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Chapter 7: Where is My Mind –The Pixies

Sookie

Sookie had been in the adult behavioral health ward for about a week and a half. She had asked the nurses and doctors to limit her calls and visitors to Jason. She didn't want to see anybody else. She didn't really want Jason to see her like this, but he was so worried and it would wreck him to not be able to see her.

She wasn't able to tell her doctors what had happened to her because she had been admitted into the hospital as being feverish and dehydrated. There was no record of her fatal injuries from Russell.

Because she didn't have an established physician or was able to give her in house psychiatrists or counselors a reason for her "episode", they strongly encouraged Sookie and Jason to keep her admitted for further observation and treatment. Sookie had been reluctant. She had no insurance, but Jason insisted, saying they would figure it out.

The only reason she agreed was because Jason saw this as the only solution to dealing with Sookie's issues. The doctors could only guess that the death of Tara and what they called her "absent year", where nobody but the vampires knew where she actually had been, were responsible for her recent mental down spiral.

Sookie followed the same routine every day, wondering if this place could make her better, despite her not being able to talk about what had happened. All she felt was even more alone and isolated. Not only was she dealing with her own issues, she had the depressing and sometimes disturbing issues of the other patients swirling around her head.

She found that the medication she had been put on, severely limited her shields and more and more thoughts were leaking through them.

Jason was being incredibly supportive and every day she received a ridiculous amount of cards and flowers. Some from the people of Bon Temps and Alcide, but most of them were from Bill and Eric. Bill wrote long, flowery letters of how he could heal her and his need to see her to make sure she was okay. Eric simply signed an –E. She appreciated that he seemed to understand that there really wasn't much to say.

She couldn't even begin to entertain the thought of letting either vampire see her. Frankly, she was confused about why either of them might want to see her. She didn't blame them. She had rejected them from being with her romantically.

Sookie was sitting in the common area of the ward. There was only one other patient with her named Tom, who was so drugged up on meds she was able to comfortably sit with him and not be bombarded with thoughts. He sat and stared at the television with a blank and withdrawn stare as she sat in comfortable rumination.

Suddenly her nurse came up and said, "Miss Sookie, your brother is here." Sookie nodded and the nurse went to bring Jason to her. Sookie sat up straight and smoothed out her hair. She hated for Jason to worry about her and the past couple of times she heard him think how miserable she looked.

She gave Jason a small smile and he beamed at her, wrapping his arms tight around her. "Sook, I have good news. I have a doctor referral for you to see so we can get you out of here. Actually, Eric suggested it since she has seen you before and she would know what you would need with your…your know, ability."

Sookie looked at Jason incredulously, "That Dr. Ludwig woman? You can' be serious. More importantly, I find it amusin' that Eric thinks he has any say so in my life!"

Jason's expression was amusing to watch. It was partly defensive, his hands slightly raised, part amused at her reaction, and partly relieved at seeing some of her old fire come out. Sookie immediately stepped back and laughed slightly at her own reaction and Jason's own indecisive expression.

Jason chuckled lightly and she chastised herself for her outburst. Even Tom had come out of his stupor for a moment. Sookie looked back at Jason. "I don't know Jason. I am reluctant to indebt myself to Eric so soon after everything. The guy already owns my house!"

Jason leveled Sookie with a stare, letting her know that he was going to be reasoning with her. "Okay, Sook, listen to me, please?"

She nodded and he continued, "Sookie, Eric merely suggested her because he knew you would probably struggle findin' someone you may be comfortable with, especially seein' how these docs don' know why you're even here. I am so sorry for not figurin' that out from the start and then I left you here. Eric was the one to show me this. I think you should see this Ludwig and we can take you home."

Sookie looked Jason in the eyes and she felt his sincerity. So far Sookie had felt nothing since Russell. Hell since Tara had died, she had felt absolutely nothing. Now she felt Jason's sincerity. She felt his love for her. His fear for her. His hope for her. She felt his need for her. And for as alone and isolated as she felt, Jason was feeling the same way, because he didn't know what to do for her.

He was grasping at any solution he could find.

"Okay. I will go to Dr. Ludwig and we can go home."

Eric

Eric stayed away. It was what she wanted. When Jason told him she had banned everyone but Jason from seeing her, he was angry. At himself. He had given Jason the information for Ludwig and bowed out of it, though it went against every impulse in his body.

He had gotten her in this situation. He had almost gotten her killed because of his need to inflict the most amount of pain on Russell. He was the one who had pissed the witches off and got himself cursed. He had made her fall in love with him. Eric was the one who had allowed himself to fall for her so hard.

He had allowed himself to love someone he could never have. He was the problem. He sent Sookie flowers, but each time he went to fill out the accompanying card, the blank inside seemed to mock him. He had nothing to say to Sookie that she didn't already know. So he signed it with only his first initial.

He loved her. He would probably always love her, but all he did was hurt her. And to be honest, he wasn't who he had been before she came along. He hurt constantly from putting himself out there for her, only to have her reject him. He couldn't blame her. Not with how much he had done to her.

So he was going to let her go. And move on, as they say. Pam would be ecstatic. Eric sat in his office at Fangtasia, the booming music working his last nerve. He leaned back in his chair and rocked for a moment, before leaning forward and opening the drawer of his desk. He slid the false bottom out and took out the photo he kept of his Sookie. One he had taken from her wrecked home.

She had to have been in her late teens when the photo was taken. Her hair was in loose golden curls around her beautiful face and she had the most brilliant smile. It was a photo where she hadn't known the picture was being taken. Her eyes danced with life. With innocence. With hope. And excitement. As Eric gingerly stroked her image, his heart squeezed when he remembered her eyes a week ago in the hospital. They held none of the life he saw and treasured in this photo.

He squeezed his eyes shut as he reminded himself of his decision and placed the photo back in the hiding place. He then literally and figuratively shut the drawer on Sookie Stackhouse.

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