We have entered Smutville once again, so be forewarned. This chapter is rated M for graphic sexytimes. The smut doesn't come until the last quarter, so there's tons to read up to before then, and you won't be lost if you skip it. This entire chapter is only J/H, so buckle up.
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Thanks again to everybody who is leaving comments. It feels really amazing to have gotten so much feedback from everybody. Please keep it coming.
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CHAPTER 13
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As Hyde walks down the stairs into the basement, he's greeted with the familiar twang of Hank Williams' "Cold Cold Heart" softly emanating from his tiny bedroom. There's only one person who knows where his secret country music stash is kept, so he knows he's on the right trail. A faint smile plays across his face as he imagines her thumbing through his records looking for the appropriate song, or did she know exactly what she wanted before she got there? Knowing Jackie, it's the latter.
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I tried so hard my dear to show that you're my every dream.
Yet you're afraid each thing I do is just some evil scheme
A memory from your lonesome past keeps us so far apart
Why cant I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart
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"Nice choice" he thinks as he continues down the steps. His doll always did have a flair for the dramatic. He wonders for a minute what she used to listen to when she cried her eyes out over Sam. He doubts she was listening to country, that was his thing. Then again, he had rubbed off on her in a lot of ways, both good and bad. It occurs to him suddenly that he's missed an entire year of her life and really has no clue what she listens to anymore.
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Another love before my time made your heart sad and blue
And so my heart is paying now for things I didn't do
In anger unkind words are said that make the teardrops start
Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart
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Hyde thinks of the months of heartbreak he caused for Jackie, and the hours of crying time she must have racked up and he feels a little ill. It was his objective to cause her pain, of course, but only in the short term. Deep down, he knew he'd always want her, but he's never had any self-control or judgment when it came to his brunette pixie. The crueler he became, the farther he would stray from that ultimate goal of reclaiming her, which only angered him to the point of punishing her for making him want her in the first place. He kept up this self-defeating cycle for months until he reached a point where he couldn't even see the goal post anymore. Initially, had his anger to keep him warm, but anger fades and then you're left with nothing.
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You'll never know how much it hurts to see you sat and cry
You know you need and want my love yet you're afraid to try
Why do you run and hide from lies, to try it just ain't smart
Why cant I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart
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He tiptoes to the perimeter of his room and watches her through a crack in the door. She's lying perpendicular on his cot with her legs flat up against the wall. Her raven hair is spread out like a fan and slightly hangs off the edge of the mattress in bouncy spirals, swinging with each beat of the song as she taps her delicate fingers against the metal legs of the bed. Jackie's beautiful face is sullen but still gorgeous, her perfect features showing no hint of the rage and sorrow she still has brewing inside of her. A year of practice has made her an expert on controlling her reactions and keeping her true feelings locked down tightly. She used to wear her heart on her sleeve, now it likely sits at home in a "Steven box" tucked far under her bed.
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There was a time when I believed that you belonged to me
But now I know your heart is shackled to a memory
The more I learn to care for you,the more we drift apart
Why cant I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart
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"Your eyes aren't getting tired from so much peeping?" she drolls through the crack in the door, fully aware that he's been outside observing her.
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"I didn't want to disturb you. You looked lost in thought" he says as he slowly enters his room. "So, Hank Williams?" he grins. ""I never would've guessed."
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"Daddy used to play him for me when I was little. I'd put on my favorite red dress and he'd let me stand on his feet and we'd dance in the parlor together." she confides. "It's one of the only truly happy memories I have of that house."
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Hyde feels his heart tug at the image of a young, pretty Jackie, basking in her daddy's attention, only to have it ripped away from her a few years later. "I guess it's good you at least have that memory."
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"Yeah" she says feeling instantly guilty. "I don't suppose you have any of those."
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He lays down on his back next to her on the bed with knees bent. "I do, believe it or not. I mean, I wasn't twirling around in a red dress in a mansion, but I remember sharing a beer with Bud once when he took me ice fishing, and it was one of the only times I ever felt like he wanted me around" he confesses.
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Jackie's brow furrows as she turns to him. "Weren't you, like, nine at the time?" she asks.
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Hyde chuckles as he faces her. "Hey, I never said the memory was legal or appropriate, only good."
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Overwhelmed with an urge to soothe his damaged psyche, Jackie runs her hands down the sides of his face and gently kisses him on the lips.
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"What the hell happened to us?" she wonders, mystified. "How did we go so far off course?"
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"I don't know. I think maybe we wanted the same things but not at the same time" he shrugs.
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She shakes her head. "We never wanted the same things, Steven. That was our first problem. You and me – we're like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole" she muses, thoughtfully.
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"You're the square" he smirks as she lightly taps his shin with her bare foot.
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"I guess I walked into that one" she smiles softly.
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He takes her hand and interlaces his fingers with hers. "I did want the same things that you wanted. I just didn't realize I wanted them until the option was gone" he confides.
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Jackie balks. "You never wanted to be married. I truly doubt you wanted to have kids and a house either" she assumes. "And I get why".
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"Well, it's true I never wanted any of those things. I never thought I'd be good at any of it, and you know I hate to do anything that requires effort," he cracks.
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Her mouth forms a hard, disapproving line. "No. You don't want to try because you don't want to fail. That's different. You're not lazy, you're just a run-of-the-mill coward."
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"Ouch." he grimaces, uneasy at how swiftly she has him pegged.
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"Tell me I'm wrong" she challenges him.
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He turns away from her, his face in total resign.
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"Yeah, that's what I thought" she nods.
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Still looking at the ceiling, he addresses her honestly. "Jackie, I didn't want any of those things in general, but I wanted them with you. You're the only one I could ever see doing any of that kind of stuff with," he admits.
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Her gut tightens like a fist again as fireflies dance inside of her. Every time she thinks she's gotten out unscathed, he finds new ways of reaching her.
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"You didn't want those things with Sam?" she asks, nearly choking on the blonde stripper's name.
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Hyde lets loose a big laugh. "You've got to be kidding me! I kept her around to make sure I didn't try to do any of those things. There's no way in hell I would have raised kids with her. Does she look like mom material to you?"
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"No, but I'm sure lots of people would probably say the same thing about me. I don't know how a good mom is even supposed to act! Any child that I'd end up having would have an uphill battle for sure. Maybe I'm not even meant to have kids. I wouldn't want to inflict my crazy on a poor unsuspecting child," she rambles, flustered.
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Hearing Jackie talk this way about herself enrages Hyde. If a guy ever said shit like this to him about her, he'd punch his lights out. He can't exactly do the same to her. He turns to look at her once again. "You listen to me Jackie, you're the kindest person I know with the biggest heart. Any kid would be lucky to have you for a mom. It doesn't matter if you don't know what you're doing, you know how to take care of people you love. If either of us had a mom like you'd be, we'd both be a hell of a lot less fucked up."
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Jackie smiles one of her now-rare, genuine smiles, the kind that reach her eyes and radiate back onto the people around her. Getting her to do that felt better than completing a marathon.
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"Thank you, Steven," she says, meaning those words more than she has in ages.
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"I still have five more questions" he says to distract himself from the urge to kiss that brilliant smile until he feels the same way. "Can I start?"
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"The snow finally stopped falling" she informs him, "so you'd better ask before they're able to dig us out" she warns.
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"What? Are you planning on bolting out of here as soon as the driveway is clear?" he asks her nervously.
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"I don't know" she says honestly. "I don't want to, which is probably why I should."
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He clears his throat and regains his composure. "So, #16" he jumps right back in. "What's your biggest regret?"
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"If you had asked me a few days ago, I would have said meeting Steven Hyde" she laughs. "Now, I just regret giving up on you when Sam showed up. You really needed me—even as a friend—and I just let you backslide into an abyss. I should have fought for you, because look what you became without me," she says matter-of-factly and with a true Jackie-esque lack of humility. "It was hard to see you like that, all porn-'stached, angry and drunk. Watching you live like that hurt me worse than anything you may have said to me. You had come too far to turn into Bud" she frowns.
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Hyde runs his hands over his face. She was thinking of him while he was treating her like roadkill. It's only now starting to dawn on him just how much he was cherished by her. Every time he thinks he's reached the end of the shame hole, he seems to be able to kick out the false bottom and keep digging.
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"#17 – Do you ever think about the two of us, how we might have been if you'd never taken that job?" he wonders.
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"That used to be one of my favorite fantasies, but I don't allow myself to think about it too much anymore" she says sadly. "It's just...pointless masochism."
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"I always thought we'd stay in Point Place" he offers. "I was saving for a house when we broke up, but it didn't really make any sense after you left. I figured it might be nice to live near Kitty and Red, and maybe have a few rugrats."
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"Can we talk about something else, it's making me feel depressed" she turns her face and scrunches her eyes up, trying to hold back tears.
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"Sorry" he says, and he actually means it. Hurting her used to give him a jolt, but now it only stings like he's picking at his own wounds. "#18 – Do you still...do you still love me?" he asks, as he holds his breath tightly.
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She presses her forehead up against his and looks deeply into his eyes. Jackie's never had this kind of unfettered access to Hyde's bare specs, and she's finding the contact addictive. "How is it not completely obvious to you?" she asks with disbelief. "I know boys aren't as smart as girls, but it shouldn't be-"
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Before she can finish the sentence, Hyde's lips are on hers, hungry and needy, like a starving man at a cruise buffet. She gasps as he consumes her, not even leaving enough room for air to pass between them.
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He tangles his hands through her berry scented curls, needing to feel her everywhere he can. "Jackie" he moans into her mouth. "I'm miserable without you" he exhales as one of his hands pulls the tie loose on her wrap dress. "I haven't been able to breathe since you left".
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Hyde's declaration sends her into a haze of lust and longing. She pulls open his dress shirt, ripping the buttons off as she yanks it open to get at what's inside. Her mouth is on his neck, tasting him, feeling his rough stubble rub along the grooves of her tongue as her hands glide over his broad chest and masculine arms.
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"Tell me" he begs, as he pulls off her dress and unhooks her bra, revealing a great expanse of her creamy olive skin for him to sample. "I want to hear you say it again" he pleads, desperate to feel loved again in a way nobody else has been able to do.
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Jackie takes his lips with hers and unbuckles his belt, sliding his chords halfway down, and taking his erection in her small hand.
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He lets out a small groan as she makes contact and begins stroking him.
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"Jackie, please..." he murmurs into her mouth as she continues rubbing, while sliding her other hand down the back of his pants to grab his ass. "Oh God" he breathes, feeling her surprisingly strong hands do their work.
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Delirious from desire, he leans down and takes one of her breasts in his mouth, while playing with the other one, making her writhe with want.
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Not having underwear to remove, she is now completely nude and climbs onto all fours to finish pulling Hyde's pants off of his legs. He watches her intently as she slowly inches down his boxer shorts and greedily takes his erection into her mouth.
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"Jesus, Jackie" he growls as she envelops him with her soft wet tongue, gently teasing the tip. His hands extend down and gently caress the silky mop on her head, putting him into sensory overload.
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"No, I want it like this. I want to feel you." he demands, as he eases her mouth off of him after a few minutes. "I want to hear you scream my name as you come" he whispers in her ear, causing goosebumps to erupt everywhere on her body.
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He reaches down and dips a finger into her, then rhythmically glides over her sensitive places again and again until she's on the edge.
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"God you're so wet. I want to make you wet inside too" he rasps, making the blood in her body throb and boil.
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He pulls her on top of him and slowly lowers her down onto him, both of them groaning on first contact. They remain still for a moment, enjoying the sensation of intimacy.
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"Oh Steven!" Jackie screams as she begins to quiver around him. He's barely moved at all, and she's already over the cliff. Panting, she rides her orgasm out, leaving her dazed and weak-kneed.
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"Somebody is into this" he grins cheekily as he flips her onto her stomach, knowing she's too weak to take control of things. With one hand snaked around her torso grasping her breast and the other on her hip, he gently enters her again, causing Jackie to pull a sharp intake of air into her lungs, as her newly sensitized core is invaded again.
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"Are you okay?" he asks as he playfully squeezes her behind.
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She nods, dizzy and still unable to speak, as he plows into her from behind over and over again until she's convinced she's seeing fireworks behind her closed eyelids.
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"Say it Jackie" he demands once again as he leans over her back and peppers her spine with gentle kisses. "Tell me" he urges, near breathless from his erotic battering, but she can't speak, as she's too close to losing her mind again.
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He flips her on her back again, desperate to see her face as she climaxes. He rams into her again from the front, and Jackie whimpers her approval. He pumps away at her over and over, until he has nothing left to give. He leans forward and whispers something into her ear that makes her climax immediately, tightening all around him, taking him over the edge until he erupts inside of her. He empties himself into her as she gives him her body, leaving them both empty husks lying dormant on the same mattress.
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Both out of breath and sweaty, they pant silently next to one another, until they notice the other's heaving breathing, which sends them both into a fit of giggles as they pull themselves closer together and intertwine their limbs.
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Hyde moves Jackie's mussed hair out of her face and tucks it behind her ears. She leans forward and kisses him sweetly and without agenda. "Hey" she says to get his attention. "I do...still love you. I'll probably never stop," she admits as she burrows her head into his chest.
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"That's what I'm banking on." he murmurs into the top of her head as he kisses her there.
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A/N – I know having an entire chapter with two characters trapped in a room can be kind of claustrophobic, but that's kind of what I was going for. I didn't think they'd be honest with each other unless they were locked away in solitude somewhere. So—about that smut—did it sizzle or fizzle for you? Please let me know what you think in the reviews section!