Chapter 18

The night finished on a high. After a few glasses of wine and a good meal everyone was happy and friendly. Sherlock even had to admit that he was having a good time. Erika had cooked them all shepherd's pie and roasted vegetables, a personal favourite of hers, which had received glowing reviews around the table as it was consumed.

Finally, Mrs Hudson went downstairs again, bidding everyone goodnight and John retired to bed doing the same. Erika and Sherlock were left alone but both were occupied in their own activities. Sherlock was sitting in his chair, running through the corridors in his mind palace while Erika stood in the kitchen, doing the washing up from the night. When she finished, she turned to find Sherlock still sitting there. A part of her expected him to have left.

"Why don't you go to bed?" Erika's question cut through his daze and he looked up, seeing the clock on the wall signalling the midnight hour. He smiled a little at her concern.

"I'm fine, thinking."

"Please," she said, coming to stand beside him. "For me. Sleep."

He went to look up at her in a condescending fashion, as he would anyone else, but found that on seeing her face he couldn't. The concern in her eyes was genuine and he turned to look at the mirror, seeing the dark shadows on his face. Perhaps a night of sleep wouldn't hurt him.

"For you." And with that he stood and started to walk towards his bedroom when he noticed she wasn't following. "Are you not coming?"

"No, I'll wait for the dishwasher to finish. Goodnight." She half-smiled at him and he returned to gesture.

"Goodnight." Sherlock collapsed into bed fully clothed and was asleep within minutes, his body craving rest. He slept dreamlessly for a few hours before he was woken by noises coming from the living room. He had always been a light sleeper, his senses on high alert, so he was curious as to what was happening. He stood and silently walked out into the main room of the flat.

There, sitting on the sofa with her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them, was Erika. Her face was hidden by her knees but he could clearly see from the shuddering of her shoulders that she was quietly sobbing. Carefully, he walked up to her and put a hand on her shoulder. She turned to him fast, scared by his sudden presence and he smiled softly. Erika made a desperate attempt to appear normal and dry her tears but he stopped her.

"Erika, what is it?" Sherlock tried to be soothing but his voice came out slightly harsher than he intended. She let another tear fall and turned away from him, pulling her knees ever closer to her.

"How can you stay so strong?" Her question stabbed him to the core as he realised what she was talking about. Sherlock had not openly mourned the death of their son, that wasn't to say he didn't, and she didn't know how he could. He sat down beside her and hugged her to his chest. She let out a sob before speaking again. "I wish I could be as strong as you."

"Don't," he said simply and she looked up at him. "Everything I've ever been taught told me caring was a weakness. Now I can bring it in myself to show any….emotions openly, in case someone thinks I'm weak."

"You're not weak," Erika whispered.

"I want to mourn him and I do but I don't know how. And I didn't know you were so distraught." At that she let another sob pass her lips and he hugged her tighter to him. "It breaks me to see you like this."

"Sherlock," she said, reaching up a hand to rest it on his cheek. "Mourning doesn't make you weak. It just makes you human."

He allowed himself one tear as he looked down at her, broken by the world and he promise himself he wouldn't let that happen again. "Don't do this again. Promise me you won't. I don't want you to be this broken alone."

"I promise." With that said he hugged her to him again as she cried out the remainder of her tears. He knew there was nothing he could do but be there, and so he was. It was at that moment he realised there was something he hand never told her.

"Erika," Sherlock started and she looked up at him through tear-stained eyes. He inhaled deeply before saying what had laid on his soul since the day they met. "I love you."

She let out a teary gasp and smiled weakly before laying her head back down on his chest. "I love you too."