Author's Note: Hey guys. Wow, I would have had this out much sooner, but my computer ate half the chapter and after being bummed for a few weeks, I had to rewrite it. Thank you so much for all of the reviews. I really appreciate all of your comments, and quite frankly it motivates me to write more. Take care and I hope you all enjoy the new chapter.

Chapter 8

"And if I should ever go away, well, then close your eyes and try to feel the way we do today"—Dionne Warwick.

Yuki stared at the caller ID as his cell phone rang: Ayame. Hatori must have told him already. Somehow, he'd thought after he'd broken the news to Hatori and told him it was all right to let the information trickle to everyone, his phone would explode with outraged calls demanding to know if it was true. The hour of silence was a bit strange and little unnerving, almost as if what was supposed to happen next was waiting on bated breath for an unknown signal to set itself off.

Yuki answered the phone on the 97th ring, before it went to voice mail. "Hello, Ni-san."
"Yuki… there you are dear Little Brother," his voice was muted and calm. "How are you?"

Yuki lay back on his bed; he'd shut himself up in his room to call Hatori and wait for "the backlash". "I'm all right considering. How are you?"

"Sick," Ayame said simply, "very, very sick at heart. Hatori told me something awful a little while ago, and that you've been helping to keep such information a secret. Why would you do that, Yuki? I know how much Tohru means to you. Who's there to look after you?"

Yuki blinked. He didn't always feel like it, but he loved his big, stupid brother, and how his love for Yuki trumped all things. Ayame dropped all matters to do what he thought Yuki needed him to. If only… Yuki often thought… if only Ayame had his revelation when I was little and needed someone to hold my hand and love me and call me "honey" and "darling" like I mattered.

"It's all right, Ayame. I don't need anyone to take care of me. I've been looking after Tohru and Kyo. I wish they hadn't kept how badly things were going a secret."

Kyo had meant to call Master Kazuma, but had fallen into an exhausted heap on the couch and hadn't stirred for three hours. Tohru sat on the couch beside him with his head in her lap.

"Kyo's falling apart, but trying so hard not to let Tohru see it's making it worse. He's going to make himself sick, I know it," Yuki said. "You should see how skinny and pale he is. Miss Uotani was here earlier and told him that he was the one who looked like he was terminally ill."

Yuki licked his dry lips, feeling pain and relief wash over him as he got to talk about the events of the day and how he felt. He usually only unleashed what was on his mind like this to Machi, but it seemed right to talk to Ayame. He wanted to be Yuki's overprotective big brother bear, and it was nice to get to indulge him. Sometimes, Yuki did randomly call Ayame to ask how things were going because he really wanted to know. Sometimes, Yuki liked when Ayame called just to prattle on about something silly, but utterly important to only Ayame, and maybe Mine. Mine was a strange one, and Yuki was glad that she and Ayame had found each other.

"Would you like for me to come?" Ayame asked. "I admit to not being very close to Kyonkichi, and that I haven't spoken to dear Tohru for a very long time, but I feel I should be there. I… It's silly, Yuki. I know you're an adult now, but I still feel like you are all too young to deal with this on your own."

Yuki's lungs constricted and he coughed lightly. Of course they were too young. Everyone kept pointing that out, even Yuki. "There's an extra room here, but Hatori's going to be using it. He's coming out tomorrow."

"Oh," Ayame said. His voice was neutral, but Yuki could sense his hurt.

"But… I've got a room to myself. If you'd like to come, you can share with me."

"Oh," Ayame said again, this time his tone warm. "Only if you think it wouldn't be terribly imposing. Tohru-kun and Kyonkichi have been very private."

"I don't think they would mind if you came with Hatori. They're expecting company now," Yuki said. "Tohru's friend, Saki Hanajima, is staying here as well."

"Well…" Ayame seemed to be thinking it over. "I suppose Hatori will have to make room in his car for me. I'll have to bring my supplies. I'll make Tohru the most grand and elegant gown for…." He trailed off.

Yuki broke the next silence. "That—that would actually be great, Ni-san. We—I don't know if Tohru and Kyo have even thought about what she'll… be buried in. I'm sure she'll love anything you make, and it's something else they won't have to deal with."

"O-oh? Well then, anything to make it easier for them. Is there anything else I can do?"

"Um…" Could Yuki ask him to be less annoying without hurting his feelings again? Ayame was infamous for being inadvertently rude to Kyo. "When you…ah… talk to Kyo…."

"I'll start by not calling him Kyonkichi," Ayame said and Yuki sighed in relief. Maybe Ayame understood; he really wasn't stupid at all just slow to notice things at times. He'd matured though, he was better at picking up on subtle cues; whether he chose to acknowledge them or not was always a question, but at least he noticed when others around him were irritated.

"That's a good start, Ni-san," Yuki said.

"Oh, I know, I'll help Tohru design her shrine," Ayame said. "It should be beautiful and very personal. Will the wake be held in their home?"

Yuki's stomach clenched. "Um… that was the original plan, but I don't know if Kyo will go through with it. He was like I'd never seen him before a little while ago when he talked about it. He'd just come back from the temple and they'd told him about the procedures he'd have to perform."

Ayame hummed, sounding sympathetic. "The poor boy—but Tori-san will be there, and he's familiar with the process. He's handled a few deaths of older family members that died at the Sohma complex. He can carry out the duties."

"Ni-san, Kyo doesn't want to be in a house Tohru died in. He told me," Yuki said; a dam had broken inside him. "But Tohru expects him to keep living here and taking care of her garden and bakery and shrine. I think she plans for him to remarry and bring his new bride to live in this house, too. It's—it's—I don't know what it is, but I know I wouldn't be able to do it."

"Then Kyo needs to talk to Tohru…."

"He won't! He's wearing himself out doing only what she wants. He's afraid that if he speaks out against something, Tohru will stop telling him what she really wants. And he's right, you remember how Tohru is, if she thinks she's inconveniencing someone she won't say another word against your wishes. I mean, no, she will not hesitate in telling me or someone else that she and Kyo are doing things their way and if we can't respect it, leave, but if Kyo objected?"

"But Yuki, this is a serious matter. Does Kyo plan to lie to Tohru and tell her that he will do certain things, but choose not to do so after she passes on? That will make for a very unhappy spirit… and a very guilty conscience."

"I truly think, even after she's gone, Kyo will do exactly as she asked and just be miserable."

"Perhaps someone should speak to Tohru…"

"I've thought about it so many times, but Kyo would kill me."

"I'm not suggesting that you be the one to talk to her," Ayame said. "I'll bring it up to Hatori in the car. Between our two wise heads, we'll think of something."

Yuki snorted. "Ni-san, if you're wise, I'm Emperor of Japan."

"Greetings Your Imperial Majesty," Ayame said with a light laugh. "I always knew there was something regal about my cute little brother."

"Just keep it to yourself, okay?" Yuki's fingers stroked the smooth back of his cell phone. "You had better let Hatori know you're coming with him."

"Yes, yes, or he will leave without me and then I shall have to take a train, but you would come and pick me up from the train station, Yuki."

"I suppose," Yuki said after a beat. "But I'd rather you not let Hatori leave without you."

"I'm in agreement. I will see you soon. Take care until I do."

"Thank you, Ni-san."

"You're welcome, Yuki; though, you never have to thank me."

Ayame disconnected, but Yuki kept the phone to his ear like his brother's voice might reappear on the line and tell him something else assuring. He heard the television in the living room and the hum of the air conditioner. The first scents of spicy beef and baking dough wafted under the door, meaning Tohru had started dinner. Yuki wondered what it would be this time.

He sat up, tucking his phone in his back pocket and pushing off the bed. He entered the living room to find Kyo sprawled over the long couch on his stomach, arms and legs akimbo, and Hanajima watching a movie set in a dark wooded area.

"Should we be expecting more company soon?" Hanajima asked as Yuki joined her on the divan.

He nodded. "Tomorrow: my brother, Ayame, and my cousin, Hatori."

"Hatori…Hatori… is he… the doctor?" Hanajima tilted her head to one side as she thought. "He came to our school once."

"I'm surprised you remember," Yuki said.

"It's hard to forget such a handsome face," Hanajima said dreamily. "Why I think Hatori-sama is cuter than Kazuma-san."

"Please don't go trying to move in with him, too. What would Gavin think?" Yuki teased.

Hanajima gave a dramatic sigh. "Gavin shall never have to know."

"You know, Hatori is dating Mayu-sensei," Yuki said.

"Oh?" Hanajima looked interested. "Well I'm glad for her. Her waves were always so lonely."

Yuki blinked. It didn't matter that Saki Hanajima wore light blue jeans and a yellow t-shirt with sandals, she could look as normal as she wanted and still manage to give Yuki the creeps.

"Your cousin," Hanajima nodded to Kyo, "sleeps like he's been drugged. How long has he gone without proper rest?"

"Who knows?" Yuki said, looking at Kyo. "I'm hoping Hatori will maybe prescribe him something to help him sleep better."

"Tohru's waves are calming and slowly finding peace with occasional spikes of anxiety, but Kyo's waves are turbulent. In fact, his waves are similar to Uo-chan's when she says that Tohru should still be looking for treatment options." Hanajima's voice was low. "Yuki, deep down, Kyo wishes that Tohru was still fighting, but he'll never tell her."

"No, he won't," Yuki said.

"I—I cannot blame him for keeping his opinions to himself. In the end, it's Tohru's body and the decision she's made has been hard enough on her," Hanajima said.

"I know," Yuki said.

"You're very kind for staying here," Hanajima said. "It's amazing to see how much the both of you have grown since high school. The level of animosity that used to radiate from the both of you was intense. You really thought you hated each other."

Only thought?

"I waited for you two to figure out what the feeling really was between you, but when we reached our senior year, I didn't think you would. Then, suddenly, Tohru and Kyo were finally together, and you and Kyo were civil toward one another."

Yuki smiled. "I found out he wanted to be me, and he found out I was jealous of him. We were a fine pair of fools. I don't know how Tohru stood us."

"Because she loves you both dearly," Hanajima said, "which is the reason why she's s at peace now. The ones she loves the most are right here with her."

Yuki blushed and ducked his head a bit. "She loves you too, Hanajima."

"Yes, but not like she loves you, Yuki. I'm not jealous. There's no way I can complete with that type of feeling. You're so precious to her." Her dark eyes were dreamy as her gaze rested on Kyo's sleeping form. "And her feelings for that guy." She shook her head. "I don't even know how to describe them, and his feelings for her… are so strong it hurts me to be near them when they are together, but… I love watching them interact. I compare my relationship with Gavin to theirs, you know?"

"Sometimes, I compare mine and Machi's to theirs, too. I…love Machi, but I don't think we quite measure up," Yuki said, feeling a trifle guilty.

Hanajima nodded. "I understand; I feel the same way. Gavin is my heart, but… Tohru and Kyo are soul mates."

Yuki nodded and Hanajima's dreamy look faded, her expression becoming grave.

"You know, some say that when your soul mate dies, you can only be half the person you were, and you'll never find true love again."

Yuki swallowed. He believed it. "Yeah."

Tohru bounced into the room, her eyes sparkling. "I'm experimenting. I'm making a beef pastry, but I added my own special glaze to the dough and created a new wine sauce. What would you two like for dessert? We've got lots of fresh fruit, and coco beans, and cream and vanilla beans."

Tohru sat on the couch near Kyo's head and stroked his hair.

"Hmm…" Saki licked her lips.

Yuki shrugged his shoulders. "Let Hanajima choose. I'll enjoy anything you make."

"How about an egg custard?" Hanajima said.

"All right." Tohru beamed. "I can make crème brulee!"

"That's good," Yuki said. "Ni-san likes crème brulee… I think. Last time we went out

he ordered it and ate quite a bit of it. I don't think I'd ever seen him eat so much."

Tohru frowned at Yuki. "Should I send Ayame-san some, then?"

"Uh…" Yuki flexed his fingers, wondering how accepting Tohru would be of

Ayame and Hatori, a doctor, coming to stay with them right after Uotani's abrupt departure. "I spoke to Hatori earlier and he wants to come to visit for a while; Ayame's coming with him."

"Oh." Tohru blinked, her expression uncharacteristically troubled. "Hatori-san's

coming. He doesn't think that he'll be working, does he?"

"No," Yuki said quickly. "He's just… he'd like to see you."

"So long as we understand each other, Yuki." Her eyes fixed on his face, trying to read

him. What did she think he'd said to Hatori?

"Tohru," Hanajima said softly. "I was under the impression that the majority of Yuki and Kyo's family cared about you very much, when we were in high school. Why does the thought of them coming to see you bother you so much?"

"I'm just afraid Hatori will want to treat me," Tohru said. She tried to smile, but her eyes didn't support it. "But it's all right. I will be so happy to see him and Ayame-san. It's time to see more of the family. Has Hatori-san told…?"

"The rest of the family?" Yuki asked. "Probably. That was how Ayame learned. I've been waiting for phone calls, actually. So far, only Ni-san."

"Oh," Tohru said, sounding relieved. "Well, your ni-san is special enough for me. I will make a very large crème brûlée, and what else does Ayame-san like, Yuki-kun, since you say he doesn't eat much."

"Oh, I don't know," Yuki said. "I don't think he's picky, but he seems to prefer beef to chicken and rice to noodles."

"It's great that you two are getting so close," Tohru said. She dipped her head to kiss Kyo's brow. "Will you…" She bit her lip. "If I..." She shook her head and Yuki rose from the divan, crossing the short distance between them and touched her cheek.

"Will I what, and if you what, Tohru?" he asked softly. "Finish a question and I promise to answer truthfully."

Tears rolled down her cheeks, dampening his fingers. "Will you grow close enough to Kyo to notice his habits? If I taught you some of his little quirks, would you remember them all?"

Yuki rubbed her soft cheek with the pad of his thumb. "I'd do my best to remember every single thing, and what I forgot, I'd learn from observation. Tohru, Kyo is my cousin and one of the few people in this world I can relate to. I won't abandon him."

Tohru's eyes were bright. "Not even when he says or does things to make you angry?"

"Not even then," Yuki said.

Tohru wrapped her thin arms around him, hugging him tight and Yuki rubbed her quivering back. She felt like a baby bird, tiny and breakable in his hold. "Thank you."

"You don't have to," Yuki said. He turned his head to spy Hanajima watching them with heavy eyes. Tohru continued to hold onto him, her trembling increasing instead of decreasing. Her tiny hands clenched his shirt. "Tohru?"

"If—if you don't mind, Yuki-kun, could you go into my bathroom and get two from a large blue bottle in my medicine cabinet?" Tohru's voice was small and tight.

"What's wrong?" Panic threatened to choke him. "Tohru?"

"Just—it's just a little pain."

"I thought you weren't going to take anymore medicine?" His voice was higher than usual. "Tohru, is the pain so bad you're changing your mind? Should we go to the hospital?" Yuki was ready to gather her in his arms and run to Kyo's car.

"No, no, I'm all right, Yuki-kun. I'm not taking anymore chemotherapy or intravenous drugs, but I am taking Tylenol 3. It doesn't impair my judgment like the other pain medicine did. It seems… I'm late taking it today. Please, Yuki-kun?"

Yuki stroked her hair and nodded. He was about to release her when Hanajima appeared beside them, touching his hand.

"I'll get it," she said. She left the room in a flurry of dark hair.

Yuki sighed and lifted Tohru up, so that he could sit in the place she had been on the couch, and settled her in his lap. He stroked Tohru's glossy cap of dark hair and frowned. "Tohru, I just noticed that your hair is darker."

"Chemotherapy changes your hair," Tohru said breathily. "Do you think it's ugly?"

"No," Yuki said. "It's beautiful."

"That's what Kyo says, but he has to say that." Tohru's giggle was cut off by a short gasp of pain.

Yuki rubbed her back. "So, you've been taking pain medication all this time?"

Tohru nodded. "It would have been naïve of me to think I could stop all of the drugs. And you know what, I did think that, at first, but the doctor sat us down, Kyo and me, and told us about everything that would happen when I came home. He talked about pain management, and how I would know when it's time; how I'll know when to call Kyo to me because I'm dying."

Yuki shuddered and his stomach flipped. He clenched his teeth and pressed his lips together, afraid he might vomit.

"Do you want to know how I'll know?" Tohru whispered.

No. He never wanted to know, but if she wanted to talk about it, needed to talk it, he had to listen. "O—okay."

"The doctor said I'll start to feel light and things might get blurry. I could feel like I'm standing outside of my body, or like I'm in it but trying to drift out of it. There may or may not be any pain. It was different for each one of his patients, and it'll be different for me, but one thing he made clear was that when it was time, I'd feel that it was. I just wonder what that feeling will actually be like for me. Will I be scared or at peace, I don't know."

Yuki was horrified. Tohru wanted to know what death felt like… so she could tell Kyo it was coming in time for him to be there. Had she told Kyo this? Probably not, that would be cruel and Tohru couldn't be cruel if she tried.

But she was telling Yuki and it was cruel to him.

"At night, when Kyo thinks I'm sleeping, he gets up and wanders around the house, and while he's gone, I think about how it might feel and if I'll really be ready when it happens. Will the pain be so bad I want to leave? But I don't think anything could be so bad that I'd want to leave Kyo-chan. So, I just don't know, Yuki."

Kyo wandered the house all night when he thought Tohru was asleep, but she was really awake, too. Was Yuki more disturbed that neither of them was sleeping well, or that they were wasting time they could be spending together, because neither one wanted to worry the other?

Yuki kissed the top of her head, saying nothing, and Hanajima returned with two capsules in the cusp of her hand and a glass of water. Yuki helped Tohru sit up straight, and Hanajima knelt in front of her.

Tohru held out a shaky hand for the pills, but Hanajima shook her head. "Just open your mouth."

"It's okay, Hana-chan…."

"Open," Hanajima insisted. Tohru opened her mouth and Hanajima set the capsules inside and brought the glass to her lips for her to sip from. Tohru swallowed the pills with ease and familiarity and relaxed against Yuki again.

"How long until they work?" Yuki asked.

"It's better if I take them before my last dose wears off, so it'll be a little while. If you don't mind, Yuki-kun, I'd like to lay down."

"You want to go to your room?" Yuki asked. "Sure… of course." He stood, bringing Tohru up with him; then swinging her into his arms. She squeaked.

"Yuki! I can walk."

"Not right now you can't, because I'm carrying you," he said. He walked toward her bedroom, glancing at her tense face. He flipped the light switch on by brushing his shoulder against it and set Tohru on the bed. He knelt and went about folding the covers back and taking off Tohru's slippers. Her tiny feet were cold and Yuki tucked them under the covers first, before pulling the blankets to Tohru's chin.

Tohru blinked at him, not speaking.

"Do you want a book, or are you going to go to sleep? Should I turn out the light?" Yuki asked, sitting on the side of the bed.

Tohru sighed. "I'll take a little nap. It's always best to nap when waiting for medicine to work."

Yuki cringed. "All right. I'll turn out the light."

"Thank you, Yuki-kun," she said. "I… I'm sorry for being mean earlier."

Yuki snorted. "You, be mean? That's impossible." He tapped her forehead as Kyo was wont to do. "You just told us what you wanted and didn't want."

"I didn't have to say it like I did," Tohru said. "I really want Ayame-san and Hatori-san to come."

"I know you do," Yuki said. "That's why I didn't tell them not to." He winked at her. "Get some rest. I'll come and check on you later."

Tohru smiled at him and closed her eyes and he tried to ignore the new lines in her brow that appeared after the smile faded. She rolled onto her side, not facing him, and Yuki pulled the door closed, leaving it open a crack.

He went back into the living room and sat on the couch where Kyo was still sleeping soundly. Hanajima sat on the coffee table, studying Tohru's pill bottle.

"Did you hear what she said about dying?" Yuki asked.

Hanajima nodded. "Some of it. Her voice was very soft."

Yuki looked heavenward, fighting tears. He was always on the verge of tears, it seemed.

"I'm glad Hatori-san is coming," Hanajima said finally.

"Yeah, yeah me too."

They were quiet until the smell of scorched meat and burning bread caught their attention. Yuki turned wide eyes to Hanajima who blinked at him.

"Dinner."

They both dashed into the kitchen, Yuki praying Hanajima knew more about salvaging meals than he did. A sauce pan bubbled over onto the stove and the oven light illuminated a pastry turning black at its edges on a metal cooking rack.

"Damn," Yuki uttered.

"You said it," Hanajima agreed.

"Do you cook?" Yuki asked her.

"Cup noodles," Hanajima said. She turned off the stove's burner and opened the oven door. Yuki got the oven mitts and reached in to pull out the ruined pastry. He stared down at the black crust and sighed. The food resembled one of his better looking cooking creations.

"What do we do?" Hanajima pulled the lid off the sauce pot and stared into an equally burned dish.

"Heat up leftovers?" Yuki suggested.

"Cookies?" Hanajima asked.

Cookies were always good, especially in this house. "Cookies." They were soft, sweet and always made you feel better.

After cleaning up the mess, Yuki and Hanajima sat on the kitchen counter, sharing a plate of sugar and chocolate chip cookies.

"Prince Yuki," Hanajima said, staring at a half eaten sugar cookie in her hand.

"Yes?" Yuki asked, sucking melted chocolate from his fingertip.

"I don't think I can stay here much longer."

Yuki looked up, trying to meet her eyes but her long hair hid her face.

"I want to, especially since Uo-chan left, but… I can't."

Yuki reached over and rested a hand on her knee. "Tohru will understand."

"She shouldn't have to," Hanajima said softly. "She should have friends that will stay with her. She'd stay with any one of us."

"I didn't think I could stay either," Yuki said. "But I kept asking myself what they would do if I left, and I knew I didn't want to find out."

"You're a good friend," Hanajima said. "A best friend."

Yuki squeezed her knee. "So are you."
"No, I'm not," Hanajima said. She set the cookie down on the plate and brought her

hands to her face. "I'm rotten and selfish, because when I ask myself what Tohru would do if I left, I know she has you and that makes leaving seem easier. If—if you weren't here already, I wouldn't be able to leave. But since you're here…."

"You're not dumping anything on me," Yuki said. "I'm staying for the long haul no matter who comes and goes. I planned to take care of them on my own, help is nice, but… if you have to go, go. My brother will be here, Hatori will be here, the rest of my family will undoubtedly be here at one point or another. It'll be all right, Hanajima. You do what's right for you. It would only hurt Tohru to have you here if you don't really want to be."

Hanajima sniffled. "You make me sound horrible. I am horrible."

"No, you're not, you're just… too young."

Like the rest of us.

Yuki started when he felt Hanajima's head on his shoulder. He hesitated, then wrapped an arm around her as she wept.

Author's Note: So, what's the verdict: liked it, hated it, didn't care either way? Well any way you liked it, let me know. Please review.

Warwick, Dionne and Friends. "That's What Friends Are For." Friends. Arista Records, 1985. MP3.