Being a Woman

by financebabe

After receiving a terrifying diagnosis, Stephanie has to walk the emotional and painful road to remission. This is the hopeful story of friendship and love that grows from that process. A Babe HEA.

13. The Power of a Good Pair of Shoes

The characters are all from JE's world, I just moved them into mine to have more fun.

Fredda (Rangergirl1234) you are a fantastic beta. I can't thank you enough for the time you've put into fixing my mistakes and smoothing out my words as the beta on this story.

Chapter 13 – The Power of a Good Pair of Shoes

Tank's POV

I hung up the phone on my desk a little harder than normal but it didn't seem to help, so I picked up the ball of rubber bands that Steph had left on my desk and threw it against the wall. It bounced off with a loud thud and made its way back to me to catch. I wasn't sure why she thought I needed this many multi colored rubber bands but I had to admit that throwing it did make me feel a little better.

Ranger let himself in and sat down in the chair opposite me. "Were you knocking on the wall for a reason or are you thinking of taking up handball?"

I raised an eyebrow, relaying the fact that his humor wasn't particularly funny right now. "I just got off the phone with my Uncle. He was yelling at me because he hasn't seen Steph since Wednesday and he's concerned that we're not taking care of her."

Ranger smiled, knowing full well how capable my Uncle was of jumping on somebody's ass about something. "She's eating, she's sleeping, she's working. There's not much more we can do," he replied as the smile left his face.

I picked up a pink message slip and smiled at the paper. Since Steph was now ordering supplies for the office I noticed that a few things we hadn't previously used were appearing. The rubber band balls were one, but the fact that all the big guys dressed in black were now writing down phone messages on pink pads took the cake. No body would dare complain to her about it despite how contrary it was to our instincts to pull down a little rectangle tablet that was such a feminine color.

"Masterson called and left a message on my voice mail. He said he's had two false alarms in as many months and he wants to talk to someone that knows what's going on. He also hinted that if we want to keep his account it might be nice to see someone too." I informed him.

"Think Steph could handle him?" Ranger asked, understanding exactly where I was going with this. Since her surgery she hadn't wanted to leave the building. The first three days back she stayed on seven and worked on her laptop. But Ranger finally decided she needed to get out so he picked her up and brought her downstairs for a few hours and then took her to Shorty's. While they were there Ranger got a call and had to step away so she spent two hours there just sitting in his kitchen and talking to my Uncle. After that, she'd been coming down and working in her office with the door mainly shut. We all knew she was still self conscious about her appearance but none of us really understood why.

The operation had been a success according to the surgeon. The two growths were removed and sent off with reports coming back proving he had gotten clean edges. While the one on the side of her breast went a little deeper than they'd hoped he was still able to get it all. Her oncologist wanted to wait a while to let her body heal from the surgery before beginning the radiology process of killing off the cells where the tumors had been. None of us could tell much difference in her RangeMan uniform. I tried looking one day when she was unpacking office supplies that had been delivered from Staples and I thought I could tell her left side wasn't as rounded as the right was but without crossing the line of what was proper I couldn't tell why she was so self conscious.

I realized Ranger was still waiting on an answer about Masterson and I said, "If anybody can calm that prick down it's her."

Ranger leaned over to my phone and hit her extension, asking if she could meet us in my office. A quick minute later there were three short knocks on the door and she walked in and sat down with her arms tight to her side.

Ranger pulled the message sheet from my hand and gave it to her. When she finished reading it she shrugged and said, "Do you want me to give him a call?"

"No," he replied calmly. "I think you need to pay him a visit. I want Hector to go to examine his equipment to be sure there isn't a technical malfunction causing his problem. Other than that he needs to be assured that we value his business and will do what it takes to make him a happy customer. I think he just needs to be schmoozed a little and you are our best bet at doing that."

Her forehead wrinkled a little like she was being asked to solve a complicated math problem. Finally she looked up at me and said, "Is there a reason why his alarms are going off?"

I knew we had her. "Yes, his building is on a street that has a lot of foot traffic at night and people are going by and rattling the door. He insisted on a sensor there that would go off if the contact was broken. They aren't getting the door completely open but they are moving it enough to set off the alarm. As long as that sensor is positioned where it is, then he's going to get false alarms."

"Alright, I'll go this afternoon," she said not sounding all that happy about it.

Ranger surprised me by saying, "Why don't you go earlier and catch him before his business gets crowded. Then you can stop by Shorty's and bring us back some lunch."

She shook her head as though she knew she was being played but said, "I'll run upstairs to change and go now, but I'm not promising about Shorty's."

I didn't know what else we could do. At least she was getting out. Ranger had other ideas. As soon as she shut the door leaving us alone once more he said, "Who's on the schedule for Bomber duty this morning?"

I picked it up and checked. "Cal, why?"

Ranger used my phone once more to buzz Cal. When the most prominent tattoo in RangeMan walked in Ranger pointed to the chair and he sat down. "You're taking Stephanie to a client this morning with Hector. When she's done I don't want you to bring her right back. I don't care what you have to do, but she needs to spend a little time out of the office. If you can get her to go to Shorty's that would be great, but anything would be acceptable."

Cal seemed uncertain. "Can I ask why you're trying to keep her out of the office?"

Ranger stared at him for a long moment before finally saying, "She been cooped up too long and I think she needs a change of scenery, but I haven't had any luck in getting her out."

"Got it," Cal said realizing if Ranger couldn't do it the chances of him being able to weren't all that great. Still, he was clearly thinking so I hoped he'd be able to come up with something.

Stephanie's POV

Shit, shit shit! Why did I let Ranger talk me into this? I know it's not a big deal. I can easily calm Mr. Masterson down but why do I have to go there in person to do it? I stood in the closet looking at my limited options that would convey a professional image while not being too form fitting to show off the changes in my figure.

I figured if I was going to dress up I might as well go all out so I pulled out the bag of special bras that Ella had purchased based on recommendations from Dr. M. They both said I didn't really need them but when I looked at myself in the mirror all I could see was the flat side of my left breast. I knew I shouldn't complain. I was being shallow and ignoring the fact that the surgery had been a success and the surgeon had been so careful that the scar wasn't too large and I still had plenty of definition in the portion of my breast that remained.

I only had to stay in the hospital overnight and when I went home I was suddenly hit with the realization I hadn't even looked at my chest since I woke up. Ranger had insisted I stay on seven with him so he could watch over me while I was recuperating and so we would have access to Bobby if we needed anything. I was more than glad to go back to his apartment. It was safe, came with Ella to provide food, and most importantly he was there, which was all I needed to be happy.

The first night back at Haywood I told Ranger I was going to change for bed and went into the bathroom, ready to see what the doctor had left me with. I unbuttoned the large shirt I was wearing and tossed it onto the floor. Then I unwound the ace bandage like wrap that went around my chest and swallowed hard at the gauze pads taped to my side and under my arm. I pulled the tape away slowly, trying to keep from pulling anything and feeling amazed at how tender it was just to lift my left arm. With the tape gone I peeled back the pad and sat it on the counter and then turned to better see the damage in the mirror. My breast looked bruised and the scar on the side ran into my arm pit with a string of tightly drawn stitches holding it closed. I was afraid to touch it so I just stood there changing the angle by small degrees to better assess the changes in my body.

It was definitely smaller but not by much. The biggest change was hidden by my arm but when I lifted them together I could see some definite differences in the lines where my arm met my body. Knowing they were there made it hard to see anything else so I stood there seeing only the gross incision and the hallowed out place on my side that was a dark blue.

Ranger found me standing there looking at myself and stepped in behind me to look in the mirror with me. I watched him look, trying to see any hint of disappointment or disgust in his eyes, but none came. He wasn't hiding behind his blank face because the love he held for me was written all over his face. With touches so soft I hardly felt them he touched the top of my left breast before sliding both hands around my waist and drawing me to him.

That night I slept on my right side, leaning against his side with his arms around me. I don't think either of us moved during the night. Every time I awoke he would rub my shoulder or back with his hand and whisper how much he loved me and would soothe me with phrases in Spanish I couldn't understand but yearned to hear anyway.

The next day he helped me get showered and dressed, urging me to go downstairs, but I couldn't do it. I convinced him I was tired so he left me to rest alone in the apartment. As soon as he walked out I went back into the bathroom and took my shirt off to look at my chest again. The bruising was much the same as the night before yet the puffiness around the stitches seemed better. When he came back an hour later I was still in the bathroom. I blushed when he caught me looking at my reflection but he once again stood behind me and gently touched my chest, this time smiling when he saw the improvement. He lovingly dressed me again and encouraged me to come downstairs, but I came up with excuse after excuse to stay hidden. I worked upstairs on the laptop to pass the time.

After three days of my self imposed exile Ranger was beginning to get worried. That morning after helping me get dressed he picked me up as though I would break and promptly carried me into the elevator. "What are you doing?" I demanded.

He didn't speak a word until we stepped out on the fifth floor and Lester announced, "Hot damn, Bomber's back!" All the guys came crowding around and Ranger whispered, "They missed you, and I think you might have missed them too." I tried to get mad at him for going caveman and dragging me down to work, but after seeing how happy the guys were I just couldn't work up much steam. After the initial welcome died down I went to my office, pushed the door shut, and worked until lunch when Ranger took me to Shorty's. He had an emergency with a client so he left me with Shorty who sat down on Ranger's stool as soon as he walked out.

I talked with Shorty and told him the doctor was pleased with the surgery but I felt different and was struggling not to think about it.

"Of course you feel different; you are different. Part of your body isn't there anymore. Especially because you are used to showing that part when you dress up, you're conscious about it looking different now." I was impressed at how bluntly he worded it but I agreed with everything he said. He even stepped back at one point and said "When you dress like that I can't tell a bit of difference." I took comfort in the fact that he didn't seem like the kind of man that would bullshit somebody. He'd call a spade a spade so I believed him. As long as I was in a baggy shirt I was probably okay. The trouble was I didn't own many baggy shirts because, let's face it, they don't do much for one's figure. So most of what was in my closet was form fitted, tight, and low cut.

Pulling my thoughts back to the present day, I looked at myself in the mirror and said, "You can do this," as a mini pep-talk. I pulled out a bra that was normal on the right side and on the left side it had a little pocket in it that I could insert a small foam form that would round out the breast to balance it. Dr. M said after I was done with all my treatment, if I still felt self conscious, we could discuss reconstruction of the breast or I could be fitted for a bra specially made for me. In the meantime this seemed like a good way to go. It wasn't too tight so it wasn't pressing on the small places that were still tender.

Once I felt confident the bra was right I put on an ivory camisole that dipped in the front but wasn't really low cut enough to show anything. In the back of the closet was a black pantsuit with a low cut neck that the lace on the camisole would provide coverage to make the suit a little more conservative. I still moved slowly when pulling things over my head but eventually I pulled myself together. The only thing left to find were shoes.

I found a pair of four inch heels from the back of the closet that I'd never seen before but loved from the moment I laid my hands on them. They were made from soft leather and had sharp points at the toe that would appear from under the wide cut pants of the suit when I walked. While they were solid black, there almost appeared to be a swirl pattern in the leather that made them more exciting than just a simple pair of black heels. I slipped them on and couldn't believe how comfortable they were. If it were possible to fall in love with a pair of shoes I'd done it. I figured with something like this on my feet I had to look good, so I glanced at myself in the mirror I was amazed at what I saw.

I looked like myself. It was like nothing had changed. In fact, with the special attention I'd given my hair and make-up, I actually looked damned good. Maybe Ranger was right to push me a little to get out of the office. Dressed like this in my magic shoes I felt like I could take on the world. I took the elevator down to five and when I walked past the cubicles Ram let out a loud whistle of appreciation. I couldn't help but put just a little extra swing in my step and when I passed by his seat I ran my hand over the top of his crew cut.

"Beautiful you are more than living up to your name," Les teased when I walked past his desk. I ran the ends of my fingernails over his bicep and winked at him with a smile. I tried to hold back my laugh when he nearly fell out of his chair.

I turned the corner and walked straight into Ranger's office. He was on the phone but when he looked up to see who had opened the door without knocking, I was on the receiving end of one of his killer smiles. He practically hung-up on whoever had been on the phone and slipped out of his chair and came to me with four long strides. "Babe," he whispered in his seductive voice that I hadn't heard since the night before my surgery. "You look amazing," he purred in my ear, pushing my hair back to kiss down the side of my neck. "What brought this on?" He asked, running his fingertips across the top of my camisole.

"I found some magic shoes in the closet," I told him lifting one so the pointed toe would appear. "When I slipped these on I felt more like myself." I knew he didn't understand but it made perfect sense to me. There had to be a reason I spent so much of my income on shoes.

"I know I told you to stop by Shorty's, but after seeing you I've changed my mind," he said returning his lips to my ear.

"And what is your new opinion?" I asked, enjoying his response.

"I want you to rush through the client visit and then hightail it back so that we can have lunch on seven." He moved his warm lips up to my ear and found the sensitive spot there that only he knew existed, causing me to shiver. "I can guarantee you the lunch will be hot and you'll be satisfied."

I was about to agree but someone else came in the office and when I heard, "Chica, you ready?" I knew Hector was standing there waiting on me.

Ranger growled at the interruption but I just smiled and replied, "Yea, I'll meet you down stairs in one minute."

Hector turned to leave and Ranger spoke up, "Make that five minutes"

Hector laughed and said, "Boss, she deserves more than five minutes. If you don't have more than that let her come now and then you can make up when we're done."

It was hard to fight with his logic so I stepped back, straightened my short jacket, and smiled at Ranger's dark eyes. "I'll call you when we're done."

I could feel his eyes on me as I walked out so I put the extra sway back in my hips to insure he liked the show.

Bobby was waiting to get on the elevator when Cal, Hector, and I stepped out in the garage. He smiled when he saw I was going somewhere, and then he did a double take after getting the full effect of me in my killer shoes. I did a little spin around and laughed when the elevator doors closed without him getting in.

As we got in the Explorer to head to Masterson's, I could have sworn I heard Bobby swear. I smiled not remembering the last time I'd had such a disruptive presence around the guys.

I talked to Hector on the way about the contact issue Tank had explained. "Is it possible that a different location on the door wouldn't be as sensitive?"

"Si, we'll look," he replied listening carefully. I could see him thinking through the issue so I didn't press him for any more details.

When we arrived at Masterson's jewelry store the guys stepped back and let me lead the way. When we walked in a short man in his late fifties or early sixties appeared from behind a jewelry case with one hand in the air near his shoulder and the other extended to shake my hand. "Welcome to Masterson's how can I help you?"

"My name is Stephanie Plum and I'm with RangeMan Security. I understand you've been having some frustrating alarm issues, so I've asked two of our experts to come take a look at your system to be sure there are no mechanical issues. While they are working I'd hoped you could tell me about your concerns." I smiled as brightly as I could and he seemed to melt immediately.

Leading me to a chair behind the register we sat across from one another and I let him get his complaining out of the way, making comments or asking questions here and there to let him know I understood. Using the skills Ranger had taught me I was careful to never apologize for the problem because I knew RangeMan hadn't done anything wrong. I just gave him a chance to vent and I could tell by the end he was feeling better. After half an hour Hector found us and said, "I moved the sensor, come see."

I walked slowly following Hector so that I could explain what I'd asked Hector to do in the truck, telling him the location near the door opening would allow small movements to set off the alarm even if the door were never really opened. Hector had moved it to the top in the center. In order for the contact to break the door would have to be opened at least three feet. Masterson seemed satisfied with the explanation and our solution, smiling and thanking me for coming out personally to take care of his account.

While Hector was packing up his tools I noticed a lovely charm bracelet on a shelf behind the horizontal display case. Watching my gaze Masterson picked it up and showed me how the charms were actually beads with designs or shapes engraved or carved into them. There was nothing dangling down like traditional charm bracelets. Some of the same beads had stones in them others were whimsical with seashells and others were more serious with religious carvings. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I loved it immediately and thought something like that would be fun to have to change out the charms to suit my mood or my outfit. Looking at the hefty price tag I promptly gave it back to him but in the back of my mind I wondered how many pairs of shoes I'd have to give up to purchase a bracelet like that. I looked down at the shoes I was wearing now and figured it wasn't worth it.

When we got back to the truck Cal turned around and said, "Angel, you were amazing with him. I've been on calls to his store before and he usually turns into a grumpy ass, but you had him smiling and thanking us for our time."

I was happy with how things had turned out and decided I might start going on a few more client calls now that I'd seen I could handle going out without any trouble. Glancing at my watch I saw it was quarter 'til twelve and I was feeling kind of hungry. "Hey guys, how about we celebrate our success with a little lunch at Shorty's. It'll be my treat."

Cal and Hector looked at each other and smiled. It almost seemed like they were communicating something more than just 'yea, I could eat,' but they didn't seem inclined to share so I let it go while twirling my ankle around, enjoying the way the shoes felt.

When Cal parked in the regular spaces of the lot it struck me as odd since I was used to only entering from the rear now. Deciding I probably shouldn't take the guys in the kitchen we went in the front door and sat in a booth with Hector and I on one side and Cal pretty much filling up the opposite bench. A waitress came over and took our drink orders, staring at me like she was trying to place my face. I brushed it off and asked for a coke.

In a minute the kitchen door swung open and Shorty appeared wiping his hands on his stained apron. He walked right over to our table and pointed at Hector and then to the bench next to Cal. Hector obediently moved so that Shorty could sit next to me. "You remembered how to get here, I see," he began with a smile.

"I went on a client call and it went well enough so I decided to take the guys out to lunch to celebrate." I pointed to my friends indicating I was buying lunch.

Shorty shook his head, "Your money's no good here." Then he looked at me for a minute and smiled, "You look good. Been eating?"

I had to laugh. It seemed strange to have someone asking if I'd remembered to eat. For most of my life my stomach insisted on it so I never had to think about it. I nodded and told him, "I've been sticking close to the office so I haven't had a chance to see you."

"Hiding?" He asked, guessing it on the first try.

"Yea, not ready for the stares and questions I guess," I admitted.

"Well then you're screwed today," he commented leaving me confused. "You look good enough every man in this joint is staring."

I glanced around and caught a few of the guys at the bar doing a quick look away trying to cover up the fact they had been looking at me. The thought made me smile. Maybe Ranger was right and I had been making a much bigger deal out of this than I needed to. "It's the shoes," I commented feeling the need to say something but unsure how to respond.

Shorty leaned back to see beneath the table. "You'll break your neck in those things." Then he stood up, probably ready to head into the kitchen. He bent over to kiss my head and added, "Next time wear those with a skirt. If the shoes make you feel good, then pair them with something that would show them off. Then the guys won't be able to take their eyes off your legs to even glance at anything else." Just before he hit the door he turned back and said, "No need to order I'll send your lunch out."

I leaned back in the booth laughing at Shorty's fashion advice. I caught Cal's eye and he didn't seem to be finding the humor in our conversation as I had. "What?" I asked as the waitress delivered me an individual cheese pizza and the guys a large one topped with everything imaginable.

"You were hiding in the office all this time because you thought people would stare at you from your surgery?" He asked sounded surprised.

Suddenly I didn't want to have this conversation so I just nodded at started to pick at my pizza.

"Angel, you are a beautiful woman and it has nothing to do with your body. You're just one of the lucky ones whose insides match the outside. Trust me none of us are trying to analyze you. If you catch us looking it's in appreciation. We're just good at doing it secretly because we know if we get caught Ranger will call us to the mats for drooling over his woman." With that sweet comment he proceeded to stuff half a slice of thick pizza in his mouth in one bite.

I knew this was one of those things that would get easier in time. As I got comfortable in my skin again it would be easier to believe them, but while every extension of my arm still provided a little tenderness I felt like I was constantly being reminded of the changes to my body so it was harder to ignore and move past.

We managed to find a little levity again during lunch and by the time Shorty came out to check on my plate I had finished all but one slice. He handed me a box and said, "Have this later."

I tried to raise an eyebrow at him questioning what was in the box but he just shook his head and walked away loudly telling the waitress to hold my bill and not let me pay.

By the time we walked out it was close to two o'clock. Hector turned on a CD in the truck and Cal turned it up loud enough to make me think my ears would be ringing by the time we got to the garage. Still, it was nice to have nothing to think about but the heavy beat of the bass and the drums.

When the elevator opened on five I hugged both the guys and thanked them for going with me and then went off in search of Ranger, holding the box from Shorty in my hands.

I listened at the door but only heard his fingers typing on his keyboard so I pushed the door open and walked on in.

I sat on the couch when he lifted up a finger obviously trying to finish a thought he was typing before he forgot it. I smiled at the thought of Ranger trying to write something down so he didn't forget like us mere mortals.

To pass the time doing something other than drooling over him I decided to open the box in my lap. Shorty had said later, but he hadn't specified how much later so now seemed as good a time as any.

I looked inside and saw something that resembled cobbler with a little juice that had bubbled up on top of a buttery cake like topping. I looked at Ranger who was still busy typing so I stuck my finger through the crust to the moist fruit baked under it and then licked the sweet syrup off. It was delicious so I picked off a piece of the crust and ate it, loving the crunch with the hint of berry. From the hole I'd created in the top I pushed my thumb and forefinger in and pulled out a small blueberry, popping it in my mouth before digging in and this time discovering what I thought was a raspberry. It was just as sweet as my last bite and I closed my eyes trying to remember when I had last enjoyed a fruit cobbler this much. I had no idea what he'd done to this, considering it had no chocolate or icing, but it was still one of the best desserts I'd ever had.

I was in my own little world, consuming my cobbler as though it were a finger food, not the least bit put off by the absence of ice cream. Finally I opened my eyes and looked up to see Ranger kneeling in front of me with his eyes pitch black. Apparently I'd not been very quiet in my dessert appreciation.

"What have you got there?" Ranger asked with a tilt of his head to the box.

I smiled and responded, "Nothing?" holding the box a little closer to my chest, not entirely sure I wanted him to know I had nearly polished off cobbler with my fingers. He grabbed my wrist and pulled it over to look at my fingertips, stained crimson from the juice of the berries.

He raised an eyebrow in a questioning way and then said, "Nothing?" I nodded that was the answer I was sticking with. He smiled and commented, "Babe, I believe the evidence is working against you. I've caught you red handed."

I looked at my red fingers and busted out laughing at the pun Ranger made. I'd heard him make jokes before but something in this one struck me as particularly funny and I had a hard time calming down. Once I finally caught my breath he leaned into me and asked, "Are you going to share?"

I looked between the dessert and the man I loved and had to really think about it. Deciding he probably wouldn't take it anyway I broke off a piece of crust and used it to dip up some juice and a raspberry, holding it out for him to see.

Not looking at my fingers but focusing solely on looking in my eyes he opened his lips and took the food into his mouth, holding my hand so I couldn't pull it away. He must have swallowed the food whole because he started sucking the remnants from my fingers getting every bit of stickiness off of me. Feeling his tongue on my fingers, sucking and licking, I moaned once more realizing if it would keep his mouth on me I'd gladly give him every bit of the cobbler left in my box as long as he'd eat it off of me.

Ranger raised an eyebrow making me wonder if I said that last part out loud. "Can I take it out of the box and put it where ever I want?" He asked, confirming my concern that I'd once again lost my editor.

I crossed my legs trying to squelch the tingling that had begun between them. Ranger's eyes went to my shoe, now visible peaking out from the bottom of my pants. "Let's go upstairs and get you out of this suit," he commented running his hand down my leg.

Just before we reached the door I felt his hot breath on my ear clarifying what was going to happen upstairs, "The suit comes off, but those shoes are definitely staying on."

I knew these were magic shoes.