Loki was not in bed beside her when she awoke the next morning and she started to panic until she heard voices in the hallway. She got up, pulled on the pants and t-shirt she'd tossed on the nearest easy chair the night before and cracked open the door.
Loki was leaning against the wall in the hallway, Logan standing in front of him with his arms crossed.
"I'm trying to determine whether or not he was planning on sneaking out."
Loki was clearly aggravated but he gave Grace a sad smile, "And I told him that I was going for a walk."
Logan cast a sidelong glance at him, "And who's called God of Mischief here? Not me."
Loki gave a loud sigh, "I only wished to go for a walk, by the Gods!"
"Go ahead Loki." Grace waved at him, "I'm going to go to my rooms and take a shower then do my laundry. You catch up with me when you want to."
Loki looked at Logan, then with a kiss to Grace, he was off down the hall, through the dusty sunbeams shining through the tall windows.
Logan watched him for a minute, "You're nuts. He's gonna try to make that memorial service, mark my words." He followed Grace back into Loki's rooms.
"How, Logan? He can't drive, he doesn't know where it is." She slipped her flats on and gestured for him to leave the room. She followed him out, closing the door behind them.
"He can read minds, did his brother know where the service was?"
Grace slowed her pace temporarily, "I guess he did." then she shook her head, "Stop that! He's not going anywhere."
"Aw you're so cute when you're in denial." Logan patted her on the head, "I'm going to breakfast. Call me if you can't find him." She glared at him as he pushed through the great hall doors, letting the din of the crowd filter out. She opened the door a moment later, stepped through, scanned the hall then left.
Three times she had to stop herself from looking for him, instead, making herself remain where she was, in the laundry room with students and staff who would occasionally eye her when they thought she wasn't looking.
It was heading towards one that afternoon when Loki knocked on her door and walked in. She was putting clothes away in her dresser and she forced herself to sound nonchalant. "What's up?"
When he didn't answer, she turned around and was startled to find him right behind her holding out a piece of paper with a phone number and an address scrawled on it.
"Ororo looked it up for me. It is Sarah's sister's number."
She took the paper from him, "And her address. Far Rockaway isn't in Manhattan, it's in Queens. Did that jerk Fury mention the five boroughs?"
"I do not understand, Grace."
She frowned, "Never mind. Do you want to call her?"
He sat on the bed, "I would not know what to say."
Grace handed him back the paper and picked up another piece of laundry from the basket at her feet. "How about, Hi, I'm Fen and Madison's dad and I'd like to come and get them, for starters."
Loki put his hands to his temples, "I cannot do that. Ororo said I may not be allowed custody if there is nothing written stating that should be the case. She explained to me that I am not listed as a citizen of the United States, I told her the other countries I am also not a citizen of."
Grace looked over her shoulder at him, waiting until he gave her a wry grin, "All of them."
"Well then you could at least go and see them. Sarah must have had a will or something."
Loki studied the paper in his hands, "I do not know what to do, Odin's beard!"
She picked up the empty basket and set it over beside the bathroom door, "Well perhaps you should look at what your goal is. You want to see the children right?"
Loki nodded.
"According to Thor, that's where they are. You want your children with you?"
"Yes, I do."
"Then the only thing left to do is to call her and ask her when is a good time to come over."
When he said nothing more, she took the paper from his hand, "You want me to do the calling don't you."
He looked up at her.
"No matter where you go in the universe, men are all alike." She folded the paper and put it in her pocket. "I don't know what to say either. They don't know me."
"Nor do they know me." He reached up and caught her hands in his, pressing them to his lips, "Sarah was right, I am a coward."
"If I hear that again, I won't do it." She pulled her hands from his, "You're not a damn coward, do you understand?"
Before he could protest, she took his arm and pulled him up from the bed, "Come on, I have another basket to do. We'll stop at your room and get your laundry too."
That subsequent afternoon found them in Ororo's office alone, both of them sitting, looking at the phone on her desk.
"So that we're clear on this, you want me to ask her if you can come and see the kids tomorrow? You don't think it's too soon after, you know...afterwards?"
"A day, a week, a year? It does not matter how long we wait, my children will still be my children."
Grace picked up the phone and dialed the number. As she listened to the rings, she wiped her hands on her skirt, they had suddenly begun to sweat.
When she was about to hang up after five rings, someone on the other end picked up, "Hello?"
"Hi, my name is Grace Archer. I'm the house mother at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters in Salem Center, New York, to whom am I speaking?" She grimaced. She knew she sounded like she was conducting an entrance interview.
"This is Elizabeth Tanner." Oh god, was it Misses or Miss, she decided to forgo addressing her.
"I'm calling on behalf of Mister Laufeyson." There was silence on the other end of the phone and she thought for a moment that Elizabeth had hung up on her but finally she spoke again.
"What does he want?"
"He would like to come and see his children, tomorrow if possible."
"I don't think so, it's not..." She heard voices in the background cutting Elizabeth off, could hear a male voice, low and angry, "He's their father, Lizzie, whether you like it or not. You want to get into a legal battle?"
She glanced at Loki who was staring at her, his lips pursed together.
"When does he want to see them? What time?"
She put her hand over the mouthpiece, "What time, Loki?"
He shrugged, "Ten in the morning?"
"Would ten in the morning be alright?" more silence followed by muffled words this time, she was covering the mouthpiece on her end as well.
"Alright, I suppose. Will he be alone?"
"No ma'am, I'm bringing him."
She heard a sigh on the other end. "Do you know where we live?"
"I have the address here," She read it to her.
"Okay, well we'll watch for you then."
Grace said goodbye and hung up. "Well they said yes. She sounded really pissed off. I think you're going to have a time with these people."
As she stood and replaced the phone into its cradle, Loki grabbed for her and pulled her onto his lap where he held her, his head leaning on her shoulder, "Thank you, my love."
"Mmmm, you owe me." She grumbled, then tilting her head back as he nuzzled her neck, "Oh you think that kind of payment is going to work? I'm talking breakfast in bed, folding..." he nipped at her chin, "Laundry..." her eyes closed, "A little more to the right and upward and you can forget the laundry." She giggled as he hit a ticklish spot and she pushed him away from her as she got up from his lap.
"Let's tell Ororo what's going on."
Lizzie bounced Madison while Charlie fed Fen his bottle, she hadn't set down since the phone call. "Let's be honest with ourselves, Liz. You talked to the lawyer yesterday, even though the will has to be read legally, it still stipulates that the children are to go with their father. The temporary custody order is just that, temporary. We have to let them go eventually."
"To a fucking monster? There has to be some way we can stop him." Lizzie peeked at Madison and seeing she was finally asleep, laid her down in the pack and play beside the couch. Before she said anything further, she looked through the big bay window to make sure Daniel was still outside playing in the snow.
"I can bet you he has no idea what to do with a baby." Lizzie stomped into the kitchen.
"Neither did your sister." Charlie said, following her with Fen over his shoulder. He was patting Fen on the back gently to burp him.
"Chuck that's not fair." She was starting to tear up again, "She had a horrible case of postpartum depression. She loved these babies."
"I never said she didn't love them, I just don't think she could handle them." He readjusted Fen, finally receiving a burp for his efforts.
"And now they're going to have the same problem, going to someone who can't handle them."
"It was your sister's choice to hook up with the man. I warned her. Besides, eventually Fen would be going to that school anyway, look at the poor little guy."
Lizzie stroked the black hair atop his head, rubbed the blue skin of his tiny little fist. "This is just horrible." She sniffled.
"Let's just see how it goes okay? We don't have much choice anyhow."
Loki buttoned up his shirt to just below his neck and held out his arms to Grace. "Do I look like a father?"
"You got me. I had quite a few foster fathers and none of them looked like you." She adjusted her black slacks and pulled her light brown sweater down. "What about me, do I look like a house mother?"
"You look like Grace to me."
"Thanks for the compliment." She took her coat from the hook by her door and shrugged it on. "Let's get going, I still have to gas up the school car before we leave and it's going to take at least an hour and a half to get there."
Ororo had patted Loki's cheek before they left, reassuring him. Kurt had blessed him and the car. Logan had wanted to give him a switchblade to take with him but Grace had nixed the idea. Now they had just entered the borough of Queens. Loki, silent and nervous, watched the scenery pass by. Grace reached over and caressed his cheek with her fingers. "Relax, just think, you're going to see your babies again."
"You sound so positive, I wish I were able to share your optimism."
"Honestly I'm a little excited. I love babies and I never got to see them when Sarah visited the school."
Loki smiled, "Will you help me with them?"
Grace returned the smile, "I can't wait."
She started awake, the pitch darkness sending her into a panic until she recalled where she was. "Lights, fifty percent." She said into the gloom. The lights rose until she could see the interior of the bedroom. She had chosen his former quarters for her final night in Manhattan specifically to torture herself. She'd spent the last three days entertaining multiple scenarios, telling herself to walk out of the building and never come back, listen to what Fury was telling her to do, call Thor, call her sister.
When Fury had handed her the bottle of pills the day after her visit to Loki at the school and asked her if she really wanted to disappear off his radar and start over again somewhere else, she had taken the bottle and told him that she needed to do some serious soul searching first. Her career had been her highest goal, her most cherished achievement in her life, giving her some of her proudest moments. She had seen fellow agents die for the cause and she had truly related to that commitment.
The pregnancy had signified an end to all she'd worked for and she knew she would blame those two innocent lives for ruining the rest of hers if she stayed where she was. She'd come to this revelation, deciding to make out her last will and testament to assure that the children would go to Loki. She owed him and the children at least that. He was a teacher at a school for mutants for chrissakes, Fen at least would need that environment. She felt deep regret for Thor, he had rejected Jane for her and now he would be alone again but there would be other women for him, she knew that. Her family was the hardest, her mother and father, her sister. The morning she 'd gone to Fury and told him that she would accept his offer, she had asked about telling her family what was going to happen and he had been adamant in his refusal, telling her that for this to work, everyone involved would have to be kept in the dark. The night of the alleged car accident had been the worse night of her life and it was the closest she had come to reneging on her agreement when she had given the carriers containing Fen and Madison to one of the paramedics from the ambulance that had arrived on the crash scene.
The urgent beeping on the nightstand beside the bed made her sit up, "Goddamn it," She hopped out of bed and trotted into the living room to her pocket book. She had been set to take another of those damnable blue pills at eight and now it was nearing ten in the morning. Even though the hated things made her tired and groggy half the day, she disliked that kind of window seeing as the pill would take thirty minutes at best to hit her bloodstream and be effective, though by now, there would be no reason for Loki to look for her ever again, she would still keep taking the pill until she was back in California at Alpha One again. She swallowed the pill down with a glass of water as she stood at the sink, all at once needing to close her eyes as scenes kept coming back to her of the time spent in this room with him. She returned to the bedroom, pulled the duffel from under the bed and went into the bathroom to collect her toiletries. She was going to have to get to the airport by noon at the latest to get through check in.
Grace pulled into the driveway of the ranch style house in Far Rockaway and shut down the engine. They both sat there listening to the ticking of the engine as it started to cool quickly in the cold February air.
"Let's do it." Grace got out of the car first, stood waiting as Loki slowly exited the passenger side and shut the door.
She didn't wait for him to move but started up the steps to the front door and pushed the button for the doorbell.
After a couple minutes, the door was answered by a blond woman of medium height with a slight chubbiness to her. She looked at Loki, then at Grace, "Come in, the babies are up in the living room near the fireplace. It's cold today."
Charlie was standing at the top of the stairs with Madison in his arms and he stepped back as Loki made the landing and turned to him, "I remember you."
"And I remember you too." Charlie mumbled.
Loki held out his arms to Charlie and though he hesitated, Charlie handed Madison over to Loki who cradled her while he walked over to look at Fenris who was fast asleep in his carrier.
"They have grown."
Grace had followed Lizzie up the stairs and was now standing beside Loki, touching Madison's head, the silky hair there. "Kids do that, Loki."
He was smiling down at Madison, "They are well cared for. When shall I be able to bring them home with me?"
Lizzie looked at Charlie, "The court has given us temporary custody for now, until the will is read. Then if no one objects, the transfer will be made, but for now they stay with us."
"What is a will?" Loki's smile had faded and he lifted Madison to his shoulder.
"It's a piece of paper stating what someone wants done with their earthly possessions after they've died so their families don't have to guess or argue about who gets great grandma's silver plate or the family home." Charlie looked back to Lizzie.
"And how soon will this paper be read?" Loki had handed Madison to Charlie again as he bent down and took Fen from his carrier.
"I don't know," Lizzie spoke up, "The lawyer said he would call us this week to make an appointment when we could all be together."
Grace surmised that Lizzie and her husband were at least comfortable. They had a nice house, the living room was bigger than most of the places she'd lived in as a child. She could see a nice large kitchen with a huge center island through one of the archways, a nice deck through sliding glass doors beyond that and another set of stairs leading up to what must have been bedrooms and bathrooms on the second floor.
"You have a beautiful home." Grace said to Lizzie who gave her a thin lipped smile,
"Thank you."
Loki looked down at Fen who had awakened and was looking up at him with ruby red eyes. He had never tried for the obvious reason that there was little he could glean from the mind of a baby but he wanted to see what had happened the day of the crash, wanted to see Sarah one more time and he searched the small mind before him.
Grace was squatting down in front of Madison's carrier playing with her little hand, watching the fingers grasp her pinky when she heard Loki above her, "Grace," She glanced up at him and was alarmed at the look he was giving her. She stood up as Loki was handing Fen to Charlie. "We must leave."
"Now?" She stared at him.
"Yes, we need to be back at the school soon." If she had started to form words in her head to say, his returning stare stopped them dead on her tongue.
He had his hand at Fen's forehead, stroking it but she could see from where she stood that he was visibly trembling.
Grace turned to Lizzie who was standing back from them, her face set and hard. "You'll call us when the will is going to be read?"
"I'll call the school and tell them." She offered no more information just watched as Loki took Grace's arm and gave it a slight tug.
"If you will excuse us, we must be going."
Once they were outside again in the driveway, Grace looked at him, "Okay what's going on?" but he held up his hand for silence as he closed his eyes and after a second's hesitation had to put his hands on the hood of the car for balance. As he was opening the passenger side door, he growled, "We must go to Manhattan, now."
Grace had come around the drivers side and was about to fasten her seat belt when she heard him. "Oh hell no. There's no reason to go to Manhattan except to get your ass tagged and bagged." She felt his hand grab the front of her sweater but was unprepared for the vehemence of his reponse as he drew her towards him, "Sarah is alive." He hissed, "She is at S.H.I.E.L.D at this very moment."
"Bullshit." She yanked the front of her sweater from his grasp and started the car. "What makes you say that?"
"I looked into Fen's mind and I saw her handing the carrier to a man beside an ambulance. I could see the wreck of the car behind her, in flames so I searched for her mind and found her in Manhattan, but faint, I am not sure why. We must hurry lest we lose her."
She backed out of the driveway. "I say we go back to the school like we said we were going to."
"No!" he roared at her, "I will find her and bring her to task."
Grace gripped the steering wheel and returned his anger with equal vengeance, "NO! I'm not going to lose you. If they see you in Manhattan, you're fair game and I'm not going to be a party to it."
She turned to him and was startled to see Charlie sitting beside her, "They will not see me, Grace, no one will except her."
She looked in her rear view mirror, hoping they were far enough away from the house. "Stop it please. I can't stand it when you do that."
Loki sat back in the seat, "We must find her."
Grace was heading for the highway, "What will you do when you find her? I mean something is drastically wrong here, can't you feel it?" She put her hand atop his fist and felt the cold skin beneath her fingers, the tremble of tense muscles.
"There is much wrong. I must do this. I must find out why she has done what she has done."
She signaled the turn onto the Rockaway turnpike, "This is insane, Loki. Do you really want to know the truth?"
"There can be no other choice. If I do not find her and talk to her, I will spend the rest of my days asking myself why."
She could hear the pain in his voice and she squeezed his hand which relaxed to grip her fingers.
"This is not good."
Sarah pulled on her pants and looked at the clock on the nightstand, nearly eleven. She was going to have to do some running to get to the airport. She considered having Fury bring one of the company cars around to the foyer but she preferred to take one last look at the city. She would take the subway instead. It was quicker than fighting traffic in a car or a taxi. She grabbed her duffel, walked into the living room and took one last look around then stepped out into the hallway ready to head for California.
The traffic was typical for a Thursday morning but she could tell Loki was getting more and more agitated as they crept through the city. He had told her to head towards the Chrysler building, S.H.I.E.L.D was in a tall office building beside it. Grace had rarely been to New York and her knuckles were white as she watched the building loom closer, listening to Loki as he fed her directions.
Sarah stepped out into the cold February air punctuated by the sunshine mocking her with its bare warmth. There were few people on the streets and she was glad of it as she headed for the subway station nearby, her duffel slung over her shoulder, her head starting to get that drowsy feeling as the pill started to hit.
"I am losing her, Gods, hurry!" Loki cried as they turned onto Lexington avenue which would take them past the office. The traffic had stopped for a red light when Loki found her, walking past their car on the right hand side of the street. He flung open the door. Grace swore, "Jesus fucking Christ!" throwing the car in park and looking in the direction he had gone, panic setting in as she realized she couldn't find him. She got out of the car to honks and beeps and ran for the sidewalk.
Sarah heard a shout and turned to see Charlie coming towards her. She had a moment of panic but figured that if the jig was up at least Charlie would have some idea of why she'd done it, but there was no smile on his face as he took her arm, leading her down an alley they were just passing to her left. She was suddenly frightened, would they kill her? Had she really screwed up this bad?
"Charlie wait let me explain."
She was being shoved into a doorway, and she hit hard, one hand pinned to the door the other twisted behind her back, her legs to the side trapped by his own, pressing hard, and all at once the feel of burning cold steel against her throat, stinging.
"Oh god," She gasped, "Please Chuck not like this."
"You LIED!" Loki roared, his features dissolving until he stood before her, the dagger of ice pressed to her neck.
"Loki, oh Jesus." She thought of the gun in her side holster, useless with her hand trapped to the door.
"You lied to Lizzie, to me, to your beloved THOR!"
She felt the knife press harder, "I had to do what I thought was right."
"What sorcery did you use to hide from me? TELL ME!"
"The bottle of pills in my duffel bag." her voice cracked, "They're anti-epileptics, they alter the alpha waves in the brain."
"So that I could not read you," His face was inches from hers, "What of the children? WHAT OF THEM!"
Grace heard people yelling at her to move the car but she was too intent on finding Loki. She ran in the direction he'd gone, nearing the alley where he'd taken Sarah when she heard him shouting. She could see him pressed against her in a doorway about halfway down the side of the building and she stopped.
"You abandoned them, left them with your sister." he had eased his grip on her wrist a bit.
"I put in my will that the children should go to you." She moved her wrist to see if he would let go but he only pressed the knife harder in, she yelped as the knife broke the skin.
"I never intended to have kids, Loki" She was beginning to cry, "Fury wanted me back at Alpha One and I knew I couldn't take the babies with me."
"Loki?" Sarah looked towards the voice and saw a young woman standing there a few feet from them, "You need to stop this."
He never acknowledged the woman, never turned towards her.
"I saw into Fen's mind, I saw the last image of his mother handing him to a man she did not know and walking away. Did you abandon him because of his color or because of his father?" His voice was hoarse.
"I didn't abandon them. I told you they're yours. Please Loki, let me go."
He was shaking, tears standing in his eyes. "I loved you, by the Almighty Allfather. You have betrayed everyone for your own selfish reasons."
The dagger of ice dissolved into his hand and he stepped back from Sarah. She was holding the wrist he'd shoved against the door. "Damnit Loki, why did you have to come looking for me?"
He felt Grace's hand at his elbow, "Let's get out of here while we can."
Loki turned his head to stare at Grace, "You are right. There is nothing here for me anymore."
Sarah had reached into her right pocket when he'd turned to Grace, hitting the silent alarm on her cell phone with her thumb. Her head felt fuzzy now, the pills had hit her hard again.
"I will raise our children, Sarah, with Grace." She saw the woman smile up at him, adoration plain upon her face and she was suddenly angry.
"Does she know everything about you?" Sarah started towards them, stopping when Grace held up her hand.
"More than you ever will in a lifetime."
Sarah was counting the seconds as they ticked by, grasping at straws, "I'm sure there are things he hasn't told you."
"And I'm sure there are things you haven't told him." While she spoke, Grace had removed her glove and all at once she grabbed Sarah's hand tightly, the images rushing through their contact like a giant conduit, the babies being born, Thor's face above her in a darkened room, Fury handing her the bottle of pills, the cabin at the lake, the gala, Loki curled up before her in bed, and then her hand reaching into the pocket of her coat for the cell phone.
She let go abruptly, Sarah was panting, holding her hand to her chest. "You slept with her?"
Grace took his hand, "Loki there are agents on the way here, we have to go."
Loki glared at Sarah, "It would seem we have both been undone by Fury. Before I go, I must tell you something I learned from Thor when he told me about your alleged death. The oaf was so grief stricken that he could not be bothered to hide his thoughts from me. Do you know that Fury was behind your seduction?" Grace was trying to push Loki before her, "That he forced Thor's hand in order to drive us apart?"
"You are a damn liar!" She cried, hating the smile that crept onto his face.
"You did not know he was a skilled trickster as well, though he ended up caught in his own web."
"Loki!" Grace shouted, "We have to go."
Loki took one last look at Sarah and they both started to walk towards the main street.
"Stop Loki!" Sarah yelled.
He whirled around nearly toppling Grace who joined him, backing up into his chest as she stared down the barrel of Sarah's service revolver.
"Sarah, put that away, it will do you no good." Loki stared at her and she felt her confidence waver, where the hell were the agents? "It would seem you have forgotten who I am already."
He turned, waved for Grace to start walking again.
"Loki, please stop, don't make me do this." Sarah yelled, watched Loki shake his head, keep walking.
"This is your final warning!" Her arms were shaking as she tightened her finger on the trigger and Grace, looking over her shoulder, saw the movement of her forearm.
Loki heard the echo of the pistol shot loud in the alley way and he flinched, ready for impact, instead hearing Grace give a thin reedy cry of surprise. He pivoted around to find Grace on her hands and knees behind him, the bloom of blood beginning to darken her winter coat and the dirty snow on the ground below. "Loki, shit." her voice was small, weak.
He dropped to his knees beside her, his breath coming ragged as he looked over his shoulder at Sarah who was standing there, her revolver limp at her side, hand to her mouth.
Footsteps were fast approaching behind him but all he could feel was rage, pure white hot anger as a growl rose in his throat to a roar and he was on his feet, running towards her, the footsteps growing louder, accompanied by shouts of "Halt!" and "Stand down." Sarah was backing up down the alley, starting to raise her gun again, shouting to the agents behind him, "Tazer! Tazer!"
Bright pain shot through him, a hundred times stronger than the perimeter bracelet, a thousand times harder as every muscle in his body convulsed, dropping him to his knees. He struggled to regain his footing, the goal before him, to have his hands around Sarah's neck, spurring him on until he was feet from her and the second and final jolt grayed out then blackened her face staring down at him below a clouded gray sky.