A Place Deep Within
Tenth Chapter - Everyone lies
October 25 - early evening
I stumble through the front door, Darry flies up.
"Soda!"
"Stop it, damn it," I mutter, push him aside and make my way to the kitchen. The water I gulp down is cold and taste like iron. Or maybe it's the blood, I can't tell. Like it matters. The urge to throw the glass at the wall, make it split in million pieces, must have shown somehow, cause Darry grabs my wrist and takes it from me.
"Soda!" he repeats. "Look at me!"
I do.
He sighs, and sounds so tired that I feel lousy. We have enough with Pony, he shouldn't be worried about me too. But I had to do this, he must understand. And I'm sure, he would've done the same. I'm trying to get free from his grip, but he push me down in a chair and sits down next to me. Then he takes my chin in his hand, inspecting the damage. It's not bad, but he's a big brother.
"Tell me," he urges.
I make it short. "Fight."
He rolls his eyes. "I can see that. With who?"
"With that damn Soc," I answer. Darry let go of me.
"Why, Soda," he says solemn. "Two-Bit already got them. It doesn't help Pony that you come home with blood all over your face."
But what will help him? I wish he could tell me, and then I would do it. Cause so far, nothing has. And I'm sick of it. But I have to agree with him, at least with the Pony-part.
"No," I mutter, "but it sure helped me." I look at my sore knuckles. It did. Gosh, it felt so good to punch him down.
"What Soc?" Pony suddenly stands in the doorway. It's weird. For some reason, I didn't expect to see him. It's too early for him to be in bed, so I don't know why. Maybe I just had hoped not to, at least until I've sorted things out. I know I wont tell any of my brothers about me going to the library, the books. But why should I? They have nothing to do with us.
"One of the fuckin' writers," I spit, answering Pony's question, and I hope it's true. My only evidence was the black eye, that's not something that would work in court.
"Oh." Pony lowers his eyes to his t-shirt covered stomach. The black cotton fabric hides it, I don't know if the word's completely off by now. He doesn't talk about it. Darry gets up and disappears for a moment, and when he's back, he put our first-aid-kit on the table. He clean my split lip, wipes away the nose bleed. When he works with my face we're all silent, only my 'ouch' can be heard now and then when the stuff he uses stings.
He's finished. Pony's gone now, where I can't tell, and Darry looks at me.
"So, who won?" he asks casually while packing away the kit.
"I did."
He grins at that, gives me a gentle push on my shoulder. "Good."
XXX
October 26 - morning
A paper lands on the counter, my eyes follow the hand who holds it, up along the arm to meet the face. He's glaring.
"I've cut your hours," he says sternly.
"What?"
"Just sign, please. You're not working full time anymore." The other hand holds a pen. I refuse to take it.
"You can't do this." I shake my head in disbelief.
"I can and I do. You have skipped too many days, Sodapop. I know Lucas wants more hours," he threatens.
Of course he does. He's been after my job since his first day. I don't like the kid, but luckily, he's only here a few hours a week.
"I need full time. I need the money," I say, annoyed. That's no secret.
"And I need a worker I can trust comes to work while scheduled."
I grit my teeth. "My brother was sick. You know that."
Still am, but that he doesn't need to know. Like he would care anyway. He's in his mid forties, still single, no relatives. This gas station is his baby, he's not a people person. But I can crawl for him. Kiss his fucking toes. I know if I plead enough, he'll rip the paper. He's not stupid. But I'm not either, and hell if I would do something like that.
"All right." I take the pen. "Then I'll quit, I can't do part time. By the way, I think Steve wants to look around for somethin' else too," I lie. My gaze pierce his, his grey eyes narrows. We both know Steve and I are the reason this DX goes so well. Customers and cars are what we do best, he can't afford to lose us both. He stands still for several minutes before he snorts and takes the paper.
"Just never fuck up again," he throws at me. "Then you're out."
I glare as he leaves. This adds to the things I won't tell Darry.
The door open up again, Mr. Henderson sticks in his head, not satisfied with my victory.
"Overtime duty today."
I groan.
XXX
October 26 - evening
I'm tired. Twelve hours at work is too much, with no long breaks as a punishment. I can't push my boss too far, so I had to deal with it. My feet aches as I kick off my shoes, then throw myself down next to Pony, who looks up from his homework.
"On a friday?" I ask, raising my eyebrows, and he shruggs.
"I need to catch up." He scowls while trying to figure out his math. I stare at his book pile on the coffee table, remembering Darlene and yesterday at the library. I observe him, thinking about the words, how untrue they are. It's stupid of me to still think of them.
He notice me. "What is it?"
I shake my head. "Nothin'."
He looks at me for a short moment more, then returns to his work, numbers and X and Y's. But it's not nothing with Pony. I don't know what it is, but it sure ain't schizophrenia or some psychose. He can't be this normal if it was. Besides, his doctor told us different. And it's just gossip. He never talked to Johnny. Everyone's wrong. Everyone lies.
I have to believe that. And I will talk to him. When I know what words to use.
XXX
October 26 - night
I sit straight up to a sound I haven't heard since before the day in court. He's screaming, tossing around, the cover's on the floor, and I put my hand on his shoulder to shake him.
"Pone, wake up!"
His eyelids flies up, his breaths are ragged and short. He swallows, tries to calm down.
"Soda?"
"I'm here," I try to comfort him, and he rolls around to his stomach. Our door opens up, light from the hallway leaks in, and Darry steps over the treshold.
"Nightmare?"
Pony turns his face out from the pillow.
"Yeah. I'm fine." The answer comes automatically. He doesn't sound like it, but we know not to push it.
"Go to bed," I suggest to Darry, one hand on Pony's back. He knows I can handle this, so he just pats Pony on the shoulder before he leaves.
"Wanna talk about it?" I ask, waiting for the usual answer, I don't remember, and I get it while he rolls away from my hand, out from the bed and stands up.
"I need a smoke." He grabs his jeans on the floor, searching the pockets. Then he sits down on the bedside, inhales the nicotine with shaky breaths. This isn't what he normally does after a nightmare, and I realize something.
"It wasn't one of those you used to have," I say. "What was it about?"
"I don't wanna talk about it," he says, revealing that he do remember this time. "It was just stupid." I'm just about to reply when his head snaps around. "Stop naggin', Soda!"
"Sorry," I mumble.
XXX
Seven months ago - early spring
He's tired. His face's pale, the dark circles under his eyes won't go away.
"I don't remember, I told you," he says to Darry.
"It's almost seven days in a row, Ponyboy," Darry says tiredly. "You need to sleep. Me and Soda needs to-"
"Well, I'm sorry," Pony interrupts sarcastically. "I'm not doin' it on purpose."
"I know that Pony, and I wasn't accusing you. But you... Pone, stay here! Ponyboy!"
Pony glares at me in the hallway when he leaves the living room, and Darry sighs. His face reminds me of Pony's, white and exhausted, and I guess the sleeplessness shows in mine too. I sit down in the couch next to him.
"I wish Mom was here," Darry says, and it's the first time since the funeral he mention her. I open my mouth to respond, but nothing comes out. My brother hides his face in his palms.
"I don't know if I can do this, Soda."
But he must, I can't even think of the alternative. The room suddenly feels cold.
"Darry..."
He looks up at me, force himself to smile. "Don't worry," he says. "Of course I won't give up on you. I would never do that."
"I know." And I do. I believe him. But he's only nineteen, we can't forget that. The responsibility is heavy, sometimes too much.
He leans back. "If he only tell me what he dream about I could help him," he says like he believe in it. Maybe he do.
"He doesn't remember," I tell him. "He's not lying about it."
Darry gives me a look, but I know I'm right and he's wrong.
I grab the pillow Steve forgot on the couch when he left this morning. I know he was here tonight, but he must have gone early, probably disturbed by Pony. My kid brother almost managed the whole night this time, it wasn't until 5 am we heard the screams from his room.I put the pillow under my head and crawl myself to a ball, trying to steal some sleep before I need to go to work.
XXX
October 27 - midday
"He said that?" Steve shakes his head. "Fuckin' asshole."
I take a sip from my Coke. "Yeah."
Steve shakes his head again, and I'm glad he doesn't say I told you so. I'm afraid that would make me snap at him, he doesn't deserve that. He just tried to warn me. I watch as my friend change a part in the engine of a blue Plymouth, with one eye on the door to the shop - my break is over since five minutes. But since I didn't get one yesterday, my conscience is clean. But the thought of losing this job make me cold, so I throw the empty bottle in the trashcan to take my spot behind the counter again.
"You're Two-Bit's friend." The blonde from the Dingo stands in front of me, paying her full tank. "Sodapop, right?"
I smile at her. She's good looking. "At your service."
Long red fingernails tap the desk between us. She pouts.
"He never called me," she complains while I take her money. "He said he would."
"Sorry 'bout that," I say. "It's just Two-Bit." I won't make up excuses for him. But she doesn't look that sad.
"It's not your fault." She eyes me. "Tell him hi from me." She waves as she leaves. I guess it's his lucky day when my friend shows up just half an hour later, tailed by Ponyboy.
"What time you and Steve gets off?" he asks me, eating a chocolate bar, leaning forward with his elbows at the counter. "I've heard about a party tonight." His eyes turns to Pony. "Not for kids." Pony just rolls his eyes.
"You'll take blondie there?" I reply, telling him about the visit.
"Nah, she's nice and all, but I suspect her to be a false blonde." He makes a face. "So, what do ya say?"
I shake my head. "Not tonight, Two-Bit. Ask Steve." I look at Pony. "See you at home tonight, all right?"
He looks just as uncertain as I feel. "Sure."