A/N: Okay. I was bored and wanted to write. So I wrote Ian's interview. This one was actually really fun to write. Poor Ian :)
Disclaimer: I do not own the 39 Clues. Or "Knicker-licious". I owe that one to Agent Galini.
Jessi: If you were a bear, what type of bear would you be?
Ian: What kind of question is that?
Jessi: What kind of question is that?
Ian: Did you just mimic me?
Jessi: No. I repeated what you said in a British accent. I can't help it. British accents are just so fun. I could speak in my Australian accent instead.
Ian: How about you speak in your American accent.
Jessi: Do you not like Australian accents? What about Russian? Maybe Dutch?*Note each sentence is said about a specific accent is said in the accent it is about. Wow. Confusing*
Ian: I prefer American accents.
Jessi: Like Amy's?
Ian: Excuse me?
Jessi: You know, I think if you were a bear you'd be a teddy bear. You're so huggable!
Ian: I am not huggable!
Jessi: Yes you are! Why else would you where those soft designer suits if you didn't want people to hug you so they could feel the softness!
Ian: Gucci is not soft!
Jessi: Hmmm… Ya know what? It's silkier. But people still like the feel of silk though, so you're just as huggable. You're still a teddy bear!
Ian: I am not a Teddy Bear.
Jessi: Myself? I'm probably more of a Spectacle Bear. They're so cool! They have this Beige colored mask on their faces that can make them look like they're wearing glasses. They live in South America, but their endangered because locals think they'll eat the livestock and they kill them, but also because their gall bladder is used in this Chinese medicine, so they sell for a lot on the international market. Oh! And-
Ian: I think I've heard enough.
Jessi: Did the epicness of the Spectacle bear touch your soul?
Ian: No. Why are you asking what bear I would be if it's the Tomas symbol and the Lucian is a snake?
Jessi: Because, I know that you'd be an adder. And I can't exactly ask you what type of Dragon you would be. Well, actually you would probably be red. And Madrigals don't even have an animal, just an M. I definitely can't ask you what type of "M" you would be. And wolf….Actually; you strike me as a British Columbian Wolf.
Ian: Right….
Jessi: I met a kid named Ian at camp. He had a platypus shirt.
Ian: A platypus?
Jessi: Yup! But anyway, how is it going with Amy?
Ian: I don't understand what you mean.
Jessi: Well, when we left off in the Medusa Plot, you were all bitter and tired form jet lag and Amy was mad because you dragged Evan into all of the Clue Hunt mess. Has Amy forgiven you yet?
Ian: Perhaps you should read the Kings Ransom and find out.
Jessi: No Fair! I can't get to a book store!
Ian: That sounds like a personal problem to me.
Jessi: You're mean!
Ian: And you are acting like a five year old!
Jessi: Meany!
Ian: Really? That's the best you can come up with to defend yourself? And don't pout!
Jessi: No. I live in a free country; I can pout all I want.
Ian: When your constitution was written, I highly doubt the writers intended the freedom they were fighting for to be used to pout.
Jessi: That was actually very patriotic sounding. Even though you're British and I'm going to ignore you and continue my pouting.
Ian: Are you humming?
Jessi: Yes. It takes talent to hum and pout you know.
Ian: And what are you humming?
Jessi: Moves Like Jagger. Very catchy. I could sing it if you like. Though it's kinda hard to sing and pout…
Ian: Um, no thank yo-
Jessi: I got those moooovvveees moooovvveees moves like Jagger!
Ian:…Is that it?
Jessi: It's the only words to the song I really pay attention to. I zone out on the rest. Still, it's catchy.
Ian: I'm sure it is.
Jessi: Can you say knickers?
Ian: No! I'm not going to say a ridiculous word because you request me to!
Jessi: But it would be so much fun to hear someone say knickers in an authentic British accent.
Ian: I am not saying knickers.
Jessi: YOU JUST SAID KNICKERS!
Ian: No I- GAH!
Jessi: I am victorious! Now say "Knicker-licious".
Ian: No!
Jessi: Yes! I, as the interviewer, demand it!
Ian: It is not happening.
Jessi: Come on. Don't be a diva.
Ian: I am not being a diva and I am not saying knicker-licious!
Jessi: HA!
*Unto no fault of my own, since I most certainly did not provoke him in any way, Ian started screaming profanity at me. The guards came in (I am very familiar with Alejandro and Henry by now) attempting to save me from him. Ian finally calmed down. After attempting to stab Alejandro and I with a poison dart that he snuck past security. Three times. What is it with Lucians and darts?*
Jessi: So. Now that we're done with the attempted murder, do you know Harry Potter?
Ian: What?
Jessi: You know. British wizard. The Chosen One. The Boy Who Lived. He's pretty famous; I would think you would know him.
Ian: He's a fictional character.
Jessi: That's what they want you to think.
Ian: So I assume you've been to Hogwarts.
Jessi: Of course.
Ian: I am seriously questioning your sanity.
Jessi: I've grown quite tired of you insulting me.
Ian: Really? I haven't tired of it at all.
Jessi: You will regret those words.
Ian: I don't think so. Life is too short for regrets, don't you think?
Jessi: So you don't regret leaving Amy for dead in a cave in Korea?
Ian:…
Jessi: Uh huh. Thought so. Its okay, you don't have to confess your undying love for Amy and burning jealousy of Evan to me. However, if Amy is ever walking by, feel free to unload all these feelings onto her. And feel free to slap Evan.
Ian: I am a man. Men don't slap people.
Jessi: Yea, you're right. You're a rich man. You can pay girly men for that.
Ian: Girly men?
Jessi: More girly than you.
Ian: I AM N-
Jessi: You wear designer suits. You more than likely use lotion, because when you wear trying to grab me earlier so you could stab me with a poison dart I noticed your hands are quite soft. You wear silk and of all the bears in the world, you would be a Teddy Bear. You, Ian Nathaniel Kabra, are a girly man.
Ian: I am not a girly man! And my middle name is not Nathaniel.
Jessi: Probably not, but I sounded so much more serious using a middle name.
Ian: You truly are an insane, poorly styled, evil little girl.
Jessi: That is just mean! I am not little, I'm 5'6! And that's is a little harsh.
Ian: I think we are done here.
Jessi: One more question.
Ian: What?
Jessi: You remember Dan?
Ian: How could I forget Daniel?
Jessi: Dan. It's Dan. And anyway, I interviewed him before you. The interview… went a little askew at the end. But I told Dan I just might do him a little favor.
Ian: I don't see how you're little promise to Daniel has anything to do with me.
Jessi: DIE, TEDDY BEAR DIE!
*After the little, ahem, incident, during the last interview, the Madrigals confiscated my spiced up pepper spray. SO I made another batch and amplified the spiciness. By a lot. And snuck it in. .Insert Evil Laugh Here. And I really am not to blame for using said pepper spray on Ian's face. It was provoked. That'll teach him to call me little girl. And best of all, it's all on video. Alejandro was filming with his phone from the window outside the door. Thirty minutes of Ian rolling around on the floor, screaming. I shall email it to Dan.*
*Ian left. He wasn't all that happy. I thought the interview went quite well.*
A/N: So? What did ya think? Please, feel free to reveal your thoughts and questions to the little review box. I am between doing Natalie's interview next or Jonahs. If I do Natalie's, I'll do Jonahs next, and if I do Jonah's, I'll do Natalie's after that, so submit any questions you want to ask the two!