Um… I have no words for this…

UNEDITED.

Chapter Thirty-Three

A Few Good Pinnochios

She exaggeratingly waved to her daughter as she jumped into the young woman's father's car. Given that she took Sam's car keys and therefore left her stranded at home… or at least she found a ride, it served her dwarf right to have her main reprieve snatched up from underneath her.

- "You are a lifesaver, Mati!"

He gave her a kiss on either cheek before putting the car into drive.

- "If Samantha were in the car, I am sure she would make a comment about the center hole of the candy… and er, the sucking—"

She stared at him in shock.

- "Ok, you have known her for what? A week, and she's already got you sloshing around in the gutter with her? Goodness, it took me… well, after eleven years, I'm still not there. She surprises me more and more everyday."

Holding her hand, he smiled.

- "Alex, you must remember that children inherit fifty percent of their genes from each parent. Now, look at you… she had to receive her humor from someone, Cherie."

That was true. Mathieu had always been a wild joking type of guy. His suave demeanor, take charge, fearless attitude, coupled with an ability to make her laugh more than any other person ever could was what had attracted her to him all those years ago. The more she spent time with her daughter since Mati had returned to their lives, the more she saw him in her.

- "I can't believe I never realized it before. She is just like you, you know?"

He smiled as he thought about the young woman.

- "That's a good thing."

- "Yea well, you owe me about $500,000 worth of bail money and attorney's fees. You need to take responsibility for what your genes have spawned in that monster."

And he would gladly have repaid her every single cent if it meant being given back the years that he had lost with his daughter.

- "Ok, écoutes; you are now relieved from any money to be paid for Samantha's future bail—"

She glared at him.

- "If there is any more bail money to be paid, the next payment you'll be responsible for after that will be her funeral because Mati, I swear to you, I would kill that daughter of ours. She promised that in dating Jason—"

Realizing that she had not yet spoken to Sam about her lunch with Mati and Jason, she stopped.

- "Uuuum… soooo… let's just say that she promised me that there won't be anymore bailouts."

He could sense her nervousness that she might have said more than she should have.

- "You almost pulled a Maxie—"

Had she been drinking anything, she would have spit it out in his car. Having spent years learning how to rephrase her sentences to avoid her daughter and best friend's guttered misinterpretations, Alexis found herself watching what others said; oftentimes she chuckled at their unconscious perverse statements.

- "You know, sometimes I wish I weren't so inundated with double entendres on a daily basis."

Of course he had not a clue of what he had done wrong. He frowned.

- "Is there a double meaning to what I said? I was talking about Samantha's loud and nosey friend; she has a way of talking too much and about everybody. You almost told me something about Samantha's relationship with Jason… the mob enforcer."

She was shocked beyond words. She did not think that Sam would have ever, in a million years, have told the man about Jason's… profession. Then again, with Maxie running rampant around time, it was only a matter of time before he would have found out.

- "Oh… she told you, then."

He nodded.

- "Well, yes. Somewhat. I somewhat tricked her into telling me."

And the shock continued.

- "HOW did you manage that? Did you forget that Sam was a con? How did you con a con?"

He smirked with pride.

- "I told her that Jason worked for this Sonny Corinthos person—"

- "How did you know that?"

She fell into the same trap he had planted for Sam. Clearly it was from her mother the young woman had inherited her gullible nature. Both women were easy to fool.

- "I didn't; however, both you and Samantha made it clear through your answers, that that is what he does."

She rolled her eyes.

- "Sooooo? What did you say? Dooo… to Jason. Is he still alive? I mean, your job here, as the protective criminally inclined—"

He gave her knee a squeeze. He had left his troublemaking ways in his youth. In fact, his stint at the PCPD the day he had seen Alexis had been the first time in twenty years since he and the police had had an encounter. He was still bitter.

- "Sauf que ton petit ami—"

And she could sense that.

- "Mac is NOT my boyfriend… at least I don't think he is. We're just… taking things slow."

As he attempted to respond, however, she put her hand up; she would not discuss her relationship or whatever it was with her daughter's father. Especially since…

- "Now, before you ask me anything more about him and our date, how about you just take me… wait…"

Knowing that Sam had gotten her devious, deceptive, and all around charming characteristics from her father, a lightbulb went off in Alexis' head. Pursing her lips, she leaned toward him. Mathieu was shocked.

- "Tu fais quoi la, Alex?"

But she knew he knew what she was doing; it was typical… something Sam would do and conspire to have done. She unclicked the mute button on the car's speakerphone.

- "I really need you to take me back over to his house. I didn't want to tell Sam this, but I might have left my underwear there. – RED LIGHT, MATI!"

Realizing that he was about to run the light, he came to a screeching halt. He was in shock.

- "You slept with him? On the FIRST date?"

- "OMG… do you think she really slept with him?"

- "If she did, it probably wasn't that good; look how crabby she was. She probably rushed home to finish off the job."

- "Oh stop it! I think it's pretty sweet. Plus she should thank me; I took her to get—"

Alexis quickly muted the radio. Mathieu did not need to know about her waxing… although he seemed to be too absorbed in the thought that she had slept with the man whom he believed had stolen her from him.

- "Ahem, yea… um… It certainly was NOT our first date. Besides, we've already seen each other naked. And I mean, seriously, Sam is always talking about how it's just skin. All that needed to be done was for us to… you know."

She once again clicked unmute.

- "I'll gladly take credit for that. I love my Mom, but she's too much of a prude. She's got a great body any guy would be happy to… you know. She needs to loosen up—"

He stared at her in such shock that he failed to realize what she was doing… or that the light had turned and the people behind him were furiously honking their horns at him.

- "That's not like you. You… I can't believe—"

- "Let's hope Mac's—"

She shrugged her shoulders.

- "I mean, come on! It's 2010, Mati. Sam had provided us with great viewing pleasure that we…"

- "Stop, I don't want to think about that… wait, what did she just say?"

- "If you'd shut up, you tiny toon, perhaps we'll be able to hear her."

To continue the ruse on two women and their coconspirator, Alexis spoke over them… although it was becoming difficult not to laugh at their ignorance.

- "We had mad, passionate sex."

Within a millisecond of finishing the last word, two distinguishable screams filled the cars speakers.

- "OH MY GOD! She got laaaaid! She finally got laaaaaaaaid!"

- "She had a taste of his Adam's apple, while he watered through her garden."

- "Now you know, Sam… that serpent hissed all the way—"

Alexis immediately cleared her throat. The screams, along with the cars at the intersection that zoomed with passengers and drivers screaming obscenities at him, quickly snapped Mathieu from his daze.

- "Pull over."

Amid the continued excitement on the line, he did as he was told.

- "You lied."

She shrugged.

- "I didn't say that. – Hello ladies."

- "Oh… damn. Samantha, honey… stop dancing. Your mother would like to speak to you."

- "Hi Mom! You don't have to say thank you; another day at the spa is more than enough."

She could not help but smile; she loved spending the day at the spa with her daughters. Alas, she needed to remain firm.

- "I hope you enjoyed this morning's episode of 'Busted and Screwed.' Please stay tuned, you're up next on your live broadcast of 'Dumb, Dumber… aaaaand—"

She turned to look at the man.

- "Dumbest."

And with that, she stepped out of the car; Mac lived only two blocks from where they parked.

The consensus of the aftermath was unanimous… amongst those who understood what she had done:

- "Mom is going to kick your… butt."

Robin covered her face in embarrassment. Between Maxis and Sam, she was not sure who was worse. The former had a big mouth capable of revealing more than the likes of even Jenna Jameson cared to reveal, while the latter continuously pushed the envelope on the things she could do to turn Alexis beet red. This latest stunt certainly took the cake, rather…

- "CHERRY PIE? I don't know how I didn't see it. I guess that would explain Patrick walking out of the room when I put that huge cherry in the center. GOD, Sam! What the hell?"

Sam, who had taken a seat on the floor between Kristina and Molly, snorted as she laughed.

- "It's not my fault you're that innocent, Robin—"

The teen could not help but join in the laughter. If only they could have been flies on the wall when their mother saw the dessert.

- "Even I get that joke! Then again, my big sister's humor has, according to our Mom, rubbed off on me."

Molly, being the only calm person in the room amidst the rampant laughter, frowned. She hated being left out of the joke.

- "Wait, but doesn't Mommy like pie?"

Maxie shrugged.

- "I don't know about Alexis, but Mac certainly does… buuuut, it has been a REALLY long time since he had any."

Kristina made a disgusted face. The conversation was going to a different level that she did not feel comfortable discussing. Joking about sex was one thing, thinking about Mac and even her mother…

- "Okay, I'm going to vomit—"

She stood to leave, but Sam grabbed the back of her pants.

- "Hey, where you going?"

Before the teen could respond, Maxie flicked her best friend's hand.

- "Excuse me, but you're sitting on the floor, your sister is standing, you're grabbing the back of her pants and she's standing in front of where I'm sitting. Guess what kind of view I'm getting."

Kristina immediately blushed before turning to smack her sister on the top of her head.

- "You idiot!"

Sam hid behind Molly the best way she could.

- "Sorry! I didn't mean it!"

Playfully kicking the woman, Kristina then grabbed the empty popcorn bowl.

- "I'm going to fill this. Someone OTHER THAN SAM, choose the movie, please."

As she walked off, someone knocked on their door.

- "Are we expecting anyone else?"

Sam shook her head.

- "No. Go fill the bowl, I'll get it."

Hopping over Molly, Sam ran to the door. She pulled the blind back to see that her father had arrived unannounced.

- "Dad."

She stepped aside so that he could pass.

- "What are you doing here?"

He stepped in and gave her a kiss on either cheek.

- "I know you were having a girl's night, but I know your mother has no food—"

Maxie crossed her arms against her chest.

- "Oh, don't worry about that Mathieu. My dad, remember him? BIG Mac? He's taken Alexis grocery shopping… and then some."

Sam glared at her friend. She threateningly mouthed for her to stop being rude to her father, before turning her attention back to the man.

- "Ignore her. You brought us food?"

He held up the two bags he had in his hands.

- "Not quite. I brought you ingredients. I figured I could quickly make you and your sisters… well, and your guests, as well… if they would like… something from your culture."

Molly was highly amused. She loved French food.

- "Oooh, you're so nice, Mati. What are you going to make?"

He found the young girl to be a spitting image of her mother.

- "Well, I thought that you might enjoy some crepes. I have chocolate, strawberries, eggs, ham, cheese… whatever type you would like. It's really simple to make, and I will leave after—"

Robin, who had yet to be introduced to the man, stood to take the bags from his hands.

- "You don't have to leave. You're welcome here… well, not that I live here or anything—"

Sam interrupted her friend.

- "Oh, sorry! Dad to this is Robin Scorpio, Maxie's cousin… but don't worry about her; they're not blood related, so she doesn't have any of Maxie's social traits."

The blond rolled her eyes.

- "She'd be so lucky."

Sam continued.

- "Robin, this is my father, Mathieu LeGros."

Mathieu put one of the bags onto the floor so that he could extend his hand to the girl.

- "It is very nice to meet you, Robin. Thank you for your kind invitation. – Samantha, Molly, do you mind?"

Both girls shook their heads. While both had been to Paris on family vacations, there was nothing like a home cooked crepes… especially ones that were not burned by their mother in the house they rented when they traveled to the countryside.

- "Definitely not!"

Molly grabbed the bag he had placed on the floor and ran into kitchen followed by Robin, Sam, Mathieu, and disgruntled Maxie.

- "Can you teach me how to make them, Mati? I want to be able to have something new to make Mommy for Mother's Day Breakfast. Buttered toast and tea is getting pretty old."

- "Of course I can. I am, believe it or not, a very good cook. My grandfather, Samantha's great-grandfather, owned a famous restaurant in Paris for many many years. He taught me everything he knew in the hopes that I would take it over when he died."

Kristina, who had been sitting on the island waiting for the popcorn to finish popping in the microwave, was shocked to see her sister's father enter the kitchen.

- "Hey Mati; I didn't know you were coming over."

Molly excitedly answered for the man.

- "He's going to make us crepes! Oh… and he was just saying that Sam's great-grandfather owned a famous restaurant in Paris—"

She turned back to the man.

- "Why didn't you run it like your grandfather wanted?"

He shook his head.

- "After losing Alexandra—"

Remaining at the doorway, Maxie spoke under her breath.

- "Alexis, you uncircum—"

However, Robin, who stood beside her and heard her comment, pinched the woman.

- "Stop it."

Maxie pulled Robin from the room. Out of allegiance to her father, she decided to hate, well, more like distrust, her best friend's father. He was a threat.

- "Do you even understand what he's doing?"

Not knowing the man, Robin could not comment.

- "Not really? I mean, he's making food for Sam. It seems like he wants to get to know her and the girls. I think it's really sweet."

The blond could not believe her doctor cousin, who had been the top of her medical class and every other class she had been in, could be so dense.

- "He's TRYING to get into Sam, Kristina, and Molly's good graces so that he can win Alexis back. I mean, what better way to get into a woman like Alexis's heart? Through her children and her barren kitchen."

Robin was doubtful.

- "Oh come on—"

- "I'm SERIOUS, Robin! Mark my words; that man is in that kitchen right now trying to rekindle the fires of his lost romance through those girls… ESPECIALLY Molly. Once he gets her on his side, do you know how easily Alexis will fall for him?"

It was true that Molly was persistent in her mother's love life once she found the man whom she deemed to be perfect. However, Alexis was a smart one capable of making her own decision. If she still had any feelings for Mathieu, she would have chosen to date him over Mac. Or so she hoped.

- "I think you're overreacting."

Maxie walked back into the living room. She would not remain in the house a second longer. She needed to come up with a plan.

- "I don't care how nice he is, or how sincere; he is NOT going to steal Mac's one chance at love."

Mac grabbed the DVD box of the movies Sam had given to him. He chuckled as he thought about how stupid he had been to trust the woman. Despite the years he had known her, it seemed that he still had much to learn about her, especially since he would be dating her mother and therefore be exposed to her non-criminal, yet devious antics. It was bad enough that he had Maxie; Sam was another handful.

Thinking of Alexis, he put one the DVD's into the player. He hit play before sitting on the couch.

- "I probably shouldn't watch this…"

But given how quickly he had turned it off for Alexis' horrified state, his curiosity… among other things… had peaked.

- "Well—"

Before he forgot, he ran to the door, locked and bolted it, shut the blinds, and returned to his seat.

- "Okay…"

With every scene of the film, he found his interest harder to ignore… but, the phone rang.

- "Damn it."

He attempted to ignore it as he… well… you know… but once the ringing had stopped, it resumed once again.

- "WHY? WHY NOW?"

He apologetically looked down at his old friend.

- "I'm sorry."

Then again, once he saw the phone's display, he once again looked down.

- "Actually, I'm not…"

He answered… breathlessly.

- "Hi there. I wasn't expecting to hear from you."

Leaning against the car, Alexis smiled.

- "What do you mean? Did you not want to hear from me? Was last night THAT bad? And what in the world is that sound in the background."

He went to reach for the remote control, but it was nowhere near him; it was on the top of the television.

- "Um, nothing… it's nothing. Hold on a second."

She laughed at the nervousness in his voice.

- "Seriously, what are you watching? You sound like a person who just got caught with his hands in the cookie jar."

He blushed.

- "Um, haha… that's really funny, Lex. No, I'm just watching… um… I'm watching sports."

She was not convinced.

- "Hey, it's cold outside and I'm leaning against your car. Let me in."

Like a supermodel in a centerfold. His mind and… interest… were ganging up on him. He was beginning to sweat bullets.

- "Well, I would, but—"

She was now becoming suspicious. She did not like the noise in the background, the sound of his voice, or his reluctance in letting her into his house. Something was not right.

- "Do you have another woman in there with you, Malcolm Scorpio? I mean, I'm sure I don't have a right to—"

He stopped her. The only woman he wanted with him at that moment was her… unfortunately, if he opened the door, he was sure she would run for the hills. Then again, she was about to do exactly that if he did not quickly allow her in.

- "No, no, no, Lex… and um… you have EVERY right… I mean, we're… we're starting something here, right?"

She smiled. She wanted to see where their relationship could go. He made her happy.

- "Yea, we are. But, it can't go anywhere if you don't let me in. I'm kinda stranded here until you take me home. I don't have a car right now. Someone gave me ride."

He shut his eyes hoping that he could will his friend away. Sadly, the longer he spoke to her, especially with the movie playing, the more willing it was to remain him company.

- "Sorry… sorry… just… just give me a few minutes… I promise… a few minutes is all I need."

It was the middle of winter in upstate New York; if she gave him a few minutes, she would turn into a popsicle. She was freezing.

- "If you're afraid that I'll judge your place if it's messy, I won't. I promise. I'm just REALLY cold out here."

He could not leave her in the cold.

- "Okay… but… um… don't… don't judge me when you see me, okay? Please?"

Now she was nervous.

- "Oooookay… I won't."

He grabbed a pillow to put in front of him as he walked to the door.

- "Um, who gave you a ride?"

She hesitatingly responded.

- "Mati did."

And never before had he been more elated to hear that man's name. The thought that Alexis had been anywhere near him upset his little… well… large… friend. He quickly went for a walk.

- "OH!"

The excitement was not well masked.

- "Are you OKAY, Mac? You're really acting strangely right now."

He tossed the pillow into the coat closet, zipped his pants, and opened the door.

- "I'm PERFECT."

She looked up at him with a wide smile.

- "Yea, you are."

When she made it to the door, he wanted to grab her face and kiss her passionately, but he thought he should probably first wash his hands. Instead, he simply gave her a kiss and ushered her in from the cold.

- "You're not so bad yourself. If you'll excuse me, I just need to go… do something."

Stepping into the living room, however, she knew the reason for the hold up.

- "What? Wash your hands?"

While he horrifyingly looked at her, something came over her. She dropped her purse on the floor and immediately pulled him into a kiss.

- "Do you have a few good Pinocchios in you?"

Taking their date back into the kitchen, something within him made him apprehensive about watching movies Sam had chosen and promised to be her mother's favorites, but he did not know what else to do. The movies he had left in his possession after Maxie had moved out and taken his entire collection, consisted of Westerns, Cop dramas, and children's movies he put in for Emma when she came for a visit. They were not exactly date material.

- "Um, so a little birdie told me that you like chick flicks?"

She blushed. It was not something she, a feminist, was proud to admit.

- "Sadly I do. That little birdie is the reason for it."

He laughed as he put the DVD into the player.

- "And that same birdie told me that THIS is your favorite of that… genre?"

Stressing the word in mock French fashion, he held up the case to 'He's Just Not That Into You.' She laughed at his silliness.

- "Again, sadly… that birdie is right… but—"

She pointed to the screen.

- "Um… WHAT the HELL is that? That's NOT how the movie is supposed to start!"

He turned to look at the screen.

- "OH… MY… GOD… WHAT is he putting… Oh my God!"

He quickly ejected it.

- "I'm really sorry about that."

She shook her head as she grabbed the DVD case. While the image was as it should have been, the title was cleverly changed.

- "Did you read the case, Mac? I assure you that my favorite movie is NOT, 'HE'S Just Not IN You.' Jesus Christ…"

She covered her flushed face. There were no words to convey the amount of trouble her daughter had found herself. She would need to come up with the ultimate payback for this debacle.

- "I… just… just…"

She grabbed another DVD from the coffee table.

- "Put this in."

He knew that he could not trust the woman's daughter. He had not become the Commissioner by doubting his instincts. Unfortunately, when he was around Alexis, his brain continued to malfunction. And he clearly did not learn his lesson.

- "Ok… maybe this will be better then."

He made to move to sit beside her, but upon hearing the loud music not attributed to the legal genre of which the second movie was associated, he froze in his spot. Alexis, on the other hand, sat with her mouth hanging open. She too was shocked by the sight.

- "Well… it doesn't look as though you were… um… mislead by this."

He finally found it in himself to turn and look at the screen. Flashing in bright red letters was the title…

- "A Few Good Men. Are you KIDDING me right now? There has to be some kind of copyright infringement on the use of the title and images on these DVDs! What the HELL?"

Alexis shook her head. There were no words.

- "Okay, I don't even want to know what other movies she's chosen for us. Let's just choose something from what you have. I think my eyes need something innocent… and untainted in any way."

While he ejected the second DVD, she looked through his pitiful DVD collection. He was not optimistic that she would find anything, but hearing her gasp with excitement, he was clearly wrong.

- "What did you kind?"

She smiled as she held the DVD to her chest.

- "My all-time favorite Disney movie! Sit down!"

She put the DVD into the player before snuggling into him with the bowl of popcorn.

- "I used to love watching this movie with the girls when they were young. It was the first Disney movie I had seen when I came to the States."

Alas, upon starting the movie, Pinocchio's nose grew and found itself in a very pleased Fairy. Alexis pressed her face into Mac's chest.

- "Oh… God."

For her sanity, he found himself turning off the movie. He made a mental note to remove it from the shelf, but watch it later.