Chapter 15: Denial
He wasn't expecting her to be like this after grieving for four straight days. She's been smiling more often and laughing a lot. She's also been way too clingy to Finn. Finn could tell that her fathers were confused. Everyone was confused. It doesn't take that quickly to recover from a miscarriage.
Rachel hasn't shed a tear or sob onto Finn's arms. For Finn, he was holding himself together. He'll cry when he's alone. He'll cry in front of Kurt, his mom, and Burt. He never cried in front of Rachel.
The break was over and Rachel was searching on her laptop. She was searching for schools that needed a vocal teacher. She'd suggested working in a high school. Finn came over during his break to check on Rachel. She smiles and kisses him. "Hi, handsome."
"Hi." Finn says quietly. "What are you doing?"
"I'm looking for high schools who need a vocal teacher. Finn? I can't stay home forever."
"How about McKinley?" Finn asked. "That's where we met..."
"I would love working at McKinley but it feels a little unrealistic. There's a school close by Ashley's. It's called William Georgia High School. They're looking for teachers like me."
Finn smiles. "Then you should go for it."
"Are you on break?" Rachel asked.
"Yes, I am. I have to go back in an hour or so. I just wanted to check on you."
"I'm fine." Rachel smiles. "Are you hungry?"
"Na...I'll pick something up on the way back." Finn responds. "Did you eat?"
"I'm eating more, so yes." Rachel says. She stands up and places her hand on Finn's chest. She pushes him down onto the couch. She kisses him passionately as she runs her hand under Finn's shirt. "I want to be with you."
He sighs. He wasn't sure what was happening with Rachel. He carefully moved her away from him and stood up. "Rach? We can't do this."
Rachel sighs. She crosses her arms "You don't want to be with me?" She asked pouting.
"What are you doing?" Finn asked.
"I'm not doing anything. I just want to have a moment alone with you."
"Rach? Are you okay?" Finn asked. "The way you've been lately is kind of freaking me out. It's like I'm with a scary Rachel." Finn says. "Are you really okay?"
She shrugs her shoulders with her arms still cross.
"Rach?" Finn says. He places his hand on her shoulder. Rachel looks down on the ground. "Can I just make out with you, hold onto you, and never let you go?" Rachel asked. She waits patiently for a response. Finn puts his hand onto his head. "Rach..."
"Fine! If you don't want to do any of that stuff then you should go back to work." Rachel yells and turns her back to Finn. "You made it clear that you don't want me right now..."
"Stop this, Rachel!" Finn yells. "What is gotten into you?"
"Nothing has gotten into me!" Rachel yells at his face. "I'm fine, okay?!"
Finn shook his head. "No, no you're not fine." He says. "I'm not the only one grieving but you are too."
"Grieving over what?" Rachel snaps.
"What?" Finn asked raising his eyebrows.
"What am I supposed to grieve over about?" Rachel asked.
"The loss of our child..." Finn reminds her.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Rachel shakes her head.
"How could you be in denial after a horrible tragedy?" Finn asked. He shook his head. "You better think about what you're doing." And with that he storms out of the house.
He left a hurt, angry, and confused Rachel behind.
He couldn't stay in the apartment later on that day after the argument he had with Rachel. He was surrounded by his family after he cried onto his mother's shoulder. "She's in denial. She's being way too seductive but right now is not a right time. She's acting like she's never had a miscarriage."
Carole rubs her son's back, crying along with him. "She's hurt. She's confused. She's angry with the world. She may not show it but you know she is. She'll come around."
"Her birthday's coming up, you know? December 15th. I was thinking either that day I'd propose to her or the first day of Hanukah." Finn says. "Now I don't even know if I'm still going to do that."
"Proposing her on her birthday?" Kurt asked crying. "That's romantic."
"Is she seeing a therapist?" Burt asked.
"She's tough. She won't agree with her fathers." Finn sighs. "I don't like this Rachel. I don't like it at all..."
"How could she be in denial after losing your child?" Kurt asked.
Finn shook his head with frustration. "She only grieved four straight days..Four!"
"And you're still grieving." Carole says. "It's okay to cry. I'm glad you aren't hiding what you feel."
"But Rachel is, mom. I want to help her but she's scaring me."
"Talk to her dads or something. How's Ashley doing?" Burt asked concerned of his granddaughter.
"She's happy that Rachel's happy again." Finn responds. "I wanted Rachel to be happy but not like seductive happy."
"I'm praying that things will get better for you two." Kurt says, putting a hand on his brother's shoulder. Finn tends to smile and mouths a thank you to him.
That night Ashley was sleeping. Hiram and Leroy were in bed when a hysteric Rachel came inside their room. She crawls on her father's bed and cuddles with them. "I'm really, really scared." She says crying onto their father's arms.
Her fathers rub her back and stroke her hair. "Talk to us." Hiram tells his daughter. He looks at Leroy feeling relieved that their daughter has come to her senses. They knew she was acting different.
"I know I've been weird. I know that lately I've been too cheery. I know that I've been to clingy to Finn, wanting to make out with him every time he came here. I know that I'm in denial. I'm so scared, daddy, dad. I'm so scared." She sobs onto her father's shoulder.
"This is your own way of healing. Everyone who goes threw a miscarriage heals differently." Leroy says. "It's not something to forget."
"Finn hates me.' Rachel cries. "I've been a slut. I've been wanting to be all over him...he just pushes me away. He hates me."
"He doesn't hate you." Hiram says. "He's just worried about you. We all are."
"I'm only like this because I'm afraid if I cry, I won't stop crying...I can't stop crying right now." Rachel sobs.
"It's okay to cry. Cry all you want..." Leroy says kissing his daughter. "Do you want me to schedule you for a meeting with your therapist?"
"NO!" Rachel says. "I don't want to relive this. It hurts."
"Okay, okay..." Leroy's voice was calm. "You can sleep with us, darling."
"We are here for you no matter what." Hiram tells her.
"Daddy? Dad? Can you be with me when I talk to Finn? I'm scared..." Rachel looks at her fathers.
"Of course. You need to sleep." Leroy says. They both kiss their daughter goodnight.
Rachel continues to cry until she falls asleep. Her fathers staring at her hoping she wouldn't be in denial anymore.
They were hoping that things would fine between Rachel and Finn after learning the plan that Finn has for their only daughter.