Beatles 65
by RGoodfellow64
Chapter 3, Baby's in Black
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Disclaimer: You know something? It's so much simpler just to say check out the disclaimer at the beginning of Chapter 1. Sooooo, go there for any disclaimer information.
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I think of her / But she thinks only of him
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Jim Beckett looked over at his daughter and winced. Nothing showed on his face, but inside he was feeling the helplessness of watching his daughter, his little girl, fight to get enough strength to open a can of coffee.
'Thank God,' he thought, 'the cabin is only one story.'
He watched as she finally opened the can. Although it was plastic, it was difficult to open the lid for the first time, which Jim knew from personal experience. And now Kate refused to let him help her. Refused to let him do anything for her. She had to do this on her own.
As he watched his daughter struggle to make coffee, Jim couldn't help but beat himself up for causing the loving, open girl who left for Stanford to turn into the closed, angry, lonely woman before him now. If he hadn't been weak. If he hadn't allowed himself to drown away his pain with alcohol. If he had been there for her rather than make her be there for him.
As he did every day since he became sober, the first thing every morning was to apologize to Johanna for all the damage he caused.
He cleared his throat and said, "Morning Katie. What do you want for breakfast?"
Kate looked up and he saw a light sheen on her forehead, letting him know just how much it took out of her to open that simple can of coffee. "Not really hungry Dad," she replied with a forced smile, "Think I'll just have some coffee."
Jim nodded his head and ignoring her words, walked into the kitchen and pulled out some eggs and sausages from the fridge. He took the fry pan out of the oven where he kept them when not in use, then he turned on the old gas stove and said, "Two eggs and sausage coming up…do you want some toast with that?"
Usually Kate would sigh in frustration and not say anything, but just the way her dad said those words, and the way he just ignored what she said reminded her again of Castle. For a moment, she looked into the kitchen and imagined him standing there instead of her dad. Trying to take care of her. Trying to do the things for her that she has to do for herself in order to heal, but that treasonous part of her added, trying to love her.
Just like that, she felt that overwhelming sense of failure for running away that she felt every day since she sent Castle away. The moment he stepped out of her hospital room, she wanted desperately to call him back, but she knew she couldn't do that to him. Someone was out there who wanted her dead and she was never going to allow him to try to get in front of a bullet again.
Jim had been busy putting oil on the pan, then cracking open the eggs and placing them in a bowl before turning to look at his daughter. She was simply staring past him at the stove, and he knew that her mind was once again on Richard Castle. So many times in the last couple of months she would seemingly go somewhere in her mind, and on the rare occasion that he caught her off guard, she told him she was thinking of her partner.
Yet she wouldn't call him, nor did she allow him to call. Kate even threatened Jim that she would go back to the hospital or convalescent facility if he called Castle. And so Jim quietly watched his daughter and silently cried for her. He knew from simply looking at her how much she loved Castle, and Jim knew from his actions at Montgomery's funeral and the hospital, that Castle was completely in love with Kate.
He quietly turned back to the eggs and started beating them, and was surprised when Kate handed him a bag of ground up parmesan cheese. "Castle made me eggs once with it," she replied to his unasked question.
He nodded his head and added a few spoonful's of cheese to the eggs and noticed that she was someplace else again…someplace where Castle was with her again. Inside his heart was breaking for his girl. She was in love with Castle and didn't realize it.
He stopped stirring in the cheese and started to pour the eggs on the hot pan and it hit him that she did realize she was in love with Castle. She did realize it and…she knew that he loved her as well. He turned to look at her profile and saw a faint smile on her face, and that clinched it for him, she definitely was thinking of Castle, he seemed to be the only thing that could make her smile since they got here.
He turned back to stir the eggs and placed the sausage on the fry pan and said, "Penny for your thoughts."
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her smile widen and she said, "I remembered the time we had to investigate Lady Irena's House of Pain. I was able to tease Castle unmercifully…" she paused a moment and added, "You should have seen the look on his face when I made an appointment and told the receptionist 'my boyfriend Ricky has been a very bad, bad boy'."
Jim laughed as he turned over the sausage and saw a full blown smile appear on Kate's face. He knew what she was doing was wrong, that she needed to call Castle and let him know how she was and where she was. He'd seen the messages she deleted on her phone every morning, and he knew that her friends were worried about her.
The smile was still on her face as he put the eggs and sausage on the plate and handed it to her. "Here you go Katie," he said and she looked down at it in surprise, having forgotten all that was going on around her while she relived a happy memory.
She nodded her head, thanked him, slowly walked to the table and sat down. Before she had the chance to get up again he placed a napkin and fork by the plate and told her he would finish pouring the coffee she'd made.
A minute later, they were both eating and Kate was sipping her coffee, with that far away look still on her face. Jim studied his daughter and continued to worry about her. She was healing faster than he'd dare hoped she would, but only physically. He knew she desperately needed Castle in her life but steadfastly refused to call.
Jim sighed to himself and took another sip of his coffee. He worried constantly about Kate, and he wished so much that he could just take away all that happened and put it upon himself. For all he did for her, and all he worried for her, he also knew that it was Richard Castle who was really helping his little girl heal.
Kate finished her breakfast and said, "I think I'll sit on the porch and read a bit Dad," before she got up from the table, put her plate in the sink and went to get the Derrick Storm novel she was reading. Other than a few clothes, Castle's books were the only things she brought up to the cabin.
He finished his own breakfast, went to the sink to wash the dishes and saw her sitting on the swing, looking at his photo on the back of the book.
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AUTHORS NOTE: Ok, I admit the song when written did not apply to Father / Daughter, but the verse does accurately describe the feeling I wanted to explore when I wrote this, which I hope I conveyed. Oh yes, no more Josh, we're moving forward here, not backward.