Disclaimer: Sadly don't anything Supernatural related

Warning: Not as much emotional turmoil but still some lol

A/N: I'm so sorry it took me so long to update! I was really bust the past few days, but here is chapter 5 for you! I hope you enjoy! I love my readers. Please comment! Comments help me write faster! Oh and I have a poll on my profile, please vote! It's about what my next project!

Over the next two weeks Castiel learned that the more he talked to Lucifer, the more he calmed down. Satan never really stopped tormenting him. However, Cas didn't have to go through seeing his dead brothers and sisters, nor did he have to deal with a fake Dean, as long as he spoke with Lucifer. It wasn't the most intellectual idea. In fact it was incredibly stupid to let the Devil have any hold over him. Cas didn't seem to care as long as he never had to face another fake Dean. It hurt too much. Cas wasn't strong enough to deal with that. Of course that didn't stop Lucifer from popping in as Dean, but he usually would only do it for a few seconds before becoming Nick again.

The notebook was almost done. He only had a few more things left to tell the Winchesters. It was almost therapeutic writing everything out. The only problem was Cas had no idea what he would do after he was done. He's usefulness for the Winchesters would run out. Would Dean stop caring about him? Would he leave Cas here in the psych ward inevitably or would Cas be traded to the Angels/Demons for more information? The questions became worse the closer he was to finishing the notebook. Cas just didn't know what the brothers would do when he ran out of information.

"My vote is that they kill you." Lucifer said popping into existence beside him. Cas stiffened and glared at his tormentor. "Why would they kill me?"

"Because after you tell them all they need to know, you become a liability. They can't take you with them, because you're going crazy. They can't leave you unattended because everyone is after what you have in that head of yours. So, what other reasonable option do they have? Babysit you for the rest of their lives or put you out of your own misery."

Cas clenched his fist. Logically speaking Lucifer had a valid point, but still Cas didn't want to believe that the Winchesters would willingly kill him. After all they were friends, almost family, at one point. "Sam and Dean wouldn't kill me, we were friends. I trust them. I have faith in them." Cas said resolutely while standing up. He paced the floor of his room. Lucifer started to clap while laughing. "You know brother if I didn't know the entire back story, I would find you belief in those two mud monkeys endearing. However, let me remind you that you even said that you didn't end as friends with the Winchesters. Also, they have tried to kill you before or did you forget about the whole Purgatory ordeal."

"I gave them no other choice. They had to try and kill me. Besides now I pose no threat to them."

"Your existence poses a threat to them. It's not even for the knowledge you possess, it's simply because you are not human. Anything non-human is threat in the eyes of the Winchesters."

"Then maybe it is better for everyone if I die."

Lucifer smiled and walked right up to Cas. "Did you ever stop to think of what would happen to Sam if you kick the bucket?" Cas felt his blood turn to ice. He took a step back and stared at the Devil. "What do you mean?" A coin appeared and Lucifer flipped it into the air continuously. Cas resisted the urge to grab it and throw it at Satan. "I'm saying that if you die, you have no way of knowing if I go back to Sammy's head. You only transferred me from Sam's head to yours; so maybe if you die I get to go back to my favorite little vessel. "The fallen angel mocked while attempting to look as innocent as possible. This in all reality was quite disturbing to look at. Cas shook his head. He wouldn't let Lucifer take more control over him. It was true that he didn't know what would happen to Sam should he die. It was a possibility that the Devil was speaking the truth. However, it was a possibility that it was lie. A very cruel lie in order for Cas to continue to live with the hallucination. Cas thought that it was only right for him to die. However, he couldn't in good conscious kill himself off if there was a possibility that Sam would get hurt.

Cas couldn't even comprehend how Dean would feel if he died and Sam went crazy again. He didn't know if the hunter would mourn his death or just the fact that his death meant the end of Sam's sanity. It's hard to figure out when the man doesn't even like to show if he is happy most the time let alone upset. Still the thought of his death effecting Dean in anyway was not desirable. He would have to do some research on the matter. However, that would also mean leaving this building.

The door swung open and Meg walked through the door. She looked more or less the same, even with the annoying smirk plastered to her face. Cas glared at her then switched to looking at Lucifer, who was making faces at Meg. Cas had an urge to laugh at the absurdness of the view; however with Meg there he kept his impassive face. "Hello feathers, any changes in that loony bin upstairs?" Cas stared at her with a look that clearly stated, I'm not impressed with your attitude and if I wanted to I could wipe your existence off the map. He walked over to the desk, picked up his notebook and held it close to him. He did not want Meg to get her hands on it.

"No worries Cassie I won't take your diary away from you. God knows you'll throw a hissy fit if I do and an Angel hissy fit has a lot of consequence that I don't want to deal with." Meg said rolling her eyes. She side stepped the door and opened it making a sweeping motion with her hand. Cas let his eyes widen just a little. Everyone didn't allow Cas to walk about the building, because according to the Doctors he was unstable. They really didn't have clue how true that was. Meg's voice woke him from his stupor, "Yes I know it's a miracle, but you get to leave your room. Your knight in shining armor Dean thinks it might help you if you get to go outside for a bit. That being said you can't go angel off anywhere. That would be a very bad idea and we both know how much you would hate to disappoint your boyfriend."

Cas rolled his eyes and followed the demon into the hallway. Inside he was ecstatic to go outside for the first time in months. He could always leave at any time he wished too, but he didn't want to worry Dean. Beside him, Lucifer started to sing and jovially walk down the hall. Cas believed the angel was singing "Running with the Devil". It was in poor taste, but still slightly humorous. Cas didn't laugh. In fact he didn't even smile. The staff and Meg still believed that he hasn't talked. Which is the truth, he hasn't talked to any of them, nor has he been caught talking to Lucifer. He didn't want to deal with the reactions he would no doubt get.

So, Cas walked on, taking notes in his head of his surroundings. He also pointedly ignored Lucifer screeching and Meg stealing glances at the notebook in his hands. He was finally out of the room. He had forgotten how wonderful it felt to walk more than ten steps in any direction. Meg once again snapped him out of his reverence, "Word to the wise soldier boy, you might want to start talking to anyone. The doctors are having a hard time dealing with the whole code of silence thing you have going on. The wonder brothers are also worried and I don't do sympathy so could you try to get them off my back."

Cas knew she had a point. He would have to talk eventually, but honestly he just didn't want to. There was nobody he really wanted to talk to anymore, except Dean. However, Dean seems to be tired of his apologies, so he was left with nothing to say. Still he would have to change something to keep the doctors abide as he finished the notebook.

All thought process in Cas's head flew out as he walked outside for the first time in months. It was the best feeling his has felt in a long time. The sky looked was covered with different variations of grey clouds, the grass was dark green and long, and the wind blew gently around him. It smelled of dirt, rain, and grass. It was amazing. After all of that, the thing that caught Cas's eye was the tree. There was only one tree in the courtyard. It was a willow tree, with the branches sweeping the ground. A weeping willow, it suits this place. It was beautiful, serene, and sad. It seemed so alone.

Cas left Meg's side and ignored Lucifer who was now singing "Dust in the wind". He walked down the steps, past the benches, on to the grass and finally stopped in front of the tree. Reaching out he gently touched the trunk. "You're touching the tree like it's a Dean replacement. its creepy little brother." Lucifer said stopping his song and popping up beside him. Cas sighed and removed his hand, turning around he lay down beneath the tree. He stared up at the sky through the tree. Lucifer lay beside him and looked up at the sky. "What are you so infatuated with? It's just earth. This world holds no comparison to the beauty of heaven. "

It was at that moment Cas realized the biggest difference between himself and the Devil. He saw the beauty of this world. Cas understood why his Father loved this planet and the inhabitants. "If you don't like it out here then why are you so happy?" Cas retorted. He watched as Meg whipped her head in his direction. Her mouth was slightly ajar and she looked as if he had smacked her. Cas once again had to suppress the urge to laugh. Meg did say he needed to talk more and he was talking to someone. They just happen to live in his mind.

"Are you kidding me? Have you tried being stuck in a room with you? It's so boring." The fallen angel exclaimed waving his hands around as if he was trying to swat away a fly. Cas turned he's head and looked at the blonde. He pitied Satan. He couldn't help but feel sorry for the Angel who was so full of hate and jealousy, that he couldn't even see all the goodness in his Father's creations. "I'm sorry that my insanity is boring to you."

Lucifer started to laugh; it was a high, annoying laugh. "Yes you are insane. Tell me Cassie, was it worth it; all the pain, suffering, with no thanks, no gratitude, just insanity."

That made Cas pause and think for a minute. Sitting up he looked around, at nature, at the people through the window, at Meg who was fumbling with her phone, and then again at Lucifer. Cas looked at the blonde and remembered. Memories flew through his mind, saving Dean from hell, meeting Dean for the first time, meeting Bobby, meeting Sam, watching Sam, Dean, and Bobby save people, saving Dean from Zachariah, falling, becoming human, dying, stopping the apocalypse, fighting, purgatory, dying again. He remembered the laughter, the smiles, the tears, the pain, all of the good moments and the bad. He thought of everything as he looked at Lucifer.

"Yes, brother it was."

Cas watched as his older brother's face distorted with confusion. It was interesting to watch Lucifer ponder over his words. Still he stared at his brother baiting him to say something else. In the background he heard Meg growl at her phone, "Oh come on answer your damn phone." Cas knew she was calling Sam and Dean. He knew she would tell them that he was conversing with Lucifer. His stomach twisted in nerves at the thought of their reactions. "How in Father's name is this worth it? You are insane, your hunters hate you, the world is filled with Leviathans and monsters, and you will probably never see heaven again. All I see is pain, all that is inside of you is guilt, anger, and confusion. So what is it that was worthy saving?" Lucifer spat standing up and pacing in front of him.

Cas stared at Lucifer and saw himself three years ago. He was back in the holding room facing off with Dean, except now the tables were turned. He was now in Dean's shoes facing off against a much more powerful angel. It was comical, how everything was the same yet drastically different. Cas thought of Dean and how broken yet strong he was, he looked Lucifer straight in the eye and said, "I'll take the pain, the guilt, and even you as we are, because there is a right and wrong. What I did was for the right reasons, I just did it in all the wrong ways, but I would do it all over again if it meant that this world and those boys are still alive. Everything else can be figured out as we go."

The Devil looked like he had just sucked on a lemon. They stayed there, just staring at each other. It had seemed as though Cas had made Satan speechless. Cas glanced over at Meg who was still messing with her phone. It started ringing and she opened it in a flash. "About damn time Twiddle-Dee, is Twiddle-Dum with you? Fantastic, look it's about feather brain over here. He's started to talking. No not to me you idiot, to your favorite evil bastard. Yes, I mean Lucifer. I don't know! This is the first time I've caught him doing it." Anything else she might have said got cut off as Lucifer bent down inches away from Cas's face. The Devil was staring at him like he was some sort of problem to be solved.

Cas remained impassive as Lucifer crowded his personal space. The Winchester's knew now. The thought was somewhat of a relief. The fallen angel in front of him scowled, "You rebelled, tried to save what you rebelled from, made deals with demons, lied, backstabbed, killed many people and angels, got in way over your head with power, damned the world, and then sacrificed yourself to try to fix things. It doesn't sound very much like a foot soldier in God's army."

He looked at his older brother, then at Meg still furiously talking on the phone, and then he looked at the sky. The sky had become darker with the threat of rain. He was silent for some time just listening to the world around him. A single raindrop fell and hit his forehead. Taking his hand he wiped his head and stood up. Cas threw open his arms and side glanced Lucifer, who was looking at him with mild curiosity. It began to rain drenching the angel within seconds. He heard Meg curse and run towards the door. Lucifer stood beside him in the rain and looked up at the sky. Cas looked at him and said with a voice full of strength and pride:

"No I didn't act like an angel. I acted like a true Winchester."

Soaking wet, talking to a hallucination of Lucifer, with his hands shaking Cas turned his head back to the sky and smiled softly.

A/N: Ok what did you guys think? I wanted a bit more of an uplifting chapter. I also wanted to show that Cas is getting stronger. I really liked the idea of Cas having a parellel moment with past Dean. Please, please review and let me know what you thought!