Chapter title from Bigger Than My Body by John Mayer.
When the connection to Asgard is stabilised, Thor returns and goes straight for Jane Foster, who's been muttering under her breath for daysabout how much trouble Thor's going to be in when he gets back. He sweeps her off her feet, literally, and Bruce is the one who clears his throat awkwardly after a minute to try and get their attention. It has no effect, so Darcy yells at them. "Hey! PDA alert! What happened to ripping him a new one?"
"Oh!" Jane breaks away, red-faced, and Clint has to laugh. "Um, sorry! Could you put me down, Thor?"
"Of course, Jane," the god of thunder is beaming fit to burst, and he places her feet on the floor so tenderly that Clint gets the urge to look away. "My friends!" he turns to them and grins. "I am glad to return!"
"Welcome back, big guy," Tony steps forward and grins. "Good to have you here."
Thor goes back to Asgard a couple of times, but moves in properly after a couple of weeks, much to everyone's pleasure. After that, it feels like everything slots into place. They had been missing Thor more than they realised – he evens the numbers, bridges the occasionally tense gap between Tony and Steve, and his presence is incredibly calming. The effect is especially pronounced in Bruce, Clint notices immediately. If Thor's in the room, Bruce visibly relaxes. It's good to have someone there who can match the Hulk for strength, Clint understands, and Steve spends a lot of time with Thor in the gym, glad to be able to use his full strength at last.
Clint and Natasha know immediately that it's a test when they're told that the Avengers need to mobilise to combat a Doombot attack on New York. Fury could have shut it down and they both know it, but he obviously decided to let the attack happen instead. It's a ploy to remind the public that there are still threats that they need the Avengers to protect them from. It's a low blow, but it works, and the publicity is huge. Clint blames the extra publicity for Tony getting kidnapped.
The punchline is that it's AIM who have taken him, and Clint sits down with everyone and tells them everything useful he knows about the organisation. It's unusual for the focus to be so directly on him, but he does his job. He explains how AIM works, with many different cells and subsections all reporting back to the Scientist Supreme. Part of what they do involves kidnapping brilliant scientists and forcing them to work for them. Tony Stark, as one of the smartest scientists and engineers in the world, would of course be right at the top of their wanted list. It's more surprising that they haven't tried to get him before this, but Clint refrains from saying that because Bruce looks too pale, and Thor looks like he's about to break something. And when Thor breaks things, the damage is usually very expensive.
They search, of course, but none of them find anything. It's extremely disheartening, and they're all beginning to panic a bit when they come back to the tower. In the early hours of the morning, Jarvis wakes them up and tells them that Bruce has found something. Tony's trying to contact them, he explains, but there's nothing the rest of them can do. Natasha's just as good with computers, but Bruce has had more experience working with Jarvis and Tony's personal systems, but there's nothing anyone else can do to help.
Clint waits in the living room with Thor and Steve, trying not to think of anything in particular. His mind turns to Loki (locked safely away in Asgard, never getting out in their lifetimes, far away, far away) and the sceptre. The blade on the end of it, touching his chest so gently. The razor sharp tip of it slicing through Coulson's flesh like a knife through butter. Tony's arc reactor makes him so vulnerable without the suit. None of them ever say a word about it, but they all know it. Tony and Bruce are the weakest of them without their alter-egos, and Tony's weaker in many respects because of the hole in his chest. It would be so easy to use it to hurt him. Easier still to kill him.
Clint knows they won't – AIM will want Tony alive to pick his brain – but it doesn't make it easier. Bruce snaps at Steve when he comes out to get coffee for him and Natasha, and everyone flinches. Bruce is usually so calm and collected. Clint thinks of how much time he spends with Tony, and turns it over in his mind until he understands – Tony is Bruce's barrier and connection to the rest of them, and the rest of the world. According to Natasha, Tony is the one who first approached Bruce with genuine enthusiasm after she recruited him. Tony's the one who practically forced Bruce to move in with him. With Tony gone, Bruce is floundering.
Finally, Tony manages to communicate something useful, and Clint pilots the quinjet as they follow the clues Bruce interprets for them. Tony's caught before they get there, but Clint narrows down the options quickly. Thor flies out to take a look and tells them what he sees over the earpiece Tony had had to design for him specially (Thor attracts so much static electricity in battle that he has a tendency to short out anything electronic he touches). Montana's mountain ranges hide at least three possible locations for an AIM facility, and with Natasha's mastery of the weird extra technology Tony built into the quinjet, they figure out where it is.
Clint lands and goes in first with Natasha. They take out five guards before they even enter the building, and Natasha's the one who makes it a competition. "I've given you a head start," she whispers over their private link, "let's see what you can do with it." He's taken out three, she's killed two, and he grins.
"You're on."
They infiltrate the facility with professional speed, taking down AIM lackeys left, right, and centre. Natasha steals the lead, but he claims a bonus because he gets into the command centre before she does. She slips in after him and slaps his shoulder before sitting down at the computer controls and frowning. "Okay, Cap – we're in."
"Can you see Tony yet?"
"Working on it." She pulls up all the security footage, and Clint spots it on one of the screens.
"There," he points. Tony's tied to a chair, head bowed, three men behind him and a man in a suit in front of him. He's shirtless, and he flinches when one of the men touches his arc reactor. Clint narrows his eyes. "I can get there."
"Take the case," Natasha says. "Cap, Tony's being held in a cell five levels down. Hawkeye can get there and take them out, but they'll need extracting."
"Okay," Steve says. "Thor stays up high, wait for my word. Bruce waits until Thor drops, and then hulks out. I'm coming in now – by the time I get there, I want Hawkeye and Tony ready to go. You can keep your seat there, Black Widow?"
"I can," Natasha nods as Clint picks up Tony's Mark V armour case.
"Then let's move. Go!"
Clint goes. Natasha directs him and keeps him in the know. He takes the lead back easily as he fights his way down to Tony – he knocks out over ten AIM thugs and kills at least six. He kicks the bodies aside and moves forward.
"Third door on the right," Natasha tells him, and Clint goes in with the case in one hand and his gun in the other. He's still a damn good shot. He kills the three men who had been crowding behind Tony, and shoots the guy in the suit in the knee.
"He's armed!" Tony yells. Clint kicks the case to him and ducks out of the door as five shots hit the frame. "Right around the corner!" Tony shouts. Clint crouches, sticks his gun around the corner and shoots up. There's a scream, and he fires another to finish the job. "Okay," Tony says. "He's dead. Little help here?"
"You okay?" Clint asks, pulling a knife out to slice the ropes securing Tony's hands behind his back and his ankles to the legs of the chair.
"Peachy," Tony grunts. Clint gets a look at his chest and narrows his eyes. The skin around the arc reactor is red and raw, and there are a few first-degree burns on his shoulders and upper chest that look electrical.
"You need medical attention."
"How about after we get out, huh?" Tony gets to his feet and kicks the case. The armour unfolds around him in smooth motions, and Tony sighs. "That's better."
"Hawkeye," Natasha says in his ear, "you've got a small army heading your way."
"Cap?" Clint asks.
"On my way," Steve grunts.
"Anyone else feeling the need for a Hulk, raise their hands," Tony says, lifting his hand.
Clint nods. "Now would be a good time."
"Thor?" Steve asks.
"I am ready," Thor sounds like he's smiling, and not in a good way. "Give the word."
"Grenade!" Natasha yells. Clint slams the door of Tony's cell closed and gets his bow out as a blast shakes the corridor outside.
"That's the word!" Steve says. "Go, now!"
"The Hulk is already there," Thor laughs, and Clint curses as static screeches in his ear.
"Did Thor just short out his earpiece again?" Tony asks.
"Well, if you will give a small battery-powered device to the god of thunder…" Clint shrugs. "Natasha, how many guys between us and the exit?"
"At least twenty." There's a gunshot, and she curses. "I've got people trying to break in on me."
"Thor, head for the Black Widow," Steve orders. "Widow, do we have access to an intercom system?"
"Thor can't hear you," Clint says quickly.
"Okay," Steve takes it in his stride. "Intercom?"
"I can run it," Natasha says.
"Okay, tell Thor to head for you, tell Hulk to trash the upper levels – give these guys something to focus on."
"On it."
"Hawkeye, Iron Man, what's your sitch?"
"Boxed in," Tony tells him, going to the door. "We could take them."
"We could not," Clint says in a hard voice. "It's a death trap out there, Iron Man isn't at full strength, and I won't be able to step back enough to get clear shots. There are too many."
"This is the Black Widow," Natasha's voice fills the corridor outside. "Hulk, can you hear me?" she pauses and then continues. "Okay. Hulk, smash up the facility's top levels. Ladies and gentlemen associated and employed with AIM, I would advise a swift evacuation if you want to survive. Thor, take three lefts and then a right. I'll wait. Widow out."
Clint grins, but it vanishes as the hostiles outside the cell start shooting at the door.
"I'm bullet proof," Tony says, the metallic edge to his voice almost covering up its breathless edge.
"You've also been tortured." Clint fits a tear gas arrow to the string and gets ready to fire. "Learn your limits, man."
"My limits are not even being tested," Tony snarls, and Clint thinks ooh, that touched a nerve.
"Great," he doesn't raise his voice, doesn't even look at him. "Then you won't mind opening the door and taking the rain of bullets they'll unleash on you."
"It'll be my pleasure," Tony still sounds pissed, but he goes over to the door.
"You got air filters on that thing?"
"Are you even kidding me with that question?"
"Just checking," Clint pulls the string back and narrows his eyes. "Close the door the second the arrows are out there, okay? I'm going to fire three."
"Okay." Tony straightens, and Clint crouches around the corner.
"I'm going to shoot between your legs. Try not to move."
"Duly noted. You ready?"
"Open it."
The racket makes Clint wish he had earplugs or something, but he shoots straight, and hears men scream as the corridor fills with thick white smoke. The shooting falters, and Clint rolls over to the other side of the door to fire an arrow down the other end of the corridor. He follows it up with another immediately afterwards, and Tony slams the door shut. Clint pulls a pair of goggles over his head and backs away from the door, where a bit of the gas has come through. "That should keep them occupied," he says. "Cap?"
"Hawkeye?"
"Don't try coming down our end for a while – I've gassed the place."
"Roger that."
"How're things up top?"
"Hulk's tearing the place to shreds," Natasha sounds a little worried. "I think he's looking for Tony."
"What've we got directly above us?" Tony asks. The men outside start ramming the door. Clint gets out a putty arrow and keeps his eyes on the hinges.
"Empty room. Looks like storage, but there's nothing in there at the moment."
"Good. Stand back, Katniss, I'm blasting us out of here."
"Who the hell is Katniss?" Clint asks, putting his back to the wall and keeping his arrow trained on the door. Tony stands in the middle of the room and starts blasting the stone ceiling with his repulsors.
"From The Hunger Games? Do you even read books?"
"You're telling me you have the time?" the hinges start to buckle, and Clint pulls the arrow back a little. "Faster, please."
"Audiobooks," Tony says, taking chunks out of the stone. "Great for long flights. Okay – ready?"
Clint slips the arrow back in his quiver and runs over. "Go." Tony boosts him up into the room above and follows him just as the door in the cell gives. Clint fires another tear gas arrow into the cell from the hole Tony blasted, as much to cover their escape as hurt them. He can't help a grin when they start to scream though.
"Directions?" he asks.
"Cap's on his way to you," Natasha tells them, "and so is the Hulk. Thor's holding off the guys on my back."
"Let's go," Tony says, and Clint puts a normal arrow to his string. The Hulk finds them first. They only get a moment's warning from Natasha before the ceiling above them is ripped away and the Hulk is suddenly right there, bigger than Clint's seen him before. Tony puts a hand out behind him, and Clint steps back into the shadows. Everyone knows the Hulk likes Tony best. "Howdy, big guy," Tony yells, and the Hulk roars, literally a foot from Tony's face. Tony doesn't even flinch, and Clint taps out the rhythm needed to bring a tranq arrow to the front of his quiver.
"Hulk!" the Hulk bellows, and Tony nods like they're discussing the weather.
"Okay, howdy, Hulk, I can get with that," he flips back his faceplate, and Clint can hear the grin in his voice. "You good?"
"Iron Man safe?" Clint raises his eyebrows as the Hulk touches a finger the size of his arm to Tony's foot.
Tony laughs and leans forward to pat the Hulk's shoulder. "I'm fine, buddy. Hawkeye's got me covered – you want to take out the rest of the bad guys behind us?"
The Hulk looks at Clint, who taps out a different pattern to bring a normal arrow forward, as if the Hulk would be able to tell. When the Hulk grins, his teeth are almost as big as Clint's head. He tries not to follow that train of thought (too late: heads popping like blood-filled grapes between the huge white teeth, red staining green), and slides around to stick close to Tony as they move out of the way. The Hulk growls happily when they're beyond his reach, and gets to work ripping up the rest of the building.
"On a scale of one to ten," Natasha whispers in his ear, "how much were you shitting your pants right there?"
Clint swallows and jogs after Tony, who's flying ahead already. "Ten, definitely a ten."
"Now imagine running from that without an Iron Man to help you out."
"You win, okay? We've definitely been over this before. In terms of horrific life-threatening situations that make you want to curl into a ball and cry yourself to sleep, you will always win because of that time the Hulk tried to kill you."
She sounds smug when she replies. "Just checking."
"Bite me," he says without heat as he ducks a pipe sticking out from a wall and kicks an AIM guy in the head when he tries to leap out at him. "AIM. Jesus, I hate AIM."
"You hate AIM?" Tony turns and shakes his head. "What did AIM ever do to you?"
"Torture and an assassination attempt," Clint deadpans. "Not to mention sucking up two years of my life and putting my blood pressure up to really unhealthy levels. At least you were valuable to them, right?"
Tony barks a laugh, but it's humourless and grim. "Did I look like a valuable prisoner in there?"
"Sure did," Clint takes out a masked gunman with an arrow to the neck. "AIM usually does much worse." He thinks of the markets and industries AIM is built on and sighs.
"Focus, Hawkeye," Natasha says over the link, and he nods.
"Sure thing. Where's Cap?"
"Seconds away," she tells him, and Clint hears something smashing through bricks in the corridor to their left. "That's him, relax."
"Ask me to eat a laser beam, that'd be easier right now," he mutters, but he's still a little relieved when Steve shoves rubble out of the way with his shield and joins them.
"Report."
"We're fine," Tony says, looking up. "Come on, we're close to the surface. I want to get out of here."
"SHIELD's sending reinforcements," Natasha tells them, "ETA ten minutes."
Coulson, Clint thinks without meaning to, and shoves the thought away viciously. He can't afford to get distracted right now.
They make their way up, and while the Hulk happily destroys everything below ground that comes within smashing distance, Thor guards Natasha as she extracts as much data from the facility's systems as she can. Clint keeps an arrow at the ready and scouts the perimeter while Steve tries to gouge Tony's physical health. Good luck to him, Clint thinks, and dispatches a few stragglers who try to sneak up on them. It's absurdly different to his old job. No one at SHIELD wears bright colours or makes out that they're superheroes, but this is good. Of the six of them, Steve and Thor are the only ones who really fill the role of hero anyway. The Hulk is too volatile, Tony still lashes out at anyone who tries to put him on a pedestal without his express say-so, Bruce panics whenever anyone turns a camera on him, and he and Natasha have worked in between the lines of black and white for far too long to have any illusions about what they are. And what they are definitely doesn't make them hero material.
They get Tony out safely, get a load of data on AIM as a bonus (there's stuff in there about the MODOC plan Clint had heard whispers about on his AIM mission, but when he catches a glimpse of the files, the last letter has changed from a 'C' to a 'K'. He's not sure what to make of that), and they're back in the tower before midnight. Tony goes straight to the workshop, and not even Bruce dares venture down after him. He had a huge argument with Steve, he chewed out an unfortunate SHIELD agent who tried to persuade him to go to medical, and he practically spat flames at Clint when he not-very-subtly asked for him to keep his mouth shut about the state he found him in. Clint lets it slide because the damage was superficial, and he's sure Tony's had worse burns from his own blowtorches, but he let Tony know in no uncertain terms that if he tried to order him around like that again, he'd get an arrow to the face.
Team Mental Health Problems, he remembers Tony calling them when they first decided to make the Avengers an official thing, and snorts. He has a long shower and goes to bed early. Team Seriously Fucked Up Issues is more accurate, he thinks before he falls asleep. He jerks awake at ten past four in the morning with a scream on his lips, ripped from a dream where Coulson was with them on the AIM attack and got shot right in front of Clint's eyes.
He throws tracksuit bottoms and a shirt on and goes downstairs to the gym with his mind swirling, images of the bullet hitting home burned on the insides of his eyelids, the memory of the scream of denial still in his throat even though it never really happened. He never saw Coulson die. He wasn't there. He was busy following orders he can't remember being given, a blue haze around the edges of his vision.
Steve's punching bags occupy a corner of the gym, and there's one hanging there invitingly. Clint tapes his hands up methodically (what would Coulson say if he was careless?) and goes for it. It's not as satisfying as he wants, and after only twenty minutes he breaks away with a snarl and goes upstairs to wake up Natasha. "Spar with me," he asks when she opens her door, looking totally alert even though her hair is a mess and he's clearly woken her up.
"Okay," she says, like it's totally normal, and he waits while she pulls on a pair of pants and follows him back downstairs. They're silent the whole way down, and they don't talk while Natasha warms up and Clint swings on the rafters like they're monkey bars. She gives him no warning when she attacks, and he falls into it so gratefully that he's almost startled by the intensity. Team Seriously Fucked Up Issues indeed. They beat each other bloody, but when they finally break and go upstairs for breakfast, Clint's unwound enough to smile again.
x
Clint starts making a mental tally after Bruce is snatched out of New York by who the hell knows and Tony predictably loses his shit. Thor is the only one who can get anywhere near him without sustaining an injury, and Clint exchanges a look with Steve and shrugs helplessly. They all know how dependant their scientists have become on each other. So while Tony and Jarvis throw themselves into searching for Bruce and Steve talks to Fury, the rest of them sit around feelings antsy and useless, and Clint starts to make a tally based on their respective mental stability levels.
Points given for known issues, extra for if they affected interaction with others. Points taken away for successful dealing with of said issues. Clint leans back on the couch and makes the marks in his mind.
Tony comes out streaks ahead of everyone else, because everyone knows he has more daddy issues than the devil himself. He also gets points for his drinking problems, his inability to show weakness in front of anyone, and having more stable relationships with his own creations than other human beings.
Steve gets points for everyone he knew being dead, but loses them for dealing with them so well. It's a tough call where he's concerned, mostly because Clint still hasn't figured out how much of him is Steve Rogers, kid from Brooklyn, and how much is Captain America, the guy who punched Hitler in the face for freedom. Natasha comes high up on the list – no one else has been raised from birth to be a soulless assassin, after all, and it's hard to trump that. She also gets points for having faulty memories and behavioural conditioning embedded in her subconscious that could be activated by anything at any time. Clint has to give the same faulty memories points to himself because of the Loki incident. He also gives himself points for his limited abilities to make lasting friends, his obsession with proving himself, his new issues with control (also Loki's fault), and all of his regrets and guilt concerning Coulson.
Bruce is another tricky one, because he's like Natasha in the sense that he gets a lot of points given to him for his traumatic past experiences, but gets them taken off again just as easily because of how well he deals with it. Of course, he does spend at least two hours a day meditating, and Clint recognises the symptoms of trying to work really hard to exhaust the brain to prevent nightmares in him, even if he never says anything. It's difficult to tell sometimes where Bruce lies on the scale. He's one of the most nervous people Clint's ever met, but he also carries a sort of serene confidence in himself that Tony's especially adept at bringing out.
Thor appears to be the healthiest of them all, but he's also lived for hundreds of years, and Clint's not sure if Asgardians even know what PTSD is. Plus, Loki is his brother, and Clint adds a good few points to his tally just for that. He arranges the table in his head and sighs at the results.
Tony wins, no contest. Clint comes in behind him, followed by Natasha, Bruce, Steve, and then Thor. Clint knows that he's only second on the list at the moment because of his inability to deal with his nightmares and the delightful bucket of problems Loki's tampering has left in his brain, but it's still a little disheartening. He decides not to share his admittedly unscientific findings with the group.
They find Bruce after a truly harrowing week. He's been locked up, tortured, starved, and generally treated like a lab rat. He passes out after telling them that there are innocent people that need saving. As soon as Steve tells him they're taking care of it, he's out like a light, and as they fight their way out, Clint thinks to himself that that is just so Bruce to force himself to stay conscious to tell them about trapped civilians.
Tony's practically screaming over the link for someone to tell Thor (who's shorted out yet another earpiece) not to fry everything until he's done. He's on a rampage, tearing through as much tech as he can to get to the self-destruct sequence the damn bunker has wired into it. They get Bruce out into the open and Clint stays to take care of him and pick off any hostiles who try and get away into the jungle while they wait for SHIELD backup (don't think about Coulson, don't think about Coulson).
"Had us worried there, Bruce," he says under his breath, crouched over the doctor's unconscious body protectively. "You're not looking too hot, I hope you don't mind me saying. You could use a shave for one thing, and I bet you're craving a shower right now. I know I would be." He narrows his eyes and shoots a man in body armour as he flees from a burning section of the compound. Keeping his eyes on the surroundings, he touches his fingers to his ear.
"This is Hawkeye. Anyone care to update me?"
"SHIELD's on its way," Steve grunts, sounding like he's fighting someone. "ETA seven minutes. Iron Man! Give us your location!"
"Bottom floor," Tony's voice is hard over the link, "sub-basement. I've disabled the self-destruct, but it was only a distraction. They've wiped their files."
"How thoroughly?" Natasha asks.
"They've wiped everything!" there's a bang, and Clint thinks Tony kicked something. "I can't be sure unless I get some of this stuff back to the tower. I need to run diagnostics, circuit scans – Jarvis needs to analyse this properly."
"Is this a priority?" Clint asks.
"We need to know what the hell they were doing to him in here," Tony snaps. "If they've injected him with anything, the likelihood of him losing control is huge."
"You think they would have risked that?" Natasha grunts.
"I think they knew what they were risking when they took him," Tony says. "I need Thor and Cap down here to help with carrying this stuff. I can only take so much. They had some objective in mind when they captured him. If it was for a bounty, he'd be in Ross' hands by now. The guy has a price on Bruce's head high enough to buy a small country."
"Is that legal?" Steve sounds concerned, and Clint laughs, killing another runner.
"What do you think, Cap?"
"Ross doesn't exactly care about legal where the Hulk is concerned," Natasha agrees. "Let's move, guys."
Bruce shoots to second place in Clint's tally after he wakes up, and everyone can see how deeply he was affected by whatever was done to him. The guy who kidnapped him is apparently called the Mandarin, and while no one else seems to be surprised, Clint and Natasha share a worried look when the news comes back from SHIELD that they've never heard of him before. If SHIELD hasn't heard of someone capable of doing what the Mandarin has done, it means that person is either very new or very clever, and the Mandarin had too much control over the situation to be new on the scene.
Bruce tries to act as normal as he can, but everyone notices how scared he is. He won't go outside the tower alone, and he jumps at sudden movements and loud noises. He comes to Clint and Natasha when they're sparring in the gym one morning and asks them shyly if they'll give him a few lessons. Clint's surprised by what he knows already – Bruce isn't exactly defenceless. But he wants to know more, and he's in decent enough shape (he does some yoga, he admits), so Clint teaches him how to block basic attacks and where to strike on a body to cripple the attacker, and Natasha shows him some of her dirtiest tricks.
It doesn't escape Clint's notice that Tony has been going into Bruce's room a lot at night. They never go in together, and Bruce never goes to Tony, but Clint's just leaving his room at stupid am (woken by another nightmare) when Tony runs down the stairs in just a pair of pyjama bottoms, not seeing him at all. The arc reactor lights up the corridor for a moment, but then it's gone. Clint goes silently to the stairs and looks down just as Tony runs into Bruce's room, the doctor's name on his lips.
Despite all of this, they never behave any differently in front of the others, and Clint confesses to Natasha in the range that he doesn't know what to make of it. She rolls her eyes and indicates for them to switch weapons. Since they work together in the field so often, it makes sense to know how to operate each other's toys. Natasha's a fair shot with a bow, and Clint's more than decent with her guns, but he's never quite gotten the hang of her Widow's Bite bracelets. He's better than he was though – he used to electrocute himself as often as the targets, much to Natasha's amusement.
"What?" he asks. She shakes her head and sighs.
"I suppose it makes sense that you'd be as oblivious to it in other people as you are with yourself."
"What does that even mean?"
"Bruce and Tony are dancing around each other the way you and Coulson did," she says bluntly. He doesn't miss the calculating look she gives him out of the corner of her eye, but he can't help ducking his head at the name. They haven't spoken of Coulson since she told him what happened on the Helicarrier. They've spoken around him, they've alluded to him, but neither of them has spoken his name before now.
"I don't remember any dancing," he says, loading the guns Natasha gave him.
She sighs. "You know what I mean. Tony's a little more proactive than either of you ever were though."
Oh, he thinks, that's why they don't talk about Coulson. The past tense is an unforgiving, painful thing. He aims, and his shot goes wide by a couple of inches. "He doesn't seem to be doing more than sneaking into Bruce's room in the middle of the night at the moment," he says, not looking at Natasha.
"He's worried about scaring Bruce off. Which isn't exactly irrational, when you think about the guy's track record of running." She glares down the sight of Clint's bow and lets the arrow fly. It doesn't hit the bullseye, but it comes close. She huffs and lowers the bow, looking at Clint openly. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," he says automatically, firing once from each gun. The recoil is hard on his wrists, and he adjusts his grip. He'll always prefer his bow.
"Sure," she says sarcastically, and pulls another arrow from the quiver at her feet, pushing the panel near her foot that makes her target move slowly. She misses the bullseye again, but not by much. She's actually better with moving targets. They force her to react on instinct, she told Clint once, whereas she had to stop and think about it if she was shooting at a stationary target.
"I'm fine, Natasha."
"You don't mind talking about Coulson then?" she gives him a narrow look, and he ignores her stubbornly, focusing on the targets and shooting until he's out of bullets and the centre of his target is in pieces. "It's been over four months now."
"I know how long it's been." Four months, one week, two days. Not like he's counting. He catches Natasha's eye and sighs, lowering the guns. "I'm trying not to think about it. And I'm sure that's, like, disrespectful to his memory or whatever, but I can't…" he trails off and looks down, but Natasha doesn't say anything. "I'm making myself do this. I'm forcing myself forward, but if I think about him, and everything I didn't do and everything I didn't say, then I'll just," he looks at the shredded target and shrugs one shoulder slightly, "break." He puts the guns down on the floor and turns away. "I can't deal with that right now, Natasha. And not for…a while yet, at least. Sorry."
"It's okay," she says, and he hears her put his bow down. "I can wait. Showers?"
"Yeah," he sighs, and she punches his shoulder as they go.
That evening, she decides that they need to get of the tower for once, and Clint suggests a bar he knows from his time in the city. Tony persuades Bruce to come, and Thor is overwhelmingly enthusiastic. He invites Jane and Darcy, who turn up looking slightly dishevelled. "She's been in the lab all week," Darcy explains to Clint when he raises his eyebrows. "We ran out of pop tarts and she almost disembowelled a SHIELD inspector with a miniaturised particle accelerator. It was both impressive and minorly terrifying. Hi, by the way."
"Hi," he can't help a smile. Darcy tends to have that effect on people. When they get to the bar, it turns out that it's open mic night. Clint suggests going somewhere else, but the concept of open mic is new and exciting for Thor, and in the end they cave to his pleading and go on in. Tony pays a couple to move so that they can push two tables together and they settle down to watch. After a couple of songs, Thor declares that he must compete in this fine competition, and that they should all join him. They manage to talk him down from entering the whole group, but Tony grins and agrees to compete against him after they also explain that it isn't actually a competition. They agree that Clint, Natasha, Darcy, and Bruce will be the judges.
They get slots for about half an hour later, and they drink and watch the other singers comfortably while they wait. A lot of them are playing their own stuff, and Clint makes a mental note to come here on open mic night more often. One of them is selling CDs, and he goes over to buy one and comes back just as Thor takes the stage. As he adjusts the height of the microphone for his ridiculous height, Clint has a sudden thought and turns to Jane. "Does Thor actually know any Earth songs?"
She opens her mouth and closes it again. "I don't know," she says, staring at the stage with wide eyes. "I didn't think to ask."
"Well this should be interesting," Natasha murmurs, and Darcy gets out her phone, grin in place.
"Either way, this is definitely going on YouTube."
Thor taps the mic once to check it's working, and the bar falls silent as he begins to hum, deep in his throat. He has a very low voice, and Clint leans forward, intrigued, as Thor pauses. "How many of you can follow that note?" he asks the bar, and there's a mutter of confused assent. "Hold it for me," Thor prompts, humming again and gesturing for everyone in there to keep it steady. Clint grins and nods encouragingly at Natasha, who rolls her eyes but obligingly adds her voice to the hum, an octave above the original note. "Very good," Thor smiles, and begins to sing. "When Odin's eye was still whole, when Odin's gaze was still full, there was a truce he brought forth, and all the realms would feel its worth."
The song is slow and rhythmic, and Thor enunciates every word clearly, telling the story of how a lord of the Vanir was brought forth as part of a lasting truce between the Vanir and Aesir peoples. His name was Heimdall, and as a sign of trust, Odin allowed him access to Mímir's Well, the fount of wisdom and knowledge. Heimdall exchanged a piece of himself for the right to drink, and was granted the abilities to see and hear all that occurred across all the nine realms connected to Yggdrasil the world tree by the Bifröst Bridge. So grateful for the gift and so humbled by the responsibility, he swore fealty to Odin and became the Bifröst's gatekeeper and Guardian of Asgard. As long as Heimdall stands, the truce between the Aesir and Vanir holds strong.
When Thor finishes, a full ten minutes later, there's a moment of silence before Darcy lets out a whoop, and then the whole place is applauding. Thor beams and takes a bow before walking off the stage. Jane wipes at her eyes with an embarrassed laugh and jumps up to hug him as he approaches. "You didn't say you could sing," she grins, and he laughs.
"The opportunity never arose," he says, and looks at Tony triumphantly. "Beat that, my friend."
Tony pouts, then grins and jumps to his feet. "I'll admit, that wasn't quite what I thought I'd be beating, but beat it I shall." He goes to the stage and snags the mic out of the stand. "I appear to be slightly unprepared," he says, charming grin in place. "Could anyone be persuaded to lend me their guitar for a few minutes?"
There's a bit of muttering, and then someone near the front yells, "Hey, are you Tony Stark?"
"I will neither confirm nor deny the reasons behind my startling resemblance to such an admittedly handsome man," Tony says smoothly, which gets a few laughs. "Guitar, anyone? Ah, thank you," he slots the mic back into the stand and leans forward to take the battered instrument someone passes forward. "Much obliged." He slings it over his shoulders and doesn't bother pulling the stool forward to sit on. After adjusting the mic height and strumming a few chords, he taps the mic and clears his throat. "I encourage everyone who knows the words to sing along loudly and enthusiastically. Drink up." He nods to Thor and sticks his tongue out as he concentrates hard on the opening notes, which Clint instantly recognises.
"Five bucks says this is the only song he knows how to play," he whispers to Natasha, who smirks.
"You're on."
"Come out, Virginia, don't let me wait," Tony sings in a surprisingly strong voice, "you Catholic girls start much too late. Ah, but sooner or later it comes down to fate, I might as well be the one. Well they showed you a statue, told you to pray. They built you a temple and locked you away. Ah, but they never told you the price that you'd pay, the things that you might've done…only the good die young! That's what I said!"
The whole bar is laughing and singing along in moments, and when Tony sings about running with a dangerous crowd, he nods at their table, and Darcy waves while Clint calls him an asshole under his breath good-naturedly.
"I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints," Tony grins right at Steve, who shakes his head and laughs, "sinners are much more fun – you know that only the good die young!" Someone in the crowd whoops and Tony stamps the stage obligingly and hits the high notes perfectly when they come up. He ends with flair and takes a deep bow as the crowd goes wild. Darcy isn't the only one with a phone out, filming him with a steady hand as he passes the guitar back to its owner with a grateful look and blows kisses to the cameras as he strides off the stage.
"Well?" he grins, sitting down next to Bruce, who looks happier than he has since the Mandarin incident.
"Impressive," Bruce tells him, wide grin in place. "I didn't think you'd be able to follow that up, but you pulled it off."
"Incidentally," Clint leans forward so that Tony will hear him over the excited chatter, "do you know just that one song? Or have you got a hidden repertoire you like to trot out at special occasions?"
"Oh I've got all sorts of tricks up my sleeves," Tony grins.
"What else can you play?" Natasha asks casually.
Tony shrugs. "Bad Moon Rising is my other speciality."
"Pay up," Natasha smirks and holds her hand out.
"Not until I see proof," Clint argues, and Tony grins.
"I've got a guitar back at the tower somewhere – I'll prove it."
"Asshole," Clint says without heat, and he bends close to confer with the other judges while Thor and Tony glare at each other. Another person takes the stage and starts playing the banjo enthusiastically enough to keep the attention of the bar, so their table is left alone for the time being.
"Okay," Darcy says seriously, turning to the competitors. "We've made a decision."
"We're giving Tony points for getting the place jumping," Clint says, and Tony grins.
"But Thor gets points for making everyone hum along," Natasha adds, and Thor laughs at Tony's scowl.
"Tony gets points for singing a song with lyrics that referenced himself and us," Darcy grins, "that was a nice touch, by the way."
"Thank you," Tony dips his head gracefully.
"But Thor wins the night because of cultural significance," Bruce finishes to Tony's outraged yelp and Thor's bellow of victory.
"Come on!" Tony gapes, "you can't be serious! That stuff he sang about was probably all a story anyway!"
"Nay," Thor shakes his head, "such songs are the mediums used by teachers in Asgard to instruct us in many matters, especially our own history."
"You memorise all of them?" Jane asks, curious. Thor laughs.
"Very few. I was never so studious as Loki." His face falls as he realises what he's said, but Tony pats his arm reassuringly, so Thor continues in a quieter voice. "His voice was fairer than mine, also," he says, frowning at the table. "I wish that you had known him before he lost his way, as I did."
"Well we didn't," Clint says, harsher than he meant to. He gulps his beer to avoid looking at any of them, and he's glad when Jane tactfully changes the subject.
"The Heimdall from the song – he's the gatekeeper we were contacting when we opened up our connection to Asgard?"
"Aye," Thor grins, good mood restored. "The good Heimdall is an excellent gatekeeper. I hope he was watching when I sang the tale of how he gained his gifts and took up his mantle as Asgard's guardian."
"It certainly got a positive response," Jane agrees, and the attention shifts away from Clint.
He gets that Loki was probably a great guy in Thor's eyes before he started killing people and trying to take over the planet, but he still gets ambushed by random blue-saturated memories in his dreams, so he's really not ready to forgive and forget any time soon. And then of course there's the small matter of Loki shoving his sceptre of brainwashing and general evil through Coulson's back. Clint finishes his beer and slides out of the booth. "Another round?" he asks the group, and gets a list of orders for the bar.
When he gets back, there are a pair of women on the stage, both holding used-looking guitars. Clint's fingers twitch, and he wonders if Tony would let him borrow his guitar, if it is indeed back at the tower. The women are ending the night, it seems, and they're going for the emotional songs. They do a great cover of Iris, and Clint's lips twitch as he looks at Tony and Bruce. Then they do Songbird, and Clint feels like his ribs are contracting. He stares at the rings on the sticky table top and doesn't even bother trying not to think of Coulson. He knows when to choose his battles. Beside him, Natasha presses her shoulder against his and he pushes back gratefully.
The last song the pair sing isn't one Clint recognises, though there's something familiar about it, and he's sure he's heard it before somewhere. It's not as slow or sad as Iris or Songbird, but when they hit the chorus he only just stops himself from burying his head in his hands and groaning out loud. "Just let one day move into two," they sing, "I'm losing everything except for you. I would sing you a song of devotion, yeah, that's what I should do."
Clint thinks it's either a conspiracy, or gods apart from Thor's Asgardian friends exist and enjoy making him suffer. Either theory is entirely possible, and he sighs and swigs back the rest of his beer. Whatever they're singing, the women on the stage are very good, and he decides to go over and talk to them afterwards. He applauds loudly with everyone else when they finish, and flips Tony off when he asks if he's getting the next round as well.
The woman who had been singing the lower parts is talking to her friends, but her partner is packing up her guitar, and she looks up when Clint stands in front of her. "I liked your set," he says, and she smiles, flipping down the catches on the case and smoothing down her long skirt as she straightens.
"Thanks," she says, "I'll let Val know."
"I didn't recognise the last song," Clint holds her gaze. "What was it?"
"Oh," she laughs, "Devotion by Indigo Girls. It's one of my favourites."
Indigo Girls, Clint thinks as he nods. He knew he'd heard it before. "Thanks. You're both real good."
"Your friends weren't bad either," she grins, and he looks over his shoulder at their table, where Tony immediately begins giving him the thumbs up, winking suggestively.
"Asshole," he murmurs, and smiles to show he doesn't mean it before he flips Tony off again.
"Is that really Tony Stark?" she asks, and he sighs.
"Unfortunately."
"So that means you guys…" she bites her lip and then smiles sheepishly. "Are you guys the Avengers?"
"Depends who's asking," he shrugs.
"I'm Terri," she says, taking it for an invitation to introduce herself. He shakes her hand.
"Hi, Terri."
"You're Hawkeye, aren't you?"
"Clint."
"Okay," she looks slightly star struck. "Wow. Cool. Thanks for saving the city, by the way."
He can't help laughing. "Don't mention it. It was good to meet you."
"You too," she sounds genuinely pleased, and he smiles at her one last time before he walks back to the table.
"Did you seriously fail to buy her a drink?" Tony asks, disbelieving. Clint rolls his eyes and slides back into the booth, where Darcy is teaching Thor to play slapsies and Bruce is trying to persuade them both that it's a terrible idea, at least in a public place.
"I wasn't looking to buy her a drink," Clint tells him. "I just wanted to know what that last song was."
"Indigo Girls?" Natasha says.
"Yeah," he rubs a hand through his hair. "Now if we're done here, I've got five bucks riding on your ability to play some Creedence Clearwater Revival, Stark, god help us all."
Steve laughs and finishes his ridiculous purple cocktail. Since he isn't affected by the alcohol, he's been letting Darcy choose his drinks for him, and she's been choosing the cocktails with the brightest colours and weirdest names.
Tony can indeed play Bad Moon Rising, it turns out, and Clint reluctantly hands five dollars over to Natasha before she shoves the guitar into his hands and gestures for him to play something. He gestures back hopelessly, and Jane saves him by requests Johnny Cash, so he plays Ring of Fireand Folsom Prison Blues. Tony laughs and tells him to stick with the country music, so he plays some Charlie Daniels and just about muddles his way through Jolene and Bad To The Bone while Tony breaks open the liquor cabinet (which, because this is Tony, is more like a liquor store) and tells everyone to help themselves. The gleam in Natasha's eye could only be described as unholy, but Clint tunes it out and focuses on the feel of the strings under his fingers, the neck of Tony's guitar warm in his hand.
Darcy's the one who gets him to knock back some of Tony's eye-wateringly expensive whiskey and plants a kiss on his cheek as a reward before she goes to hug Jane and give Steve an assessing leer. Clint likes Darcy. He admires people who are unafraid to be affectionate, so he asks her what she wants him to play.
She thinks for a moment and then goes to sit practically in Steve's lap, flinging a companionable arm around his shoulders. "You ever heard any Journey, Cap?" she asks, and Steve shakes his head, apparently incapable of speech. Clint laughs at the sight. "You know any Journey?" she thinks to ask him, and he nods slowly, remembering long days spent driving with Lori next to him, the two of them belting out whatever was on the radio that week as loudly as they could.
So he sings Faithfully, and he smiles the whole time, especially when he gets to, "Circus life. Under the big top world. We all need the clowns to make us smile," and he remembers why he and Lori used to love this song so much. He thinks he might be starting to feel better, and it might just be the alcohol talking, and the warm atmosphere he's accidentally fallen into, and even though his heart still aches when he looks at Thor and remembers Coulson telling him that the god of thunder had addressed him as Son of Coul when he first regained his powers, he can laugh at the same time as Steve flings a cushion at Thor and Jane, who are making out like horny teenagers on the other end of the couch.
"Get a room," he says, grin wide, and no one misses the way he looks over at Tony to check that he got the modern term right. Tony gives him a thumbs up and Bruce smiles.
"Speak for yourself," he points out, nodding at the way Darcy had slipped into Steve's lap properly. Clint has to give her points for neatness, and she just looks smug when Steve looks down at her like he's surprised to see her.
"I'll move if you really want, but you'll have to push me," she grins unrepentantly, and Steve fails at hiding his smile. She lifts up her hand expectantly. "Someone needs to high-five me for this," she demands, and Natasha leans over and slaps her palm obligingly. "Sweet," Darcy grins. "You learn to play guitar in the circus, carny?" she asks Clint.
He swings the instrument off his knee and leans it carefully against the wall. "Maybe."
"Do you miss it?" she asks, eyes bright with drink behind her glasses. Steve is looking at her like he's surprised anyone would be interested in him, and Clint has to remind himself that he was a skinny little shit before he got the serum – not the kind of guy girls fell over themselves for.
"The circus?"
"Uh huh."
He shrugs. "Not really. It was okay, but I left for a reason."
"Huh," she nods slowly and leans her head back to look at Tony and Bruce, stood behind the couch and talking about some sort of sciencey thing Clint can't understand. "Hey," she says, and louder when they don't hear her, "hey!"
"ADHD," Tony nods, and Darcy's not the only one who snorts.
"Like you can talk," she grins, and turns around in Steve's lap to look at them properly. "What do you miss?"
Oh Christ, Clint thinks, suddenly remembering New Mexico. Darcy's a great drunk, but she has a tendency to ask loaded questions without warning. Tony frowns. "A little clarification wouldn't go amiss."
"Don't try and put me off with your big words," she narrows her eyes at him. "I spend my days with an astrophysicist. I said, what do you miss? You must miss something, right? Clint misses the circus," she lowers her voice like it's a secret, and Clint raises his eyebrows. "He won't admit it. What do you miss, Richie Rich?"
Tony's lips quirk, and he puts his head on his side, thinking for a moment. "I miss Happy," he decides. "And Pep. I don't see them so much these days."
"Okay," Darcy nods and points at Bruce. "You. What do you miss?"
"Um," Bruce raises his eyebrows, but his answer isn't what Clint had expected. "I miss living on crap food and coffee. I have to actually think about my body's health now. It's more work than you'd expect."
Darcy gives him a sympathetic look and moves onto Thor and Jane, who are still being nauseatingly cuddly on the other end of the couch. "Hey!" Darcy throws another cushion at them to get their attention. "Jane! What do you miss?"
Jane narrows her eyes. "You had some of that whiskey, didn't you?"
"Answer the question!"
"You always start asking questions like this when you've had too much to drink."
"I know my limits, Puddle." Clint frowns before he connects the name with the Doctor Foster nursery rhyme, and holds back a laugh as Jane shoots Darcy a filthy look.
"I miss the days before I told you about that nickname."
Darcy gives her a shit-eating grin and points at Thor. "Thunderer! What do you miss?"
"I miss my brother," Thor says, unsurprisingly, "and also my horse, though the roads here are too crowded for so mighty a steed to ride upon unhindered."
Darcy points her finger of doom at Clint and then swings it past him to Natasha. "Covered you, even though I prompted you. Scary lady, what do you miss?"
Natasha frowns, and Clint knows exactly what she's about to say just before she says it, and has time to avert his eyes before she tries to meet them. "I miss Coulson," she says quietly, and Darcy hums.
"Agent Suit?" her nickname for him in New Mexico. "I liked him. Your turn, Cap," she grins at Steve and Clint looks up as she prods his nose with her finger. "What do you miss?"
"I…" Steve hesitates and then smiles ruefully. "I guess I miss Brooklyn. It's still kinda the same, but I miss the Brooklyn I knew."
Brooklyn, Brooklyn, take me in, Clint thinks, and makes a mental note to give Steve the song.
"I miss my brother," Darcy says decisively, and Jane's expression softens.
"Your brother?" Steve asks, and Darcy nods, pushing her glasses up her nose.
"He died when we were kids. Leukaemia. We should play a drinking game."
Just like that, any good feelings Clint had for her vanish, because he played a few games with Darcy while he was out in New Mexico, and she was cruel and merciless. He's struck by a sudden thought and looks between her and Natasha in horror. "You're going to murder us all," he says, and Natasha grins.
It's around his sixth shot that he starts to think he understands what Jane and Bruce are talking about in their terrifying science shorthand, and five shots later Natasha gives up on any pretext of subtlety and just pushes Steve's lips into Darcy's with an exasperated sigh. Darcy holds up a hand twenty seconds later, tongue definitely in Steve's mouth, and everyone in the room high-fives her.
Clint wakes up next morning on the floor in the kitchen under a kindly placed blanket and has a moment of gratitude to his drunken self for choosing to pass out in such a convenient spot, because he only has to take one step to the sink to throw up.
Other songs in this chapter:
Tony's open mic song: Only The Good Die Young by Billy Joel.
The three songs that Terri and Val sang: Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls, Songbird by Fleetwood Mac, and Devotion by Indigo Girls.
Tony's next song: Bad Moon Rising by Creedence Clearwater Revival.
Clint's songs: Ring Of Fire and Folsom Prison Blues by Johnny Cash, Jolene by Dolly Parton, Bad To The Bone by George Thorogood, and Faithfully by Journey.