YOU ARE BETTER AT IT THAN ME
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I only borrow Petrucchio and Kate from Will Shakespeare, via Sally Wainwright.
They do not belong to me.
Rufus Sewell and Shirley Henderson created them on the screen.
My everlasting gratitude to all four.
Kate and Petrucchio's views on teenage contraception are not necessarily my own.
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I have made a big jump forward in time in this story.
I reserve the right to jump backwards in time if I choose.
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My song for this is 'When You're Young' written and sung by Jimmy Cliff.
When You're Young
Be wise, be free when you're young
When you're young.
Well, someone told me not long ago now
You're only young but for once
It's the one time in a lifetime.
There is no second chance, no second chance.
So when you are young
Hold your head up high and hold onto your dreams
There's a world waiting out there
Not always what it seems.
Be wise, be free,
When you're young.
It's said; you got your freedom to make your own rules.
Be nobody's footstool.
And you may try now to change the world too
But don't let it change you, it can't change you.
So while you are young
Hold your head up high and hold on to your dreams
There's a world waiting out there
Not always what it seems
When you're young
When you're young. out there.
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I have given this story an M rating on the grounds of adult content.
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YOU ARE BETTER AT IT THAN ME
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"Mikey" Lexi asked "Can I come to the pictures with you this afternoon?"
We were half way through lunch one Saturday.
My sons and their father were amicably discussing the selection of the England cricket team for the forthcoming Ashes Test match.
Amicably but noisily. But then, none of them are what you would call quiet.
Michael ignored his sister.
I have the ability to make my voice heard over the voices of four hundred barracking MPs without actually shouting and Lexi has inherited it.
She repeated her question a little louder.
"No." he said and carried on with the discussion. His father and brothers ignored the interruption.
"I'll pay for myself."
He went on arguing about the choice of the England Selectors, mostly to the detriment of said selectors.
"I've got the money."
"No."
"Mikey." she wheedled.
"No!"
"Why?"
"Because I said no."
The cricket debate was continuing when, clear as a bell over it, Lexi said, "You're going with your girlfriend, aren't you? That's why you don't want me to come, isn't it?"
The silence was palpable. My love and I looked at each other and then at Michael. His face was aflame. His brothers looked sideways at each other and then away, as they had done in like situations since they were toddlers.
I could see them floundering around mentally searching for something to distract the attention away from Michael.
That is the way it has always been with them. The three of them: all for one and one for all.
"Isn't it?"
"That is enough Lexis. Your brother has said no." my love said.
"But"
"Finish you lunch. All of you."
We looked down the table at each other, while our four children struggled to finish their meal.
They are growing up fast. The triplets had their sixteenth birthday last month and Lexi is coming up to twelve.
The boys are tall, almost as tall now as their father, well built like him, with his black curls and green eyes and the stunning Charlbury good looks.
Lexi, poor thing, looks like me, a slight little thing but she too has Piers' beautiful green eyes.
"May we leave the table, Mum?" Rupert asked.
"If you have finished."
There was a stampede as they pushed their chairs back and rushed to leave the room.
"Lexi" her father said quietly. He held up a finger to stop her and flicked it at her chair.
She bit her lip and her face coloured as she sat back down.
"That was not very nice, Lexis." he said.
"What?" she asked truculently.
"You know very well. What you did to your brother."
He waited.
"Did Michael tell you he had a girlfriend? If he did, you should not have betrayed a confidence."
She squirmed. "No, he didn't. I saw them in Charlbury and they were kissing."
Her mouth quivered.
"She's spoiling everything. She's breaking up my boys. We don't do anything together anymore. I hate her. She's got great big boobies and a big bum. And she's old; she's going to Uni in September."
"So you thought you'd spill the beans in front of everybody."
She shrugged.
"It wasn't much." She added sulkily. "Anyway, he didn't care."
"Oh! I think he did. He was humiliated and embarrassed, but even if he didn't care, you did it deliberately and it was mean and spiteful. I am disappointed in you."
Her eyes filled with tears.
"I'm sorry, Daddy."
Lexi adored her father and reprimands from him were severe indeed to her.
"It is your brother you should be apologising to, not me. And you will do so, although I wouldn't do it just yet, if I were you. I think he is probably still furious with you. As I am. Don't let me catch you behaving like that again." He jerked his head for her to go.
"Well?"
We looked down the table at each other.
"What do you think of that, my love?"
"Well, it was going to happen sooner or later." I said. "I think you handled it very well. Now you have to have a talk with Michael."
"What about?"
I nodded at him.
"You know what."
"We talked to them about the birds and bees years ago"
"WE? "
"Alright, you did, so what now..?"
"Contraception."
" Oh! Oh!... Oh, I don't think so ...
"Really Piers, there are times when ...Oh! I give up on you. You can talk to anyone about anything under the sun yet you can't talk to your sons about sex. I don't understand you.
"Well, I can't."
"Why?"
"Well ...Well... well, you know men and boys and their willies...
"So?"
"I can't, because ...Because ...I don't like the idea of them thinking about what I get up to with their mother."
"Ohh! But it's alright if I tell them?"
"That's different."
"So, theoretically, according to your theory, you should have talked to Lexi."
"Well. Of course not! That's a mother's job. What do I know about periods and things?"
"How did I know you were going to say that?"
He doodled on the tablecloth with his fork.
"You know...you know, back then, before you talked to the boys? I asked Harry if he would talk to them, you know with him being their godfather and that .
I sucked in the corner of my mouth to hold back my amusement .
"Did you? What did he say?"
" 'No way, mate! That's your problem!' "
I gave a little snort of laughter.
He went on
"Anyway, he's a bit young, isn't he? He's only just sixteen. Isn't that giving them the go-ahead?"
"And how old were you? The first time? And what was her name? Joanna? Wasn't she eighteen?"
He looked as though I punched him in the stomach.
"That was different."
"It always is. And no, it isn't giving them the go ahead. It's just preparing them."
"Humph." said my love articulately.
So it was going to be down to me.
It was Sunday evening before I had a chance to speak to Michael on his own.
I was in my office finishing the day's red boxes, when I heard someone in the kitchen.
"Michael, is that you?" knowing Michael was the one who rummaged for something to eat about this time.
"Yes."
"Can you come in here for a minute?" He came in his mouth full of biscuit and his hand full of more.
"Shut the door, Lovey. I want to talk to you."
He looked warily at me.
"Sit down."
He sat on the edge of my desk, the way his father did. His head was down. My heart gave a little lurch. They were so like him. They were growing up so fast, my boys.
"That was quite a bombshell Lexi dropped yesterday." His face started to colour. He did not look at me.
"Would you like to tell me about her?"
"Not really. There's nothing much to tell." he muttered.
His colour deepened.
I waited.
"Her name is Cherie; she goes to our school, we've together for nearly four weeks, she going to Uni in September." he stopped, biting his lip.
"Don't kick my desk, Michael."
"I'm only swinging my leg, Mum."
"Well, stop it."
I leaned back in my chair.
"Uh-huh, so she is older than you?"
"Mm."
"Well Michael, I am sure she is very nice, and anytime you want to bring her home, she will be very welcome.
Um, I think you know what I want to talk to you about."
" 'Cos she's older than me? It doesn't matter, Mum, not to us. It's only two years."
"No, that wasn't what I was going to talk to you about, although maybe she being older than you does come into it." He looked at me from under his ridiculously long lashes.
God! Where do I start?
"Now Michael, you've met this girl and I'm sure you are very fond, very attracted, to her."
He still watched me with his head down.
"When you are young, your emotions run riot and things can get out of hand. Um... do you understand me?"
His face was still crimson, but his mouth was beginning to turn up at the corners.
"If you are going to talk to me about sex, you've already done it, about five years ago."
"No. No. It's the responsibilities... You know?"
He wasn't looking at me now.
"Your actions can have consequences. Consequences, you may regret for the rest of your life. You are very young. I don't want to think...I don't...your father and I don't... "
God, I am making a pig's ear out of this!
"I don't want somebody's father knocking on my door ..." He made a funny sound. "telling me his daughter's in trouble."
He sniggered.
"Are you laughing at me, Michael?"
"Oh Mum! In trouble! That's archaic!" The laughter burst from him.
"Yes, well it isn't just pregnancy, there are other things to be aware of.
He studied the biscuits he was still holding, turning them over and over in his hand , then he said seriously, "You're right. I am too young. I am not ready for that yet and neither is Cherie."
I came around the desk to hug my beautiful boy and kiss his hair.
"I just want you to be aware that these things can come on you unawares. And one day, when you feel you are ready for it, don't take chances. You could ruin other lives by being irresponsible."
I took a deep breath.
"There will be condoms in the bottom drawer of my desk."
I thought again before I went on.
"I am not giving you the green light to sleep around, I don't approve of promiscuity. What I am saying is, when you are ready for a serious relationship... Be sensible.
I am treating you as an adult and I expect you to behave like one."
"I know."
He looked at me for a long minute.
"You know, Mum, you're pretty cool."
I smiled.
"I suppose that is some sort of compliment."
He hugged me and left, cramming his biscuits in his mouth as he went.
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I told my love about it when we were in bed later.
"There you are. " he murmured, nuzzling my neck. "I told you. You are much better at it than me."