When Grace returned to his bed two weeks later just shy of Valentine's day and they had finally made love again, their coupling primal and unrestrained, he had wept as he'd spent himself inside of her for the first time, making their union complete. When they'd both walked from his quarters that next morning, finding Kurt about to knock on his door, Loki had smiled at him.
"Guten morgen, I vas looking for only one person. It vould seem my cup runneth over."
Loki grasped Grace's hand tightly, wishing she had forgone her gloves as she had last night so that he could read what she was going to say without making his own effort to probe.
"Good morning Kurt," She turned to Loki, "I'm going to get going. I left my clipboard in my room last night and I've got a lot to do today. I'll meet you in the hall for breakfast." Her kiss, ending in a gentle tug of his bottom lip, sent shivers up his spine.
He watched her down the hall then brought his attention back to Kurt who was standing there open mouthed.
"Come on, I am hungry." Loki started down the hall in the opposite direction from which she'd gone.
After a moment, Kurt trotted up beside him. "Loki, did Miss Archer spend der night vith you?"
"Yes, Kurt."
He narrowed his golden eyes and canted his head to the right, "Reading poetry? Playing chess?"
Loki chuckled, nodded to a group of passing students who called out, "Hi, Mister Laufeyson." as they passed, "No Kurt, what is the word to use in polite company? We slept together."
Kurt had to continue his trot to keep up with Loki's wide stride, "Slept together, so you are a couple now."
Loki opened the door into the hall, letting Kurt through, "Yes, we are. Does it displease you?"
Kurt patted his arm, "About you being a couple, nein. About the sleeping together? Dis is der twenty-first century, mein freund. About vat is happening vith your kinder and Sarah? Das concerns me. She vas here a few veeks ago, have you heard from her since?"
Loki shook his head, irritation clouding his mind, "I have not and I cannot call her because I do not have her telephone number and I cannot visit her as readily as she can visit me. I have spoken to Ororo and she has called Fury but all he will say is that the children are doing well and that is all I need to know."
"Vat a bastard." Kurt mumbled and Loki cast him a shocked look, "Vat, can I not get frustrated every once in a vile?"
"I will wait, as I must. I will go and talk to Ororo again, perhaps he will let her call Sarah and talk to her. I yearn to see my children even if it be my brother bringing them to me."
He spied Grace across the great hall and headed towards her, Kurt still following him.
"I was waiting for you." She glanced up at Loki and Kurt, "I'm trying to make sure we've got all the details for the Valentine's day dance down pat."
Loki sat beside her, nestled his chin on her shoulder, "I will get your breakfast for you. What do you wish?"
"Grace smiled and tilted her head to touch his, "Nothing, I'll get mine."
"Nonsense," Loki stood back up, "I shall do it but tell me what you wish."
Grace rolled her eyes and looked at Kurt, "He's unstoppable. Okay then, scrambled eggs, toast, bacon. Got that?"
"Come Kurt, we will fetch breakfast." he tugged at Kurt's sleeve as he walked by.
"Vy must I go vith you?"
"Well are you not going to eat today?' Loki locked arms with him and they headed towards the serving area.
As Grace was writing something more on the clipboard, she was jostled by a heavy thud on the bench seat and Logan slid over to her, "Hey, you know I got a nose for it, what gives?"
"A nose for what?" She bit her tongue hard enough to see stars.
"The kissy huggy stuff, Gracie." he jerked a thumb in the direction Loki had gone, "You and Long Horn getting serious now?"
All at once, she felt content, "Yes we are. We were talking this morning about moving to larger quarters together."
Logan nodded slowly, "You ready to be a mother?"
"Not yet, we're being careful."
He reached over and lightly slapped her forehead, "He's already got kids, Gracie. If they come for a visit, you're going to have to play mommy."
"We talked about that too, I'm already a house mother. I've dried millions of tears and snotty noses, held crying kids, waited out tantrums." She saw Loki heading towards them and smiled.
"What about midnight feedings and diapers?" She heard Logan chuckle and she wasn't sure whether he was teasing or serious.
"I'll deal with that when it comes time, or I'll send them to you."
His laugh made Loki stop his conversation with Kurt and look to where they sat.
"You're pretty funny, kid and I hope you know what you're doing."
"Oh I do." She replied as Loki sat the tray down before her and gave Logan a look.
"Do what, M'lady?"
"You already got him whipped? Oh man, Loki, hurry up and eat. I've gotta get you into the gym and spar with you a bit, going to have to kick the pussy out of you."
"Logan, isn't it too early in der morning for your daily invectives?" Kurt sighed, setting his tray on the table opposite Grace's.
"Isn't it too early in the morning to preach?" Logan picked up Grace's fork and tried to poke Kurt's hand which he'd set on the table. He withdrew it and bared his teeth, "Logan, I vill wrap my tail around your throat, drag you to der ceiling and drop you on der griddle."
Loki laughed at Kurt's rare show of agression, "You vould do the same thing." he muttered as he picked up his own fork and started to eat, "If you had a tail."
Sarah sat cross legged on the bed, exhausted, a pile of papers in front of her, Thor breathing heavily beside her, deep asleep. She listened for a moment as she heard movement from one of the two cribs in the corner of their bedroom. They had discussed moving to an apartment in the center of Manhattan, a larger one with a room for the children. She glanced down at the bottle of blue pills lying on the bed underneath the sheaf of papers. Fury had handed it to her at their meeting that afternoon with explicit instructions as to when she should start taking them. She covered the bottle with the papers again and started to read through the legalese printed on the papers that she'd had the lawyer draw up. After her meeting, she had stopped at the law office of Dewey and Mercer, scanning the papers quickly and asking them what the hell it meant.
Joseph Dewey, the senior partner and a jolly, portly but intense man, had read the first few paragraphs with interpretations until she was sure that it said what she wanted it to. She would keep one copy at home and leave one copy at the lawyer's office.
Fen's little squeaking cry startled her. She quickly shuffled the papers together and stuffed them into the manilla envelope on the floor beside the bed. Thor stirred, raised his head, "It is Fen."
"I know, I can tell."
She lifted the squirming bundle. "He needs to be changed, he's wet all the way through." She received no response from Thor though. He was already asleep again. "Figures."
It took a while to quiet Fen down but fortunately Madison stayed asleep through the whole ordeal. She had hoped that the way she was feeling had been postpartum but she still felt like a live in babysitter to someone else's children. She put Fen down gently, trying not to wake him, and tiptoed back to the bed where she slid beneath the covers. Thor turned over to face her and pulled her against him, slipping back to slumber. She heard Fen moving again but he didn't cry. She had felt alone during her pregnancy, scared, but most of all, ambiguous. She had cried a river of tears, wondering why she couldn't feel anything towards the two miracles feet away from her, until she had come to terms with it. The papers on the nightstand were the only solution she could think of. Sleep came slowly that night as she thought of what was going to happen next.
Loki held the package of push pins up for Grace as she unrolled the pink and red crepe streamers across the top of the doorway leading into the gym.
"Grace, why do you not let me climb the ladder and you hold the package of pins?"
"Because," She gave the crepe streamer a small twist and pushed the pin into the old holes in the wood frame, "I have the artistic ability. You would simply put them up straight, no twist, besides what are you worried about? I'm three feet off the ground."
He put his hand on her calf as she leaned over the top of the stepladder to reach further, "You are still in danger of falling."
She came down the ladder until she was even with him, "Hey for once we're the same height."
He wrapped his free arm around her waist as she leaned over and kissed him, teetering on one foot, her hand at his face. He swung her down from the ladder and broke the kiss.
"We have much more to do, we must not be distracted." another short kiss, "You are the decorating committee," Another kiss, longer this time, their tongues working together, he nearly losing his grip on the container of pins, "My love, you persuade me most strongly to abandon..." he felt her fingers brush against the zipper at the front of his pants, "All thoughts of work, Gods."
The sound of pounding footsteps drove them apart and they stepped out into the hallway to see Logan running towards them. "Loki, Jesus, come on, your brother is here."
A rush of adrenaline hit him as he looked at Grace then back to Logan, "Does he have the children with him?"
"No, there's some other guy though, not the one with the eyepatch. Come on, they're in Ororo's office." Logan tugged at his arm.
"Do you want me to go with you?" Grace held onto his other arm, panic set on her face.
"No, I do not know what he wants. I would rather if they were finally going to take me home that you not have to be there." They started for the door but Grace fell in step with them.
"Like hell they're taking you for one, and for another, I want to be there if they try it."
Loki looked at Logan and shrugged as they started down the corridor.
Thor was standing before Ororo's desk, one hand cradling his elbow while the other he held over his mouth. Beside him, stood Doctor Banner, looking morose and uncomfortable as he stared down at the floor.
"The green menace, dear brother, have you brought backup?" Loki eyed Banner, then stopped before Thor. "What is it you want with me?" The look upon Thor's face took Loki's breath away, his eyes were red rimmed as if he'd been crying.
"Brother? What is it?"
"She is gone, Loki." Thor's face contorted then to rage, "She is gone!"
Grace had hung back when they'd entered the office, catching Ororo's glance as she stood behind the desk.
"Who is gone?" He paused, looked at Banner whose thoughts had always been an open book and his legs gave way as he saw the wreckage in a picture, the car burnt, the hood accordioned in upon itself, motor in pieces along some nameless highway. Only Thor's strong arm kept him from reaching the ground. It felt as if someone else was roaring the word "No" over and over, though he knew it was himself. His mind raced, searching for her, wondering if she was somewhere, comatose in a Manhattan hospital but found only emptiness where her thread had been in his mind and he shoved himself away from Thor.
"How did this happen? How!" He felt blindly for a chair, draped himself over the back, "By the Gods! Thor tell me you lie."
When Loki had cried out, the tears had returned to Thor's eyes and he now stood before him, cheeks wet. "She was driving to Lizzie's, a large truck drove over the middle of the highway and struck her car." Thor's voice was ragged, deep with grief.
"Where are my children?!" Loki swung around as Banner spoke up,
"They're safe, they were in their car seats and people who pulled up on the accident got them out in time. They were brought to the hospital and checked out. They're with Lizzie right now."
"I want to see her." Loki turned, heading for the door, his forward progress halted by Thor's strong hand. He stared ahead, growled, "Take me to see her, Thor."
"Brother, there is nothing left to see. They weren't able to get her out of the car in time."
His eyes shifted to Grace, then rolling back into his head as he collapsed to the floor, Logan and Thor lifting him to the chair, Grace joining them as Logan patted his cheek hard. "Come on Loki, don't bow out on us."
Ororo had stepped out from behind her desk and was now standing behind them. She put a hand on Logan's shoulder and pushed him to the side, kneeling on the floor in front of the chair. "Loki, come on, you want me to call Doctor Adamson?" She looked up at Thor who seemed thoroughly lost, a strange sight in a man his size.
Loki drew in a hitching breath and opened his eyes, nearly starting from the chair until Ororo put a hand to his chest. "I'm going to call the doctor anyway. He'll give you something to relax you, okay?"
Loki shoved Ororo's hand from him and stood up, legs like rubber, "I want to see my children."
He walked up to Thor, "Why are they with her sister?"
"Because she was the closest relative that they could call." Thor put his hand on Loki's shoulder.
"Is there not something called a birth certificate that has the name of the mother and father upon it? Am I not on that certificate?"
Thor hugged him to his chest, "Of course you are, brother, but they contacted the closest relatives."
Loki tore from Thor's grasp. "How soon may I see them?"
"I will ask her tomorrow. I must see her at the memorial service."
Loki pivoted and returned to Thor, "Memorial service? What time? Where?"
Thor looked at the floor, "When I told Fury I was going to come here to tell you about Sarah, he told me to remind you that you are still banned from Manhattan until further notice."
"From a fucking memorial service?" Logan spoke up, "This guy has got to be the world's biggest dick."
Loki nodded, "I know what to do. Where is the service?"
Thor put his hands out, "i know what you are thinking brother. They will take you as soon as they see you, it is only for family, even I am not able to be there." Loki felt a stab of pain at his brother's obvious anguish, angry at the love he could feel coming from his brother's thoughts, "What can you hope to accomplish by such a thing? You must be a father to your children now."
"I thought that she wished you to fill such a role." Loki took a step towards Thor and Banner tensed, took his hands out of his pockets.
"She never told me anything of the sort. She wished you to be a part of their lives." Thor was suddenly at a loss for words, his hands at his head, finally with a groan, he spoke, "Brother, I wish so much to speak with you but this is not the time nor the place. I shall visit you again soon and we will try to wipe away the bad blood between us."
Loki said nothing in return, only stared at him, eyes hard as ice. Thor put both hands on his shoulders, "I share your grief, Loki. We must go, Fury wanted us back at S.H.I.E.L.D by this evening and it grows dark." he leaned in and kissed Loki on the forehead, "Be strong, brother."
Grace nearly had to run to keep up with Loki's long strides, he reaching the door to his quarters long before her. She opened the door to find him prostrate on the floor beside the bed, sobbing, his hands covering his face.
"Loki"
"LEAVE ME ALONE!" He yelled at her, shying from her touch at his back.
"No, I'm going to stay here until you're done." She sat down beside him cross legged.
"Were it I could CUT out my HEART! GODS, it hurts me so." She returned her hand to his back but he didn't flinch this time, instead leaned over to her until he was draped across her lap, her arms wrapped around his chest, face buried in his neck as she rocked him, silent, listening to him when he needed to talk, soothing him as well as she could until he was quiet. She pushed him up from her, "Come on, let's get you into bed." As she was unbuttoning his shirt, he sitting on the edge of the bed staring into space, there came a knock at the door and Kurt's face appeared around the edge.
"I vanted to come see you as soon as I heard." She glanced at Kurt, hoping he wouldn't send Loki into another paroxysm.
"Thank you." Loki's voice was barely above a whisper.
"It vas Ororo who stopped me in der hallway and told me. She gave me a bottle of something for you to take, from Doc Adamson."
Grace took the bottle Kurt was holding out to her. "It's Valium, I'll get some water." She headed for the bathroom.
Kurt bent over and looked at Loki's face. Loki's eyes skittered to Kurt's. "What if I had stayed with her, if we had continued to run? She would still be alive."
"Ach, vat if's are just dat. Do not torture yourself vith dem." Kurt patted his shoulder.
"I cannot help it. It does not seem real."
Kurt sat on the bed beside him, "It never does. Give it time. Let Grace take care of you."
Loki gave a quick nod. "I must now think of my children, of Fen and Madison. I must see them."
Grace had returned with the water and handed it to Loki. She opened the bottle and took out one pill, handing it to him then replacing the cap.
"Take that and get into bed."
"Ja," Kurt stood back up, "I vill check in on you tomorrow, mein freund, peace be vith you."
As the door closed behind Kurt, Grace took the empty glass from Loki and set it on the nightstand. "Come on," She handed him his pair of pajama pants she'd grabbed from the bathroom door. "Get changed."
She drew down the covers of the bed as he stood unzipping his pants.
"Will you stay here with me?" he asked as he lay down underneath the sheets.
She kicked off her shoes and slid under the covers with him, "I'll stay until you fall asleep and then I'll go down to the gym and help them." She lay on her side and cradled him in her arms, he curling up to her, his arm tight around her waist.
"I keep thinking that it was somehow my fault."
Grace stroked his hair, "It wasn't, get that out of your head now."
"I should never have left her in Maine." She heard his groan, pull her tighter to him and her throat burned as tears sprang to her eyes. "And yet if I had not, I would have never met my kindred soul."
He canted his head upward and kissed her chin. "Gods, I love you, Grace."
"I love you too now hush and let yourself sleep." She felt him shift a bit, settling in, and soon his breathing had changed from strong and deep to shallow and even, his body becoming heavier as his muscles relaxed. Grace closed her eyes, exhausted, worried, even angry at that woman for swinging his thoughts back to her even in death. She hugged Loki's sleeping form closer to her, felt him respond from somewhere in the ether, and carefully extracted herself from his embrace, covering him up before she slipped her shoes back on and left the room.
She returned to Ororo's office where Logan and Ororo were still talking.
"Long Horn asleep?" Logan asked her as she slumped into a chair before the desk.
"Yes, thank god. He was a mess."
"That's rough, having your brother tell you your old flame is dead. Isn't he the one who was banging her now?"
"Logan!" Ororo cried, "Have you got to be so crude?"
"What?" Logan threw his hands in the air, "I was being honest."
"Do you think he'll insist on trying to get to that memorial service?" Ororo looked at Grace who shook her head.
"I don't think so. I'll stay with him tomorrow. Now we have to worry about the kids. I mean did she have a will? Were the children in it? He's the father, do they naturally go to him?"
"Told ya," Logan nudged her and she glared at him.
"Not always, if there was no will, the children will go to whomever the court thinks will raise the child properly, she has a sister in Far Rockaway and that's where they are now." Ororo glanced at her phone, considering a call to Fury. "Tomorrow I'm going to call S.H.I.E.L.D."
"Make sure you get her sister's phone number and address, unless they want to come here with the babies, he's going to get insistent real quick and I know how determined he can be."
It was nearly midnight before Grace slipped beneath the covers beside Loki who was still asleep. She curled up behind him, knees bent into his and wrapped her arm around his stomach, feeling him arch slightly into her embrace as the events of the day played out in her mind, carrying her into her dreams.