Disclaimer- Stephenie still owns the usual suspects.
I own my original characters and original story.

*This parallels chapters 66 and 67 of V&V ''. Please read those before attempting this.

Enjoy!

****************************LRM**********************************

Chapter 66&67 – On The Road Part 1

Oprah had a way of making her guests feel comfortable even when the subject matter discussed was less than so. She worked her magic on Bella during our appearance, and not once did Bella give the impression that she was going to break down over the way the events unfolded.

Engrossed, emotionally invested, worried, sometimes even amused, but she was never visibly distraught.

I, on the other hand, immediately jumped to the conclusion that we had been blindsided, especially when Oprah began to ask questions about Bella's kidnapping, before proceeding to line up real-life victims in order that they might share their experiences.

I watched Bella, carefully searching for any sign that I would need to whisk her away from there, especially when she recounted waking up in the back seat of the Ranger's car.

After all, I would be the one having to soothe her, should she experience another nightmare because of what she'd been through today.

Thankfully, I was able to hide my anger and frustration until after the show. When I realized that Oprah's assistant had sent the information in good faith, but through a technical glitch, we hadn't received it, I calmed considerably.

Oprah was the consummate professional, I should have known better than to have doubted her intentions.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief when Bella actually admitted that the show may have helped her work through her issues from that night.

It was at that point that I decided to let her know that we'd been unsuccessful in our attempts to shut own Victor James' proposed television show.

Bella took the news a lot better than I expected her to. It seemed that I had been taking great pains to develop a stomach ulcer for nothing.

As we ate lunch with Oprah and her staff, I couldn't help the fascination I felt while watching our family members bond with her. Even Bella herself was so alive, so happy. She had changed so very much from our first meeting in which she spilled coffee all over her shirt. As the months passed, I'd watched her grow more confident, more sure of herself. I knew it was our relationship that had helped this to occur, hell it had changed me as well. So much.

I lived for those moments when a smile would light up Bella's face, and I couldn't wait to spend the rest of my days making her happy. My heart clenched with the realization that I had almost lost this.

Oprah graciously offered to help stop Victor James from airing the interview with that bastard Jeffrey Dryden. It had never crossed my mind to ask for her help. Once again my pride in thinking I could handle everything myself, had almost cost me an important opportunity to shield my girl from shit she shouldn't have to deal with.

All my anger from earlier evaporated as I realized just what Oprah was offering. I smiled at her gratefully. She was a true gem, and I knew I was fortunate to count her as a friend.

-LRM—

"So Duke, is this your usual routine after a workout?" Emmett asked my Grandfather as we sipped our drinks in the posh Standard Club in downtown Chicago.

"If you're referring to the fact that I'm drinking, then the answer would be yes." Duke said with a wide smile. "I'd be smoking a damned cigar now too except for the fact that they've banned smoking in the club. What the hell's the point of exercise if you can't enjoy yourself once in a while? As I've gotten closer to the end of my life, I've learned to appreciate the little things." He said as he raised his glass to us before downing his scotch.

The rest of us grinned before doing likewise.

After our workout, and the stop at the club, Duke dropped us down on Canal Street in order to pick up the rental car. "Nice" Jasper commented as he slipped into the luxury SUV Emmett had chosen for our vacation.

"Oh Emmett, that reminds me, I downloaded a few more songs for the trip." I informed.

"Good. We can bounce back and forth between your playlist and mine. I can't wait to get on the road tomorrow." He was beaming.

I was pretty damned excited too. The train trip had been nice, but nothing beat the freedom of the open road.

"Speaking of songs" Emmett continued. "Rose and I have been discussing which songs we want played for the special dances at the wedding reception. Since my Mom can't be there" He cleared his throat when his voice caught. "I thought Bella and I could do a 'Brother-Sister dance in lieu of the Mother-Son one." He sounded almost apprehensive. "I haven't asked her yet though."

I nodded, knowing that this would be difficult for them both. "Emmett, you should ask her."

"You sure she'll be okay with it?"

"Yes. She knows this is important to you."

He sighed. "That's what Rose said too. It's just that after everything Bella's been through lately, I don't want to add to it. Maybe I should just forget about it."

I understood what he meant. Since Bella's kidnapping, I had thought and rethought every decision I'd made in order to make sure she would not be adversely affected by it.

Jasper spoke up then. "Emmett, I think if you skipped the dance altogether it would be more noticeable and consequently more difficult for both you and Bella. Instead, you're finding a way to sort of include your mother. I think it's a really nice idea."

Emmett smiled. "Thanks Jasper."

-LRM—

"Edward" my cousin Fiona whispered as we ate dinner that evening. She was seated to my right, while Bella was seated to my left, and deep in conversation with Fiona's mother.

"Yes Fiona" I whispered back conspiratorially.

"Bella's very pretty." She said with a grin.

"I know." I smiled back. "So are you."

I wasn't exaggerating. Fiona was ten years old and already quite a beauty.

"Thank you." She blushed and looked down, stabbing a pea with her fork. "You never brought a girl here before."

"That is true." I continued to smile.

She paused, deep in thought. "I really like her Edward. She doesn't talk to me like I'm a little kid. She likes all the same books I do. And she is a writer." She remarked, in awe.

I nodded, letting her continue.

"I just… I hope you don't break up with her." She gave me a pleading look.

I put my hand over my heart and held her gaze. "Fiona, I promise that will not happen. Bella and I are getting married in a little over a month."

"I know." She looked a little sheepish. "It's just that the people on television used to say you had a lot of different girlfriends, and then they said that was all pretend." She worried her lip. "I wanted to make sure that Bella's not pretend."

"I'm sorry Fiona. If I had thought about it then, I would have told you that none of that was real. I'm an actor and sometimes the studio asked me to pretend in public. It was their idea, but I should never have agreed." I took a deep breath and let it out. "What I feel for Bella is real and true. Don't worry."

I watched as a big smile lit up Fiona's face.

"I love Bella more than any girl I've ever met." I then leaned down, whispering in her ear. "Well, apart from you, but we'll keep that our little secret."

Fiona giggled. "Oh Edward."

-LRM-

"She is a witch with a capital 'B'." Alice announced with her hands on her hips. She was seething.

Alice was of course referring to our Mother's sister Evelyn.

Alice and I had volunteered to assist Maeve in carrying the desserts when, in truth we both just needed a moment to complain in private.

"How Grandmother and Duke are the parents of such a mean person is beyond me." Alice continued.

Maeve chuckled. "My dear children, this has been going on more years than you've been alive. Your Auntie Evelyn's never going to change." She said as she handed me a tray filled with servings of cheesecake. "It's that daughter of hers that gets right under my skin. Acting like she's better than everyone in the room." Maeve fumed.

"I'll tell you one thing" I stated to them both "I will not have anyone talk down to Bella. If I have to, I'll remind everyone at that table that Claire partied so much her freshman year, she was put on academic probation. Her Mommy's money was the only thing that saved her ass."

Alice smirked at me while Maeve's mouth fell open in surprise, before morphing into a wide grin.

"Edward" she said in a surprised whisper. "There was a time not so long ago that you wouldn't have heard a word your Aunt said, much less taken offense at them. You would sit at the table, but I could tell your mind was elsewhere." She gave me an indulgent smile. "It's so wonderful to see you in love."

I chuckled and shook my head.

"I don't seem to recall where the University of Washington ranks nationally." Aunt Evelyn said with a sneer as I took my seat beside Bella.

She wasn't satisfied with the unsubtle remarks she'd made about Ivy League schools offering the only 'worthwhile' education. She was now putting Bella on the spot.

I interrupted her, "It ranks in the top fifty Aunt Evelyn, and Bella's GPA was quite high." I smirked. "You see she never experienced that awkward freshman year that a lot of students succumb to. You know, some children go a little crazy when they leave home for the first time and their grades tend to suffer."

I watched as my Aunt's face blanched just before a look of understanding dawned. My cousin Claire narrowed her eyes at me; it was the most expression I'd seen on her face all evening. Aunt Evelyn gave me a hard glare before turning to Uncle Tony and changing the subject.

Bitch

I glanced at Alice to find her smirking, her eyes shining.

The sad truth was that Aunt Evelyn had always been a bitch. Well for as long as I'd known her anyway. And Duke always blamed himself, lamenting over the fact that somehow he was responsible for it.

At what age is an adult finally held accountable for their own actions? I would have thought that Aunt Evelyn had reached that age long ago.

The next morning, we said goodbye to Duke, Alice and Jasper, and hit the road. I hid my excitement as best I could, trying to play it cool, but I think Bella saw through me.

-LRM—

"I'm sufficiently impressed." I announced as I stood there staring at the biggest ketchup bottle in the world. Of course it was really a water tower, but that didn't make it any less cool.

"It's just great Emmett." Rose muttered sarcastically before walking back to the car.

"Quick" Emmett exclaimed. "Someone take my picture with the ketchup bottle. We don't have much time if we're going to make it to the caverns."

Bella grabbed his camera. "I'll do it." She snapped the photo and handed the camera back to her brother. "There you go Emmett, a photo of a big wiener next to a big bottle of ketchup." Bella said before snorting out a laugh.

"Ha ha little sister, very funny." He retorted. "And by the way Bella, I'm not comfortable with you making such casual reference to my junk." He said with a devious smile. "It's kinda creepy."

Bella blushed furiously. "I wasn't talking about that. Emmett you're such a perv. Ew. Just ew." She said before turning on her heel and stomping back to the vehicle.

"You know sometimes it's just too easy to fluster her." He said with a dimpled grin.

I sighed and shook my head.

"What?" He shrugged innocently.

-LRM—

"Now this is what I'm talking about." Emmett said as we made our way through Meramac Caverns.

The tour guide continued: 'Union troops used the caverns as a munitions powder mill from 1862 to 1864. However, when the Confederates discovered it, they destroyed the plant. One of those Confederates was none other than Jesse James, future outlaw.'

'James later remembered the location of the cave, and used it as a hideout after robbing The Little Rock Express while it was on its way from St. Louis to Little Rock.'

'The sheriff and his men tracked Jesse's gang to the cave and decided to starve them out. After three days, the gang had still not emerged. The lawmen entered the cave only to find the gang's horses. It is believed they escaped by swimming from a shallow underground river to the Meramac River outside the cave.'

After the caverns and dinner, we were finally able to check into our room at the Wagon Wheel Motel. As I waited for Bella to emerge from the bathroom where she had decided to have a soak in the large tub, Emmett knocked on the door.

I opened it to find him in an agitated state. "Can I come in for a few minutes?"

"Sure." I said as I stepped out of the way, allowing him to enter. "Something wrong?"

He looked pained. "No. I was just feeling restless, needed to get out of that room." I swore then I heard him mutter "magic fucking fingers".

He took the beer I offered him and settled into one of the chairs. It was out of character for Emmett to sit quietly, but that's exactly what he did. I realized it would be up to me to start a conversation.

"So Emmett, was the cavern everything you expected?" I asked.

He let out a breath. "Yes and no." He began. "The Native American stuff was cool. I really liked the formations too. But I have to admit that I was really looking forward to seeing where Jesse James and his gang hid out, but every time the tour guide said his name, all I could think of was that tool that married Sandra Bullock."

My eyebrows raised in surprise. "Oh."

He looked at me seriously then. "Do you know her?"

I nodded. "Why yes, I've met her. She's very nice."

"She's an angel." Emmett corrected. "And I think that fucker she married was dropped on his head as a child." He snapped. "And if I ever meet him, I'll tell him so. Asshole ruined my main reason for going there tonight."

Ookay. Emmett has a strong affection for Sandra Bullock.

Did not see that coming.

"So you're a big fan of Sandra's?" I asked.

Emmett got a far off look in his eye. "I've loved her ever since I was thirteen, when I saw Speed." He admitted. "Now that Bells is marrying a big-time movie star, maybe I'll get to meet her." He grinned.

"Won't Rose be jealous?" I teased.

He snorted out a laugh. "I'll stop crushing on Sandy as soon as she stops cyber-stalking Hugh Fucking Grant."

I chuckled.

"She even had the balls to suggest we name the baby Hugh if it's a boy." He said shaking his head. "I told her I'd sooner name the baby after that hooker that blew Hugh in his car." We both laughed before Emmett stood abruptly.

"Well Eddie, I feel a lot better. You took my mind off of some….shit." He said with a frown. "See you tomorrow."

And then he was gone.

He is so random.

--LRM—

It was hard to tell if Emmett felt even a shred of guilt for upsetting Bella in the coffee shop. He drove, happily singing along with the music, while Bella fumed in the seat beside me.

It was his fault that I laughed, which in turn caused Bella to be angry with me too. I had the urge to bitch slap him in the worst way.

I kept glancing at her as I gave her the space she needed to recover her good mood. As I watched her, my guilt slowly became overshadowed by other feelings as I realized how sexy she looked when angry.

It's almost worth her being mad at me.

Almost.

I shook those thoughts away and decided to call Jasper; fairly certain he'd provide the distraction I needed.

"Hey Edward, as we discussed, I've scheduled an interview tonight in Tulsa. I'm also trying to line up a couple more on your route."

"I don't care how many interviews you schedule during this trip Jasper, as long as they agree not to air the segment for a few days. So far I haven't seen any photographers, but if they get wind of what we're doing that will change." I directed.

"No problem Edward. I've made that a stipulation."

"Thanks."

"The car will pick you up at your motel. You just need to give them a call when you arrive."

Jasper then told me about a script he'd received that he was certain I'd be interested in. As soon as I hung up with Jasper, I glanced over at Bella, noticing that her eyelids were getting heavy. A couple minutes later she was sound asleep.

Emmett parked the car in front of a large building. He and Rosalie had been arguing about whether or not to make this stop, she was against it.

"Why are we here?" I asked

"It's the hometown of the dude the Hubble telescope is named for. They've got a replica of the telescope right over there." He answered as he pointed.

I looked over and could see the object from where I sat. Normally I would be all over that, being a closet NASA geek, but at the moment I couldn't tear my eyes away from my sleeping beauty.

"Maybe you should wake her up." Emmett said. "I'm sure she wouldn't want to miss this."

Rose answered before I had a chance. "Leave your sister alone. Haven't you annoyed the shit out of her enough for one day? Let's get this over with."

Emmett shot a meaningful look at Bella before following Rose toward the telescope.

As soon as Bella and I were alone in the car, she began to mumble in her sleep. I secretly loved listening to her 'sleep talk', especially when she spoke my name and a beautiful smile would appear on her lips.

"Joey Webb" She whispered.

I frowned.

Joey Webb? Who the fuck is Joey Webb?

"Water's too deep." She continued as I sat there listening. "Don't" She sighed "Joey."

She's never mentioned anyone named Joey before.

"In the nuts." She whispered. "Joey's nuts." And then she giggled in her sleep.

What the fuck?

I paid very close attention after that, hoping to gather a clue as to who this Joey was, but Bella was silent. Just about the time I'd started to give up trying to understand what possible reason Bella could have for mentioning some prick I'd never heard of, and talking about his nuts in her sleep, she began to stir.

Bella opened her eyes and sat up as I kept my eyes trained on her, hoping the nap had improved her mood.

Emmett apologized to her, and she in turn apologized to me. I informed her that there was no need for apologies, I was just happy that everything was back to normal.

As soon as Emmett parked the vehicle in front of the Steak and Shake, he and Rose exited the car. I saw this as my opportunity to ask Bella the question that had been on my mind ever since she'd started muttering in her sleep.

I tried to reign in my jealousy, but couldn't help but frown as I spoke. "Who is Joey Webb?"

"Joey Webb? He's a boy I used to know in Phoenix. Why?" Bella said with a grimace.

The grimace made me pretty fucking happy, but I wasn't satisfied. "Would you care to explain why you were talking about his nuts is your sleep?"

Bella burst into laughter at my words. Every time she took in my bewildered expression, she seemed to laugh harder. Finally, when she'd regained enough control to speak, she explained that Joey Webb was a boy back in Phoenix who made her life hell for almost a year. She also explained how her brother instructed her in the finer points of kicking the little shit in the family jewels.

Then, when she explained she'd been dreaming about that entire incident, I finally breathed a sigh of relief. She began laughing again at my reaction, and this time I laughed with her.

-LRM-

For the rest of the afternoon, I couldn't stop thinking about getting some alone time with my girl. I yearned to touch her in ways her brother wouldn't necessarily appreciate.

It all started with my insane jealousy over hearing her mutter some shithead's name in her sleep, and was made infinitely worse when she started gyrating around in her seat while singing along to Milkshake.

My already tenuous self-control was hanging by a thread.

The way we teased each other at the drive-in in Carthage only made matters worse in my boxer briefs. I had to conjure up images of Roy's shudder-worthy landlady in Kingpin to finally tame my painful hard-on into submission.

That only lasted until we turned to walk back to the vehicle and I lagged behind Bella a bit in order to get a better view of her luscious shorts-clad ass.

I was doomed.

-LRM—

I drove for the next leg of the journey, hoping that would take my mind off of wanting to grope my fiancée. We stopped to get gas just off the highway in Joplin Missouri. After I filled the tank, I went inside to pay. Emmett accompanied me in order to replenish our snack supply.

God forbid we should run out of Slim Jims.

As I grabbed a couple of drinks from the refrigerated case, I noticed that the shop had a small café attached to it. The café was empty except for a group of four soldiers seated around one of the tables.

They looked very young. I would venture to guess that most of them hadn't been out of high school for more than a year. They were also very quiet, subdued even, not the usual behavior of a group of young guys when they were hanging out together.

While waiting in an unusually long line to pay, I heard a male voice behind me. "Hello, could we have just a minute of your time?"

I turned, fully expecting to have to sign an autograph or have my photo taken for someone's sister or mother. Imagine my surprise when I found that the person who had spoken was one of the soldiers I'd see in the café. He was flanked by his buddies, and they were speaking quietly to a priest who stood behind me in line.

"Of course, what can I do for you?" The priest answered kindly.

"Well Father, we're being deployed to Iraq." The first soldier answered. He spoke so quietly that, aside from their small group, I was the only other person to hear. I felt like a damned eavesdropper, but couldn't seem to help myself; I leaned in closer in order not to miss anything.

"We're actually on our way right now to catch a flight out of Tulsa and.."

The priest interrupted him. "You're a little nervous about what may happen over there?" He asked quietly.

A couple of the soldiers looked down at the floor. The others nodded. The priest looked at them with understanding.

"We just wondered if there was some kind of prayer you could say?"

"Of course my son." The priest answered. "St. George is the patron saint of soldiers, so let me see.." I watched as the priest and a couple of the soldiers blessed themselves before they all bowed their heads. "St. George faithful servant and martyr, we beseech you to ask our Heavenly Father to watch over these young men as they leave us in order to face the unknown. Ask Him to comfort them in their times of loneliness, sickness and grief that once they have fulfilled their duties, they may return to their loved ones whole and well. We ask this in the name of The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. Amen." In a slightly louder voice Father continued. "God bless you my sons."

"Thank you Father…..?" The first soldier said, searching for a name.

"Father Monaghan" The priest offered before all the men murmured their gratitude. "I'm the pastor of St. Mary's Church here, and I'll be sure to keep you all in my prayers and in my Mass intentions as well."

Each of the soldiers shook his hand before leaving. I glanced at Father Monaghan as soon as they'd left, and found a serene smile on his face.

"Does that kind of thing happen often?" I asked out of curiosity.

"More or less." Father answered, never losing his smile. "We ask a lot of these young men. The least I can do in return is offer them a little peace of mind."

He shrugged. "Being a priest makes me very approachable. Last night I was on my way home from visiting a sick parishioner, and I stopped at McDonalds for a cup of coffee. A distraught young woman came up to me, begging to use my cell phone because she'd accidently flushed her car keys down the toilet." He laughed; I couldn't help but join in.

"I help where and when I'm able."

"Next in line" The clerk exclaimed, alerting me that it was my turn.

I smiled at Father and gestured for him to go ahead of me. "Please Father."

He hesitated, about to argue, but then thought better of it and thanked me instead.

And here I thought Father Pat was more the 'exception' than the rule.

-LRM-

As soon as we stepped inside the giant blue whale I spied the ladder.

This has possibilities.

I only hoped the 'possibilities' didn't include webs of nasty spiders or any type of rodents, or else my romantic plans would be right out the window or in this case, the blowhole.

Relieved to find the space well-lit and clear of anything creepy, I immediately pulled my girl into my arms. "I've been dying to get you alone all day Miss Swan."

It was the damn truth.

Once again, Bella proved to me that we were on the same page. "Knowing my brother, we won't have long, so if you want to kiss me you'd better hurry up." She whispered.

"Your wish, my command." I replied before crushing my lips to hers. This kiss was urgent as I felt the need to pull her close to my body and hold her there.

As our lips stayed connected, my hands began to roam down until one grasped her hip and the other came in contact with her perfect ass.

That was the moment when I heard the last voice I wanted to hear, well apart from maybe Chief Swan's. "Aw geeze. Now I have to bleach my eyes." Emmett whined. We broke the kiss, and I turned to glare at Emmett while Bella buried her face in my chest.

"Never do that shit in front of me." Emmett continued. "As much as I like you Eddie, I find I'm conflicted. I mean, I think of you as a brother, but it's hard not to want to pummel the shit out of you when you're grabbing a handful of my sister's ass cheek."

This coming from the man who subjects everyone around him to borderline vulgar displays of affection with his fiancée

"Emmett, shut the fuck up. They're engaged." Rose snarked. She then turned to us. "We'll wait in the car. Don't be too long." She added with a grin.

We were both chuckling as we climbed down the ladder.

As I listened to Emmett spew nonsense about how Moby Dick was actually named for a dick, all the irritation and annoyance I had felt until that point evaporated. When I imagined his professor's possible reaction when reading a paper on the subject, I couldn't stop laughing. Of course the look on Bella's face didn't help me while attempting to adopt a sober expression.

Emmett's mind was just as unique as his sister's.

-LRM—

"Edward" The interviewer's eyes were shining as she began to ask her next question.

What was her name again? Carrie or Cassie? Shit, I can't remember.

"Care to give our viewers just a few of the details of your upcoming nuptials?"

"Uh" For some reason, I had not expected that question.

This vacation may be throwing me off my game.

I shot her my Hollywood smile. "Now Cassie" Her smile grew wider, so I knew I had at least guessed her name correctly. "We've been very cryptic about that for a reason" I then lowered my voice and whispered conspiratorially. "If the paps find out where and when, they will swarm us, and effectively ruin the day." I sat back and spoke a little louder then. "But I promise that our fans will get all the details when the time is right."

Jasper had already been in contact with People Magazine. In exchange for their silence for a week after our wedding, they would be the only media outlet to receive all the exclusive coverage and photographs. I heard they were already planning a special issue.

It seemed a tad ridiculous, but I suppose they knew what would sell.

"So what does Edward the actor look forward to most?"

I took a deep breath. "The actor is looking forward to working with Clint Eastwood in September. Also, the premier of A Harvest of Avarice later this year. I always enjoy the premieres."

"How about Edward the man?"

I smiled genuinely. "Settling down. Which doesn't necessarily mean I'll be in one place all the time. My choice of career makes that virtually impossible. But, no matter where I am, if Bella is there, it will be home."

"I want it all actually. The white picket fence, children, a dog, a cat. That's what I'm looking forward to…everything."

After the interview, I had to pose for photographs with everyone, and I mean everyone in the studio. I was certain that some of the members of the day crew had even stuck around in order to meet me and get my photograph.

Everyone was very nice and welcoming. I couldn't say I minded too much staying later than I had intended, except for the fact that it kept me from getting across town to my girl.

The driver was nearing the comedy club when my phone chimed with an incoming text.

E-

Where are you?

-B

I smiled and sent a response.

B-

Miss me already?

-E

I waited.

E-

Always

-B

The driver advised me that we were a block away from our destination.

B-

On my way. Interview ran longer than I expected. Are you texting during the show?

-E

I thanked and tipped the driver as he stopped the car.

E-

No, I stepped out into the hall.

-B

I exited the car and headed for the doors.

B-

I'm phoning you.

-E

I dialed her number.

"Edward." She whispered.

"Hey Baby."

"How was your interview?"

"It was as I expected, kind of boring." I answered. "I did run into a couple of fans as I was leaving." Which had delayed me even longer as I stopped for more photos.

I climbed the stairs to the second level and began to look for her.

"Oh?"

"I'm certain that my photo will be on the internet tomorrow, I only hope that the press won't figure out what we're doing."

"I hope not. We don't need paps following us all the way to California." She answered.

"I have to admit I've enjoyed being able to escape all of that, especially with you. You're my favorite travelling companion." I chuckled. "As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be averse to repeating this entire trip again sometime after we're married, so that I can make love to you in every state along the way." I whispered.

"Uh.." she hesitated as I chuckled. I could see her now at the end of the hall, just outside a set of doors leading inside the club. She had her back to me. "Are you toying with me Mister Movie Star? Because if you're trying to get me all hot and bothered, I'll have you know that it's working."

I chuckled. "I always mean what I say Bella, and if you think I'm getting you hot and bothered now just wait until our wedding night."

Silence.

I continued to chuckle as I got closer to her.

"Bella, are you alright?" I asked. I was still far enough away that she couldn't hear my approach.

"Aside from the fact that you just melted my panties, I guess I'll live." She said.

I stopped walking and laughed, hoping she wouldn't turn and see me standing twenty feet away from her.

"I really hope the driver didn't hear what you just said to me Edward." She scolded.

"He didn't. You shouldn't worry so much Bella." I started walked toward her again.

"How much longer until you get here Edward?"

"I'd say the estimated time of arrival is just about now." I whispered in her ear as I wrapped my arms around her.

She spun around and threw her arms around my neck. We stood there kissing for a few minutes before Rosalie found us and demanded we come inside for the rest of the show.

As we fell asleep that night, I thought about how this was part of the everything that I looked forward to: holding my girl every night as she slept.

-LRM—

I was looking forward to Amarillo. The Big Texan and The Cadillac Ranch being two attractions I wanted to see. Before that however, we had a full day of sight-seeing ahead of us.

At each tourist stop along the way, Emmett made sure to purchase a t-shirt, usually a humorous one. Bella was collecting magnets for the fridge. Rose, I noticed had been purchasing little t-shirts for Baby Swan. Her expression of silent joy each time she did so was certainly something to behold. I swore I even saw her eyes get watery more than once.

She was becoming quite maternal, and I had a hard time rectifying this Rosalie with the one who'd threatened to have my balls removed from my body on more than one occasion.

I'd been purchasing cheap plastic snow globes. It was something I'd done ever since making my first movie. Alice used to collect them as a child, so during every trip, it became a habit to purchase them and present them to her once I'd returned. Jasper would be the recipient of many and varied shot glasses from this trip.

We were sitting in a diner, quietly eating our lunch. After paying our respects at the Oklahoma City Bombing Memorial we'd spent the next leg of the trip in relative silence. It had been a difficult visit, but I was glad we'd done it.

As we sat there, we spoke about the Oklahoma City Bombing and how young we all were when it happened. It had been merely an event we'd learned about in school. Seeing the memorial, especially the photos of the victims, had brought it all home to us. Our conversation soon turned to 9/11, and Rose and Emmett told us about their visit to Ground Zero in New York.

"I'd just started tenth grade" I began as I thought back to the events of that surreal day. "Alice woke me up really early like four o'clock on the morning with a 'bad feeling'. I was pretty awful to her, telling her to get out of my room because all I wanted to do was sleep. She didn't get angry, she just left quietly." I sighed. "After a while I began to feel guilty and went in search of her. We were soon joined in the kitchen by our parents and we sat there drinking coffee while trying to calm Alice. I remember some time later, Duke called and told us to turn on the television." I grew silent as I remembered the events that followed.

"Mom and I were in Florida." Bella gave a slight shudder, and I remembered that was when her mother must have been dating that bastard Dryden. "I was in class and the teacher broke the news before turning on the television. We watched the buildings fall in real time." She said sadly.

"I was in my dorm." Rose began quietly. "As soon as he heard what happened, Emmett called and woke me. He came to my dorm and we watched the events on the television in one of the rooms downstairs with a bunch of other people."

"When I saw the first building collapse, I started to cry. Emmett tried to comfort me saying that 'maybe most of the people were able to get out', but I knew the truth. I had remembered one of my Mother's friends telling us about being on a tour of the World Trade Center the same day it was bombed in 1993. She had gone into great detail of how everyone crowded into the stairwell and slowly made their way down. It took hours for everyone to be evacuated. When that building came down I knew I was witnessing the deaths of thousands." Rose wiped away a tear.

Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?
Were you in the yard with your wife and children
Or working on some stage in L.A.?
Did you stand there in shock at the sight of that black smoke
Risin' against that blue sky?
Did you shout out in anger, in fear for your neighbor
Or did you just sit down and cry?

-LRM—

The Big Texan was a sight for sore eyes after our emotional afternoon. I couldn't help but smile at the large fake bull that greeted us in the parking lot.

Emmett tried to pull some shit at dinner, but I was able to shoot him down at every turn.

I'll have to remember to thank Jasper for the lesson on mountain oysters.

Before leaving the restaurant, we all made sure to have our photo taken in the giant chair. Rose draped herself across Emmett's lap for theirs. Not to be outdone by them, Bella sat on my lap and I pulled her face toward mine at the last minute, capturing her lips in a passionate kiss just as Rose snapped the photo.

As expected, Bella blushed.

-LRM—

"That was creepy as shit." Emmett muttered as we walked over to the hotel.

"What?" I asked.

"The wall next to the restrooms had these photos hanging on it. At first they look like the old tintypes, you know ancestor photos?"

I nodded.

"But when you look closer, the images change into creepy ass faces worthy of a horror movie" He grimaced. "They sell them in the gift shop. I know what Pops is getting for Christmas!" He exclaimed with a broad smile. "I may just hang them on the wall somewhere in his house and let him find them." He snickered.

I shook my head wondering why Charlie hadn't taken a pot shot at him yet.

-LRM—

Bella was driving me crazy. She wasn't precisely aware that she was driving me crazy as she lay on her stomach across our bed in her shorts playfully swinging her legs while typing on her laptop.

I pretended to watch television for as long as I could before slipping into the bathroom and then into my swimsuit. I kept my t-shirt on hoping that it would obscure the hard-on I was sporting.

It only took a minute, and the removal of my shirt, to convince her to agree to sneak into the pool after-hours with me. I gave up trying to train my traitorous dick as soon as my eyes beheld my beautiful girl in her bikini.

I couldn't speak. There were no words.

The next half hour was as close to heaven as I imagined I could be before our wedding day. I had my beautiful girl, wet and warm in a privacy of a deserted swimming pool in the semi-dark.

Pure bliss.

That was until, once again, I heard the voice that would probably haunt my dreams tonight.

"Well now, this is all kinds of fucking uncomfortable for me." The voice sounded from the direction of the pool entrance.

Emmett Swan aka cockblocker extraordinaire.

I was glad that Bella chose not to let go of me. Emmett blathered on for a couple of minutes about our PDAs. I was just about to remind him of the eyeful of his ass I was subjected to in his father's basement, when he was distracted by the pool.

"Damn, it is shaped like Texas. I'm taking a swim across the Lone Star State." He bellowed as he whipped off his shirt and jumped in.

Rose arrived shortly after, joining him in the water. Once we'd had enough swimming, Bella and I sat on the side, dragging our feet back and forth through the water while we talked. "By this time tomorrow we'll be in New Mexico." I reminded.

She smiled. "I know. It feels like we've been away from Seattle forever."

I nodded. "It's only been a week."

"Isabella Marie Swan" Rose said in a reprimanding tone. I hadn't noticed that she was standing in the shallow water about five feet away from us. Bella frowned at her.

"Are those rug burns on your knees?"

Bella's mouth fell open in surprise as she looked down at her red knees. "Yes, but.."

"Oh my God!" Rose's eyes were almost bugging out of her head. "How? Uh, what? Bella, I'm shocked."

"Rose, what are you talking about?" Bella exclaimed.

"I'm talking about the fact that you gave Edward a blow job." She mercifully lowered her voice to a whisper while pronouncing the last two words.

"Rose! How could ..oh for…" Bella stuttered.

I should have interrupted to explain, but my attention was suddenly drawn to Emmett. He looked at me as if he couldn't decide whether to end my life or throw up in the bushes.

"What the fuck?" He muttered, looking absolutely green.

"I tripped in our room and hurt my knees on the carpet you two asstards!" Bella had finally found her voice. "Come on Edward." She said as she grabbed my hand. As soon as we reached the room, we collapsed on the bed in hysterical laughter.

-LRM—

"Hello Edward" My Mother sang into the phone.

"Hi Mom. How is everything progressing?" I asked as we rode along. We'd checked out of the hotel late in order for Rose to have a little pool time in the sun.

"It's going very well Edward. The decorators have been very busy; some of the pieces I've purchased have already been delivered." She sounded happy. "Where are you today?"

"We're in Texas right now, by this evening we'll be in New Mexico." I answered. "At the moment we're on our way to visit the Cadillac Ranch."

There was dead silence.

"Mom" I asked. "Are you there?"

"Uh" Her voice dropped to almost a whisper. "Um, Edward, it's really none of my business but, exactly whose idea was it to go there?"

"Mom, what's the big deal?" I questioned, not understanding what was going on. "Emmett mentioned it, and I thought it was a great idea."

I heard her sharp intake of breath.

"We even managed to get the girls excited about it."

Silence.

"Mom?"

"Yes" She whispered.

"Mom what is going on? What do you have against the Cadillac Ranch?"

Bella and Rose shot me curious glances. I even saw Emmett frown in the rear view mirror.

"I just…well, it doesn't exactly strike me as a tourist spot. I know it has its own television show, but I'm having a hard time understanding why any of you would want to go there." She hesitated. "Suppose some of those women get you drunk and try to seduce you or Emmett? I know you wouldn't act on it, but how do you think that would make Bella and Rose feel?" She was rambling now. "I think you're putting yourselves in a terrible situation."

"Mom, what women?" I demanded, thoroughly confused by this time. "What are you talking about?"

"Edward, I didn't want to come right out and call them hookers. I was trying to be a little respectful. I mean, I'm not proud of the fact, but I've seen an episode or two of the show on HBO, and …"

I interrupted her as soon as it dawned on me what she was talking about. "Mom! We are not going to the Bunny Ranch. What the hell? Why would we want to visit a brothel?" The laughter that erupted all around me at that moment made it almost impossible to hear my mother's answer; it sounded like she said 'Thank God.'

I waited until the laughter died down somewhat before continuing. "Mother, we are going to the Cadillac Ranch. It's a spot on the middle of a field where a bunch of Cadillacs are half-buried in the ground and you're free to write or paint a message on them."

"Oh"

"It's considered to be artwork, a sculpture if you will." I continued to explain.

"I see." She paused. "You don't have any plans to visit that Bunny Ranch do you?"

"No Mom, we don't have plans to visit the Bunny Ranch." I answered as I shook my head. Once again the car erupted into laughter.

"That's good to know. Give everyone my love, and we'll see you soon." She chirped.

"Thanks Mom, the same to you and Dad. Stay safe. Goodbye."

I ended the call and stared at my phone in disbelief. "Eddie, I gotta say, I fucking love your Mom." Emmett announced.

Bella leaned over toward me, grinning from ear to ear. "That was priceless." She said before kissing me sweetly.

*************************************A/N******************************

A/N So yeah…the Mother-in-law asked hubs almost the identical question about the Cadillac Ranch when we took our Route 66 trip. It's impossible to make some of this shit up. And I don't even want to ponder how she knew about the Bunny Ranch.

Song recs: Alan Jackson 'Where Were You When The World Stopped Turning'.

A couple of shout outs. First of all Father Monaghan is a real person. One of my readers 'bellaroxursocx'(aka Sereen) mentioned him and his parish in a message. Of course our gang travelled through Joplin in June 2010. Unfortunately,St. Mary's Church was destroyed by the tornado which hit Joplin in May 2011, and Father Monaghan was very nearly a casualty. He jumped into the rectory bathtub and was able to survive. I'm sorry I couldn't work more of Joplin into the story, but the gang was rushing in order to get to Tulsa that evening. (Hope you liked it Sereen). Keep Joplin in your prayers everyone, as they struggle through this.

The other shout-out is to 'SMG.'. Marie It was her brilliant suggestion that Emmett notice Bella's knees and jump to conclusions. I just changed it to Rose because let's face it, Rose doesn't miss a trick. : )

To see a photo of 'Roy's shudder-worthy landlady from the movie Kingpin' just google it, and remember this was the image that helped Edward tame his trouser snake.

That is all…remember to vote in the Avant Garde awards if you haven't already. If Emmett wins his category, he is threatening to take over the Facebook page for a day or two. God Help Us.

Psst..I love reviews!