Mom, it's me again. I know I said I would make more of an effort about this, but maybe I am going overboard. I just have something nagging at me and I didn't know where else to go. Dr. Burke was unavailable and this wasn't something I could discuss with Lanie or Rick. Especially Rick, when it has everything to do with our partnership.
We just caught a case involving the mayor. Him and Rick have been friends for years and the reason that Rick is still allowed to shadow me on my cases even against the wishes of my captain. Everything lead we come across points to the mayor as our most viable suspect. Rick keeps trying to convince me that the Mayor Weldon that he knows could never do something like this. He has played poker with this man for years and can tell when he is hiding something. He wants me to believe that he is right and look elsewhere for suspects. I keep telling him that I have to follow the evidence and can't let my personal feelings get in the way of doing my job. My thoughts keep circling around my loyalty to my job and my loyalty to our partnership. I was so torn that I actually had to send Rick home today because he could no longer be objective about the mayor's possible involvement. It broke my heart to look into the deep blue eyes and tell him he had to leave. But I did it anyway and turned on my heels and left the precinct with Ryan.
After we decided to close up shop for the evening, I wondered around Central Park for an hour lost in my thoughts about this case and my now banished partner. What if the mayor did kill our victim? What happens if he didn't and I ruin his career with these accusations? What happens to Castle and I if the mayor is kicked out of office? Rick said it himself, "As soon as you move on him, I'm gone." He knows that Captain Gates thinks that he doesn't belong with us at the 12th. Epso even voiced the same concern that the first thing Gates would do is kick Castle to the curb.
What am I going to do if he isn't my partner anymore? I have come to rely so heavily on him. I even look forward to all of those crazy CIA and alien theories he throws at us when we get stumped. I am hesitant to admit it, but he is very helpful and so very good at picking up the smallest of details. He thinks outside the box and has been instrumental in solving some of our cases. He makes me a better cop. He is part of our team. What am I going do if he isn't there to have my back anymore? He has saved me more times than I can count and far more than he even knows. If he is gone from the 12th does that mean I lose him from my life? Our relationship is based on my work, what do I do if we don't have that anymore? Can we have a relationship solely based outside of the precinct?
Mom, I wish you were here. I could really use your advice, even if it is something I don't care to hear. Do I follow my head? Or do I follow my heart? If only this were that simple. Gates told me to do my job no matter where it leads no matter the consequences. Normally, being the hard-nosed cop that I am, this wouldn't be a problem. But it isn't everyday that there is so much riding on one of my cases. I just hope that after all of the dust settles when this case is over that everyone gets the results they want.
Wish me luck Mom! Hopefully, I will solve the case and get to keep Rick as my partner! I love you.