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All Along the Watchtower
When I woke up Saturday Dean was gone. According to Sam he had some "Detective business" to take care of. That left Sam and I to talk.
He sat me down and told me that I am really important to him and he doesn't want to see me hurt. He said that it was completely normal for me to miss Jess, he did every second, but I can't let my grief run my life. He told me not to hide how I am feeling from him and I actually listened to him. Although, I did lie when he asked me if I had cut myself after Jess died. I haven't cut my self once since I had broken down, which was extremely difficult, but talking to Sam always made it better.
It is now over a week later and Sam and I just got back from hiking. We have been doing a lot of things together in the past five days. We also have had a lot of talks, which sometimes result in tears from both of us, but they really help me.
"You know, if I knew you were that afraid of animals I wouldn't have taken you hiking." Sam says entering the motel and kicking of his sneakers.
"First of all, a snake is not an animal! Second, yes you would have." I say dramatically as I collapse onto Dean's bed, which I had now taken over.
"You're right" he laughs. "You scream like such a girl."
"Hey!" I yelled as I throw my pillow at him and it hits him right in the face.
"Ouch that hurt!" he says standing up.
"Yeah, whose the girl now" I challenge, standing up.
"Wow, your funny" he says jokingly impressed.
"I know." I say like it's old news "But I'm also starving. Do you think after the hell you put me through today you could maybe buy me some dinner?" I add a toothy grin to persuade him and standup on my tippy toes in anticipation.
"Sure. But only because I don't want to make dinner."
"Thank you!" I jump up.
"You must really like pizza." He chuckles.
"What can I say your food sucks." I say seriously which earns a small glare from him.
"I'll be back soon" He grabs his jacket and heads out the door.
I change out of my hiking clothes and into a pair of faded jeans and one of Sam's big sweatshirts. I lie on the bed and put on my ipod diving back into my book. It has been twenty minutes when I feel someone pull the buds out of my ears. I look up expecting to see Sam but to my suprise find its Dean.
"What are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming back for a couple more days."
"Oh yea, well the case was simpler then I thought." He says trying to scoot around the topic as sits on the bed opposite me. "So where's Sam?"
"Getting Pizza"
"Thank god. I'm starving" He says. There is a long awkward pause and I think he is remembering the last time we saw each other. I decide to bring up the obvious and get it out of the way.
"About what happened" I say sitting up on the bed "I'm really sorry."
He takes a deep breath in prepaation for the subject. "Yeah, you were pretty out of it."
"I know…I feel so embarrassed." I say ashamed.
He shakes hsi head softly "Don't worry about it. We all say things we don't mean. However for most people it's induced by alcohol…not blood loss." I laugh a little, liking the fact that the conversation wasn't as scary as I thought it would be.
"I just want to say thank you for helping me." I smile genuinely at him "I mean I didn't even think you liked me."
He looks a little guilty "I know I was a little mean before…I was just worried about my brother."
"It's cool, I get it." I wave it off.
"Well to be honest" He says and he instantly gets my attention. I have not known Dean for long, but even I know he doesn't usually get this personable "I was a little jealous of you."
I can't even explain the confusion that comes over me as my mouth hits the floor "What? Why?"
"I don't know." He stands up, pacing "It's just…he's my brother and there he was caring about you more than I have ever seen him care about anything or anyone." He looks at me and I can tell he is a little embarrassed.
I can't help but laugh. He looks up at me like I am making fun of him so I try to explain myself. "Sorry, I'm not making fun, but this whole time I have been jealous of you. You're his real brother, and I was afraid that since you came back he might…he might leave me." I am now the one looking embarrassed.
Dean chuckles "I have to tell ya kid, you could not be more wrong. Sam is crazy about you."
I look up at him expectantly "Really?"
He nods "Yeah, it's almost sickening how much he cares about you. Trust me he wouldn't take off on you."
I look up at him and smile appreciatively. But when I really look into his eyes I can see there is something else bothering him. "What?" He looks at me trying to convince me nothing is wrong but I know better "Dude, you've got a tell the size of Pamela Anderson's boobs"
He looks at me weird for a second put gets to the point. "Listen Jenny, I saw something that night. Something I probably should have talked to Sam about."
"Well why didn't you?" I asked curiously.
"Because I thought I should ask you about it first."
"That's honorable." I say quietly and try not to laugh when I look up and see him look almost too proud of himself.
"Whatsup Dean?" I ask now more serious.
"Uh well you see when I was cleaning you up I…um.." he hesitates.
"What?"
"I saw the cuts on your wrist"
The answer is like a slap to the face. The last thing I expected to hear come out of Dean's mouth. I mean I've only known him for a few days and now I have to tell him my biggest secret. I don't want to, but what if I don't. I mean keeping secrets is what made me start cutting, right?
"I started after my parents died" I say quickly, looking up to see him listening with sympathy "About a month after I moved in with Jess she found out. She and Sam thought it was best that I go see a therapist, someone to talk to about my feelings." I stress the word bitterly that was so often used in my therapy sessions. "Anyway, I stopped, but when Jess died I…I was weak. I didn't want to be vulnerable to people, so I lied. I pretended everything was ok when it wasn't. I let my sickness get the best of me. But it hasn't happened since you left, and it won't happen again." I finish feeling proud of my composure then I look up at Dean in anticipation of his reaction. He still looks like he is trying to understand all that I have said.
He looks confused "No offense, but why did you tell me all that? I mean, you don't even now me."
"That's kind of the point." I say and he nods understandingly. "So you're not going to tell Sam, right?" I am beyond desperate.
"Nope" he smiles. I barely get to thank him when I hear. "You are" I look at him shocked, which seems to make him smile even bigger.
"What?!" I yell standing up. "I can't tell Sam, he'll make me go back to therapy!" I now am moving past composure to full on freakout.
"No offense sweetheart, but you totaled a motel room. Therapy may be a good Idea." He says condescendingly.
"Who cares?! Rockstars trash motel rooms all the time." I decide to throw in my attitude.
"Yeah" he grins "Call me when you join Led Zepplin"
"Hey, that's not fair they broke up….." I tilt my head to the side in thought "and I'm pretty sure the drummers dead." .
"Oh shoot, I guess you're out of luck then" he smirks.
"Urghhh" I fall back onto my bed.
I am about to call him some names that have to be illegal in some country, when Sam comes in with a pizza.
"Dean? I thought you weren't coming back for a few more days." Sam says suprised.
"Oh yeah, well I finished up early"
"Unfortunately" I bit out under my breath.
"What?" Sam asks having not heard me.
"Nothing, can I have some pizza now?" I say walking past Sam to the kitchen.
We are lying on our beds after finishing our pizza and watching some stupid teenage soap-opera. It wasn't my choice to watch it, but Dean had the remote and took notice of the girls as he passed by the channel.
"Crap." Dean muttered.
"What?" I say not taking my eyes of the tv. The show might be stupid as hell but it is still addicting.
"I left my bag in the car."
"Then go get it" I say simply as my eyes have yet to leave the tv.
"Oh yeah, well...my leg fell asleep."
I chuckle looking at him "Oh please, you don't want to leave the tv."
"Were about to find out who her father is." He says defensively.
I sigh. "I'll go get it."
"Sweet" He grabs the keys of his side table and throws them to me.
"A thank you is also accepted" I mumble as I catch the keys and make my way out the door.
I make my way to his car, or what Dean calls it "his baby". I run my finger across the side of the car as I make my way to the backseat. I unlock the door and don't see a bag. I look under the seat and in the passenger side. Nothing. I lock up the car and begin to walk away. Then I consider checking the trunk. I stick the key in the lock and twist it. I open the truck and am speechless at what I find.
There is every weapon imaginable. Everything is there, from the simple knife to flare guns and hand grenades, and for some reason lots of salt. After I have taken in the contents of the trunks I begin to get scared. Is he a murderer? Is Sam a murderer too? "What the hell." I whisper shocked. I am to shocked to move until my confusion turns to anger. After everything I have been through I don't need this. The thought of being rational doesn't even cross my mind as I grab the bag Dean asked for and a gun with a white engraved handle. I tuck the gun in the back of my jeans and slam the trunk shut.
I storm into the hotel room and slam the door, which causes Sam and Dean to get startled.
I run to the end of Dean's bed and yell with rage in my voice "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?"
Dean looks up at me completely taken aback, having no idea where the outburst came from.
"Jenny, What the hell?" Sam yells.
"Why don't you ask your brother Dean here?! Or are you in on it to?" I ask severely.
"In on what, Jen?" Sam says confused.
I snicker and throw Dean's bag on his bed "I found this in your trunk!" I snarl.
He sighs heavily knowing his secret is out "Maybe you should calm down." Dean says standing up.
"Stay away form me!" I back up.
"Listen, Just let me explain." Dean tries walking towards me.
"Stay back!" I yell.
"I'm not gonna hurt you." He walks closer.
I pull the gun out from my jeans. "I said stay BACK!" Dean immediately jumps back shocked. I turn desperate "Just tell me who you are?" His face softens when he senses that I am just scared.
"I'll tell you. But can you but down the gun?" he reasons.
"I don't think so" I say thinking that he is trying to trick me.
"Jenny we're not going to hurt you" Sam tries.
"Yeah" I scoff "That explains why you have enough ammunition for a small army!"
"Jenny we aren't murders!" Sam yells frustrated.
"Yeah then what do you shoot with this stuff? Bunny rabbits!"
"No" Sam looks down avoiding the answer.
"Then what do you kill with it?" I yell.
"Ghosts" Dean says simply. Sam yells at him but I can't hear what he's saying.
Did Dean just say what I think he said? "Wh…What?" My eyes are so wide they probably look like they're about to pop. I look at Sam desperate for confirmation which after a few seconds I get in the form of a simple nod.
"Oh my fucking god."
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