A/N Yes I know I suck. You can all attack me with rabid raccoons now. PS thanks for all the reviews and reads you guys make my heart happy!

James had never been more tired in his life. He felt absolutely drained. He was finding it hard to concentrate, or talk, or even move. It was 10 pm and 2J was slowly getting ready for bed. Carlos was brushing his teeth and singing one of their songs, but James couldn't recognize the tune due to the fact that the singer's mouth was filled with toothpaste. Kendall was already fast asleep on the couch, and Logan was doing dishes in the kitchen. James was situated on the couch with Kendall, where he hadn't really moved from all day long. It was a lazy day for all of them. And James was quite thankful for the sedentary day. He felt like he couldn't function even if he wanted to.

"James you should head up to bed," Logan said. He was done washing the dinner dishes and now went around the small apartment, turning off any lamps that were on.

"Nah, not tired yet," James said, but his voice betrayed him. Logan could hear the exhaustion in his voice, but he knew arguing with James would be futile. The taller boy was stubborn when he needed to be. Logan even considered James to be more stubborn than Kendall at times.

"Alright buddy. Try to get to bed soon though. And no more nightmares, ok? Maybe they're finally over," Logan said. But James just continued to frown at the television and barely shrugged. Logan walked over to his best friend and wrapped his arms around his neck, taking James by surprise.

"It's going to be ok James," Logan assured him in that gentle, fatherly tone that just came naturally to him. James smiled, leaning into the warmth that Logan's arms provided.

"Thanks Logie," James breathed, squeezing his small friend against his chest before releasing him. "Good night, buddy."

"Good night James," Logan said. He ruffled James' hair and smiled, than headed to his room. James sighed and leaned back against the couch. He felt a little better after Logan's random brotherly affection, but he was still sleepy. He almost laid down to rest for a bit, but he suddenly remembered the horrible nightmares that had been plaguing him for the past month as soon as he shut his eyes. He didn't want to experience those feelings again. He didn't want to feel like he was trapped anymore, in that tiny space. So tiny, that he couldn't even move. He didn't want to remember that he was just forced to lay there, arms pinned at his sides. He couldn't sit up, and he couldn't breathe. All he had to do was wait and pray for help to come as panic set in and clouded any rational thoughts. It was too much for him to take. He refused to go through it ever again. It was bad enough that it happened once, but the fact that he had to relive it night after night after night? That was just cruel. It was a cruel punishment for just being naïve little James. Sure he shouldn't have trusted those jerks, but he didn't deserve to be tortured like this. It just wasn't fair.

By the time 2 AM rolled around, James was still wide awake on the couch. Kendall was slumped against him, his sweaty blonde head heavy on James' shoulder. The sick boy had woken up a few times during the night from his sickness and struggled to get comfortable, moaning and clutching his ribs. Finally he settled against James about an hour ago and had been sleeping like a rock ever since. James envied him. He wished he could sleep like Kendall was, peaceful and dead to the world. But for James the only thing that waited for him beyond the walls of sleep was more pain and fear. James wasn't as scared while he was awake, at least right now anyway, and there was only one reason why. Right now he had Kendall next to him to protect him. But in his dreams, he was alone. He had nobody to protect him. What if he went to sleep, and he never woke up? What if he just stayed in his night terror forever in some sort of morbid, terrifying coma until he finally slipped from the world?

James gulped and clutched Kendall tightly, searching for his older friend's presence. He wished he could wake the sleeping boy and tell him how scared he felt. He wished he could ask for help. He wished he could have Kendall hold him and rock him until he fell into a dreamless sleep. He wished he could go find the boys that did this to him and just scream at them, whatever good that would do. He knew retaliation fixed nothing. He would still be the scared little boy he had been since it happened. But a small piece of him wanted those boys to know how screwed up he was because of that stupid little "prank". He wanted them to know that not only did they ruin his life, but they ruined the lives of his brothers around him, because now they had to deal with the mess it caused no matter how hard James tried to hide it. No matter what, James would never be able to hide it. It was only a matter of time before they found out, and James dreaded it with all of his being. He wanted to be strong for his brothers. Sure, he was dramatic and goofy and crazy and that's how they knew him for, but ever since he was little he always wanted to be strong for them, he always wanted to be their rock in times of need. Carlos and Logan were so small and innocent, and poor Kendall couldn't carry the weight of leadership all by himself. He always wanted to help Kendall carry that weight, share it with him, but how was he to do that when he was paralyzed with fear all the time?

James yelped and shivered when a hand suddenly shook him from his debilitating thoughts. He turned to see Kendall gazing at him with feverish green eyes. He missed the trepidation in his emerald orbs, thinking instead that Kendall was only awake because he didn't feel well and not because James had unknowingly woken him up with his quiet sobs.

"Are you alright Kendall?" The brunette asked, reaching out to lay his palm on Kendall's sweaty forehead. Kendall didn't answer James. He instead just stared at him and ignored the question, studying his sad features. James frowned, confused. "Kendall buddy, what's wrong?"

"You're crying," Kendall finally said, pointing to his tear-stained cheeks.

"What? No I'm not," James said. He felt his cheek with his fingers and realized that it was soaked with his own tears. No wonder Kendall had looked so stunned. Normal people don't break into sobs at night without even knowing it.

James quickly wiped his face with the heels of his palms and put on a smile. "It's nothing Kendall, don't worry about it. How are you feeling?"

"I feel sick," Kendall said hesitantly, and James knew he wasn't going to let what he just witnessed go without interrogation. "But James you-"

"I don't want to talk about it!" James snapped angrily, much louder than he intended. His heart plunged with guilt when Kendall visibly recoiled, sinking against the back of the couch. He could tell Kendall was trying to mask the hurt in his soft green eyes by the way he blinked his lashes rapidly and averted his gaze to the floor.

James sighed and put his chin in his hands. He thought about saying something, anything to erase the rejection on Kendall's confused, startled features. But nothing came to mind. He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to let Kendall know what he was thinking.

Several moments of awkward silence was broken when Kendall went into a coughing fit. His body heaved and shuddered quite violently with each breath he struggled to get in. James quickly closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around Kendall to steady him.

"James," Kendall choked out in a pleading, broken voice. "I don't feel so good, James."

"I know, I'm sorry," James said softly. He hugged Kendall tighter, hoping to alleviate some of his pain. "It'll be over soon, ok? Just let it out." He patted Kendall's back to help him, but the coughing only got worse. James brought him water and tried to give him some cough syrup, but Kendall only coughed them both right back up before he could fully swallow them. James feared that his constant coos of "It'll be alright Kendall" were false. He knew his friend was really sick right now, and he had no idea what to do.

James' concern turned into panic when Kendall slumped against the couch, curling up on his side. His coughs grew weaker and his quick breaths began to rattle, and tears were prickling at the edges of his pained eyes.

"James, I can't breathe," Kendall gasped out. Tears were flowing down his scarlet cheeks now from the force of the coughs and the throbbing in his ribs. James put his hand on Kendall's cheek and wiped the droplets away tenderly.

"Ok buddy, I'm gonna help you just hold on ok?" James screwed his eyes shut, trying to concentrate through the tired fog that loomed over his mind. Kendall was wheezing now and James made the quick decision to scoop him up into his arms, grab the car keys off of the bar in the kitchen, and headed down to the parking garage.

James felt his heart pound a bit too quick for his liking and a growing feeling of dread spread through his stomach. Kendall was limp in his arms as he struggled to breath and James willed himself not to have another panic attack, for Kendall's sake.

"We'll be at the hospital soon Kendall, just hold on ok?" James said, and he was surprised by how calm his voice sounded when he felt ready to explode at any second. He raced to the emergency room, gathered Kendall into his arms, and carried him through the automatic doors.

"Somebody help me, my friend can't breathe!" James shouted. It was a matter of seconds before Kendall was whisked from his arms and wheeled away past double doors. Everything was a whirlwind and it left James feeling alone and panicked.

"Sir, your friend will be fine," a kind nurse said soothingly. "I need you to fill out these forms for me, please. Is there a number we can call to get a hold of his mother?"

"Yes, it's 555-3234," James said, relaying the information emotionlessly, as if he were a robot. "But she's not here, she's on vacation. It's just me and him and our younger brothers."

"Ok, that's fine," the nurse said in that same tone of voice, as if she were talking to a scared 5 year old. "I'll give her a call while you fill these out, ok? You can have a seat over here." The nurse handed him a clipboard and lead him over to the large waiting area. He barely noticed when she slipped away. He sat down on an uncomfortable gray chair, feeling a bit dizzy. He rested his face in his hands for a minute, trying to calm his beating heart.

"Oh man, Kendall," he groaned, voice barely a whisper. Nothing like this had ever happened to Kendall before. The teen was usually so healthy. It was James' fault that he had gotten so sick. If Kendall had never been left alone and beat up in the cold all day, he would be sleeping in his own bed without bruised ribs or fevers.

Carlos and Logan's faces suddenly flashed across James' mind and he knew he had to call them and let them know what was going on. He prayed Logan left his cell phone on as he dialed the number. It rang a few times before a drowsy, small voice answered.

"Jamie?" Logan asked, barely even conscious yet.

"Yeah, it's me," James said. He winced when his voice, after trying to keep it steady throughout the whole ordeal, started to waver and weaken.

"Why are you calling me dude?" Logan asked, under the impression that James and Kendall were both safe and snug on the couch.

"Kendall's sick, Logie. I brought him to the hospital. He couldn't breathe. I think it's 'cause of his ribs. He seemed to be in a lot of pain. Just get here as quick as you can, ok? I.. I'm scared."

"Yeah, buddy I'm coming just hold tight. Let me get Carlos up."

"Ok," James said, feeling like a small, helpless child.

"And James?"

"Yeah?"

"Is Kendall… Is he ok, do you know?"

"I don't know Logan," James said. His voice cracked pitifully and he had to stifle his tears. Logan said his goodbye and hung up so he could grab Carlos and get to the ER quickly.

James felt alone, even though the waiting room had several guests in it, all of whom stared at him as if he was nutters. James ignored their worried glances and buried his face into his hands, but he could still feel their eyes upon him, probably scrutinizing how big of a freak he was, how big of a screw up.

James took a deep, shuddering breath, praying for his friends to show up or a doctor to come alleviate his stress and tell him that Kendall was perfectly healthy now and ready to go home. He looked up the clock that read 2:25. They should be there in about 15 minutes…

"James, hey you with us?" A soft voice asked. James couldn't recognize who it belonged to. He was in a heavy daze, almost as if someone had punched him out. Sounds seemed far away and when he opened his eyes, everything was blurry.

"Huh?" He groaned, trying to take in his surroundings. He almost forgot where he was until he remembered how sick Kendall was and that he had to take him to the hospital. James blinked and looked up to see Logan staring at him worriedly, a strong hand clasped on his shoulder. Carlos stood slightly behind him, clutching Helmet to his chest. "Is Kendall ok?"

"I don't know, we just got here a couple seconds ago," Logan said, taking a seat beside James but not removing his comforting hand when James' quivering shoulder. "Are you alright man?"

"Yeah, I just dozed off for a minute there, or tried to anyway." James glanced up at the clock and saw it had only been 12 minutes since the last time he checked it. Logan frowned sympathetically and rubbed James' shoulder blade.

"Hand me those forms and I'll fill them out for you," Logan said, reaching out for the clipboard.

"Huh? Oh, sure," James said. He handed Logan the papers and the smart boy got to work on Kendall's medical history and their insurance information. When he was finished, he handed it back to the nurse and about ten minutes later, they found themselves walking down the hall to the room Kendall was resting in. The doctor had explained to them that Kendall had suffered from bronchial spasms due to a combination of his hurt ribs and a really bad case of bronchitis, but he was alright now that he had taken a breathing treatment, steroid shot, and some antibiotics.

James hated how pale Kendall appeared when he entered the stark white room. He seemed to blend in with the white sheets just fine, except for his skin was just a tad more grayish than the bed. The poor kid was still coughing, although it was nowhere near as violent as before. His eyes were dull and gray but they lit up a bit when he saw his friends standing in the doorway nervously. He tried to smile and beckoned them in with his fingers.

"Kendall, what happened?" Carlos asked. He was the first to speak and the most clueless as to what was going on.

"Got sick," Kendall rasped out. His throat was ravaged from all of the coughing he had done earlier. He sounded horrible. "I'm good though."

"No you're not, don't say that," James said softly. Guilt was heavy in his voice and Kendall sighed.

"They have me on like a ton of medication, I'm fine," Kendall said, but he really did not feel well at all. "Can we go home now?"

"No, we need to stay about an hour, the doc wants to make sure your fever goes down," Logan said. "Just rest, ok? You don't look so good. How do you feel? Does anything hurt?"

Kendall was too weak to roll his eyes at the "20 questions," but he wanted to. "My chest does, and my ribs. But it's kind of like a dull, fading pain because they gave me pain medicine."

"Can you breathe ok? That's what's important," Logan said.

"Yeah, I can breathe now," Kendall said. "It was scary though because- whoa, James!" The blonde suddenly cut off, watching the tall brunette waver on his feet. It was obvious he was about to faint any second. "Carlos, catch him!" The blonde shouted quickly, reaching forward out of instinct, which only made him scream because a pain shot up through his abused ribs. Carlos, luckily, turned around just in time to catch James from face planting right on the tile floor.

"James, are you ok?" Carlos cried, struggling to hold James' dead weight in his arms. Logan helped the little Latino drag the larger boy to an empty chair and sat him down gently, anxious to find out what was happening to his friend. James' eyes were half closed and he was hardly conscious, but he seemed to be holding on the best he could.

Logan knelt in front of him and patted his cheek to wake him up fully. James moaned and blinked. The lights suddenly seemed way too bright. "James, hey wake up bro. It's Logan. Are you ok?"

"Mmhmm," James grumbled. He sat up straight, feeling groggy like he had just woken up.

"What happened, James?" Logan asked. He curled his knuckles and swiped away a long strand of auburn hair from James' face. "You look pale. Why didn't you tell me you feel sick?"

"I'm not sick, I just…" James trailed off. He wasn't really sure what had happened exactly, but it was unnerving. He basically just felt overall exhausted.

"Hmm, no fever," Logan announced, feeling James' forehead, which was cool to the touch. "Are you sure you're ok? Any headache, nausea?"

"I'm fine Logan," James said tiredly. How many nagging questions would he be forced to answer? He looked over to the hospital bed, trying to ignore Logan's examination, to find Kendall hunched over and silently crying.

"Kendall? Kendall, are you alright?" James asked with contrition. He ran to Kendall's side and the blonde nodded, putting his hand up.

"Yeah, it's just my ribs don't worry," Kendall assured him. It hurt, but the pain was fading as quickly as it came.

"Hey James, I'll stay with Kendall and take him home when he's ready," Logan said. "Go home with Carlitos, ok?"

James shook his head, agitated at the thought of leaving Kendall. "No, that's ok. I'll stay with Kendall. You can take 'Litos home and get him in bed if you want to."

"It's not Carlos' rest I'm worried about," Logan said. "It's yours. I want Carlos to take you home now. You aren't looking so good."

James' eyes flitted from Kendall to Logan, back and forth. Logan was serious, dead serious. But Kendall looked so sick. He had to stay with him. It was his fault he was in the hospital in the first place, he couldn't just leave him.

"Logan," James started. "I-"

"James, go home," Logan said firmly. "You nearly fainted, you're obviously ill... Let Carlos take you home, ok?"

"Yeah buddy, I'll tuck you in and everything," Carlos offered sweetly.

"You had a stressful night," Logan said. "I'll take care of Kendall. I promise he'll be fine."

James nodded, even though his lips pulled down into a pout. He leaned forward and gave Kendall a quick hug. Carlos put his arm around James' shoulders and led him down the hall and out to the parking lot. The cold, brisk air rudely whipped James in the face. It was unusually cold for LA, and they hurried to the warmth of their car.

The ride home was silent. Carlos kept glancing over to James, checking to make sure he was ok every couple minutes. James was having a hard time staying awake. His eyes kept drooping closed, and the fact that Carlos had the heat on kind of high wasn't helping his sleepiness any. Finally James clicked off the heater and rolled his window down all the way to help keep him awake.

"Dude it's cold," Carlos whined, but James welcomed the cold air stinging his eyes.

"It feels good, I'm hot," James lied, giving Carlos his famous puppy dog eyes, the same one that got him meatball subs and cute girls time after time. Carlos sighed.

"Fine, keep it down," Carlos said, defeated. A few minutes of awkward glances and silence went by. "Hey James?"

"Mmm?" James mumbled, lost in thought as he stared out the window.

"Did you get any sleep at all tonight?" Carlos asked. James turned to face Carlos and winced under his scrutinizing glare. He hated how worried Carlos looked. James looked down and bit his lip thoughtfully.

"Yeah, a couple hours, why?" James asked. Carlos just looked at James, his stomach twisting in a mixture of anger and concern. He knew James was lying, he knew it in his gut.

"I just hate it when you lie to me is all," Carlos said calmly. He parked the car in the parking garage while James stared at him, mouth agape in muddlement at Carlos' unexpected, sharp words.

"Carlos," James said when he finally found his voice, but Carlos was already out of the car and making his way to the lobby. James ran after him, unsure what to say. He was caught, and there was not much he could do about it. "Carlos wait, what makes you think I'm lying to you?"

"What makes you think I can't tell?" Carlos shot back, walking briskly up to 2J. James wordlessly followed Carlos into their apartment, and Carlos headed to their bedroom and pulled back the covers of James' un-slept in bed.

"Carlos-"

"Lie down," Carlos said, patting the bed. James huffed, took off his shoes, and did as Carlos told him too.

"What are you doing, 'Litos?" James asked, perplexed.

"Tucking you in, like I promised I would," Carlos told him. He brought the covers up to James' shoulders, and the tall boy caught the sadness glinting in the Latino's sweet mocha eyes. James felt guilty. Since when did James ever allow himself to lie to Carlos? Sure, he admitted to lying to him about the girl at camp but that was when they were little and it was stupid. He never lied to Carlos about important things, and Carlos never hid the truth about anything. The Latino was the most honest boy James knew.

Carlos finished making sure James was comfy and strode over to his bed, where he laid down in exhaustion, too tired to even kick off his shoes. Carlos didn't function well when he was woken up in the middle of the night. James was surprised he even stayed awake this long.

"Carlos?" James asked. He felt bad to disturb the young boy, but he was worried about something.

"Yes?" Carlos asked, rolling over so he could see James.

"You… Um, you aren't going to tell Kendall or Logan, are you?" James asked, and he cringed when he realized how horrible that sounded. How could he expect innocent Carlos to lie for him? He knew exactly what his small friend was thinking at that moment, he could see it in his dark eyes. He was taken aback that James would actually allow him to bear that kind of weight on his shoulders. But Carlos simply shook his head.

"No, that's your responsibility," Carlos said simply. "I'm going to sleep now. I hope you do, too." With that, Carlos clicked off his bedside lamp and fell into silence, which soon turned to slow, soft snores.

James laid awake, tears threatening to flow from his eyes down to his pillow. He let them go quietly, knowing Carlos was already dead asleep and wouldn't notice. He had thought Carlos would be easiest to fool, that Carlos would believe that he was ok because James was Carlos' big brother and he always trusted everything he told him. But now Carlos was the one to hide James' self-destructing secret.

"I'm sorry Carlitos," James whispered over to his sleeping brother who he prayed was still his best friend.

A/N Thanks for reading. Hope the long chapter made up for the delay. Happy New Year! Be safe.