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Open Your Eyes

"Hey, what did ya find?"

"Nothin. I'm Telling you man, this thing is long gone." Dean says sounding defeated.

Sam sighed sadly, again losing hope that he would find the murderer of his mother and girlfriend.

"Sorry Sammy" he takes a seat across from Sam on is bed.

"You tried man" Sam says, but you can still here the disappointment.

"So did the kid make an appearance yet?" Dean asks with a mixture of sarcasm and worry.

"No not yet. Maybe I should bring her something to eat?" he sounded desperate, more like he just wanted an excuse to talk to her.

"Sammy" Dean spoke sadly "she isn't gonna come out for you. She's gotta to do it on her own."

Sam nods knowingly "I just want to help her, Dean. I mean, I have seen her depressed and I'm just worried that if she goes back to that place she won't make it out." He focuses on his hands, as he sits across from dean on his bed.

"Sammy she's just lost her sister. Of course she's gonna be pretty messed up for a while, but she'll get through it."

Sam disagrees "You weren't there Dean, you don't know what happens when she gets depressed"

Dean scoffs "What'd she do? Sammy, kids lose their families everyday. It sucks, she'll lock her self in her room for a week, listen to crappy music, but she'll get over it. In the mean time we have to go to find Dad."

"I'm not leaving her here. I'm all she has right now." Sam says strongly.

Dean looks down and sighs "Okay, we'll stay for a little while, but we have to find dad Sammy."

Sam shakes his head "No!" he says firmly but his tone soon softens "I am the only person left for her. If I leave her she gets shipped off to foster care. I can't do that to her. I can't do that to Jess."

Dean smiles like he has just figured out a puzzle. "So that's what this is about. You want to stay so bad because you think that in some weird freaky way you'd be betraying Jess."

"No Dean, I mean of course that is part of it, but I want to stay because that girl in there" he points to the door connecting their two rooms "means a lot to me. She is like my little sister. And I never want to do anything to hurt her." After he finishes speaking he wipes away a single tear that has fallen down his face.

Dean smiles understandingly, realizing just how much he cares for her. He knew what it was like to want to protect someone like that. That is how he felt about Sammy his whole life.

"I understand Sam…I really do." He says sincerely, which causes Sam to look up surprised. "But I still need to find Dad. With or without you."

"I know." Sam nods sadly.

"Are you sure you couldn't bring her-"

"Don't even finish that sentence Dean" Sam stood up walking to the kitchen area.

"Just thought it was worth a try" Dean laughs "I'm gonna miss you Sammy" as he stands up too and walks over to Sam.

"Your not gonna hug me are you?" Sam says with fake disgust.

"Bitch"

"Jerk"

They shared a quiet laugh and a look confirming that they both would miss each other without having to get into the "chick flick" emotions of saying it.

I read books and watched movies, but mostly I slept. I thought about going to clubs at night and try to drink my sorrows away, but that left the chance that I would run in to Sam or Dean on my way out or in the motel. I had to keep busy at all times. I couldn't be left alone with my thoughts. They would eat me up inside and I might go back to my old ways. I couldn't. I have already come so far.

I am halfway through reading The Poisonwood Bible when I hear a knock at my door. I sigh and try to ignore it. Just hearing his voice makes me think of her, I can't look at him. I would immediately think of how my "perfect family" is now gone.

"Jenny, I made some lunch. Are you hungry?"

I grab my ipod, put the headphones in my ears and turn the volume up all the way. I am sitting with my back resting on the headboard with my arms wrapped around my knees which are at my chin. I was rocking back and forth and humming to the music, trying to block out Sam's words.

Soon I am wishing that I also blocked out the music. But it's too late. The music is seeping into my brain as the emotions take over me. Tears fall down my eyes and I walk to the door connecting mine and Sam's room. I place one hand on the door trying to see if I can sense Sam there, like a sign that I am not alone.

All this feels strange and untrue

And I won't waste a minute without you

My bones ache, my skin feels cold

And I'm getting so tired and so old

I feel nothing…just my hand on a door waiting for a sign that will never come. I feel alone. My parents are gone, and now so is my sister. My hands start to fidget and I don't think twice about my next move. I let the silent tears fall down my face as I turn and make my way towards the bathroom. As I shut the door I go into my makeup bag and take out the one thing I am looking for.

The anger swells in my guts

And I won't feel these slices and cuts

I want so much to open your eyes

'Cos I need you to look into mine

The song is Open Your Eyes by Snow Patrol

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