard outside. When Eridan returned it was to a sweating Sollux stirring feverishly at his mixing bowl. Sollux tried to ward him off with his dripping spatula, but Eridan ducked under his arm and grabbed the bowl toward him.
He let out a groan of dismay.
Sollux snatched the bowl back possessively, as if Eridan had insulted his firstborn child. "Shut up," he snapped.
"Sol that looks like glue, not batter, what the fuck did you even put in there, cement?"
"It's fine," Sollux retorted, pulling the bowl closer and shielding it from Eridan's eyes with his arms. "It's supposed to look like this."
"Well, okay if you say so," Eridan sighed. "But could you hurry it up, I need a ride in like, half an hour. And not that kinda ride either, this is my work and it needs to be taken seriously."
Sollux rolled his eyes but couldn't completely hide the tiny smirk pulling up at the corners of his lips. He returned to mixing the goop in his bowl while Eridan wandered off to the living room window, peering outside.
"It snowed a lot," he said softly.
"Oh yeah?"
He nodded before pulling his eyes away from the window to look over his shoulder at Sollux. "I'm gonna go dig your car out. Do we have a shovel?"
Sollux slowed in his stirring, turning his gaze toward Eridan. "No… KK does but…"
He bit the inside of his cheek, surveying Eridan. His thin frame. The way his hair had been sculpted perfectly into place, save for the tiny lock that always curled over his forehead. The paleness of his skin and the way it offset the brown sweater he'd pulled over his dress shirt. He felt his insides twist.
"I'll just head over there and steal it from his garage for a couple seconds. He won't even notice." His lips quirked up in an impish grin.
Sollux released his cheek from between his teeth, nodding slowly. "Just…bundle up, okay? Put on those earmuffs I got for you."
Eridan sighed. "They're gonna mess up the masterpiece I made a my hair this mornin' but whatever your majesty, I'll do as instructed."
"And your mittens," Sollux added at his retreating back. He stood motionless over his bowl for a few seconds after Eridan had gone. Then he returned to stirring his mixture.
He had just clomped the frying pan down onto the range, turning up the dial on a burner when he heard the front door open and close. Sollux drifted from the kitchen and toward the living room window, watching through the drifting flakes as Eridan shuffled over to Karkat's house. He was dressed in a pea coat and scarf, earmuffs fastened over his head. Sollux made a mental note to get him something warmer than his current jacket. The midwest sure as hell wasn't California.
He wandered back to the stove, but he didn't begin frying pancakes until he heard the reassuring scrape of a shovel against the concrete outside. He gave a little smile before pouring some batter into the pan and making something that could not even be considered the second cousin twice removed of a circle.
He watched the batter begin bubbling up and became concerned when it started taking on the consistency of cracked granite. He tried to slide his spatula underneath to flip it over in case it was burning. And that's when he realized that he hadn't greased the pan. And Eridan's pans weren't exactly the height of teflon technology. He swore and lifted it off the burner, trying to scrape the pancake off the bottom before it went up in flames. He was mostly successful, but it made a complete mess of his first attempt.
Whatever. It had been a trial run anyway. Grabbing a stick of butter from the fridge, he quickly greased up the bottom of the pan and tried again.
The result was a stack of steaming, albeit rubbery, golden brown pancakes. Sollux admired them proudly as he turned off the burner and dumped the frying pan in the sink.
It was only when he'd finished setting the table that he realized that the rhythmic scrape of metal against concrete had stopped. He wondered if Eridan was already done. Either way, he was going to come inside and partake of the veritable breakfast feast that Sollux had orchestrated for him. Wiping his hands on a towel and smiling, Sollux went to the door and pulled it open.
Snow blew in, stinging his eyes. He raised an arm, blinking the icy crystals away. When he lowered it, he saw his blue Toyota, most of the snow scraped away from around its wheels. And at the end of the driveway Eridan lay sprawled in the snow, the shovel beside him.
Sollux stepped out onto the porch, smiling. "Are you…"
making snow angels, he'd meant to say. But the words stuck in his throat. Because Eridan's arms and legs were bent at all the wrong angles. Like he had fallen. Like…
He dashed down the driveway so fast he kicked up a slurry of snow behind him, the flakes tumbling in the air and being pulled back by the wind. He fell to his knees beside Eridan and rolled him over.
He was pale. Translucent. And his lips, his perfect rosy lips—he'd kissed them just last night—they were a strange blue. A foreign color.
Not right. It wasn't right, only Eridan's eyes were blue. So blue. He would open them. In just a few seconds. Any second. Sollux shook him, his throat tight. He shook him and tried to call out to him open your eyes but the words wouldn't come and he was frozen and he could feel the ice like it was inside him now and spreading out to all his limbs and no no no no no.
Some part of his brain registered that something had to be done. So he fumbled, his fingers stiff and awkward like they weren't connected to his body and he couldn't even feel the plastic in his hand as he pulled his phone from his pocket. He meant to dial 911, but those were not the numbers he pressed. Instead he tapped out something else. The only number he could remember. Like it was automatic. And he pressed the phone to his ear and god he wasn't breathing he wasn't breathing no no please god no.
Karkat's voice in his ear. Saying something. But Sollux couldn't hear it. All he could hear was the thrumming roar of his own heartbeat and the howl of the icy wind and he hunched over and opened his mouth and prayed that he could speak.
The words came like blood. Tumbling out, one on top of the other, a chain of hooks that tore at his throat, a two worded plea "help me help me help me help me."
And then his phone was in the snow and he was pulling Eridan close and no no oh god open your eyes, and the wind howled and then Karkat was there. He was there and he was talking and his voice was broken like shattered ice and then he was speaking into Sollux's phone, yelling, screaming, and everything was Karkat's yells and the wind and his face huddled over Eridan's and there was no soft breath coming from between those lips, those cold blue lips why were they that color no no that's not the color they were.
He didn't realize the ambulance had come until Eridan was tugged from his hands. And he grabbed for him, and said the only thing he could say help me help me but maybe they couldn't hear him because they just took Eridan and Sollux tried to crawl after him and hold his hand he just wanted to hold his hand but they held him. Strangers. Strangers in coats. They kept him away as they hauled Eridan into the warmth of the ambulance and held a clear mask to his mouth and nose and "cardiac arrest" they said and Sollux saw them take out those shiny metal pads and they were opening up the pea coat and he had to get him a warmer jacket he had to get him something warmer. He struggled against the person holding him and everything was cold and ice and why was Eridan moving like that why no please his heart is fragile he only has half a heart, just like him, just like him, please please please please.
Karkat was beside him. Trying to say something. But he couldn't hear it because suddenly his ears were filled with the sounds of a voice. Rattling off a time. 7:22. Eridan was going to be late for work, he'd kill him if he were late for work what would he say to Vriska.
He must have said it out loud. Because then Karkat was answering. He was crying and Sollux stared at those tears like they were something alien and no no no, don't, that wasn't right. And then his voice. Broken and almost whipped away by the wind, but they reached Sollux's ears.
"He's gone."
Something in him broke. He flailed his limbs, ripped them away from the men holding him, stumbled forward toward the ambulance and then tripped on a drift. And he knelt there, his hands frozen, and something fell from his eyes and melted a circle in the snow.
No he wasn't. No he wasn't. He balled his frozen fingers into fists and dashed back up to the house. Half running, half crawling, pushing past the forest of hands reaching out to grab him, stumbling through the door, legs not stopping until he'd crashed into the sofa and the blankets were still there still there they smelled like vanilla they smelled like vanilla and how could he be gone if the blankets still smelled like vanilla please god no no no. He buried his face in them because that was real, not this. Vanilla was real and pancakes and hot chocolate and pink lips and embroidered stockings and soft brown hair with a violet streak and this wasn't it wasn't real this wasn't real.
He felt a hand on his shoulders. A cheek against his neck. Eridan.
But Karkat's voice came. And he whispered and held Sollux. Hugged him about the middle.
"I'm so fucking sorry."
And then Sollux dissolved. Broke and spilled blood and bile and everything that he was out through his eyes. Clutched to the blanket until it was wet and the pancakes on the table grew cold.