A/N: Contains spoilers through the Genophage and the attack on the Citadel. Also up through the memorial for Sarah's (Ashley's sister) husband. Shep is I and III and Ash is II and IV (in case it wasn't clear :) ). And a thousand thank you to the reviewers. You're far too kind... I only hope the rest of this series lives up to what you've said.

I.

There are new imprints on my heart now.

How do you quantify a species?
In one friend's elation; in another friend's death.

Mordin Solus is gone.

It was his project, his cure, and his sacrifice. A friend, a comrade, a scientist.

My graveyard forest has another shadow – Salarian-shaped and whispering my name. I hear him when I close my eyes; I see him in my dreams.
I hope that through his actions, through his final gesture, that he has found his peace.

He wouldn't have had it any other way.

Eve said that there is reason yet to hope. I see it painted on Wrex's features, the pride in what he has helped establish: a future for his people.

But I hope that history remembers it was Mordin that made it possible. And I hope he's studying his seashells, wherever he is.
It was his project, his cure, his sacrifice.

He is the hero of the Krogan; not me. By comparison, my role was nothing.

We chose to save one species at the cost of a man's life, at the cost of another's support. How can you ever quantify all that was gained or lost?

At the end of the day, all you can do is count the imprints on your heart. And over time, as the losses pile, you wonder if there's any room left for more – until something smacks you so hard in the chest you're not sure you can ever breathe again.

I lost Thane today too.
And you know then that pain, like space, is infinite.

Another comrade and friend. A proud man, a good man. Someone who had committed wrongs in his life and who spent his final moments praying for my soul. His wish was for me.

Thane was like that.
Kalahira, be good to him.

I always knew that his end would come. And while his disease killed slowly, I think he met his end in a more fitting manner. He died a hero.
I hope he would agree.

And he, like Mordin, will join the ranks of my shadowed forest. In his deep croak, he will whisper to me.
And I will always answer them both.

A woman from Benning, Jessica Frohm, wrote me that the memory of those we've lost lives on in us.

So, today, I'll live for Mordin and for Thane.
It's the only way I can quantify their loss.

II.

Streets crack through in havoc-split ravines
As the doomstruck city crumbles block by block:
The hour is crowed in lunatic thirteens.

Fractured glass flies down in smithereens;
Our lucky relics have been put in hock:
The idiot bird leaps out and drunken leans.
- Doomsday, Plath

The mask was shattered today.

As a soldier, I'm no stranger to death. I'm used to seeing citizens lying on the ground, their relics scattered about them. But something about seeing it on the Citadel… The Citadel always seemed untouchable, somehow.

Today we learned that nothing is untouchable in war. Cerberus made sure of that.

The bloodstains may have been cleaned off the walls, but the bullet holes and shattered glass remain.
I hope they don't do too good a job of rebuilding this time.

I'm not proud of it, but, when we learned that Cerberus was involved, my first thought was of you, Shepard… that you were behind it somehow.
Again, I'm not proud of that, but it's honest.

I guess if there was one thing that I always thought I could count on, it would be you. But it's hard to let go of history. It's too easy to fall.

And it was easier to think that you were the traitor than to look elsewhere. I was never Udina's biggest fan, but I didn't expect him to work with Cerberus. Of course, I never expected that of you either…

I guess that's why I still can't let go of history.

But I'm trying.

When I said I'd rather ride out the storm on the Normandy, I meant it.
Even if my questions can't be answered, I know I have to try.

III.

Lots of Cerberus people think they're doing the right thing. I know I did.

Udina… I may not have liked the man, but I didn't want to kill him.

How do you measure a man?
I'd like to remember him that way – as thinking he was doing the right thing.

You found me right after the confrontation, confused and hurting in the elevator.
More chips and scratches worn against you with time. Imperfect, but it's part of what makes you so beautiful to me. Shibui.

Garrus asked me if I could have killed you if it came down to it.
I guess if there was one thing that I always thought I could count on, it would be you.
I'm glad I could.

Because I know I couldn't have pulled that trigger.
I don't know what changed your mind, or if we can get past all the history between us, but I know we have to try. For lots of reasons - for the ones left behind so that we could move forward.

Like Kaidan.

In some way, I think maybe Kaidan was looking out for us today.

As long as we're alive to remember those we've lost, they're still with us.
Kaidan deserved to be remembered by us both.

So, today, I think I'll live for him.
And today, I'll thank him for you.

IV.

It wasn't what we'd planned for him, for Sarah's husband. But after the Cerberus attack, the Memorial Wall was one of the only things left untouched. I'll give them some credit for that. I guess even Cerberus is above desecrating the dead.

But the transports had been re-routed and the ships had been deployed. And more had fallen still.

So, it was just the two of us … three of us. With your own dead to bury and your own losses to mourn, you were there.
There for me, is what you said.

I … I believe that.
I know that I haven't always been there for you.

Maybe it's not a fall, after all. Maybe it's a leap of faith.
And faith is something that I have, something that I can give.

And it's more important now than ever.

I remember something I learned in school called the Law of Large Numbers, during math class, I think. I shoot things for a living, not solve equations, so I don't remember what it means exactly, but the name seems to fit better than anything else I can think of.

The Law of Large Numbers.

I think our brains shut down after a certain point, that things are so horrible and so immense that we can't understand the magnitude without being gutted by it. We can hear of thousands or millions dead, but it doesn't register, doesn't sink in until you're punched in the chest with it. The Law of Large Numbers.

We could barely find space to put his picture up on the Memorial Wall. Seeing all those people staring back at me, the faces of the dead or missing… That's when it hit me, the enormity of it all. I don't think there's anyone left untouched by this, or, if there is, they won't be for long. All the people on the Citadel trying to go about their lives… I used to think it was blindness or ignorance, but I don't anymore. Maybe it's just the Law of Large Numbers. Things are so horrible and so immense that you do what you can to shut it out so you're not gutted by it.

All of these people, mourning the ones they've lost… And terrified that they'll be next.

I guess that brings me back to you, Shepard: their lives have become your burden.
We both know it; we all do.
The people of the Citadel and the galaxy watch the storm clouds gathering low over the horizon and all they can do is trust in you to see them through.

I'm not the only one taking a leap of faith.

But it's hard to let go of the past. Maybe that's why I haven't yet.
Maybe that's why it was easier to think "Shepard would try to save the Council" and raise a gun to your head than to let myself fall.

I don't know how you've stood up so well under the pressure.
Staring into the storm… It reminds me how small we are.

But, I won't give up hope, and I have faith enough to share – in you, in us. In the questions I need to have answered.

Yes… I think I'm ready to take that leap.

So for today, we live.
And for today, we remember.

The rain and the wind, the wind and the rain -
They are with us like a disease:
They worry the heart, they work the brain,
As they shoulder and clutch at the shrieking pane,
And savage the helpless trees.

What does it profit a man to know
These tattered and tumbling skies
A million stately stars will show,
And the ruining grace of the after-glow
And the rush of the wild sunrise?

Ever the rain - the rain and the wind!
Come, hunch with me over the fire,
Dream of the dreams that leered and grinned,
Ere the blood of the Year got chilled and thinned,
And the death came on desire!
- The Rain and the Wind, Henley