Disclaimer: I own nothing.
P.S. Thanks to my amazing beta Jade! XOXO!
This is Home
"We're here!" I hear as someone slaps my foot. I jump up from my slumber and wipe the small amount of drool that was on my face. I look around and see Dean looking back at me from the driver's seat. "Come on kid".
We had been driving for four days and I found the best way not to go crazy was to sleep for at least a couple hours. However since we had been driving almost 12 hours a day that still left a lot of time that was not so easy to fill. I would listen to my ipod until the battery ran out and I would use my laptop to play games. Still the ride would get miserable. I got so bored on the first day that I convinced Sam and Dean to play some stupid alphabet highway game (Sam won. Surprise, Surprise.)
As much as the long hours sucked, it was kinda nice to get to know Dean a little better, and I think that he might actually be a nice guy under all the anger and sarcasm. I'm still not happy that he is still making me tell Sam about the whole cutting thing (which he keeps reminding me of), but I guess that he is just trying to protect me, which only further demonstrates my point that he is a thoughtful person.
"Move it Jen." I get out of the car and stretch my legs. I look around at my new home. It is an average sized white house with green shudders, a big porch with a swing and a maple tree in the front yard. It isn't totally secluded but there are trees surrounding our large amount of land creating a barrier from the other houses "Wow" I say keeping my eyes on the house "The tree…" I point to the maple tree which is almost a carbon copy of the one I told Sam about. It was beautiful; the canopy of leaves covered the front yard in shade. The porch however was bathed in sunshine.
Sam nods smiling meaningfully "I thought that you might like it."
I smile warmly and walk over to him and wrap my arms around his waist "Thank you" I say as I hug him. I pull away and we share a smile. I look around and bask in the perfection of the house "And this house…" I walk away from him and onto the porch "It's amazing!" I glow.
Sam laughs at my enthusiasm "It's just a house Jen."
"I know. I just figured we wouldn't be able to afford a decent house. I mean, neither of you have jobs."
Dean smiles as he grabs the last of the bags out of the impala and walks towards me arrogantly "Don't worry about it sweetheart, we got the money handled." He dumps two of my big duffel bag in my arms, which pulls me down slightly, and walks towards the front door with his bags.
I look confused then down to my bags that are falling on the ground and try to pick them up struggling to get them both in my arms at the same time. I look up at Sam frustrated and he is laughing at me. "Shut up!" I bite out as I decide to drag the bags to the door with Sam following behind me smiling.
After I finish putting away all my clothes I started to decorate my room. I hung up my Bob Dylan poster above my bed and started putting up my collage of black and white pictures on the wall next to my bed.
As I finish I look at the hundreds of pictures of my favorite bands, movies, television shows, and the actors that I find extremely hot.
"Looks good" I turn around and see Sam leaning against my door frame.
I smile "Thanks, it's a work in progress. I'm trying to make it look similar to the one in my old room."
He nods and walks into my room "Well how about you take a break and come have dinner."
"Depends…Did you make it?" I ask with mock fear.
"Haha. Very funny, smartass. And for your information we ordered Chinese." He says as I laugh at him. "Ok then, lets go!" I jump off the bed and run out the door and downstairs.
I come to the bottom of the stairs and make my way to kitchen where Dean is sorting out the food and jump up on the counter next to the food.
"So what do we have?" I ask curiously trying to peak into the cartons.
"We have some dumplings, rice, and pretty much every kind of chicken ever invented." He says while pointing at each one.
"Yummm!"
"Hey you! Get off the counter." Sam says as he finally makes his way to the kitchen.
"Okay, mom." I tease as I slide off the counter top and grab a plate.
"Oh Sammy, you gonna let her talk to you like that?" Dean teases as he makes his way over to the small, round kitchen table with his plate (which has so much food on it that I am shocked he got it all to fit).
"Of course he is!" I smile mockingly as I pat Sam on the back and bring my food to the table across from Dean
"Why do I feel like you guys are ganging up on me?" Sam jokes as he follows me.
"Oh I'm sorry Sammy." I smile.
Sam gives Dean a death glare "Sammy" he says threateningly.
"What?!" Dean looks amused "I didn't tell her to say it"
"Whatever." Sam says as he sits down and we all start to eat our food.
"So" I say awkwardly trying to find a topic starter "When do I start school?" I come up with.
Sam looks up from his plate. "I was thinking you could start next week. Dean and I have a hunt to do and I don't want you to start until we're back."
"Well you guys just better hope that I don't throw a party." I grin. Sam gives me a sharp look as I struggle to stifle a laugh.
"Oh I don't think you're gonna have time for parties." Dean says slyly. "I mean with all the training you're going to be doing you'll be lucky if you have time to sleep" He smirks.
"What!" I yell. "Are you serious?"
"Of course." He adds, glancing over at Sam, nodding his head.
"Sammmmm" I complain.
"Sorry, kiddo." He says chuckling which causes my mouth to hit the floor. Sam always lets me get my way. "NO…BUT…UGHHHHH!" I yell as I grab my plate and go upstairs stomping my feet with every step.
It's an hour later and I am putting on my flannel pajama shorts and white long sleeved shirt as my ipod is blasting through my room. I am currently listening to I Want You to Want Me by Cheap Trick. I hear a knock on the door and tell them to come in.
"Is it safe?" Sam says peaking his head in the door. I don't answer but just give him a death stare while throwing my clothes in the laundry basket. He puts his hands up "I just want to say goodnight."
A small smile shows on my face and I inwardly scold myself. I am supposed to be angry at him. "Fine, but I'm still not happy about the training thing" I get in my bed and pull up my covers.
"I know" he sighs as he walks over and sits on the edge of my bed. "Dean and I are leaving pretty early tomorrow"
I look at him anxiously as the song changes to This is For Keeps by The Spill Canvas. "Oh…do you know what you're hunting?"
"No, but don't worry we'll be fine." He says sensing my concern.
"I'm just worried" I defend. "I mean…I just…I don't want someone else I care about to die" I look down at my hands and play with my thumbs.
"Jenny" Sam says sadly taking my hand in his "I'm not going anywhere."
"You promise?" I ask praying that he says yes.
"I promise. Now go to sleep." He gets up and kisses my forehead "Goodnight. Love ya Jenny" I watch as he walks away from the door and I realize that it is now or never.
"Sam, wait." I say and he appears at the door looking at me curious.
"I need to tell you something." I sit up in my bed, taking a deep breath. My heart pounded furiously in my chest.
"What is it Jen?" he says sounding worried as he re-enters my room and sits back down on my bed.
"I lied to you Sam." I say sadly, his face is showing confusion. My voice suddenly sounds feeble, even to my own ears.
"About what?" He asks in a way that tells me he is unsure if he even wants to know.
I take a deep breath and try to keep the tears building up from falling over as I focus on my hands in my lap. "I did it." I say "I cut myself." I can't stop as a tears roll rapidly down my face. I look back up warily and see Sam looking shocked, worried, and I think a little betrayed.
"When?" He asks needing to know. His voice was dangerously low as he tried to contain his anger and disappointment.
"Ummm…" I sigh and wipe the stream of tears that are now falling freely "I started right after Jess died, but I stopped after we talked." I say throwing in the last part hoping that it will help.
Sam is looking at my door. You would think that he was waiting for someone to enter, but I know that he just couldn't look at me. He goes to open his mouth to say something but he can't get the words out. His face is blank, completely expressionless. His eyes tell a different story, with a mixture of so many conflicting emotions. It hurt me deeply to be the one that caused that look on his face. All I wanted was his acceptance and forgiveness. I am not too sure if he can give me that at this moment. I feel a strong need to apologise, to justify my actions... anything.
"Sam I'm so sorry" I cry, grabbing his hands trying to get him to look at me. "I just didn't want to hurt you. You were already sad about Jess and I didn't want to worry you when the situation was already under control." I needed him to understand so desperately and my grip on his hand tightened.
Sam finally looks at me saddened. "Jenny, if you have a problem you come to me, okay? It doesn't matter what else is going on, I will always be there for you when you need me."
I nod through my tears and seek out his warm embrace as he wraps his arms around me. "Maybe I shouldn't go tomorrow." He suggests.
"No!" I say pulling away from him and looking at him critically "You should go on the hunt Sam, I'm fine, but those people, whoever they are need your help." I give him a stern look, telling him I mean business.
"Jenny, I don't know how I feel about leaving you alone."
"I'm fine, I swear. I haven't cut myself in over two weeks." He sighs unsure but I give him a pleading look.
"Okay, but if you need me, call me." He says giving me a look similar to the one I gave him.
"Okay" I nod before I fall back into his arms and he kisses me on the top of the head.
"You should get to bed. We'll talk more about this when I get back." he says standing up and pulling my covers up higher. "I love you Jenny" He says with so much meaning it almost breaks my heart.
"Love you too….Sammy." I smile, not wanting to end the night on a sad note. He turns around rolling his eyes, chuckling before he continues to walk back downstairs.
I wake up to the sound of Dean yelling "Sam hurray up!" I get out of bed and make my way to the window. Dean is leaning against the impala looking pissed. He looks back down at his watch, takes a deep breath and then storms into the house. "SAM!!!" I hear before he slams the door. I hear Sam and Dean fighting downstairs. Apparently Sam lost his cell phone charger during the move and can't leave without it. I laugh at the stupidity of their argument as I grab my extra charger out of my suitcase and go downstairs.
"Here Sam, take my extra charger." I hand it to him as I yawn. They both look at me heated from their argument. "It won't bite." I laugh. Sam smiles as much as his anger allows "Thanks." He says taking the charger.
"No problem. Now get going!" I say shooing them towards the door. Sam laughs but keeps walking following Dean who is power walking out of the house.
I follow them outside and wait on the porch as they put their bags in the trunk. As Dean slams the trunk door shut I step off the porch with my arms wrapped around me, wishing I had grabbed a robe to throw over my pjs, and walk towards Sam and Dean.
"Bye Sam" I say as I give him a hug "Be careful, okay" I pull away and give him a stern look showing him how serious I am.
"Don't worry Jenny. I'll be fine, I promise" He assures me and pulls me back into a long hug. "You be careful too, okay." He looks at me sternly and nod my head embarressed. I look down with my arms folded across my chest.
Sam looks at me sorrowfully "Come here" I look up at his open arms and step into them "I love you Jenny"
"I love you too Sam" I unfold my arms and wrap them around him rest my head on his chest.
"Wow, this is uncomfortable" Dean says leaning against the car behind Sam.
I laugh as I break the hug and walk to him "You be careful too Dean"
He smiles "Don't worry about me sweetheart. I'm a natural." I laugh at his self-confidence. "Well I still worry about you." I say sincerely. He looks taken back and I am a little too. Since when do I worry about Dean? I mean, I spend a lot of time with him everyday, so I guess it isn't that weird that I care about him.
Dean smiles at me like he is appreciative and understanding of my concern "Yeah, you be careful too, keep the salt by all the…"
"Doors and windows, I know" We both smile slightly.
"Bye Dean" I say as I give him a small hug. I can tell he is confused because he pauses before he responds to the hug. I pull away and smile at him. I start walking back to the porch but turned around after I pass Sam "You guys call me every couple hours." I say not leaving it up for discussion.
"Yes ma'am" Dean says mock saluting. Sam and I chuckle "Bye Sammy" I say as I give him another hug and peck on the cheek. "Bye Jen" He turns around and gets in the car. Soon the engine starts and Peace of mind by Boston is blasting through the speakers. The car makes its way out of the driveway and I wait outside until it was no longer in sight. Standing on the porch, I stare at the maple tree, feeling the weight of the world on my soldiers. My life has changed so much, in so little time. I sigh as I turn around and make my way back inside and back to my bed.
Hope you enjoyed it!