A/N: BEWARE! THIS WILL BE RATED "M" FOR MATURE!
"Who was that girl?" Katara asked to no one in particular. They had made it Omashu, and much to their dismay, it had fallen by the Fire Nation's hand. They had snuck in through a pipe, Iroh staying hidden with Appa. Zuko would have stayed, too, if it wasn't for both his and Katara's paranoia.
Zuko huffed, and kicked at the dust on the floor. They were under ground, with the 'resistance'. After three weeks of 'rest' in the Northern Water Tribe and nearly another of flying to get to the city, he had been so exited to finally have a place to begin training again and gaining back the muscle he had lost. He had insisted that they stopped at the sea port village to get some stretch time, and so he could pick up something from Master Takumi, and they did. They had taken a quick rest stop before taking five day trip to Omashu and Zuko desperately wanted to get into an open space where he could throw around some fire. Now he was stuck under ground with a bunch of angry soldiers.
"I don't know, but those daggers are pretty scary!" Sokka exclaimed, waving his arms out in the air. "She shot them from up her sleeves!" He mimicked the girls movements and made noises as he jabbed the air, Aang moving and swaying around, dodging the pretend daggers Sokka was pretend shooting at him.
"Yeah," Katara agreed. If it hadn't been for her fast reflexes and waterbending, her back would have been impaled by four or five daggers that girl had sent her way.
They continued walking, following the group of soldiers that were guiding them through the mazes of tunnels they had made, taking the group of kids to a room filled with bunk-beds, hammocks, mats, and sleeping bags scattered all over the place.
Aang and Sokka both chose themselves each a hammock while Zuko and Katara both nestled down into one of the beds that had been carved into the rock wall together.
When morning came, they were going to go through with Sokka's plan to give everyone a bad case of 'penta pox' so they could help the city's civilians evacuate the stolen city and get their freedom back, and to live to fight another day.
For now, Zuko wrapped his arm around the waterbender's small waist and pulled her close to him, swinging a leg over both of hers, snuggling with the girl he felt he was falling for.
"That was Mai," He whispered into her ear, hoping that she had been asleep and hadn't heard him the moment the words left his lips, immediately regretting his decision to tell her who the girl with the daggers was. But of course, she had been awake and she had heard him. He watched and sighed as she furrowed her brow, turning onto her back to be able to look at him. She pressed her lips together and held her gaze on him. "That was Mai," He repeated softly. "That girl, that's Mai."
Katara bit her lip and looked away from him for a slit second before looking back up at him, focusing on his amber eyes. "She's the one you were with?" He nodded. She huffed and fidgeted, messing with her nails before looking back up at him. "Does that change anything?"
Zuko swallowed hard, his eyes darting around across her face, trying to read her eyes and facial expressions. It had been a simple question that could easily be answered with a simple 'yes' or 'no'. But Zuko wasn't simple, and he answered with a complicated, "I don't know." He admitted this as he turned over onto his back.
Katara's breath caught in her throat as she tensed up, clinching her fist as she rolled over onto her stomach, propping herself up with her elbows as she raised her voice at him, "You don't know?" She asked, raising her brows, mouth slightly hanging open in disbelief.
"Shh," He hissed, glaring at her through the corners of his eyes. "I don't know, Katara." He growled, looking away from her.
"What do you mean you 'don't know'?"
Zuko huffed and looked up to the slab of rock that hung over him. Why couldn't it just fall and crush him? End this torment of never knowing what to do, or the difference between right and wrong? "She reminds me of home." He breathed out, trying not to think about the Fire Nation, but of course, it burned it's way into his brain, gnawing away at him.
Seeing Mai, in a weird way, gave him hope. Usually where ever she was, Azula wasn't far behind or ahead. Zuko was with the Avatar. He could easily show up out of no where, the lost Prince that was thought to be dead, suddenly showing up with the Fire Nation's most wanted in his hands, assuring the Fire Nation's victory, ending the war. Regaining his honor, his father's love, his right to the throne, Mai, everything and everyone he had lost, aside from his mother. One decision, one final act against the Avatar, and he could have it all back over night.
"Home?" Katara's soft voice ripped him from these thoughts and struck him with guilt. "Where is 'home', Zuko? The Fire Nation?" She asked. He could tell by the shake in her voice that she was incredibly worried and scared, trying to hold back tears. His silence and refusal to answer broke her, and the tears began falling from her eyes.
In her mind, he was going to leave. He was going to leave her. He was going to leave her alone. He couldn't. Who would help her fight her demons? He had been the only one there on the pirate boat, he had been the one to comfort her whenever the demons were woken up. Now he was going to leave her to have them take her. She couldn't win against the monsters that lived within her, not alone, not without him.
The torment of knowing that she had been stolen from herself, that if any from her tribe ever found she had been taken so young, she could be disowned.
She had gotten her cycle once before leaving with Sokka and Aang, what if he had gotten her pregnant? That was something she wouldn't be able to hide or keep secret. He'd leave her alone with that baby to forever remind her of the horrors that took place on the cargo boat.
He'd leave her alone where no one understood what she went through. He'd leave her alone where no one could help her. Where no one could save her from herself.
"You're going to leave me?" She cried, pressing her face down into her pillow, muffling her sobs.
"No," He breathed out, quickly turning onto his right side, placing a hand onto her shoulder.
"Yes you are!" She cried into the pillow. "You're gunna give them Aang and you're gunna leave me!" Zuko wiggled over to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "You can't leave me, Zuko."
"I'm not going to leave you," He growled, scolding her for making so much noise at this time of night.
"Yes you are!"
"I'm not!" The firebender shifted and put his body over hers, a leg placed on either side of hers, arms snaking underneath to be able to hold her. "I'm not going to leave you."
"I don't believe you!"
"I promise you, Katara, I promise I'm not going to leave you." His voice was low, but no longer harsh. He was speaking frantically, desperately trying to get her to trust that he wasn't going to leave and betray her. He slid his fingers underneath her cheek, turning her to have her face him. He covered her lips with his, kissing her hard and long. He felt her shaking and trembling as tears still streaked down her face.
Katara turned her face away from him, ripping her lips from his. Her eyes were still clamped shut as her fingers curled down into the pillow. 'What is wrong with you?' She scolded herself. 'Crying over Zuko!' She still hadn't fully came to terms of just how much she really needed him, mainly because she didn't know herself just how much that really was, but also partly because she still didn't want to need him the way she did.
She had been torn to shreds mentally so quickly and suddenly, latching onto him, deeming him as the only thing that could remedy and ease her mind. A small part of her was still angry with him for how he had been so bent on catching the Avatar, though she now knew that he hadn't known any better. She scolded herself for needing him, then she scolded herself for being angry with him.
This was a cycle she was till trying to break. It was either continue harboring all that anger towards him, forcing him away, forcing him to leave her alone with herself, to lose the war against the demons in her head, she knew she would without him, or fall into him as she had been allowing herself to do, and end up being far, far more happy in the end.
'Stop.' She told herself, calming and easing up, allowing him to hold her. Zuko made her stomach flutter like no one had ever before, she so easily get lost in his beautiful, amber eyes, she could listen to his voice for days, no matter the subject of which he spoke. And being held in his arms? Don't even get her started. Even if she was angry with him, she would absolutely melt into his arms, into his kisses. With him there, with the warmth that radiated off him, the smallest word in his voice, even a glance from his eyes, slightest touch of his skin and all of her troubles were gone and she was at ease.
He continued to hold her throughout the night, falling asleep with her held tightly in his arms.
!
Zuko had been awake for hours, but stayed still, Katara's head resting on his chest. He had been holding his eyes shut, trying to block out everything, all the second guessing, confusion, demons, everything. But opened his eyes when he felt an odd presence looming over him. His eyes opened only to see Sokka standing there, staring down at his sister.
"Has she been crying?" He asked, leaning over as he pointed to her. Zuko turned and looked, noticing the streaks of dry tears covering her cheeks. They had turned during the night, him onto his back, her onto her side, resting her cheek and hand on his chest to where she could be seen past him through the cubby hole.
"She must have been crying in her sleep," He mumbled, gently running his thumb over the soft, tan skin that covered her cheek bone. He felt terribly guilty, making her cry the way she did last night. He didn't want to think about it and he didn't want to be reminded of it.
Katara grumbled and swatted away at his hand as she turned over, facing his back towards him.
"She needs to get up." Sokka huffed, standing up straight as he crossed his arms over his chest. "We need to go get those people out of here."
"You wake her." Zuko growled, slipping his arm out from underneath her as he swung his legs over the edge of the cubby hole that served them as a bed.
"Morning, Zuko." Aang greeted, waving as he smiled towards the firebender. Zuko glared and snarled at him as he shoved a foot into one of his boots.
"Morning," He growled. On their way to Omashu, they had to go through a labyrinth of tunnels after having a run in with small platoon of Fire Nation soldiers. In that tunnel, he had been separated from Katara, her being separated from him and the whole group all except Aang. After finally finding their way out of the tunnels while riding a pair of badger-moles, the Avatar and Katara had already found their way out, after being asked just how they had managed, the Avatar had stated that they had 'let love lead the way'. Whatever that meant. Zuko wasn't sure just what he had meant exactly, but he knew he didn't like it. That boy being alone with his girl. Katara was his, tension in the air between them or not.
The firebender was pleased to hear that the Avatar wouldn't be joining them today, he'd be out in search of his old friend that was said to be the King of Omashu, King Bumi, to see if he'd teach him earthbending.
!
It took a great while getting everyone ready, all spotted up and dressed in their sickly garb, the sun was high in the sky by the time Sokka explained to everything that looking the part just wasn't going to sell it and that if they were going to make it believable, they were going to have to act sick as well.
Zuko had managed to find a dark green colored hoodie that would cover his face and keep him hidden from the Fire Nation in plain sight as he aided in the escape of the Omashu civilians, slipping right underneath the Fire Nation soldiers noses.
!
It was just nightfall when Aang made his way to the camp site, explaining to Katara and Sokka that there had been no sign of Bumi. Katara wrapped her arms around his neck to comfort him, but quickly tore from him as she spun around after being informed that an extra person had left Omashu with them. The trio stood and stared as Zuko turned to face them, a small child held in his arms.
As they sat around the campfire, Zuko bounced Tomtom on his knee as Katara exchanged words with the leader of the resistance, telling him that Tomtom was cute, and looked nothing of a killer. But, Yung had been right. If the war did continue, Tomtom would eventually join the army, and kill and probably be killed in battle as so many other men before him had.
A messenger hawk arrived, a letter from the Governor stating that in exchange for his son, he'd hand over their King Bumi. Aang of course agree'd without hesitation, not caring it was a trap or not. The trade would go down in the afternoon of the next day.
Zuko sighed, leaning back up against the Avatar's sky bison as he examined the toddler he held in his arms. Of course, he just had to have those same grey eyes of his sister.
Zuko huffed and looked up, making pictures with the stars so far above him.
"Is everything alright, nephew?" Iroh asked softy as he took a seat next to the young firebender.
"This is Mai's brother, uncle." Zuko informed him in a voice just above a whisper. Iroh raised his brow as his eyes darted across the toddlers face, searching for any kind of resemblance he could place between the two siblings.
"She's here?"
Zuko nodded and looked back down to Tomtom, who was now sound asleep against his chest. He huffed and looked forward, watching as Katara sat around the camp fire with her brother and the Avatar, listening to what happened to Omashu once the Fire Nation arrived. "I'm confused, uncle." Zuko admitted. Iroh gasped, shocked that Zuko was admitting this and coming to him for advice. Was he being serious? Had he actually heard that? Had Zuko even actually said that? Was Iroh dreaming? Zuko, coming to him for advice? Gosh, that girl must really be getting to him, changing him.
"How so?" Iroh asked softly, leaning in towards Zuko, letting him know that he was listening.
Zuko sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I like Katara, I do, and... I feel a lot... better... with her around," He took his time, carefully choosing his words, trying to describe the way he was feeling the best he could. "But, with us thought to be dead, father has probably called for Azula to begin searching the Avatar, and you know she'd want Mai on her team. If we - if I-..."
Iroh sighed and looked away, knowing exactly what was troubling Zuko. That poor boy, he just wanted to get home. That's all he had wanted since the moment he had stepped foot on that big hulk of steel that served as their ship for nearly three years. Well, now it had been three years. That's a long time to be away from home.
"Well, Zuko," Iroh began softly and slowly, also taking the time to carefully choose his own words. "You've changed, greatly, and you're still changing. Three years is a long time, I'm sure things have changed in the Fire Nation as well. What if you do this, and nothing is what it used to be? What you thought it would be? And you lose everything you have going with that beautiful young woman over there?" He asked, motioning over towards the waterbender.
"What if I don't do it and everything isn't what I thought it would be here?" Iroh huffed and looked away.
"If you betray the Avatar, you will not only be betraying him and the waterbender, but me as well. I made a deal with him that if he helped me find you, I'd teach him firebending. I'm not one to go back on my word, Zuko. If you do betray him, the war will continue, and more and more people will lose their homes, families, their lives. There will be no hope left in the world, anywhere. If you continue to stick by him, not only will you get a chance to be happy with Katara, but you will have the chance to become the greatest and most honorable Fire Lord in history, Zuko. You must realize what is most important to you. Not anyone else. Who are you? What do you want?" Iroh sighed and stood. "I hope you help bring an end this war, nephew. The right way..." He left Zuko with these words and made his way over to the fire pit, silently taking a seat next to the waterbender.
Zuko huffed and closed his eyes as he leaned his head back, into the soft, plush fur of the sky bison. He wasn't sure, but he'd figure he'd have to make up his mind tomorrow when he went with the group to trade Tomtom for Bumi. He knew Azula would be there, and that's when he'd decide whether to betray or commit to the Avatar, and to Katara.
!
The next day's afternoon came and they stood at one end of the platform, Aang in front, staff in hand. Sokka to his right, Tomtom in hand. Katara to his left, water skin at her side. Zuko stood to her left, covered with the dark green hoodie he had found the day before, fists clinched tight as he saw the trio of females walking towards them. He had been correct about Azula showing up in search of Mai's company on her hunt for the Avatar and it looked as though their other childhood friend, Ty Lee, was along for the ride.
"Bumi!" Aang cried as they began lifting him. Mai had declared the deal off after Azula and her exchanged a couple of words.
"Aang, you idiot!" Zuko scolded through clinched teeth. Of course, the boy airbended himself upwards, revealing himself to the Princess of the Fire Nation, his newest, greatest threat.
Azula immediately took off after him, leaving Ty Lee and Mai to single them out. Sokka made a run for it with Tomtom in his arms, eluding both of the girls, leaving Katara and Zuko to have to deal with them.
Katara managed to freeze Mai's arm, but Ty Lee quickly came up behind her and used chi blocking to halt her bending. Zuko turned and advanced towards her, dodging the acrobat's jabs.
"Hey, you seem familiar," She admitted, taking a swing at one of his pressure points in his left arm, leaving it hanging limp. "Have I fought with you before?" She asked sweetly, though as she did she had been taking another swing at another pressure point, missing at the distraction of Mai's voice calling out her name.
"Ty Lee!" Mai called. "Where's that boy with my brother?" The girl in pink paused, looking over the edge of the wooden platform, noticing the boy in Water Tribe garb making a run for it with the toddler held tightly in his arms.
"I'll go get him!" She took a sudden, quick jab at Zuko's right arm, disabling that one for a short while as well before taking off after Sokka.
Katara attempted to water bend again, but failed. She had never experienced something like this before and panicked.
"I can't water bend, Zuko!" She cried, attempting to raise the water again, not realizing she had just blew his cover.
"Zuko?" Mai gasped, leaning over to be able to see him past the disabled waterbender. Of course, because nothing ever worked in his favor and the universe hated him, a gust of wind sent the hood backwards, revealing his face to her. "Zuko!" She cried, launching herself towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "You're alive!" She cried and held him tighter, but suddenly pulled away, pushing him away from her. "What are you doing with the Avatar!" She growled. "How could you betray your people like this? Betray me?" Her voice was low and dangerous.
Zuko growled and glared at Katara. "Good going," He growled, snarling at her. She furrowed her brow and pouted as she watched him turn back towards Mai.
"Who's she?" She asked, motioning towards Katara. He stayed silent, not knowing how to answer. "Who is she, Zuko?" She asked, taking a deadly step towards them, the end of a blade peeking out from underneath her sleeve. "Why are you doing this?" She breathed.
"Mai," He forced himself to speak, taking a single step towards her.
"How could you do this, Zuko? Lie and betray your whole country? And me!" She yelled, taking a stance, holding out her blade.
"I'm helping my country! Everyone! Including you!" He cried out, holding out a hand towards her, finally getting some control back.
"By joining our biggest threat?" She breathed, lowering her stance a bit as she tilted her head at him in confusion. What on earth was this boy doing? She couldn't believe it.
When she had been told that he had been killed, her heart shattered. Then, he shows up alive, but next to the Avatar and some girl. Not only was he betraying his entire country, but her as well. They had been together for years, or at least that's what she thought. All of those letters, all that effort she put in to try to keep in contact with him. She had just gotten so busy, her father's career was booming, he had been climbing to the top so rapidly and everything was changing so fast. Her mother had just given birth to Tomtom and insisted that she would be the main one to help with the baby, despite their countless servants. It wasn't her fault they had lost contact, drifted apart. In her mind, they were still together, they had never actually broken up. She loved him.
"Yes, Mai!" He ripped from her thoughts as he took another step towards her. "I'm going to end this war, the right way! If my father captures the Avatar, the war will continue, think about what it's doing to the Fire Nation, Mai." He ended softly, desperately trying to guilt trip her.
"Everything is fine," She growled, glaring over to him as she tensed back up.
"No, it's not! So many people are losing everything everyday. Their homes, their lives, their loved ones. Even me. What about my mom? Or your brother?" She completely faded out of her stance and listened closely to his words. What about Tomtom? He was fine. "He'll grow up one day, and join the army. You want him to go through that? To have to kill and probably be killed?"
She gasped and took a step back, appalled at what he had just said. "How dare you, Zuko! Why would you say something like that?"
"You know it's true, Mai! If I do this, I'll help the Avatar defeat my father. I'll become Fire Lord. I'll end the war and help rebuild the world, and the Fire Nation."
Mai's scowl fell and her eyes lowered to the group. He was right, nothing in the Fire Nation was okay. It was hidden to the people in the upper ring, leaving them oblivious to the problems throughout the rest of the fire territory. She hadn't actually traveled through or seen the details, but their move from their house in the upper most ring, closest to the palace, to Omashu, having to cross through the Fire Nation, stopping at a couple colonies, told her everything. So many sick and wounded people. People that were dying, people that were dead. All of that had been kept out of sight, but she had seen so much horror by just making a simple move. She didn't want that for her brother, or for anyone, actually.
She huffed and bit her lip. What if he didn't make it? What if something happens that renders him useless to the Avatar? Or something happens that leaves the Avatar useless? What if Zuko actually get's killed? For real? What if he fails? Mai looked away, shoving these worries from her mind before slowly looking back up at him. Who was she kidding? It was Zuko she was thinking about. Zuko, the one who never, ever gave up. He'd keep fighting until his very last breath and the very last beat of his heart. Zuko wouldn't lose. He'd fight, and win, as he somehow always managed to do, even with all odds against him.
Her mindset had been changed. She now understood exactly what he was doing and why he was doing it. Zuko had always wanted the better for people and always tried his very best to look out for them. That's what had gotten him banished. That's how he had lost everything. He was doing what he knew to get it all back. It made sense, she figured, forgiving him for joining the Avatar.
But that did not serve as an excuse as to why he had been running around with some water girl! Mai looked up, noticing the girl had backed away to the corner of the platform, giving them some privacy, but sticking close enough to stay near him. Mai studied her, she could tell that something had been going on between her and Zuko, she could feel it up in the air.
"You still haven't answered my other question, Zuko," She reminded calmly, staring into his amber orbs. "Who is she?" She watched carefully as he turned and looked over to the waterbender, then slowly, back to her. Just by the look on his face, she knew. Mai bit her lip and clinched her fist as she looked down, away from him.
"Mai," He called softly, raising a hand to her cheek after finally getting full control back to his arms. She immediately flinched away from his touch.
"Do you love her?" She asked quickly, voice barely above a whisper.
"What?" He asked, taking another step closer to her.
"Do you love her?" She repeated, this time in a growl as she glared up at him. Zuko took in a deep breath as he tensed up. He knew he needed her, but love her? That he honestly didn't know.
"Yes," He allowed the word to fly from his mouth, hissing at the end, wondering if his own words were true or not. "I'll always love you, too, though." Her eyes widened at his words and she lifted her chin to look up at him. She knew he meant it in way that they couldn't be together, but just hearing the words 'I'll always love you' from him directed to her was enough.
"Fine," She spat, turning away from him as she bit her lip. "Your secrets safe with me." She growled, placing a hand on her forearm, glaring past him to the waterbender. She began to walk away when he caught her by the arm. She turned and stared back at him. She pressed her lips together. She hesitated, but took a single step forwards before raising up to kiss him.
It was short and sweet, but meant so, so much. That was the last one. Ever. It was done. It was over. They were done. They were over. He was going to go off and fight side by side with the Avatar, while she would go off and try to distract Azula in every way possible without making it obvious. She could feel that he had changed, he wasn't the Zuko she grew up with. He wasn't the same as he was before, he had changed while she had stayed the same. He had let go while she held on.
But that was okay, she figured. As long as he was happy.
She turned and left before he could see her cry.
Zuko turned just as Sokka was showing up with Iroh and the baby on Appa. He had an unconscious Ty Lee in the saddle, how he managed to out-do her, both Zuko and Katara had no idea, but kept quite as he dumped her onto the platform. Someone would be sure to come find her eventually, she would be fine.
"There's Aang!" Katara pointed out, noticing him using the mail slides to try and out run the girl not far behind him.
"And there's Azula." Iroh informed, watching as she bent blasts of blue fire towards the young Avatar.
"Hm," Sokka pipped up as he got Appa as close them as he could. "She's kinda pretty."
"That's my sister!" Zuko growled, having trouble keeping his hood down.
"Yeah?" Sokka asked, turning to look back at him. "Well, Katara is my sister, but that never stopped you." Zuko rolled his eyes and watched as Aang attempted to hop into the sky bison's saddle, over shooting and flying right over them, just out of reach.
Aang managed to elude Azula, with the help of Bumi and after the king explained to the Avatar about why he had surrendered and what he would need to look for in an earthbending teacher, Aang hopped on Appa and later returned Tomtom back to his parents without being seen.
!
Zuko huffed as he leaned back into their bags on the back of the sky bison's saddle, using them to support his back while he rested. He hummed a greeting as Katara sank down next to him, using his arm as a pillow.
They sat in silence for a while, until Katara began to speak, her words just above a whisper as she mumbled, "I saw you kiss her." She breathed, looking away from him.
The firebender furrowed his brow and glared at her. "Like you didn't kiss the Avatar in those caves?" He growled.
"Ugh," She rolled her eyes. "It didn't mean anything!"
"I'm sure it didn't," He spat at her sarcastically. She bit her lip and turned her back towards him.
The kiss between her and the Avatar may have not of meant something, but the one between him and Mai had.
It had a lot of meaning, actually. It had meant that he was committed to the Avatar and his plan to defeat his father and end the war against the Fire Nation, his home. He was leaving not only Mai, but his country as well. Everything. Everything he had lost he was finally allowing himself to let go of. He had held on so tightly for so many years. The kiss was a goodbye to all of those memories, good or bad, all of the hardships, frustration, anger, confusion, sadness, depression. A goodbye to everything and everyone from his old life.
Zuko was still confused and he was now upset, but he'd press that evil little voice from his head and listen to the good one, the right one. Or, at least he'd try.