Okay... so my lapse of 'I want to die under a rock' is kinda over... kinda... so anyway, a reviewer of mine cheered me, and they know who they are! So... Thank you! Also I'm on sugar high, so yeah…
Rating: will be M.
Warning: ... my sugar high!
"bla" speaking, 'bla' thinking, you may find my comments, but I won't be emphasizing them. -bla- text messages, or phone calls... just in case =) xP
12 Disturbing Days of Christmas
YOUR INNOCENCE ASTOUNDS ME!!
Dan was a very happy person. A very happy person with a mission. Since Christmas was coming and he wanted to give all his loved ones a present, he had to work very hard to give them all a present. That is why he was at Seigaku today. He came to see Ryoma-kun to give him his love. He was making his way towards the locker room where he knew he would see all the regulars. Just as he opened the door he paid attention to whatever they had been talking.
The regulars, oblivious to Dan, kept on their... indecent chatter.
" –wever, I still think Echizen should get this talk just as you all, it is good for you! We need to be educated! We need to know how to use condoms and not get any girl pregnant! We could be destroying her and our future! Imagine what a baby could do! And all because we didn't know or care to know how to use a condom! Or have any kind of safe sex!"
"Yes, but Oishi-senpai! You still shouldn't tell us the thing of the birds and the bees! We all know where the babies come from! Even Echizen!" whined Momoshiro.
Everyone turned to look at Ryoma, since he wasn't supposed to know that stuff. But of course having Nanjiro as a father and five lovers did tend to kill your innocence. Especially when said father's magazines were laying around 24/7. And having two of the five lovers being sadistic horny bastards wasn't the best way to keep one's innocence either.
"...Ano"
All the regulars turned to the door, and were met with the confused face of one innocent Dan.
"Where do babies come from desu?"
All the regulars sweat dropped. Man... This wasn't supposed to be the kind of talks they wanted to have! Especially with someone who didn't know a thing about the birds and the bees!
"Ugh..."
Oishi, being the one who wanted to give them the entire constructive (cough disturbing cough) talk went to Dan "Why don't we all sit so I can explain it to you? I'm sure everyone will help to explain, and answer all your questions" said Oishi in a matter of fact way. The ones that were sneaking behind his back stood rooted when they felt Tezuka's heated glare.
'If I have to endure this kind of talks they should too...' were his dark thoughts, 'besides, it will help them, they will be prepared for everything...'
The regulars proceeded to take places, since they knew they wouldn´t be able to get out of this. Ryoma sat on the bench that had his things, and Dan wanting to be with the one that probably was in his same situation (er, no he is not, he clearly wasn't eavesdropping right) went and sat with him, while doing this, he accidentally dropped Ryo's bag, spilling all of its contents.
Lo and behold! What are those mysterious contents that I see not so far from me? (couldn't help myself, I actually wanted to write like Shakespeare…)
Well, what had you know, they are Ryo's usual practice things, but oh! The twists life takes, there are also–
"What are those things doing in my bag, again?" Ryoma exclaimed, looking horrorized.
There on the floor were his hentai magazine, the butt plugs, photos of Ryoma on the Lolita dresses, and the orgy books.
Everyone went silent until Dan's innocent voice startled them back to life.
"Ano, what are all of those things Ryoma-kun?" he said, while he innocently picked the two butt plugs. He looked them over and, "Akutsu-senpai has many of these, and he told me when I knew what these things were he would play with me, using them desu. What are they?" he looked over, only to find all the regulars frozen.
Oishi being the mother he is, unfroze and started to think ways to explain to Dan all of this, when something finally caught his attention.
"Akutsu said he would use them on you? What kind of morals does he have? Has he not heard the laws of common decency? You don't go around trying to defile a child; you don't take his innocence, his sparkle of life! I can't believe it! He should at least explain this to you himself; I know that Inui explained Kaihdo!"
Said regulars just blushed, red angry tomato sauce kind of blush, the one that has chilli on it.
"I know! Let's see all of Ryoma's gifts, and whatever else you have questions about, we will answer them to the best of our abilities!" Oishi cried out passionately with a fist raised, and his eyes sparkling looking at a nonexistent image, "Inui write down all of Dan's questions so we don't forget any of them!"
Inui did as he was told, since Oishi got scarier than Fuji when he was on his 'Sex lessons' rampage / quest.
"Okay, so" Oishi said excitedly while he picked all of Ryoma's things, "what should we start with?" he looked at the photos, they seemed innocent enough, compared to the rest that is, it looked like a good place to start. He looked at the butt plugs on Dan's hands, then at the orgy books and then at the magazine. He picked the last and flipped through it, with each turning of page, his face became redder and redder, and not exactly because the pictures had the perfect angle to see what all of them were doing, noooo, he was just getting angry because Ryoma's lovers were robbing him of his innocence! (Not that he had any left… but of course, if he had any, it was being slowly killed by Oishi the innocence psycho, his perverted lovers, and his weirdo and freakish friends)
"I can't believe this!" he pointed at the magazine and then at Fuji, he knew this one was done by him (Actually Atobe was the one of the gift and idea, but Fuji had somehow taken the pictures, an almost impossible feat since the pictures had the six of them)
"Why are you taking his innocence, what has he done to you?"
'Suck me off… and have a cute little butt' of course that was thought, Fuji didn't want Oishi on top of him with his demands of innocence and Ryoma. He still was scared of Oishi, when he got like this there was no telling what he had do, like now…
"On second thought, I can use this as part of my educational lessons about sex!" Oishi's eyes sparkled again, "First I can use the pictures, then the orgy books, the butt plugs for certain demonstrations, and then the magazine for a more graphic example!" he looked around him and saw all the regulars had pained expressions, and he mistook it. "Oh right! We should get back to you questions Dan!"
Everyone turned back to Dan, who was eying the butt plugs, and was licking one, just to see if it had a flavour, the color suggested it. Maybe it was candy?
"Ask one question per Item, and one of whatever pops into your mind!" Oishi handed him the items and waited.
"Okay, so I still want to know what these are desu" he said while he pointed at the butt plugs, which Ryoma had stuffed back into his bag. "I want to know why Ryoma-kun is wearing dresses, what are orgy books, and" he started to flip through the magazine, and his innocence knew no bounds, "I want you to explain me what is happening in all of the pictures desu" He actually was still innocent, after seeing the special porn magazine…
"Of course I will explain in great detail everything" Oishi said, "You still have two more questions"
Dan was about to say something when Kawamura accidentally grabbed a racket and threw him against Ryoma.
"BURNING! YOUR INNOCENCE ASTOUNDS ME! ECHIZEN! LEARN FROM HIM!"
Dan got off Ryoma, but while doing so, he felt something weird, without any indication of what he wanted to do, his hands suddenly went up Ryoma's chest, and ended up showing the regulars the piercings he had on his chest and belly. They hadn't seen the one on his tongue since he hadn't really been talking, and the one on his ear was concealed by his hair and cap.
"What are those things doing on Echizen's chest?" Oishi screeched.
"They are Gen's gift" said an innocent looking Fuji. "There are five piercings, they are all on sensitive places, and the tongue one is the best, when he finally gets on his knees…. It will come in handy!" he said cheerfully, forgetting everything about the scary Oishi.
"What would the piercings be good for?" Dan asked, while Inui scratched down the question.
Oishi who had been pulling at his nonexistent long hair, had calmed down at the question, "I can even use Echizen as an example!" he said, "But I have to emphasise on the need of innocence…." He frowned and then attacked Fuji, "What is wrong with you! Why are you doing this to him, is your relationship forced, painful?" he turned towards Echizen, and then back at Fuji, "What is the purpose of drilling holes in his body? Have you no decency? You will hurt him! And with all the sex you are having you will get him pregnant!" okay… what? "I mean, you won't get him pregnant, but his trauma for his lost innocence will drive him to search for something else, and he will end up knocking a girl up, and what will you do? What will he?" his scandalized voice was drilling holes on their ears. He turned and looked at Tezuka, his eyes shining with disappointment, and then he turned to Dan. He could save his soul… Yes, he breathed deeply and turned to face Dan with a smile.
Ryoma meanwhile had turned scarlet red; he couldn't believe this was happening to him…
"One last question Dan" said Oishi, with a soft smile. Creepy.
"Whenever Akutsu-senpai takes out his things" to this many eyes bulged out (haha bulge) "though his are colors I like, also they are flavoured, but… what is he referring to when he said that preparation is always important?"
The regulars just turned red again, and some because of blood loss, like Kawamura, Inui and Kaihdo finally fainted. The rest was left with the uncomfortable silence.
'I have to hang out with normal people' thought Ryoma. 'I don't need the talk, I don't need embarrassing questions that somehow concern me, I don't need perverted gifts and lovers (though, on second thought the lovers weren't so bad, when kept at a certain level) nor a perverted father, and definitely not an overprotective mother psycho'
And to think he is only halfway of his 12 hellish days…
On the sixth day of Christmas my lovers and Dan gave to me six embarrassing questions
five piercing rings
Four orgies books,
Three Lolita dresses
Two butt plugs,
And a hentai magazine with me in it!
By the way, I forgot to say this song, goes with the beat of 12 Days of Christmas by Relient K, I would know, since I sing it along, with my lyrics! Its really fun trying to say the right words and not the ones of his song! You have to sing real fast on some parts and in others not so much.
I was lol-ing so loud my mum came to shut me up! This was really fun to write, it seems it comes out funnier when the regulars are around!
Also this is my longest chapter yet! Be proud! I know I am!
So anyway, read and Review!