Ian didn't know why he was so surprised at the way Mickey reacted to Mandy finding out, but he was. It wasn't because he freaked out, Ian knew he would, but it was the fact that he got so angry at him. And when he walked home, his fists clenched and his mind racing, he thought back to the last time Mickey had trampled over his heart and hated how this hurt more. He knew Mickey had feelings for him - fuck what he said and didn't say, Mickey's actions would always speak louder than his words - and they had settled, they had become something, therefore there was something to be destroyed.
Lip had tried to cheer him up for days but Ian didn't need it, he didn't need anything. At times, he felt like he was being completely self centred because all he thought about was Mickey and how they were together and how he made him feel. Everything else had lost it's appeal. He knew he was being pathetic and that his older siblings were only trying to help when they told him to cheer up and enjoy his summer, to go in the pool, to distract himself. And he would have done if he didn't also know that Mickey became totally irrational when he was scared. Christ, he was going to kill Frank because he was scared. Fear affected Mickey more than anything else. At least that was what Ian thought, and with that in mind he couldn't stop himself from thinking, hoping, that Mickey didn't honestly want him to go. And yeah, Mickey's words weren't particularly nice and he didn't want to hear them again, but they weren't half as bad as those he'd heard before. All Mickey had done was tell Ian to leave and that he didn't know him. He put himself down more than he put Ian down which he thought said something.
Still, even though Mickey may not have been thinking straight and may not have even meant any of it, it hurt. Because how could it not? Ian was smitten. He didn't like to think that he was, but he was. Completely and utterly.
His feelings were constantly contradicting but it was unintentional. He both hated and needed Mickey.
And when he saw Mickey hurt and bleeding in his kitchen, for a second, he was about to run up to him and act like nothing had changed, nothing had been ruined. Except it had, so he didn't. He kept his distance and fought the impulse to kiss and punch him at the same time. Ian knew that Mickey was purposely looking at the floor so as to not look at him because sometimes, despite his best efforts, Mickey was really obvious. But when their eyes did meet, Ian forgot and remembered everything and absolutely nothing at all. He got lost and didn't ever want to be found again. Then too soon, Mickey looked away.
For the most part, Ian missed the company that came with being with Mickey. He missed his house, his bedroom and he missed Kiera and Mandy and Louis and, weirdly, he missed Lip. Because Lip was finally with Kiera, thus spent most of his time with her at her house. He'd been invited by the two of them and Mandy to go over but he always declined. It would have been too strange and besides Mickey had made no attempts to make things right so it would have been all kinds of awkward.
Which was why he was being dragged, almost literally, to a party Kiera was having. It wasn't to celebrate anything but people in his neigborhood always had parties for no good reason other than to get wasted. Which was always a good enough reason.
"Look, just stay with me and Kiera, it'll be fine," Lip told him for the twentieth time as they walked up the stairs to Mickey's house.
Ian rolled his eyes and replied. "Right, because the two of you aren't who Mickey's gonna be with the whole time?" He shook his head, putting his hands in the pockets of his black jeans. "This is so fuckin' pointless," he muttered to himself as they walked in.
There were a lot of people there that Ian didn't recognise. Kiera was like a social butterfly and had made friends with everyone somehow. But Ian spotted Mickey straight away, which wasn't difficult because he was sat on the couch beside Kiera.
Their eyes met for a split second before Ian looked down at his feet, his jaw clenching.
Kiera jumped up from where she was and after kissing Lip for what seemed like days, she cupped Ian's cheek and gave him that same look she'd given him the first time they'd met. It worried him and he sighed with relief when she let go and told the two of them to follow her into the kitchen. Ian didn't miss the way Mickey subtley stared, though he wished he had done.
Mandy was being cute and couple-y with Louis and once he'd opened his beer, Ian turned to find Lip and Kiera making out. Again. One of her hands sliding up his shirt and one of his was running the risk of exposing her ass to everyone it was travelling so far up her skirt. Ian sighed, about ready to vacate what appeared to be the 'couples area' when Mandy grabbed his hand and hurried him to one corner.
"Okay, you have to, fucking have to make up with Mickey, alright?" she said, well, demanded. Her eyes weren't caked in the usual blackness and Ian suddenly realised how alike she and Mickey looked.
He shook his head a little, out of his daze. "I haven't done anything wrong. Why don't you tell him to make up with me?" Along with telling him to distract himself, his older siblings and friends had also taken to telling him to make it right with Mickey, get back together with him and various other variations that all meant the same thing. But the ball wasn't in his court this time. It wasn't in his court the last time but he was still the one to move it. He was getting tired of people assuming it'd be him to do it again just because Mickey sucked at communicating.
Nodding, Mandy chuckled at her feet. "Don't you think I have? And not just me but Kiera and Lip, even Louis after he got over my brother threatening to kill him and his entire family if he told which he so wouldn't do 'cause the guy couldn't kill Frank so, y'know, and he's a piece of shit" she digressed, "Anyway, the point is he is pissing me off so much, like I can't take his brooding anymore, it's crazy."
Ian tried to hide his smile, but judging from Mandy's laughter, he had failed. "Just, I don't know, he's all I have and it fucking sucks seeing him like this. Even though he denies that he gives a shit," she shook her head, "the idiot," she muttered under her breath.
Not knowing what to say, Ian settled for a nod and a smile. It seemed to be enough because Mandy went back to Louis who had the face of a kicked puppy ever since she walked 5ft away from him.
The kitchen seemed to be the place where the only people Ian knew, and a few others, were going to spend their time and Ian wasn't one to mingle amongst people he didn't know on his own. That of course meant being in a confined space with Mickey and this guy that couldn't keep his eyes off either of them. Neither Ian nor Mickey believed in the whole gaydar thing but the knowing glance they shared told Ian that Mickey was thinking the exact same thing: this guy was gay, like Queer As Folk gay. It crossed his mind that he could so easily make Mickey jealous if he wanted to, but he thought it was probably best he didn't judging by the way he had reacted when Ian told him he had run into Kash. Ian didn't think he'd ever forget the face he pulled. Mickey was weirdly hot when he got jealous. Quickly, he tried to think of something else but Mickey was smirking at him and he had missed that. Missed the way he smirked at things only the two of them got or found funny. Sure, Mickey may have been brooding and whatever, but so was Ian. There wasn't a single thing that he didn't miss about the guy, including the things that annoyed him and made them argue. Ian missed it all. But he had meant what he said to Mandy - he wasn't going to make the first move, he wasn't going to apologise for anything. If Mickey was genuinely sorry, he would bite back his pride and say so.
Eventually, Ian began to enjoy himself, the beers he had consumed definitely helped. And Kiera was even more entertaining when she was drunk than when she was high. She turned up the stereo that was playing some heavy metal song that she clearly only knew half the words to, yet still insisted on belting it out as loud as she could. Lip stopped her from climbing atop the table and let her climb onto his back. Ian smiled at the sight of them because they really did look perfect together. Jealousy ran through him like it did every time he saw them together, but it ran alongside happiness. Jealousy and happiness: that's what Ian always felt when he thought about his brother.
Ian regretted, like really and truly regretted letting his brother talk him into taking shots. Especially as he didn't even know what the hell it was and especially because they were body shots off some random, incredibly slutty, girl that Ian didn't know. She forced him into a kiss then let him go, stumbling backwards into Mickey. Ian was kind of really drunk. He had been before the shots but he could already feel them heightening his buzz. And he knew Mickey was too because he had been laughing like an idiot when Ian had done his shots and looked confused but happy which was his drunk look.
No thought went into what he did next, his brain wasn't working as well as it would've been if he weren't so wasted and so he didn't stop himself from leaning forward and nuzzling into Mickey's neck, softly nosing at it. His arms were crossed against Mickey's chest and his legs between his. Mickey's only reaction was to place his hand that wasn't holding his beer on one of Ian's hips.
They looked more like a couple then than they ever had done, even though they weren't at that moment. Despite his state, Ian knew the only reason Mickey wasn't pushing him away was because the slutty girl was making out with some guy and the definitely gay guy had left along with everyone else who was invited because it was two in the morning and there was no alcohol left. The latter being the main reason.
"You fuckin' ass'ole," Ian slurred against Mickey's neck, uncrossing his arms and wrapping them around the guy's waist.
Mickey snorted then put his beer down on the counter. Now both his hands had a hold on Ian's hips and Ian's nosing soon turned into kissing, then biting and sucking. Mickey moaned quietly then sucked in his breath when Ian swirled his tongue around his pulse point.
Ian didn't know when Mickey's neck was replaced with his mouth but he wasted no time; sticking his tongue straight into Mickey's mouth and his arms up around his neck. If Ian had been sober, or even just a little less drunk, he wouldn't be doing this and if he was, he wouldn't be going so quick. He would savour it and drag it out. Instead he was grinding against Mickey and kissing him like the world was about to end.
He thought he heard Mandy laugh or gasp or something but it wasn't like he was paying much attention to her. Or anything, actually.
Mickey began pushing Ian backwards and used his hold on him to pull him toward his room. They staggered inside and before either of them could think or really do anything remotely wise, clothes were being shred and bodies were being kissed and bitten.
And Ian didn't have the ability to think that he'd regret this in the morning.