"How many inches of dis white stuff are ve supposed to get, mein gott?" Kurt exclaimed, shivering, tucking his tail underneath him as he snuggled further into the easy chair closest to the fireplace. Logan peered out the large arched window, "Enough that we're probably gonna have to shovel all day tomorrow. I gotta teach Shayna to direct that fire of hers. She could melt the snow off the driveway for us."

Kurt chuckled, "Ororo says shoveling is good exercise, I vould love to see her exercise vith us."

"I'll tell her that, Kurt." Logan winked at him, "Loki, hey, are you with us here?"

Loki had been sitting in the chair beside the couch watching Kitty and Grace who were currently occupied, their heads bent together as Grace watched Kitty knitting the first row from the yarn on her needle.

"It's his favorite show," he looked at Kurt and cocked a thumb towards Loki, "Hey, pal, time for a commercial break." Kurt hid his smile behind his hand as Loki turned his head to Logan but kept his eyes still trained on Grace's hands.

"What?"

Logan walked up to him and clapped his hands, "On the count of three, you will wake up feeling refreshed.." He smiled as he heard Kurt snicker.

"What, Logan, what?" Loki put his hands out, "I am paying attention."

"Yeah to the girls. We were deciding who was going to shovel snow tomorrow and in light of your inattention, you should go first."

"I do believe that there is more than one shovel in the foyer closet, feel free to join me." Loki cast them both a glance, eyes narrowed.

"Hey we're in charge of hauling that damned tree into the common room tomorrow, you wanna trade jobs?" Logan put his hands on his hips but Loki shook his head,

"I shall be in the kitchen learning how to make something called Christmas cookies."

Logan stared at Grace and Kitty, "Did you guys put him up to that? I mean baking for chris'sakes."

"Well it's a lot more fun than trying to wrestle a ten foot tree into a large metal stand.." Grace pointed at Logan with a needle and Logan looked at Kurt,

"I got the feeling we've been rooked, pal."

Kurt buried his nose in his bible, "Indeed, ve maybe should take Loki's lead next time."

Loki returned his attention to Grace, "I must ask, whatever are you doing?"

"Knitting, don't they do that where you come from?"

He reached over and fingered the yarn, "The domestics do, yes, to make cloth or lace or bed covers. Why do you do it?"

"For pleasure, because I enjoy it. It's called a hobby."

He picked up the skein and held it in his hands.

"Hey don't pull too hard, you're going to make me drop stitches." Grace tugged the strand of yarn from her needle, creating some slack.

"The colors are my standard, green and gold."

"Standard?" Logan looked over at Loki, "What do ya mean?"

Loki handed the skein back to Grace, "My royal colors. The colors I bear on my court dress and battle armor."

"Like that armor your brother wore that day?"

Loki frowned at the mention of Thor, "Much different, I could show you," he stood from the chair.

Logan gestured back to him, "Okay then, show us."

Emerald gold light shimmered around Loki's form, his feet, legs, to his hips, waist, across his chest, over his shoulders to his head, until he was clothed in the elaborate leather and metal armor, burnished gold pauldrons on his shoulders, gorget, long dark green leather great coat, bracers on his forearms, long leather boots, and a great dark gold helmet with long rear curving horns.

Grace had seen enough and she averted her gaze until Loki walked up to the couch and stopped before her. "Do you not like my battle armor?"

She could see the tips of his boots but refused to look up, "I've seen it before, that was enough."

It took him a few moments to realize what she meant, waving his hands apart, dissolving the image of the armor from his body. "Forgive me." he said softly as he sat back down in the chair.

"That was a hell of a helmet, I didn't know they made 'em that big. It's gotta be rough keeping that shit steady when you're swinging a sword and all that." Logan sat down on the couch opposite Grace and Kitty, "Pretty impressive though, long horn."

Loki glared at Logan, "I rather think so pussy cat."

Grace burst out laughing, "Pussy cat! That's perfect, thank you, Loki." She smiled at Logan, "Pussy cat."

Logan gave her the finger first, then aimed it at Loki who was smiling with her, "I'm heading to bed, Loki?" he looked up at Logan, "Kiss my ass. Grace, you too."

Logan strode out of the library shaking his head.

"Pussy cat." Kurt giggled, "Ja, das is funny."

Kitty held up the knitting needles with two rows of knitting hanging from it, "How am I doing?"

"Good," Grace took the needles from her and inspected the work. "Just keep going."

Grace wrapped her needles in a few strand of yarn to secure them with the skein and put the whole of it in a small canvas bag at her feet.

"I'm going to head to bed. It's been a long day and we've got stuff to do tomorrow."

Loki stood with Grace, "Please allow me to walk you to your rooms."

"You don't always have to be so formal, Loki. Come on."

There were a few students in the hall and they waved to Grace and Loki as they passed.

"I am sorry, Grace. I did not mean to upset you."

Grace's sad smile faded a bit, "When I saw you like that, it just made what I saw in your mind a bit more real and I'd rather labor under the idea that it was a dream instead."

"That I was what I was I cannot change but I assure you, I am what I was no longer."

She nodded, "I know, I just don't want to be reminded of it."

"Then you never shall be. When do you wish me to be in the kitchen tomorrow?"

She stopped at her door, set the canvas bag on the floor and drew out her clipboard, "Um, I guess ten or so. After breakfast anyway, why, are you eating breakfast somewhere else?"

Loki nodded, "I asked to speak with Ororo tomorrow morning for a bit, I need her help with something."

Grace felt a small stab of jealousy, "Is it something I could help you with?"

"No, it is more suited to Miss Munroe's talents."

He saw her face darken and he grinned, cupped her chin with his thumb and forefinger, "Do not feel slighted, what I do is a secret and that is the purpose of a secret, to keep it, am I correct?"

She gave a slight nod and eyed him, "Okay that's a good enough argument, I guess."

He leaned over suddenly and kissed her on the forehead, "Sleep well my fair lady."

She waited until he had disappeared down the stairs at the far end of the hall to enter her rooms, her smile wide, her stomach quivering with the press of his lips to her skin. She wrapped her arms about herself as she stared out the window at the falling snow, happier than she had been in many years.

Ororo moved the mouse and clicked on another link, "What about this?"

Loki stood over her shoulder, watching the screen, "I do not know, I am entirely new to this. I mean we give gifts for special occasions, weddings and births and the like but I suppose I have not been in a position like this before. I wish it to be something special for her. Wait."

Ororo stopped scrolling, "What?"

Realization dawned on Loki's face, "What is it that she has with her every day, every night?"

"Her clipboard?" Ororo looked up at Loki, "You want to get her a new clipboard?"

"No, her gloves, she wears them to keep herself...safe."

"I think you mean sane. Okay then what kind?"

Loki stood back, "Leather, dark green and gold. I am sure of it."

Ororo typed his parameters into the search bar and hit go. As they waited, Ororo turned to him, "So you're getting a bit serious with Miss Archer then."

"I am friends with her, friends buy presents for one another, do they not?"

Ororo looked at the screen, "Yes they do, but I wasn't talking about the present. Logan talks a lot sometimes."

Loki pursed his lips together, "I was not aware that Logan had an opinion about my relationship with Grace. What does he say?"

"That you two spend a lot of time together. No communication with Sarah in New York I gather?"

Loki's jaw clenched involuntarily, "She has taken up with my brother."

"I'm sorry," Ororo continued to scroll the screen. "I didn't know things weren't going well with you two."

"They go not at all. She is in New York, I am here. I have neither seen nor heard from her since I arrived in September."

"Is she still an agent?"

Loki shrugged, "You would do better to ask Fury."

Ororo pointed to a pair of gloves on the screen, they were dark green with rich yellow lining and yellow laces at the wrists. "What about these?"

Loki smiled, "Yes, would you be so kind as to purchase them for me, I shall pay you."

She nodded, "Would you like me to talk to Fury about Sarah, maybe I could reason with him."

"Be my guest, Ororo, though I believe you will get as far as I did. I do not think she mourns my loss."

"But how would you know? You said you haven't talked to her."

Loki stepped away from the desk, "In the same way that I knew she had kissed Thor this past Thanksgiving, I am a telepath, our minds have been intertwined since we..." He stopped, "the connection must be strong to read her over such a distance and I find I can no longer see her as well as I had in the past." He brought a hand to his forehead and rubbed it, "I must go, Grace is waiting for me."

He was at the door of Ororo's office when she spoke again, "You're not sure anymore are you, Loki."

"Of what am I not sure?" He tilted his head, stared at her.

"Of Sarah,"

Loki held her gaze for a few more seconds, opened the door and walked out into the hall. Instead of heading towards the kitchen, he started back down the hall to his rooms.

Grace was in the staff kitchen surrounded by bowls and cookie sheets and an old beaten up recipe card. She glanced up at the clock for the hundredth time. It was nearly eleven-thirty in the morning. She had asked Kurt if he'd seen Loki but he said he hadn't. She thought about asking Logan to find him and had a sudden terrifying thought, what if he had finally decided to leave, to head to the city?

She told Cookie that she would be right back and she headed for the common room where Logan, Kurt and Piotr were securing the Christmas tree in it's large stand near the massive arched window beside the fireplace.

"You guys haven't seen Loki, have you?" She tugged at Kurt's rolled up shirtsleeve.

"Ach, no my liebling. He vas supposed to be vith you. Has he not shown up?" Kurt grunted as the tree swayed a bit towards him and he grabbed the branches a bit harder to steady it.

"He was supposed to meet me at ten. I wonder if he's in his room."

"So go see," Logan called from the other side of the tree, "He should be here helping us. He ain't helping you either?"

"No?..." She looked around the room as if expecting him to materialize from thin air.

"You thinking he flew the coop, Grace?" Logan came around the tree and stood before her, arms crossed.

"I gotta go." Grace had a distracted look on her face, as if she was thinking hard.

"You want I should come with?" Logan turned to Kurt who nodded.

"He's probably in his room but...why didn't he come and tell me?"

Grace trotted out of the room, Logan following her, "I'll be right back guys, feel free to finish without me."

Grace knocked on Loki's door once, then again, cautiously tried the handle which gave beneath her fingers and swung the door open.

"Hello, anyone home?" She crept inside and scanned the sun filled room, then to the bathroom which was also empty.

"Unless he's invisible, he's not here." Logan bent and peered under the bed.

"Well where the hell can he be? Let's try the library."

They arrived at the library a couple minutes later, seeing at once that it was filled with students studying, reading. Grace asked them if they'd seen Loki that morning but they all answered in the negative. She looked at Logan, her concern growing, "Okay where the hell could he go?"

They walked through the breezeway into the big garage and called out to him, receiving no answer, as they walked around the perimeter, finally returning to the mansion.

She trotted down the hallway, "I'm going to talk to Ororo, he said he had a meeting with her."

"He left my office around ten-thirty, he said he was going to see you." Ororo looked out the window beside her desk, "Is he out shoveling?"

"We haven't checked outside yet." Logan scratched his head, "I don't know, it ain't like him not to be someplace when he says he's going to."

"I'll tell him you're looking for him if he comes back, keep me informed alright?"

Grace nodded, "We will."

After another half hour of looking, they were sure they'd swept the entire campus.

"Maybe we're just missing him." Logan stroked his chin.

"Oh this is just strange." Grace put her hands on her hips, trying not to sound as panicked as she felt. "Let's walk down to the lake, maybe he's taking a walk."

"I guess, whatever you say but personally I'm going to take the snowmobile. You wanna walk go ahead." Logan made to walk away but Grace stood there, her hand over her mouth.

"Grace, I'm sure he's around here somewhere." Ororo had come around the desk and put her hand on her shoulder.

"Ororo, I'm going to take the van and drive out to the interstate. It's only been a couple of hours, if he's walking anywhere, he wouldn't have gotten that far, maybe a few miles."

"Unless he was hitchhiking again and someone picked him up." Logan added, receiving a glare from Ororo.

"You go ahead, take the van, we'll keep looking for him here okay? Just drive careful, don't panic."

Ororo and Logan watched Grace sail from the office and looked at each other.

"You really don't think he's flown the coop do ya?" Logan asked as they headed out into the hallway.

"He was acting fine this morning then we started to talk about Sarah and he got really quiet. I probably should have shut my mouth but you know me, always trying to help."

"Ah, yeah maybe Grace had the right idea then. I just hope she don't run him the hell over, she's got a temper sometimes."

When Grace had finally returned to the mansion alone and in tears, she had been met in the foyer by Kitty, Kurt and Logan. When they had told her that he was indeed missing, she had pushed past them and run upstairs to her rooms, slamming the door shut and dropping into the easy chair, her hands covering her face as she tried to contain her grief to a manageable level. By suppertime, they were convinced that Loki was gone. Kurt and Logan sat at the table in the staff kitchen.

"That's just not right, doing that to her, the poor kid is a mess." Logan tapped his fingers on the table.

"And to us as vell, his freunds, and the kinder, vat vill dey think ven he isn't in class anymore?"

"When we do find him, and I'm sure he'll turn up again eventually, because if he don't I'm going to hunt him down and kick his ass, I'll kick his ass."

Logan got up and walked to the refrigerator, "Hey, one of my six packs is missing, damn it. How many times have I gotta tell people leave my beer alone." He took a beer out and popped it open, taking a long swig.

"I am going to go to der chapel to pray. I need it." Kurt swung his legs down to the floor, picked up his bible from the table, and headed out of the kitchen.

"Wait up, I'll walk with ya but don't expect any Hail Mary's out of me."

The chapel on the grounds was nestled in a small clearing about a hundred yards from the main mansion. Kurt and Logan opened the double doors and walked inside, the only light in the building from the recessed lighting in the foyer and the ambient light that was quickly fading coming in through the stained glass windows. Kurt brought the ceiling lights up by half and the altar with its white marble statue of Jesus, arms outstretched, glowed in the darkness.

Kurt walked up the middle aisle and stopped before the steps to the altar, making the sign of the cross while Logan slid into one of the bench seats and stared up at the high ceiling.

Kurt whispered the Lord's Prayer and was reaching into his vest pocket for his rosary beads, his head turned to the left when his eyes swept upward to find Loki, lying stretched across the front bench, seemingly asleep, a line of six beers on the floor beside him.

"Logan!" Kurt hissed, his voice echoing off the cavernous walls, "Come here."

Logan trotted up beside Kurt, looking to where he was pointing and then started to lunge forward but Kurt held his arm.

"He is asleep and I think he is drunk. Dere is your six pack on der floor."

"All the more reason for me to kick his ass." Logan replied, receiving a punch in the arm from Kurt.

"No svearing or fighting in church. Now let's vake him up gently, den you may take him outside and...do vat you vere talking about."

"Loki," Logan leaned over him, "You ain't getting a kiss sleeping beauty." He shook him by the shoulder as Kurt picked up the last of the beer bottle just in time. Loki jerked awake, dropping off the narrow bench onto the wooden floor, scrambling to his hands and knees, looking for purchase with one hand to draw himself up to the bench again.

Logan reached down and hauled him up, depositing him back to sit on the bench, then put his foot on the bench and glared at him, "Kurt, before I start, save the penitence until I'm finished alright?" He grabbed Loki by the front of his shirt and jostled him hard, "You have thrown the goddamn school into a panic, particularly one good woman who is right now probably crying her eyes out in her rooms. What the hell were you thinking?"

Loki had brought his hands up in defense, "I am sorry, truly I am. I could not face her today."

"So you came here to get drunk, in a church?" Logan looked around him.

"I came here to think upon what was happening to me. About Sarah and Grace. I cannot escape the fact that I love Grace and I have tried to reconcile the fact that Sarah is all but gone from me. I do not know what will happen to the babies when they are born. I may never see them."

'Babies?' Kurt and Logan mouthed to each other, "Pal, tell me you're talking about Sarah, not Grace?"

"Yes, Sarah. But I love Grace though I be a fool for doing so."

Logan hauled him up to stand on wobbly legs, "Why are you a fool? I mean besides the stunt you pulled?"

"She is another Midgardian woman, and as such I risk my heart again, a heart I did not know I still had."

Logan tightened his grip, "A good Midgardian woman, don't you downplay her."

Loki shook his head and groaned for it, "I do not, she is wonderful, beautiful, kind."

Loki's legs gave way a bit and Logan put his arm over his shoulder, "When she hears we've found you, I think you'll change your tune, she's going to kill ya."

Grace had cried herself to sleep in the chair and the knock on the door startled her awake. She padded to the door on bare feet and opened it to find Logan standing there. "We found him."

Grace flew into Logan's arms and hugged him, "Oh my god where the hell was he?"

"You wouldn't believe it, he was in the chapel, the one place we didn't look. He's pretty drunk too. Come on he's in his rooms, if you want to beat the shit outta him at least you can do it in private."

Loki was lying on his bed talking to Kurt who was standing beside it when the door opened letting Logan and then Grace inside. Loki sat up, a repentant look on his face as Grace started to slap him across the chest, punctuating her words with each hit, "What...the...hell...were...you ….thinking?"

Kurt motioned to Logan for the door, "Loki, ve vill talk to you later." He saw Loki give him a look of panic and shrugged.

Grace had stopped hitting him and now was standing, her arms wrapped around her chest as the door closed behind them.

"I am sorry Grace, I did not mean to scare you. I needed to be alone today." Loki stood from the bed, bracing himself, feet apart.

"So you couldn't come and tell me that? You had to make me think you'd left for good? I drove to the interstate because I thought you had taken off for New York, damnit!"

"I should have done so, yes, I know but hear me out, I could not face you with the thoughts running through my mind today. I would have been poor company."

Grace waved her hands at him, "Don't give me an excuse, just tell me you didn't want to hang around with me today, I'm a big girl, I would rather hear that than be given a shove off."

Loki's head was starting to pound, "Why would I tell you that which is not true, entirely."

He sat down on the bed hard, flopped back to stare at the ceiling. "I wanted to be with you. I truly did but I had other things on my mind."

"Oh I heard." Grace leaped from the bed whirling around, "You were mooning over Sarah, it's getting damn pathetic. Do you think she's doing the same for you, trying to think of a way to come and see you? Or call you? It's been four months, how much longer are you going to let her drive you crazy like this?"

His speed, even impaired by alcohol, startled her as she suddenly found him before her, "Do not presume to know her thoughts, or mine. She remains in New York to be safe, she is great with child now."

Grace put her hands on his chest and shoved him back, "She wasn't four months ago, stop making excuses for her. She's the one free to move around, not you and she's moving around Thor, you said so your..."

She rocked back on her heels with the impact as his hands shot out and gripped her arms hard, "Never speak his name to me again, do you understand?"

Grace wrenched herself free from his grasp and stumbled backwards, nearly losing her balance. "Don't you dare come at me like that again, Loki." She growled, pushing her hair back from her face, "I don't want to see you, I don't want to speak to you until you've sobered and smartened up."

She turned, threw the door open and strode out into the hallway, leaving Loki standing there in his room, mouth hung open, staring at the place where she'd been. He sat down on the bed, staring at his hands like they'd betrayed him somehow, lifting them to his face and closing his eyes, a groan starting from him that quickly rose in crescendo to a roar.

Kurt found him the following morning curled up on the floor in front of his rooms, nearly tripping over him as he walked out into the hallway only barely catching his balance at the last minute.

Mein Gott, Loki. Vat are you doing here?"

Loki started awake, nearly knocking Kurt over anyway in an effort to regain his feet. "I needed someone to talk to but was reluctant to wake you, so I sat here and fell asleep." He rubbed his face.

"Vell come in. I have a few minutes." Kurt stepped back inside his room, allowing Loki entrance and closing the door.

"You have overcome your little binge?" He gestured towards the easy chair where Loki sat down.

"Do you remember vat you said to us?"

Loki nodded, closed his eyes, put his hand to his forehead, "As do I remember what I said to Grace. Gods, I would not be surprised if she never spoke to me again. I have done her a great disservice and I must make amends."

Kurt perched on the end of his bed, "Vat did you do das vas so bad?"

"I yelled at her, I grabbed her, and all because she told me the truth I did not wish to hear."

Kurt tilted his head, "You did not hurt her did you?"

Loki shook his head, "Not physically no, but I believe I have done grave damage to her feelings."

Kurt stroked his chin, "Does she know that Sarah is vith child?"

Loki gave a sad smile, "She knows. She also knows that Sarah is with my brother now, she is wiser than I to see what I refuse to acknowledge. What can I do to make amends to her?"

Kurt stood from the bed, "Das depends on her. I vill talk to her and see vat she says." He patted Loki's shoulder, "Vat vill happen ven Sarah delivers the babies?"

"I know not what will happen, only that I shall not be welcome there. What happens afterwards I shudder to contemplate."

Kurt squeezed, "I do not envy you your troubles mein freund. I vill try to help though."

Every time Kurt would try to corner Grace, she would have something to do, kids to help, a task to complete. Finally, on Friday afternoon, before she could protest, Kurt directed her to the library where he asked her to sit down and talk with him.

"Grace, have you spoken to Loki?" he asked her, knowing full well she hadn't.

"I haven't had time, I'm busy. Christmas is next week and there's the holiday party to help organize, I have to help with the baking, the decorating, the planning, plus the children, keeping the household running smoothly. I don't have time."

"Ach, you do not have time for your friend?"

Grace fidgeted with the papers on her clipboard, "I don't know what you want me to say. I've been busy."

"You vere not busy before ven you vere always in each other's company?" Kurt sat down on the couch beside her. "He is repentant about vat he did but he does not know how to make amends."

"He hasn't even tried, he scared the hell out of me that afternoon. It was like," She paused, "It was like he was a whole different person."

"Dat is der evil of drink. Have you considered das is vat fueled his tirade?"

Grace nodded, sighed, her breath hitching as she released it. "I miss him horribly, Kurt, but I'm not going to talk to him. He hasn't apologized or even tried, he's avoiding me as much as I am him."

Kurt thought about it, picking his words carefully, "He thinks dere is nothing he can do to make up for his indiscretions. Perhaps you should try to approach him."

Grace frowned, "No, I'm going to go about my work like I should and not get involved with someone who's volatile, stubborn, and can't see what's happening right in front of him." She stood up, Kurt standing with her.

" Leibling, have you never had such a hard decision to make?"

She closed her eyes, pursed her lips. "I always have hard decisions to make, and this is one of them."

Without another word, she stalked from the room. Kurt templed his fingers at his chin, then dug his bible from his coat pocket and sat down, opening it, trying to find a passage to calm his troubled mind.